Not one classmate shows for six year old's birthday party

[disykat]

I'm getting skewered for ignoring random whole class party invitations, but people didn't read my entire post. I was clear that I rsvp'd to all invitations that were addressed to my child. I ignored invitations that came blank and were simply passed out to whomever at school. I don't have a problem with people who invite the entire class because they want them there. I have a problem with parents who give their kids 30 blank invitations to pass out randomly to kids whose names they might not even know.

We don't know what the invitations looked like, but if not ONE person RSVP'd I'm guessing it might not have been clear that individuals the child knew and wanted there were being invited.

 

[rharper1496]

I'm getting skewered for ignoring random whole class party invitations, but people didn't read my entire post. I was clear that I rsvp'd to all invitations that were addressed to my child. I ignored invitations that came blank and were simply passed out to whomever at school. I don't have a problem with people who invite the entire class because they want them there. I have a problem with parents who give their kids 30 blank invitations to pass out randomly to kids whose names they might not even know.

We don't know what the invitations looked like, but if not ONE person RSVP'd I'm guessing it might not have been clear that individuals the child knew and wanted there were being invited.

The best party invite I've ever seen was one DS got earlier this year. They let the birthday boy fill them out himself and in the For space he put DS's name instead of his own and didn't include any way to RSVP. Birthday boy's name was nowhere on the invitation at all. Luckily the class calendar has all the birthdays on it and there was only one boy with a birthday that month so it was easy enough to figure out.

I still think the parents in the class were rude to not RSVP though, even if they didn't think their kid even knew the birthday kid. It's just common courtesy.

 

[Cantw8]

Inviting the whole class to a birthday party? Is that a thing now? That sounds like having no winners when kids play sports

 

[IDoDis]

A few years ago I had a student with autism who was turning seven. He invited the other students in my special education class to his birthday party. I was invited, too. The boy had moved to a different school a week before the party and didn't know the kids at his new school well enough yet. I asked my students on the Friday before the party if any of them were going to the party and they either said they didn't know or they had something else going on. I went to the party, but feared none of the others would be there which is exactly what happened. There were a few other families there though from a parent support group, so while the boy was sad that the classmates he was missing and excited to see didn't come, he seemed to be having a good time. The boy's grandma told me that only one parent called to say their child couldn't make it.

 

[Ceila]

Inviting the whole class to a birthday party? Is that a thing now? That sounds like having no winners when kids play sports

It 'a been a thing for a long time, at least in this area when the kids are little. You don't really see it past 2nd grade around here. Many of the party places we've used / been easily accommodate large groups, and the cost isn't prohibitive. IIRC, it would be under $12 per kid. We did whole-class invites in pre-school, since the classes were so small that the kids would have invited almost everyone anyway. We also did it when DS was in 1st grade. We had moved, and he started school only a couple of months before his birthday. When DD was in K and 1st, we didn't do the whole class thing, but we did invite all of the girls. Her grade had a much larger percentage of boys, so most of the girls were friends, and of course we didn't want to leave out the one or two she wasn't really close to.

 

[lauradis]

Inviting the whole class to a birthday party? Is that a thing now? That sounds like having no winners when kids play sports

Its been a thing for awhile here. School doesn't want any invited to be handed out at school unless everyone is invited. I find it a stupid policy. Everything must be equal and fair.

Nice story, but I hope they didn't use duty personnel for the photo op. I for one would have been very upset as a tax payer, needing to call 911 if services where delayed due to police and fire, being at a child's b-day party.

 

[Ceila]

Its been a thing for awhile here. School doesn't want any invited to be handed out at school unless everyone is invited. I find it a stupid policy. Everything must be equal and fair.

I see nothing wrong with that policy. It's not like there aren't other methods of delivering invitations. But, if you're going to exclude some kids, you can at least have the decency to not do it in front of them. It's just an extension of good manners, where you don't discuss an event in front of people who weren't invited to it. Since kids rarely have the ability to be discreet about distributing invitations to only a select few while in school, policies like that make sense.

 

[scoutie]

Many schools have a policy thst if you're going to hand out invitations at school (which many parents do), you have to invite all the boys, all the girls, or the whole class. I don't see it as a "everyone gets a trophy" thing. It's an "avoid humiliation" thing....like in gym class being the last kid picked for teams. If one kid isn't invited and everyone else is, that can be considered bullying. Schools have to have policies like this. If parents want to send invitations instead, they can.

 

[Ceila]

Many schools have a policy thst if you're going to hand out invitations at school (which many parents do), you have to invite all the boys, all the girls, or the whole class. I don't see it as a "everyone gets a trophy" thing. It's an "avoid humiliation" thing....like in gym class being the last kid picked for teams. If one kid isn't invited and everyone else is, that can be considered bullying. Schools have to have policies like this. If parents want to send invitations instead, they can.

What really stinks, though, is when a snowflake does bring the invitations for everyone but then "forgets" to give the unpopular kid their invite. Yes, I've seen it happen where I've worked.

 

[Disneylover99]

Many schools have a policy thst if you're going to hand out invitations at school (which many parents do), you have to invite all the boys, all the girls, or the whole class. I don't see it as a "everyone gets a trophy" thing. It's an "avoid humiliation" thing....like in gym class being the last kid picked for teams. If one kid isn't invited and everyone else is, that can be considered bullying. Schools have to have policies like this. If parents want to send invitations instead, they can.

We don't have any policy at the school where I work. I just discreetly put the invitation in each child's backpack at the end of the day and tell them there is an important card for their parents to read.

 

[SLP958]

Its been a thing for awhile here. School doesn't want any invited to be handed out at school unless everyone is invited. I find it a stupid policy. Everything must be equal and fair.

Nice story, but I hope they didn't use duty personnel for the photo op. I for one would have been very upset as a tax payer, needing to call 911 if services where delayed due to police and fire, being at a child's b-day party.

Good grief.
You know that when On duty personnel attend something like that they bring all their equipment right? They can immediately leave from where ever they are.

 

[Ceila]

Good grief.
You know that when On duty personnel attend something like that they bring all their equipment right? They can immediately leave from where ever they are.

And you never know - it might even be closer to the emergency than the station!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The thing that got me was the age. When my kids (twins) were six, they were just starting K, having a fall birthday. They had gone to preschool in a different town, so we were literally just getting to know people in K. I don't think they turned down any invitations then, as I wanted them to make friends. Certainly if we did have plans, I would have let the host know. I do remember that year the K teacher was very specific that if party invitations were given out at school, then every kid had to be invited. (We were still having cousins and neighbors at parties then, and given that their bday was in the early fall, it was never an issue for us that year anyway.)

I do remember the sting of my DD being the only girl not invited to a party in 1st grade. She was one of only six girls in the class, too, and she considered the party girl her "best friend". Funny thing was how I found out about it. I was tucking DD in to bed on a Friday night. She told me that her friend, "E", had vomited in school that day, and DD had held her hair up for her and the teacher allowed her to go to the bathroom with her while she cleaned up, etc. She then said, "I hope she was ok for her birthday party today" and began to cry. I said, "Birthday party?" and she said something to the effect of, "Yes. She didn't invite me". She cried herself to sleep that night. I asked the teacher if she knew anything about it and she confirmed it was true, saying she didn't know why. The only thing I could possibly think of was that I was going through cancer treatment then, and perhaps Mom was one of those people who was uncomfortable around that. (Because I do think at age 6, the parents are responsible for what goes on. Naturally, it changes as they get older.) Anyway, I'm sure "E" and her mother never realized the hurt that caused my DD, but it did.

This story made me cry, but in a good way. My kids read it, too, and we talked about it.

 

[Bluestars]

The thing that got me was the age. When my kids (twins) were six, they were just starting K, having a fall birthday. They had gone to preschool in a different town, so we were literally just getting to know people in K. I don't think they turned down any invitations then, as I wanted them to make friends. Certainly if we did have plans, I would have let the host know. I do remember that year the K teacher was very specific that if party invitations were given out at school, then every kid had to be invited. (We were still having cousins and neighbors at parties then, and given that their bday was in the early fall, it was never an issue for us that year anyway.)

I do remember the sting of my DD being the only girl not invited to a party in 1st grade. She was one of only six girls in the class, too, and she considered the party girl her "best friend". Funny thing was how I found out about it. I was tucking DD in to bed on a Friday night. She told me that her friend, "E", had vomited in school that day, and DD had held her hair up for her and the teacher allowed her to go to the bathroom with her while she cleaned up, etc. She then said, "I hope she was ok for her birthday party today" and began to cry. I said, "Birthday party?" and she said something to the effect of, "Yes. She didn't invite me". She cried herself to sleep that night. I asked the teacher if she knew anything about it and she confirmed it was true, saying she didn't know why. The only thing I could possibly think of was that I was going through cancer treatment then, and perhaps Mom was one of those people who was uncomfortable around that. (Because I do think at age 6, the parents are responsible for what goes on. Naturally, it changes as they get older.) Anyway, I'm sure "E" and her mother never realized the hurt that caused my DD, but it did.

This story made me cry, but in a good way. My kids read it, too, and we talked about it.

Aw, that's sad for your daughter. Until my kids were older and had sleepovers with just a couple of close friends, they always invited the entire class or all boys/girls in the class. We didn't want to leave anybody out.

 

[Mkrop]

If you want a party where all the school kids participate, do something at school.

Something like that is not allowed at our school

Inviting the whole class to a birthday party? Is that a thing now? That sounds like having no winners when kids play sports

My oldest is 17 and it has been a thing since he was little.

People who dont RSVP are the rudest people on the planet. If you or your child cant or dont want to go fine, but you let the host know.

And I highly doubt all 16 kids forgot or had other plans.

 

[Oodalally13]

I don't get the whole 'invite the whole class' thing. Growing up I never did that. I had a few friends from school (not even in the same class), friends from soccer, kids I played with growing up because our parents knew each other through fire dept, bunco, work parties, community events. My thought is if the only option you have is to rely on inviting the whole class or just family, then maybe the parent and kid need to be branched out socially. Do parents not even do weekend/afternoon playtime with different kids?

 

[Ceila]

I don't get the whole 'invite the whole class' thing. Growing up I never did that. I had a few friends from school (not even in the same class), friends from soccer, kids I played with growing up because our parents knew each other through fire dept, bunco, work parties, community events. My thought is if the only option you have is to rely on inviting the whole class or just family, then maybe the parent and kid need to be branched out socially. Do parents not even do weekend/afternoon playtime with different kids?

I had never heard of that when I was growing up, either, but it's been common since at least my son was little, so around 12 years ago. And, we experienced it both in the mid-west and mid-atlantic. Like I said, for us, it only happens when the kids are pretty little.

 

[EMom]

I don't get the whole 'invite the whole class' thing. Growing up I never did that. I had a few friends from school (not even in the same class), friends from soccer, kids I played with growing up because our parents knew each other through fire dept, bunco, work parties, community events. My thought is if the only option you have is to rely on inviting the whole class or just family, then maybe the parent and kid need to be branched out socially. Do parents not even do weekend/afternoon playtime with different kids?

The kids in their class ARE their social network. Why would my child rely on the children of my friends to be her party guests when she has her own friends? We never had a "family only" party because our family in this area is tiny, but plenty of people who have large families do that. If you have enough cousins to make a party, why not? What do you suggest as the proper ratio of school (in the same class or not)/sports/kids of your parents' friends/family ratio?

Around here, it's fairly standard to invite the whole class until some point in elementary, when they switch to all girls/all boys until junior high. Lots of parties. DD probably went to at least one a month, often more. Yes, sports buddies and a few neighborhood friends will be invited too. In preschool, DD had a friend whose birthday was one day after hers and the mom and I learned to coordinate parties since the guest list would be largely the same. In kindergarten, we did that again. DD had a party at a bouncy house venue and 25 kids showed up, which was almost everyone invited. I had expected 50%, but we got 90%, so we just let the kids play and they had a blast. (entire class of 15 or so, dance class friends, neighborhood kids) Immediately after the party, we sent gifts home with DH while DD and I went to her friend's party at a dress up tea party place. A lot of the girls from DD's party went straight to the same tea party birthday. Again, they had a blast.

If you live in an area where big birthday parties are the norm, kids don't have a problem being social. The trick is limiting the guest list to what the venue will accommodate.

 

[Mkrop]

I don't get the whole 'invite the whole class' thing. Growing up I never did that. I had a few friends from school (not even in the same class), friends from soccer, kids I played with growing up because our parents knew each other through fire dept, bunco, work parties, community events. My thought is if the only option you have is to rely on inviting the whole class or just family, then maybe the parent and kid need to be branched out socially. Do parents not even do weekend/afternoon playtime with different kids?

We are just fine socially thanks...our kids do stuff with their classmates, most on are on teams with their classmates, the parents socialize as a school community as well. We also have friends that are outside the school community but my kids invited who they wanted and those were their classmates, all of them or all the boys.

 

[Laura66]

You may think no one sees it - but no matter how "discreetly" you do it - someone will see!
Not cool!

We don't have any policy at the school where I work. I just discreetly put the invitation in each child's backpack at the end of the day and tell them there is an important card for their parents to read.