odd breastfeeding question

[bumbershoot]

Well, extended nursing is common in my family (all sides), but I think DS wins the family prize for going right up to before his 6th b'day. And we haven't nursed in public for years. When at my brother's, I would go to another room, even when DS was tiny (though I'll admit to nursing DS right next to my brother on POTC).

My half-brothers were 10 and 12 when their sister was born, and she nursed until she was 5, and my stepmom never hid it from her sons. But I don't think they nursed at family functions (beyond the immediate family). The brothers never thought it was ANY sort of big deal at all. It's their sister and their mom, and the two of them were doing what nature allows for; Cady was just being fed.

MOST kids I know of that age who nurse in Western society know that other kids their age aren't nursing (and they get sad about it), and don't WANT to single themselves out like that. So your SIL has some STRONG kids, to nurse around peers who are disapproving! They might very well be strong adults who can handle anything! Especially since their mom is still meeting their needs without letting society dictate what they do. It's pretty awesome, if you think about it that way.


Why are the teenagers bothered by the olders nursing, but not for the youngers? Where are they getting their social dictates from? Is this truly coming from the adults? Because from my family's experiences, teens who are raised in a nursing household know very well that chests are *for nursing*, and they know how to avert their eyes. The child is being fed and comforted, no big deal whatsoever. And if their parents are reminding them that this is ALL that is happening, and that they don't have to watch, then it should be done.

You could ask the SIL to nurse everyone away from family, but that's pretty sad. I personally moved from people b/c I'm modest and my son disliked my shirt so I was in constant danger of showing my whole upper body with him, but that's ME. It's not others. A family is a place where we should be safe. And if she's asked to move, she's not safe anymore.

I think the adults need to look into their own hearts and try to figure out what skewed senses of right and wrong and child feeding and even why they think it's so very weird for an older child to want sweet sweet milk (containing antibodies and ALL sorts of good stuff) every so often. Tell the teens to avert their eyes. And leave SIL alone.

 

[bumbershoot]

And if any of the disapproving people drink COW's milk then they need to shush.

Even if I were to allow that "yeah it's not my style to have an 8 year old nurse", it's weirdER for ANYONE to drink the milk from another species. (she says as she drinks tea with cow's milk in it...but I know it's weird and disturbing)

Calvin and Hobbes had a great cartoon about that...looking at a cow on a hill and wondering who the first person was who thought "I think I'll squeeze that and drink whatever comes out of it"....

 

[okeydokey]

And if any of the disapproving people drink COW's milk then they need to shush.

Even if I were to allow that "yeah it's not my style to have an 8 year old nurse", it's weirdER for ANYONE to drink the milk from another species. (she says as she drinks tea with cow's milk in it...but I know it's weird and disturbing)

Calvin and Hobbes had a great cartoon about that...looking at a cow on a hill and wondering who the first person was who thought "I think I'll squeeze that and drink whatever comes out of it"....

If they were drinking it straight from the teat I would have to agree with you, otherwise, not so much.

 

[tlbwriter]

And if any of the disapproving people drink COW's milk then they need to shush.

Even if I were to allow that "yeah it's not my style to have an 8 year old nurse", it's weirdER for ANYONE to drink the milk from another species.

Well, you're entitled to your opinion, but that doesn't make it true. Drinking milk from another species is no weirder than eating the meat of another species. And I think there are more cow eaters than cannibals here on the Dis. Probably.

 

[Geoff_M]

And if any of the disapproving people drink COW's milk then they need to shush.

Even if I were to allow that "yeah it's not my style to have an 8 year old nurse", it's weirdER for ANYONE to drink the milk from another species. (she says as she drinks tea with cow's milk in it...but I know it's weird and disturbing)

Not per our cultural norms here, which is really the central point of this whole thread.

Calvin and Hobbes had a great cartoon about that...looking at a cow on a hill and wondering who the first person was who thought "I think I'll squeeze that and drink whatever comes out of it"....

If so, it was lifted straight from George Carlin. That person was his nominee for "The Bravest Man in The World" per one of his routines.

 

[EMom]

I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm blind! Did you HAVE to actually type those words so I'd have to READ them? I am dead certain to have nightmares tonight.

Since SIL told you to MYOB and you all want to hold down your Thanksgiving meal instead of tossing your cookies, I'd tell her it was my own business because it is my own house. And in my own house, kids that are old enough to order from a menu, read a book, do math homework, and prepare simple meals for themselves are NOT allowed to ask to suckle on mommy's hoo-hahs right in front of God and everybody because it's just not done....at least in my house. Period.

For the record, I don't care about what is done in other societies. This is America we're talking about (the OP was an American, wasn't she? ) and in our society, breastfeeding a 6 and 8 y.o. is not acceptable. Forcing others to watch it is even less acceptable. If you want to question why others find it uncomfortable, it's because they have a clue as to social conventions and have picked up on "it's not NORMAL in our society." SIL is the odd one out, not them. She's not brave....she's weird.

I'll come out and say it. I'd draw a line in the sand on this one. Someone needs to stand up to that nutcase. And as I often tell DH, "Obviously no one else is going to do it, so I guess it will have to be me." Fine. If she calls your bluff, tell her in front of everyone that you won't allow it. If she insists, tell those kids you think they are too old to nurse and it's not going to happen in your house and let the fallout begin. Since I'd be tempted to call CPS anyway, what does it matter?

Why should teenagers (or adults) have to watch something that freaking weird? Why should they be held hostage by a bully breastfeeder? I'd be tempted to have the 18 y.o. have a bunch of his buddies come over for a viewing with their camcorders/cell phones and post it on youtube.

Seriously, this would NOT happen in my house. I'll bet everyone is praying someone else will stop her......It's just that no one else has the nerve to do it. So do the world a favor and stop her in her tracks. If for no other reason, for the sake of her children.

OP here. no one objects to her nursing the little ones at all, and she's pretty discreet because she still "wears" them alot in a sling type thing, even though they are pretty big. i don't think anyone would bat an eye about the 18 month old or 3 year old, even at the dinner table. the problem is the older kids because they get all whiny and beg for "some milk from mommies ninnies", which even though i think that's weird, i worry more about my 14 year old son watching his 8 year old cousin doing that.

my biggest problem is that the majority of family is coming from out of town, including sil's family, and with ailing in-laws, we really wanted this to be a special get together. no one ever stands up to my sil, including my bil, because she is pretty out there with her beliefs and will practically beat you down verbally. i try to be accomodating, so i don't get all stressed out and affect my own health issues!

 

[Cinderella94]

I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm blind! Did you HAVE to actually type those words so I'd have to READ them? I am dead certain to have nightmares tonight.

Since SIL told you to MYOB and you all want to hold down your Thanksgiving meal instead of tossing your cookies, I'd tell her it was my own business because it is my own house. And in my own house, kids that are old enough to order from a menu, read a book, do math homework, and prepare simple meals for themselves are NOT allowed to ask to suckle on mommy's hoo-hahs right in front of God and everybody because it's just not done....at least in my house. Period.

For the record, I don't care about what is done in other societies. This is America we're talking about (the OP was an American, wasn't she? ) and in our society, breastfeeding a 6 and 8 y.o. is not acceptable. Forcing others to watch it is even less acceptable. If you want to question why others find it uncomfortable, it's because they have a clue as to social conventions and have picked up on "it's not NORMAL in our society." SIL is the odd one out, not them. She's not brave....she's weird.

I'll come out and say it. I'd draw a line in the sand on this one. Someone needs to stand up to that nutcase. And as I often tell DH, "Obviously no one else is going to do it, so I guess it will have to be me." Fine. If she calls your bluff, tell her in front of everyone that you won't allow it. If she insists, tell those kids you think they are too old to nurse and it's not going to happen in your house and let the fallout begin. Since I'd be tempted to call CPS anyway, what does it matter?

Why should teenagers (or adults) have to watch something that freaking weird? Why should they be held hostage by a bully breastfeeder? I'd be tempted to have the 18 y.o. have a bunch of his buddies come over for a viewing with their camcorders/call phones and post it on youtube.

Seriously, this would NOT happen in my house. I'll bet everyone is praying someone else will stop her......It's just that no one else has the nerve to do it. So do the world a favor and stop her in her tracks. If for no other reason, for the sake of her children.

I love you.

 

[mjkacmom]

On the bright side, if you run out of creamer for the coffee.....

Literal lol moment!

 

[EMom]

BTW, I wouldn't be rude to the 6 and 8 y.o. if the SIL insists on breastfeeding them after I have told her not to. But I'd tell them I think they are too old to nurse so I do not allow it at my house and they'll have to wait until they get home. Surely, they have figured out the rest of the US is not breastfeeding kids their age, so hearing it from auntie ought not be a shocker. And auntie can set rules in her own home.

 

[NMAmy]

Since you are having a "special gathering" I would just tell your son to leave the room when she whips them out.

I'd actually just tell everyone who had an issue with it to leave when she whips them out. She may find herself in the dining room all alone with her 8 yo.

 

[TeresaBelle]

In our family, the policy is "When they can ask for it by name in a complete sentence, it's time to switch to cow."

ITA

 

[RainbowBrite]

I just don't get it personally. There's no NEED for a 6 year old or 8 year old to be nursing. Why can't they wait and do it at home? A cup of water or milk would do just fine in the meantime.

 

[mjkacmom]

Calvin and Hobbes had a great cartoon about that...looking at a cow on a hill and wondering who the first person was who thought "I think I'll squeeze that and drink whatever comes out of it"....

I think the only thing weirder than a 6 and 8 year old nursing would be having them suck on an actual cow!

 

[Teacher03]

This thread has to be the funniest that I have read in a while!

OP, I don't think I could allow it....I think I would have to say something. I would either be so grossed out by it or develop a nervous laugh that just wouldn't stop. Good luck to you, your SIL sounds like a strange one.......

 

[momof1princess]

I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm blind! Did you HAVE to actually type those words so I'd have to READ them? I am dead certain to have nightmares tonight.

Since SIL told you to MYOB and you all want to hold down your Thanksgiving meal instead of tossing your cookies, I'd tell her it was my own business because it is my own house. And in my own house, kids that are old enough to order from a menu, read a book, do math homework, and prepare simple meals for themselves are NOT allowed to ask to suckle on mommy's hoo-hahs right in front of God and everybody because it's just not done....at least in my house. Period.

For the record, I don't care about what is done in other societies. This is America we're talking about (the OP was an American, wasn't she? ) and in our society, breastfeeding a 6 and 8 y.o. is not acceptable. Forcing others to watch it is even less acceptable. If you want to question why others find it uncomfortable, it's because they have a clue as to social conventions and have picked up on "it's not NORMAL in our society." SIL is the odd one out, not them. She's not brave....she's weird.

I'll come out and say it. I'd draw a line in the sand on this one. Someone needs to stand up to that nutcase. And as I often tell DH, "Obviously no one else is going to do it, so I guess it will have to be me." Fine. If she calls your bluff, tell her in front of everyone that you won't allow it. If she insists, tell those kids you think they are too old to nurse and it's not going to happen in your house and let the fallout begin. Since I'd be tempted to call CPS anyway, what does it matter?

Why should teenagers (or adults) have to watch something that freaking weird? Why should they be held hostage by a bully breastfeeder? I'd be tempted to have the 18 y.o. have a bunch of his buddies come over for a viewing with their camcorders/call phones and post it on youtube.

Seriously, this would NOT happen in my house. I'll bet everyone is praying someone else will stop her......It's just that no one else has the nerve to do it. So do the world a favor and stop her in her tracks. If for no other reason, for the sake of her children.

ITA

 

[esbrick]

OP here. no one objects to her nursing the little ones at all, and she's pretty discreet because she still "wears" them alot in a sling type thing, even though they are pretty big. i don't think anyone would bat an eye about the 18 month old or 3 year old, even at the dinner table. the problem is the older kids because they get all whiny and beg for "some milk from mommies ninnies", which even though i think that's weird, i worry more about my 14 year old son watching his 8 year old cousin doing that.

my biggest problem is that the majority of family is coming from out of town, including sil's family, and with ailing in-laws, we really wanted this to be a special get together. no one ever stands up to my sil, including my bil, because she is pretty out there with her beliefs and will practically beat you down verbally. i try to be accomodating, so i don't get all stressed out and affect my own health issues!

First, I'm sorry that you are going through this. You seem like you have a sensitive soul and I can appreciate that you want to make your home a place that everyone feels comfortable in, HOWEVER, your SIL is not helping matters either and you and your family are enabling her behavior. Although the obvious discomfort/issue lies in that she nursing an 8 and 6 year old, the other issue is her selfish belief that everyone should accept her actions. Try standing up for your family. You seem concerned about upsetting the status quo because she will start up but honestly if you are stressing about this I'm sure you are not the only one. Which is going to cause the most stress, you and your family waiting for her to put you all in an uncomfortable situation OR standing up to your SIL and not giving her the option of where she is going to nurse her older children, remember we are not talking about infants here, we are talking about a 6 and 8 year old. You are not telling her she can not feed her children but in this case you need to tell her she needs to go into a separate area to do so. This is your house and your party you call the shots.

Again, you're a good person and you care alot for your family and it's obvious you respect them and their decisions even if you don't agree with them. They/She should offer you the same respect, however, it won't happen unless you expect nothing less from her. You're worth it! Expect it!

 

[tlbwriter]

Do the 6 and 8 yr olds really ask for milk from "mommie's ninnies" (ew, just threw up in my mouth a little - that phrase is truly nauseating) in front of others? In large groups?

 

[pyrxtc]

You could ask her to go in another room for the two older children to nurse but to make things easier, and to get the point cross, you could all just leave the room when she does this with the older children. I don't know how old the youngest two are but the 18 month old should not be a big deal at all. Also, if the 2nd youngest is under 3 1/2 then what's the problem ?

I think you also need to talk with the older children to let them know that this is your sister's beliefs and we all need to do what we are comfortable with here. They can feel fre to leave the room if they are uncomfortable.

 

[4nana]

I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm blind! Did you HAVE to actually type those words so I'd have to READ them? I am dead certain to have nightmares tonight.

Since SIL told you to MYOB and you all want to hold down your Thanksgiving meal instead of tossing your cookies, I'd tell her it was my own business because it is my own house. And in my own house, kids that are old enough to order from a menu, read a book, do math homework, and prepare simple meals for themselves are NOT allowed to ask to suckle on mommy's hoo-hahs right in front of God and everybody because it's just not done....at least in my house. Period.

For the record, I don't care about what is done in other societies. This is America we're talking about (the OP was an American, wasn't she? ) and in our society, breastfeeding a 6 and 8 y.o. is not acceptable. Forcing others to watch it is even less acceptable. If you want to question why others find it uncomfortable, it's because they have a clue as to social conventions and have picked up on "it's not NORMAL in our society." SIL is the odd one out, not them. She's not brave....she's weird.

I'll come out and say it. I'd draw a line in the sand on this one. Someone needs to stand up to that nutcase. And as I often tell DH, "Obviously no one else is going to do it, so I guess it will have to be me." Fine. If she calls your bluff, tell her in front of everyone that you won't allow it. If she insists, tell those kids you think they are too old to nurse and it's not going to happen in your house and let the fallout begin. Since I'd be tempted to call CPS anyway, what does it matter?

Why should teenagers (or adults) have to watch something that freaking weird? Why should they be held hostage by a bully breastfeeder? I'd be tempted to have the 18 y.o. have a bunch of his buddies come over for a viewing with their camcorders/call phones and post it on youtube.

Seriously, this would NOT happen in my house. I'll bet everyone is praying someone else will stop her......It's just that no one else has the nerve to do it. So do the world a favor and stop her in her tracks. If for no other reason, for the sake of her children.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm blind! Did you HAVE to actually type those words so I'd have to READ them? I am dead certain to have nightmares tonight.

Since SIL told you to MYOB and you all want to hold down your Thanksgiving meal instead of tossing your cookies, I'd tell her it was my own business because it is my own house. And in my own house, kids that are old enough to order from a menu, read a book, do math homework, and prepare simple meals for themselves are NOT allowed to ask to suckle on mommy's hoo-hahs right in front of God and everybody because it's just not done....at least in my house. Period.

For the record, I don't care about what is done in other societies. This is America we're talking about (the OP was an American, wasn't she? ) and in our society, breastfeeding a 6 and 8 y.o. is not acceptable. Forcing others to watch it is even less acceptable. If you want to question why others find it uncomfortable, it's because they have a clue as to social conventions and have picked up on "it's not NORMAL in our society." SIL is the odd one out, not them. She's not brave....she's weird.

I'll come out and say it. I'd draw a line in the sand on this one. Someone needs to stand up to that nutcase. And as I often tell DH, "Obviously no one else is going to do it, so I guess it will have to be me." Fine. If she calls your bluff, tell her in front of everyone that you won't allow it. If she insists, tell those kids you think they are too old to nurse and it's not going to happen in your house and let the fallout begin. Since I'd be tempted to call CPS anyway, what does it matter?

Why should teenagers (or adults) have to watch something that freaking weird? Why should they be held hostage by a bully breastfeeder? I'd be tempted to have the 18 y.o. have a bunch of his buddies come over for a viewing with their camcorders/call phones and post it on youtube.

Seriously, this would NOT happen in my house. I'll bet everyone is praying someone else will stop her......It's just that no one else has the nerve to do it. So do the world a favor and stop her in her tracks. If for no other reason, for the sake of her children.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
It is not normal and no- they do not do this in other parts of the world. Oh- and if you have an only child- you are not nursing as by 5,6,7,8 years old because the milk dries up! Those kids are simply using their Mom's bubbies as a pacifier. blech blah yuck eeeeek! There is no reason in the world to nurse a child to that age and imo it is abuse. What happens when they go to school? Does she stand at the school yard fence and stick her ninny through? Gross.