odd breastfeeding question

[LisaNJ25]

And another LOL/fall off my chair moment!

Now that would be a thanksgiving everyone would remember

 

[Planogirl]

I'm having rouble wording this...

At what age does br4eastmilk stop being nutritionally beneficial for a child (for the immunity and that stuff)? I know people that breastfeed for the first 6 months because that is when it is most beneficial but when does it lose that benefit? (Does that make sense to anyone but me?)

I keep reading that the recommendation is until two years of age but there seems to be disagreement about that too in some quarters.

 

[Planogirl]

I agree with everything you wrote (I also nursed longer than many of the people on this thread would approve) but particularly with the bolded part. I personally would not be nursing and 8 yo (or a 6 yo for that matter) but the issue here is not extended nursing, it is the lack of common courtesy of a guest towards her host.

The posters attacking this woman for extended nursing are just as close-minded as this woman. They also believe that only their beliefs and practices are right.

If I'm close-minded so be it. I don't think it's appropriate, in fact I think that it's abusive. Not to mention pointless and just plain creepy.

 

[punkin]

If I'm close-minded so be it. I don't think it's appropriate, in fact I think that it's abusive. Not to mention pointless and just plain creepy.

I happen to agree that it is completely inappropriate at that age. However what upsets me more is that this woman is so "in your face" about her opinions and is basically forcing the rest of the family to participate in her choices during a family get together.

On the other hand, give me a cut-off age for when it is appropriate? One, two, three? Obviously not past puberty. Like I said, I know when it would be inappropriate for me and my child to breastfeed in public (and it's a lot younger than 6, believe me), however I feel uncomfortable making that decision for someone else. I do know that I would be very comfortable telling anyone in my house that IN MY HOUSE nursing 6 and 8 year olds at the dinner table is inappropriate.

 

[Nancyg56]

I personally would not be nursing and 8 yo (or a 6 yo for that matter) but the issue here is not extended nursing, it is the lack of common courtesy of a guest towards her host.

The posters attacking this woman for extended nursing are just as close-minded as this woman. They also believe that only their beliefs and practices are right.

I am far from a closed minded woman. I believe that in most case parents are perfectly capable of makeing informed decisions for their children and do so in a responsible manner. I also think that there are some limits to what is socially acceptable in our society. It is my opinion that nursing children who are in school, that is a 6 and an 8 YO, is pushing that boundary to teh point where it is difficult to see the line between a responsible and well thought our parenting decision and a woman who is using her children to fulfil her own personal need.

If those of us who are a bit appalled at the ages of these nursing children are narrow minded, I wonder, at what age should a mother stop nursing? I understand that there is more than nutrition in extended nursing so is it appropriate for a mother to nurse her 10 YO son? How about her 12 YO son? When does this practice cross the line from bonding and enter into child abuse?

My DGD is 9 YO and if my DD thought that nursing her was appropriate I would have serious concerns about her ability to make reasonable decisions concerning the welfare of this child. I am not sexualizing breasts, but you must admit that in our culture children become pretty cognizent of privacy and their own bodies so encouraging them so suckle their Mom's "ninnies" ( I cringe at this especially. If the parent cannot even refer to her body properly, what is she teaching these kids? ) is kind of strange at best.

I think that most people on this thread have been very respectful of those who nurse for an extended period of time but even if the practice is nto appropriate in their own home. What most of us are having problems with is the combination of the children's ages and that the Mother feels the need to expose these children to publicly sucking on her breasts at a family function. That is creepy and that is why we are thinking that these children may be in a situation that is not going to prove healthy.

 

[punkin]

I am far from a closed minded woman. I believe that in most case parents are perfectly capable of makeing informed decisions for their children and do so in a responsible manner. I also think that there are some limits to what is socially acceptable in our society. It is my opinion that nursing children who are in school, that is a 6 and an 8 YO, is pushing that boundary to teh point where it is difficult to see the line between a responsible and well thought our parenting decision and a woman who is using her children to fulfil her own personal need.

If those of us who are a bit appalled at the ages of these nursing children are narrow minded, I wonder, at what age should a mother stop nursing? I understand that there is more than nutrition in extended nursing so is it appropriate for a mother to nurse her 10 YO son? How about her 12 YO son? When does this practice cross the line from bonding and enter into child abuse?

My DGD is 9 YO and if my DD thought that nursing her was appropriate I would have serious concerns about her ability to make reasonable decisions concerning the welfare of this child. I am not sexualizing breasts, but you must admit that in our culture children become pretty cognizent of privacy and their own bodies so encouraging them so suckle their Mom's "ninnies" ( I cringe at this especially. If the parent cannot even refer to her body properly, what is she teaching these kids? ) is kind of strange at best.

I think that most people on this thread have been very respectful of those who nurse for an extended period of time but even if the practice is nto appropriate in their own home. What most of us are having problems with is the combination of the children's ages and that the Mother feels the need to expose these children to publicly sucking on her breasts at a family function. That is creepy and that is why we are thinking that these children may be in a situation that is not going to prove healthy.

Well, that's my point exactly. Who gets to say when that line is crossed?

 

[Nancyg56]

On the other hand, give me a cut-off age for when it is appropriate? One, two, three? Obviously not past puberty. .

But someone needs to be able to make that decision. The children are not in a postion to make it and obviously that mother is not going to. The father is certainly taking a back seat to this.

Why would puberty be the cutoff? Not being snarky but holy smokes! Some girls are menstruating at 9. Who knows what goes through an 8 YO boy's mind. Couple that with a physical attachment to a woman who also happens to be his mother and I get nauseous.

Call me inhibited but I think once a child is in school the Mother needs to let this go. After that it is about the mother and not at all about the child.

 

[Geoff_M]

On the other hand, give me a cut-off age for when it is appropriate? One, two, three? Obviously not past puberty.

Earlier I stated a guideline, and I was only partly joking: "When they're old enough to ask for it by name in a complete sentence" then that's a good sign that "it's time".

It's also been my personal theory that mothers that engage in hyper-extended breastfeeding seem to often have a hyper-inflated notion that breastfeeding is the raison d'etre of motherhood. That they'd somehow be less of a mother if they aren't pumping out breast milk for their charges.

 

[Nancyg56]

Well, that's my point exactly. Who gets to say when that line is crossed?

And it is my point as well. Someone needs to be able to say that it is enough. I realize that parents have the right to make decisions for their children but someone needs to be able to advocate for children whose parents make decisions that are detrimental for them. Yoiu cannot tell me that it is okay to nurse an 8 YO with a straight face. Not just that it is not appropriate for you. it is not appropriate at all, at least not in our society and this is where we live so the norms are the guidelines we should abide by in matters like this.

 

[punkin]

But someone needs to be able to make that decision. The children are not in a postion to make it and obviously that mother is not going to. The father is certainly taking a back seat to this.

Why would puberty be the cutoff? Not being snarky but holy smokes! Some girls are menstruating at 9. Who knows what goes through an 8 YO boy's mind. Couple that with a physical attachment to a woman who also happens to be his mother and I get nauseous.

Call me inhibited but I think once a child is in school the Mother needs to let this go. After that it is about the mother and not at all about the child.

Obviously we are in agreement that this is not appropriate behavior. I personally think this woman has some serious issues. What I do not necessarily see is sexual abuse.

 

[wdwcoltsfan]

Obviously we are in agreement that this is not appropriate behavior. I personally think this woman has some serious issues. What I do not necessarily see is sexual abuse.

I agree with you, I don't necessarily see her committing sexual abuse. More like emotional/mental abuse.

I really wonder:

1. Do the older kids really like the breastmilk and if so, has mom offered it to them in a cup?

2. Do the kids feel like they *have* to feed from mom because of guilt she has made them feel? She may not have verbalized anything, but the kids could still recognize it.

3. If the kids have been offered a cup and they refuse, why? If they are using mom as comfort, that is wrong. They are old enough to develop coping skills and they don't need to use their mom's breast as a pacifier.

All of these question in my head and they.won't.stop!


Rachel

 

[myheartlivesatwdw]

I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm blind! Did you HAVE to actually type those words so I'd have to READ them? I am dead certain to have nightmares tonight.

Since SIL told you to MYOB and you all want to hold down your Thanksgiving meal instead of tossing your cookies, I'd tell her it was my own business because it is my own house. And in my own house, kids that are old enough to order from a menu, read a book, do math homework, and prepare simple meals for themselves are NOT allowed to ask to suckle on mommy's hoo-hahs right in front of God and everybody because it's just not done....at least in my house. Period.

For the record, I don't care about what is done in other societies. This is America we're talking about (the OP was an American, wasn't she? ) and in our society, breastfeeding a 6 and 8 y.o. is not acceptable. Forcing others to watch it is even less acceptable. If you want to question why others find it uncomfortable, it's because they have a clue as to social conventions and have picked up on "it's not NORMAL in our society." SIL is the odd one out, not them. She's not brave....she's weird.

I'll come out and say it. I'd draw a line in the sand on this one. Someone needs to stand up to that nutcase. And as I often tell DH, "Obviously no one else is going to do it, so I guess it will have to be me." Fine. If she calls your bluff, tell her in front of everyone that you won't allow it. If she insists, tell those kids you think they are too old to nurse and it's not going to happen in your house and let the fallout begin. Since I'd be tempted to call CPS anyway, what does it matter?

Why should teenagers (or adults) have to watch something that freaking weird? Why should they be held hostage by a bully breastfeeder? I'd be tempted to have the 18 y.o. have a bunch of his buddies come over for a viewing with their camcorders/cell phones and post it on youtube.

Seriously, this would NOT happen in my house. I'll bet everyone is praying someone else will stop her......It's just that no one else has the nerve to do it. So do the world a favor and stop her in her tracks. If for no other reason, for the sake of her children.

I am officially in love with you.

 

[java]

"i've tried to talking to her, but was told myob. "

I would reply to her that it's YOUR HOUSE SO IT IS YOUR BUSINESS.
She can do whatever she wants in the privacy of her own home- but your house your rules.

So I have to ask. Does she do this in front of you all? and do the older kids tell their friends about this?

I had a friend that was having a tough time weaning her youngest- he was 5 and she had him down to bedtime only- when she came home from work at 3 pm and he was in his pj's asking to nurse- she decided time to quit! and that was the end of it.

 

[tlbwriter]

Well, that's my point exactly. Who gets to say when that line is crossed?

I don't know exactly where that line is, but I'm pretty sure it's somewhere south of age 8...

 

[cabanafrau]

Earlier I stated a guideline, and I was only partly joking: "When they're old enough to ask for it by name in a complete sentence" then that's a good sign that "it's time".

It's also been my personal theory that mothers that engage in hyper-extended breastfeeding seem to often have a hyper-inflated notion that breastfeeding is the raison d'etre of motherhood. That they'd somehow be less of a mother if they aren't pumping out breast milk for their charges.

They're part of the same parenting philosophy that is raising their children in a way that fosters the child needing the parent as much as possible for as long as possible. It's not about the children at all, it's about the parent's wants and needs.

 

[Nancyg56]

Obviously we are in agreement that this is not appropriate behavior. I personally think this woman has some serious issues. What I do not necessarily see is sexual abuse.

The mother may not have that intention but the consequence to the child may be the same.

 

[Hannathy]

They're part of the same parenting philosophy that is raising their children in a way that fosters the child needing the parent as much as possible for as long as possible. It's not about the children at all, it's about the parent's wants and needs.

Exactly.

As far as when, if a formula feed baby can go off the bottle at 1 and thrive then there really is no physical reason a breast fed one couldn't also. It is no longer necessary for nourishment, it can be used for but not absolutely necessary, so I would say around 1, and that is my opinion.

 

[Arielle22]

How are the younger 2 getting any nourishment if the milk is being shared among 4 children? That seems unfair to the younger ones. Wouldn't nursing 3 children, while pregnant with the fourth, be bad for the pregnancy?

SIL sounds like she is turning her children into the kind of adults who must always stay close to mother as she is the only one who will really love them.

I would tell SIL that she can nurse in another room but if that is not acceptable maybe SIL can visit after the older children are weaned.

I did nurse both my daughters until they self-weaned (about age 1). I would nurse around my family but under a towel. Even that was enough to send the males out of the room. I cannot imagine nursing children of that age.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'm an extended nurser. (BTW, the WHO defines that as anything past 24 months.)...

Then I guess I was as well (and also grateful for the easy weight loss!) - I was actually ready to stop before DS was, so I compromised and allowed it only at naptime for a while.

...once you pass one year, nursing is not mandated by nutritional needs unless you live in a famine zone. Therefore, most extended nursers begin to make it clear to older children that nursing is something that will now begin to be a private thing, because they no longer must nurse on demand to assuage thirst. A cup of water will do just fine until it is possible to go to a private place. (By the way, that last item isn't about so much about discretion as it is about teaching a child to accept developmentally appropriate limits and develop some patience. By age two, almost all extended nursers have given up NIP.)...

I really like this way of explaining it.


OP - I don't blame your guests for being uncomfortable. With school-age kids, I would be too. But regardless of what is, isn't, or should be the "social norm", I think your SIL is trying to push her right to nurse in public into your home, and that's just plain rude. It sounds to me like she's using a personal belief that could easily be kept private as a means to control the family gathering. - Did she secretly not want it to be at your house or something?

 

[ginna74]

"johnny could you please stop being so touchy, you know how mommy gets, just get your drink and go over to your friends. Be home by 7 to get your next one....."