Nurses comment - a little taken back

[Lorix2]

I don't think the nurse said anything wrong.

It was your perception that she was implying that your daughter was fat, which is your problem, not the nurse's.

You're 100% wrong - not my feeling at all, it's because the nurse wouldn't say the weight out loud, it implied to my daughter herself that her weight was an issue. This is what she thought and I could tell by DD's reaction. Do you have any girls that struggle with self-esteem and self-image? I think you would feel differently knowing you're own daughter's feelings.

 

[lucyblondecat]

It's entirely possible the reaction is a spinoff with an issue with another mother/daughter. Once where the weight was said out loud and the mother wasn't pleased her large daughter's weight was said out loud.

I think you are probably right. I honestly don't think the nurse was trying to hurt the girl or make her feel uncomfortable, probably the opposite.

Still, its probably best nurses stick to matter of fact, non-emotional and non-judgemental responses.

 

[tiggersmom2]

But here we have a lady doing her job, trying to treat your daughter (and all teen girls) with respect by relaying information that she knows is sensitive to so many kids -- in a manner that she feels allows the private info to stay private.....

And she gets blasted for it.

Exactly. The nurse did absolutely nothing wrong.

 

[JVL1018]

I brought my DD14 for an office visit today where they checked her height/weight/BP for a lung function test...

When my DD asked how much she weighed, the nurse showed her on a calculator after saying "here...I won't say it out loud". When my DD saw it she gasped as if she was overweight. She is 118lbs and 5' 4.

After seeing my DD's reaction to that, I asked "why would you not want to say it to her verbally?" and the nurses reply was "well teenagers these days don't want to hear it out loud" to which I replied "why would you think her weight should not have been told her and you feel you had to show her, because now you've made her feel that her weight IS an issue which it is NOT". I also told her to let my DD know that her weight is within normal for her height and age and she agreed but then said "yes, but you want to make sure you are proportioned to you're height" while looking at my DD. Like my DD could have anything to do with that? I kind of cut her off by saying "thank you!" as if to say that's enough since she was ready to let the dr come in.

I just don't understand especially these days why she couldn't have just stated her weight, etc...as a normal part of an exam. I don't need my already self-conscious daughter thinking she is fat and should be ashamed of 118 lbs!

I don't think I was wrong to react the way I did. Would have spoken up?

It has NOTHING to do with privacy, IMO. Your daughter asked with you standing right there, so she obviously knew you would hear.
The nurse is being sensitive? Again your daughter asked in your hearing how much she weighged, why on earth would the nurse think that your daughter didn't want you to know?
If it were HIPPA rules than no one would ever be allowed to get an answer from any doctor if they had a relative or friend with them for support.



IMO, the nurse acted like your DD weight was something she should not want anyone, even her mother, to know.

 

[Lorix2]

To the people who think I'm over reacting....please understand, I did not get angry with the nurse, I only stated how I felt about how she handled the weight issue.

If my DD was overweight, I'd want her to hear it from a medical professional.

If my DD is at an average or within normal weight, then I want her to hear that too.

I just think as many of you have mentioned, that with these lollipop celebrities promoting thinness and crash dieting, we need to be realistic with our kids and give it to them straight. I do appreciate she was thinking of my DD and her privacy, but she did ask in front of me so it wasn't an issue, but to my DD, she thought she made it one. My DD does think over 100lbs is heavy for someone her age

I see no need to have her reprimanded for something small like a difference of opinion of how this should have been handled.

Thank you all for you're replies.

 

[lucyblondecat]

To the people who think I'm over reacting....please understand, I did not get angry with the nurse, I only stated how I felt about how she handled the weight issue.

If my DD was overweight, I'd want her to hear it from a medical professional.

If my DD is at an average or within normal weight, then I want her to hear that too.

I just think as many of you have mentioned, that with these lollipop celebrities promoting thinness and crash dieting, we need to be realistic with our kids and give it to them straight. I do appreciate she was thinking of my DD and her privacy, but she did ask in front of me so it wasn't an issue, but to my DD, she thought she made it one. My DD does think over 100lbs is heavy for someone her age

I see no need to have her reprimanded for something small like a difference of opinion of how this should have been handled.

Thank you all for you're replies.

FWIW, I didn't think you sounded the least bit angry or in search of a reprimand for this nurse, simply wondering what protocol is. And I do think protocol should dictate the nurse handle this differently in the future.

 

[Beth76]

I think she was trying to respect your daughter and her privacy. And to be polite. How many women want their weight announced to the room (even if the room is just your mother).

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

I don't think the nurse said anything wrong.

It was your perception that she was implying that your daughter was fat, which is your problem, not the nurse's.

ITA with this.

 

[Christine]

To the people who think I'm over reacting....please understand, I did not get angry with the nurse, I only stated how I felt about how she handled the weight issue.

If my DD was overweight, I'd want her to hear it from a medical professional.

If my DD is at an average or within normal weight, then I want her to hear that too.

I just think as many of you have mentioned, that with these lollipop celebrities promoting thinness and crash dieting, we need to be realistic with our kids and give it to them straight. I do appreciate she was thinking of my DD and her privacy, but she did ask in front of me so it wasn't an issue, but to my DD, she thought she made it one. My DD does think over 100lbs is heavy for someone her age

I see no need to have her reprimanded for something small like a difference of opinion of how this should have been handled.

Thank you all for you're replies.

Hey, Lori, I think I said in my earlier post that I think most kids have a "freak out" moment when they hit 100 lbs. Just think, kids rarely ever get weighed so for them, one year they are at 90 lbs and the next year that are 105 lbs. I don't think it's a body image thing at all. They are just finally *seeing* themselves grow! My son had the same experience yesterday and I remember when my DD hit 100 lbs she was also saying "OMG, I weigh 100 lbs." I remember it was a huge deal for me when I hit 100 lbs (of course I was 19 at the time ).

 

[momof2inPA]

I don't think the nurse said anything wrong.

It was your perception that she was implying that your daughter was fat, which is your problem, not the nurse's.

You're 100% wrong - not my feeling at all, it's because the nurse wouldn't say the weight out loud, it implied to my daughter herself that her weight was an issue. This is what she thought and I could tell by DD's reaction. Do you have any girls that struggle with self-esteem and self-image? I think you would feel differently knowing you're own daughter's feelings.

Unless your daughter is totally unreasonable (which some 14 year olds are), a simple explanation of the nurse's intent should have sufficed. Did you even try to explain that the nurse was trying to respect your daughter's privacy or did you add to your daughter's fear of being fat by your reaction? --Nevermind, I re-read your original post. You went way overboard with your reaction. I agree with Tobysfriend, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

[Lorix2]

disneymommy - you are 100% wrong in you're assumption as I explained to momof2inpa a few posts above.

christine- I'm glad you understand where I am coming from.

lucyblondecat -I got the feeling that people did think I was looking for a reprimand, thanks.

beth76 - i have realized that too, thank you too.

Thanks again everyone.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

While I appreciate privacy--the nurse looking at the daughter while saying "yes, but you want to make sure you are proportioned to you're height" was inappropriate. A 5'4" girl at 118 is proportioned.

She's a freakin' nitwit!

 

[BuckNaked]

Nevermind, I re-read your original post. You went way overboard with your reaction. I agree with Tobysfriend, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I agree as well.

 

[lucyblondecat]

I re-read your original post. You went way overboard with your reaction.

Dang, are we reading the same post? Way overboard? Geesh. Its not like she told the nurse off or went ranting to the doctor, she simply asked for clarification why the nurse did not feel she could share that information aloud.

Or is she going way overboard because she dared to vent about it on the DIS? I know thats a sore spot for people around here, no venting allowed, stiff upper lip and all that.....

 

[fabumouse]

I don't think I was wrong to react the way I did. Would have spoken up?

Yes, I would have spoken up. Otherwise it looks like you agree that her weight is something shameful. Since your daughter specifically asked as part of her exam, making a production of telling her suggests there is something wrong or embarassing about the answer.

Now if your daughter *hadn't* asked, then I would have probably laughed it off and said something to my daughter in private after the exam.

Either way, I probably would have been most focused on making sure my DD knew that she was lovely no matter what that number was. As for that "proportional" response by the nurse, I don't see how that added to the exam.

 

[momof2inPA]

Or is she going way overboard because she dared to vent about it on the DIS? I know thats a sore spot for people around here, no venting allowed, stiff upper lip and all that.....

She can vent all she wants if she doesn't expect the whole world to agree with her. I feel bad for the nurse who probably didn't even think that this teenage girl's mom would be giving her the third degree on her reasons for being discreet.

 

[DawnCt1]

ITA...mountain/molehill, IMO.

No kidding!

 

[punkin]

I have a 13 yo daughter and I completely agree w/ the OP and Lisa loves Pooh. The woman was a nitwit.

118 at 5'4" is a little too thin in my opinion, but I guess it depends on the bone structure.

 

[DawnCt1]

You couldn't pay me enough money to have to work around kids and their parents these days. There is a saying "D----- if you do, and D----- if you don't."

You can say that again. I am a nurse and that was my first thought reading this thread. If there was "an insult' buried in the nurses actions, I would need a back hoe to find it.

 

[DawnCt1]

While I appreciate privacy--the nurse looking at the daughter while saying "yes, but you want to make sure you are proportioned to you're height" was inappropriate. A 5'4" girl at 118 is proportioned.

She's a freakin' nitwit!

Not only should the mother speak to the pediatrician about the nurse's horrendous comment but she should also contact the state licensing board and report her for her "indiscretion". I can't think of anything worse than keying in someone's weight on a calculator. Next thing you know, she will be letting her get undressed in private! What a "nitwit"! Edited to add, if this poor, vulnerable teenager develops anorexia or bullemia, it will all date back to that one incident. How fragile our kids are!