We went on that Disney Small World ride and I gotta tell ya, I just don't get it. The music in it don't have no banjo. What kind of music don't feature a banjo or two these days? Well, first off, we go into the first scene and it is full of all of these freaky looking dolls from Europe, I done think. There is this larger looking tourist(probably from some northern state, like Canadia) that just starts flashing away. He's taking pictures of everything. I tell him that he best put that camera away so's I don't have to do it for him. Well, he done give me the one finger salute, disrespecting me and my whole family. Now I did what I needed to in order to protect the honor of my family. He's welcome to use the flash now all he wants. He'll need it since the camera is now shoved up somewhere that the sun don't never shine. So, I solved that problem, but now I got his wife and kids balling their eyes out like nobody's business.
Well, we get into the second room which is Asia. Now, I gotta tell ya, I don't trust any Asianese after what they done did to Pearl Harbor. I decide to have a little "good ole boy" fun. I pull out my bb gun and take some shots at the dolls. You should have heard all the babies in my boat screaming in horror. Don't nobody have no sense of humor these days? One large lady even took to jumping over the side of the boat. She was hanging on to the edge of one of them singing doll scenes. I don't think Disney would like that kind of behavior. So, I shot her once in the butt cause she deserved it.
Onto the third room and we are in Africa. Woo-wee, I'm gettin thirsty. I reach into my wife's cleavage and pull out a fresh six pack. I just kick back and enjoy the cold refreshments.
Next, we go to Central America. Now, I's got to be honest with you. I don't have no love for Mexico after what they done at the Alamo. I done jumped out the boat with a can of spray paint that I had stashed away in my hollered out wooden leg. I spray painted "Remember the Alamo!" right over their Mexicani pyramid thing.
Next, I believe was the South Pacific. Not to sure on that one. All that beer was making me tired and I dozed off a bit.
I wake up and we are in this room where the dolls are all celebrating and stuff at some amusement park. First things first and I gots to go like a race horse. All that beer done worked it's way through me and needed to come out. So there I am doing my business over the side of the boat. Other guests on our cruise are gasping in horror, covering their kids' eyes and such. Like they never had to go real bad.
Well, we finally reach the end of the ride and I gotta tell you all. That is one long ride. For some reason, I see all sorts of security at the end just itchin to get their hands on me. Well, I go to make a jump for it, but wouldn't you know it. I was too drunk and just fell over the side of the boat and knocked my front tooth out on the exit platform.
So, what do you think of all that? Why are people so rude and why don't they minds their own business? Also, would Disney be responsible for my tooth in this situation? There were no harness or seat belts at all on the boats.