Not getting anything for Mother's Day....anyone else?

[WeLoveLilo05]

I don't want to sound like I WANT WANT WANT something for Mother's Day, but I don't think I am getting anything from DF, and the only reason that it upsets me is because, well let's see, last week he took his friend out for his birthday to see Sox and Yankees. Like, his friend gets a surprise for his birthday, but I don't? I had DD @ 20, stayed home with her ever since, I guess I am just feeling a little under appreciated and needed to vent. And DD keeps saying "I want to get you something for Mother's Day mommy" I told her just to make me a beautiful card and give me a hug.
It's not about getting something, its the fact that for his friends birthday he took a train into the city, watched a ball game and went out to eat. For my birthdays he tells me go pick something out. Would anyone else be bothered by this?

 

[kellyg403]

A long time ago my mom told me, people don't read minds. You have to show them how to treat you and what you expect from them. I never believed it, and boy was I miserable. One day close to my birthday I got the nerve up to tell dh that that year I would like cash or a Lowe's card to buy things for the yard. My bday is in April and the perfect time for sprucing up the yard. Not only did I get 4 Lowes gift cards (and the best water feature EVER with it) but it was the first year I felt NO resentment towards him.

Basically, sure it is upsetting to be thought less of. But, he may feel that it would be better for you to pick something out you love. If it was me, now that I understand how this works, I would say' I would love to pick something out for my birthday but it would really be special for me if surprised me with something.' I told my dh once, I love romantic cards, you love funny. I don't mind getting funny cards but on Valentines Day and our Anniversary they would mean so much more to me if they were heartfelt.

Yes, it would bother me. Been there, done that. But, you have total control of making sure the message is out there.

Kelly

 

[jme829]

Is he dd's dad? If yes, then I think he could at least help her pick out/make a card and maybe some flowers or something. If he's not her dad maybe he just thinks its not his "job" (or he may just feel that way even if he is).

I know my dad doesn't usually get my mom a gift because she is not "his" mother (even though she is the mother of "his" kids..)

It may just be a guy thing and since you're not married yet, maybe he just doesn't think the way us moms do...lol

I'm not really getting a gift tomorrow...my kids and I are walking in the Race for the Cure...and then in August for my bday I am getting a Kindle as a combo mom's day/bday/xmas gift. Just spending the day with my kids is enough for me, (although my son did make me a sweet card at school).

Just let it go, and take the day to spend with your DD..that, afterall is the whole point of the day!

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Well I am not expecting anything either. Dh just says pick something out, so we willl go shopping later. I need some clothes for our disney trip May 18th.

Also right now I am in the midst of a two week diet for cancer testing next week, so no food items. I would LOVE chocolate right now, but such is life. I am allergic to flowers.

I just want the 3 ds to be nice to me tomm and would not like to cook except for the special food I have to make myself..

I am thinking of renting a movie after church tomm. and making myself some allowable snack, like homemade salsa on unsalted matzoh and air popped pop corn with oil only. No salt or butter etc.

It should be an interesting day.

I hope you enjoy your day.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

Is he dd's dad? If yes, then I think he could at least help her pick out/make a card and maybe some flowers or something. If he's not her dad maybe he just thinks its not his "job" (or he may just feel that way even if he is).

I know my dad doesn't usually get my mom a gift because she is not "his" mother (even though she is the mother of "his" kids..)

It may just be a guy thing and since you're not married yet, maybe he just doesn't think the way us moms do...lol

I'm not really getting a gift tomorrow...my kids and I are walking in the Race for the Cure...and then in August for my bday I am getting a Kindle as a combo mom's day/bday/xmas gift. Just spending the day with my kids is enough for me, (although my son did make me a sweet card at school).

Just let it go, and take the day to spend with your DD..that, afterall is the whole point of the day!

Yes, he is DD's Dad....we've been engaged since DD turned 1. I think its just the fact that he did something "special" for his friend for his birthday, KWIM.

 

[MichelleVW]

Honestly no, it wouldn't bother me. I don't think Mother's Day should be a big gift giving occasion. I would be mad though if my husband went to a baseball game without me....but he knows that so he doesn't!!

 

[agnes!]

Honestly no, it wouldn't bother me. I don't think Mother's Day should be a big gift giving occasion. I would be mad though if my husband went to a baseball game without me....but he knows that so he doesn't!!

I just wanted to say I love your avatar, that dog in a Santa hat makes me smile.

agnes!

 

[luvmy3]

OP, you say you don't think you are getting anything, why dont you wait and see what happens tomorrow

I usually dont get anything from dh either so yesterday I treated myself to a very pricey haircut and hi-lights. Then I found out last night he is getting me something........oops

 

[Nancyg56]

I am conflicted because DH is not a shopper so gifts are all over the place.

On Mother's Day he feels strongly that I am not his mother and my children should honor me. When they were little he helped them so one year we might go to dinner, another there might have been a gift and on another the kids would make their own. They are adults now so he does not do anything for MD.

Now birthdays are different. We generally don't exchange gifts. He will sometimes ask my DD to pick a gift and really, that works best for me. On his birthday I cook a special meal and on mine he will take me to dinner. This last birthday he invited my family and they surprised me but that is unusual..

I think if your DF is just ignoring you it is an issue but if gift giving is something that is not a big deal in his life and upbringing then I would say try to find a compromise on your birthday.



For Mother's day, this is really up to your DD to figure out. ven if she has no money she could offer to cook you breakfast or perhaps offer to do a chore that you dislike. My sister's girls are both at the age where they are paying back student loans and not yet generating enough money to justify big gifts so they plan lovely surprises for her. Not much money but a lot of thought,


ETA: I misread your original post and everything I take back everything I said. I thought that I read DD was 20. If she is too little to shop he should be helping her to make a card or special little gift. Part of being a good father is teaching your children how to honir their mother. It does nto need to cost much but he needs to make the effort in order to provide an example. I don't think thoughtful gifts cost much money but they sure tend to be the most valuable.

Happy Mother's day!

 

[powellrj]

I figure I will get my usual, a card and a Whitman Sampler from CVS. Doesn't bother me in the least. When we first got married I told him I expected a card and a wrapped gift on all major holidays (he forgot my birthday the first year we were married and through the tears I told him I always wanted a card, wrapped gift and a cake on my birthday and a card and a wrapped gift on other holidays). 32 years later I may not get a fancy gift, but I always get a card and a wrapped gift! I have a special place in my heart for a Whitman Sampler.....

 

[Stacerita]

I don't want to sound like I WANT WANT WANT something for Mother's Day, but I don't think I am getting anything from DF, and the only reason that it upsets me is because, well let's see, last week he took his friend out for his birthday to see Sox and Yankees. Like, his friend gets a surprise for his birthday, but I don't? I had DD @ 20, stayed home with her ever since, I guess I am just feeling a little under appreciated and needed to vent. And DD keeps saying "I want to get you something for Mother's Day mommy" I told her just to make me a beautiful card and give me a hug.
It's not about getting something, its the fact that for his friends birthday he took a train into the city, watched a ball game and went out to eat. For my birthdays he tells me go pick something out. Would anyone else be bothered by this?

Nope, I wouldn't be bothered by this. Then again, I don't get worked up and upset over something that may or may not happen tomorrow. You are your DD's mother and she wants to get you something, but you told her to make a card. What else do you want? You are not your DF's mother. And does he even know how you feel? Does he know you want something? Unless he can read minds he may not know.

As far as him telling you to pick something out for your birthday, whats wrong with that. He's not a woman and probably feels like he wouldn't get you something that you wanted. My parents have been married for almost 37 years....my father still doesn't buy my mother gifts, she still picks them out herself. She is picky and it works better for them. And in all my years, I can't think of a time when he got her something for mother's day except a card.

 

[Kae]

Well we did get a sleepnumber bed kinda DH's bday gift & my mother's day gift. I get to go to chesterton, In for a soccer game, good news I get White Castle for lunch. I know DD made me something. After todays soccer game we will be going to the store to get our moms a hanging baskets.

Kae

 

[erincon23]

Maybe I have a different view on it -- yes, I'm not my DH's mother, but I am the mother of his children. I honor him on Father's Day for being the father of my children, and I would hope that he would do the same (and generally, he does, not with anything expensive, but he makes sure we go out to dinner, or there are flowers, or something, at least). I don't think the day is solely about YOUR OWN mother, but to honor the role that women around you play as mothers and how it impacts your life. Birthdays are something else... last year all I wanted from DH was for him to plan something -- anything, from a weekend away to dinner out with a coupon -- never happened. There were a couple of (time) obstacles, but he never made the effort to get it done -- sure, we weren't able to do his FIRST choice, but I reminded him several times, and dinner out never even happened. It irritated me a little, but it wasn't a huge deal. If it doesn't happen THIS year, however ... another story.

In light of the fact that you know DF is capable of planning something extravagant, I think you have a right to expect that he would throw some of that ability your way, but I agree that you can't expect him to be a mind-reader -- you can't be mad at him for not doing what he doesn't know you want (and guys truly think differently than women do -- I'm sure that baseball game outing with his friend was at least 50% because HE wanted to go to a baseball game lol). Just tell him, "I'm the mother of your daughter, and I want to know that you value that -- in some way -- (and if it were my DH, I'd probably add "if you want to continue to be the father of this daughter and possibly the father of any other children" )

- Erin

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Granted you don't know what he's planning, but sometimes you just have to tell your man, "Honey, I want this such-and-such a thing for Mother's Day/Birthday/Christmas, etc."

 

[luvmy3]

Why should a mother have to tell her dh or df that she wants something for mother's day? Why is it too much to ask that your dh/f give you something to show you that he appreciates you as the mother of his child on a day set aside to honor Mother's. Last I checked Mother's Day was about acknowledging ALL the Mother's in your life, how sad it is when people say that just because you arent his mother he shouldn't tell you he appreciates you.


ETA I'm not talking about telling him something specific. I know I have to direct dh when it comes to gifts. I'm talking about a little token from the heart, a meaningful card, flowers, candy, a candle, whatever. Just a little something to say you matter on this day.

 

[disykat]

We're not gift people so I don't mind not getting gifts - BUT I would certainly mind if he was giving extravagant gifts to other people and ignoring me like the OP's situation. Your family deserves your best efforts. giving more to others than you are willing to give to your own family is a cheating attitude IMO.

 

[Stacerita]

ETA I'm not talking about telling him something specific. I know I have to direct dh when it comes to gifts. I'm talking about a little token from the heart, a meaningful card, flowers, candy, a candle, whatever. Just a little something to say you matter on this day.

We're not gift people so I don't mind not getting gifts - BUT I would certainly mind if he was giving extravagant gifts to other people and ignoring me like the OP's situation. Your family deserves your best efforts. giving more to others than you are willing to give to your own family is a cheating attitude IMO.

The thing is, Mother's day is tomorrow and OP is complaining about something she "thinks" might happen. She has no clue if something is planned, if he got her something, or he plans to get her a card. She is having an issue with something that may not even happen.

 

[Minniemouse07]

I have spent the wee hours of Mother's Day since 1995 at Race for the Cure. My mom passed on in 1992 after battling breast cancer for 10yrs and I always found it helpful to spend some time honoring my mom even though she is no longer here.

Dh and I started dating in 1997 and he's gone with me ever since. We were married in 2000, had dd in 2001 and ds in 2005. We've walked in RftC EVERY year so I see their participation as part of MY mother's day gift...cause really who wants to get up at the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning voluntarily!

The kids are 4 and 8 now so I get homemade cards and MD projects from day care/school. Dh may or may not get me a card (he often forgets) but that's okay.

I'm pretty sure we will spend part of tomorrow afternoon bike riding as a family and then dh will make dinner. All good enough for me!

 

[luvmy3]

The thing is, Mother's day is tomorrow and OP is complaining about something she "thinks" might happen. She has no clue if something is planned, if he got her something, or he plans to get her a card. She is having an issue with something that may not even happen.

I know and I did post to her that she should wait and see what happens tomorrow.
My post that you quoted was just a general comment about the attitude that a dh or df has to be told that a mother wants a gift, or that they dont really need to do anything for their wives or girlfriends because they aren't their mother.

 

[MushyMushy]

The thing is, Mother's day is tomorrow and OP is complaining about something she "thinks" might happen. She has no clue if something is planned, if he got her something, or he plans to get her a card. She is having an issue with something that may not even happen.

I would agree, but she's been with him for enough Mother's Days that she might see a pattern.

Anyway, I think I would let him know that it bothers you -- a man capable of doing something so thoughtful for a friend should go way above and beyond for his fiancee!