Not sure if this is actually a budget question but . . .

[Tinkim]

OK trying to make a long story short. I am planning to take my two DS and one DD on a short trip to WDW on their Feb vacation. My oldest DS is 11 then DS 10 and DD 7. They have all been to WDW twice but not on-site since it is pricey for all 5 of us and we usually stay off-site. My plan is to stay at Pop for 4-5 days. DH is working and can't come this time but has agreed to go next year. My best friend is a Disney fanatic also. Our family went with her family to WDW in Jan 2004 (this was probably the trip of a lifetime for her). She has recently lost her husband to cancer and is in a big financial mess and has issues with the house, ex-wife, etc. Not a good situation. I am scared to tell her that we are going to WDW because I know there is no way finances will allow her to go now or anytime soon. I am feeling guilty to be going without her but also I guess I feel guilty because I have the 'ability' to go and she doesn't. For our trip in January, I loaned her quite a bit of money because she is really special to me and I wanted this trip to happen for her and her 2 DDs because I was sure she wouldn't be able to go again for a very long time. I am not upset about lending her the money and I know she can't pay me back right now and may never be able to but it was worth it to me that she got to experience the magic. I just don't know how to tell her that we are going but I know I have to. We are going again next year hopefully with DH so this is going to keep coming up. Any advice on what to say? or maybe somebody in a similar situation with a friend who would like to go but can't financially? This is the only thing that lessens the excitement of the trip for me and I already feel awful even though I haven't told her yet!

 

[Lucky4me]

I go on 2-3 vacations a year. Most of the time Disney is one of them. Many of my friends aren't able to do this, but they'd never think less of me for going without them.


I'm sure your friend will understand you can't stop living your life because hers is not going too smoothly at the moment.
Maybe you could buy her a special souvenir while you're there.

 

[dis4fun]

I know you feel bad for her, but If she is a true friend (and I am sure she is) she will understand and be happy for you and your family. Try to think of ways to bring as much of the magic back home to her, souvinears, postcards, emails, pictures, etc., and let her know you are thinking of her.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Get her a special gift--depending on how well you know her and her reaction--you can perhaps even get her a gift reminiscent of her good times with her husband.

I haven't had a serious loss like that, but I have had friends plan vacations without me before--and it would be a group of friends going. Their reasoning for not inviting/telling me about it was they knew I couldn't afford to go. I told my good friend that "next time, it would feel good if you invited me anyway and allow me to say that I can't go--b/c on surface it looks like you dissed me."

Knowing your friend can't do something and keeping your plans secret thinking it is for the best, can cause problems and perhaps make her feel worse. Obviously you can't invite her as she really can't afford to go--but if for some reason she opts to go however she is able to pay for it--you have to be prepared to play the "Are you sure" compassion card without trying to actually prevent her from going.

Be honest up front and surprise her with the best ever souvenir that you can afford to give her.

 

[ncbyrne]

I have a similar situation right in our family. I am going with one of my DD and DGDs again this year in Nov. My other DD would love to come too, but isn't able to afford it. I had no choice but to tell her I was going because of conflicting dates in November, but I don't bring it up at all. I know she is envious, and I also don't want the other daughter to feel guilty about being able to take another WDW trip so soon. My advice is to casually bring it up, but then don't bring it up again in conversation.

 

[jann1033]

i have the same situation, one dcaughter can probably go, other can't due to new baby money crunch.. i mention our trip if i have to but not a lot.

in op's situation it probably would be easy to feel a little guilty comparing your life with your friend's but unfortunately sometimes life is difficult. i'd tell her you are going casually( then let it drop) and bring her and her kids something nice back but you can't change her situation which is really the big problem. she might act hurt or angry but i would guess that is more grief talking

 

[Tinkim]

Thanks for your replies everyone. This girl is my best friend. We have known each other for about nine years. I met her at a time when I really needed a friend (my dad had just passed away). She was at the end of a bad marriage and considering divorce. I was the only one who stuck by her through that. She still tells me all these years later that I was the only one there for her. I had seen a couple of nasty divorces and I told her to be prepared because she was about to find out who her friends truly were because everyone seems to feel compelled to take sides and they did! Anway a couple of years later she met and married her husband. He really loved her and they had two kids together. There were some issues with ex-wife and step-kids but overall they were really happy. Then he got diagnosed with cancer four years ago and passed away this April. I have seen her through some really bad times as she has for me. I have helped her out financially when I could and paid for part of her trip to WDW in Jan. because I knew she really needed that trip and it was a dream of ours to go together. So I guess in my mind I needed to hear it was "okay" for me to go on a trip without her. I will probably still feel guilty but I think I will bring her and the kids something special home. Like someone else mentioned I will just tell her and try not to bring it up again. It is just hard because we spend a lot of time together and our daughters play together so my DD might bring it up too. I didn't plan on keeping it a secret because there is no way that I could. I will have to come here and share my excitement with all of you though because she is the only person I know that shares my Disney enthusiasm (besides my 40,000 cyberfriends here). Thanks again everyone for your replies. Good luck with your own situations. I would think it would be pretty hard when it is your daughter that can't go when the other can too. edited to add "Sorry this was so long!"

 

[momtofour]

Don't really have anything to add except to let you know what a wonderful friend and person YOU are. The fact that you would be that concerned about her feelings speaks volumes. We all should be so lucky to have a friend like you. Go on this trip, have a wonderful time!! And know how lucky she is to have a friend like you in her life!

 

[robsmom]

Try to stay casual like you would with other people. mention that you are are taking a trip to DW with your kids over vacation. Let he decide how much information she wants. Don't make a really big deal of "i have something i need to tell you". You will end up making her more self consious of not being able to go and of the fact that without even asking, you know that she can't afford to go. If she express that she is sad to not be able to go or wishes she could go to, then give her a hug and say "me too". She will know what you are feeling.