non disney bridal blues...needing a bridal vent!

[littleladykaty]

I was reading the thread on bridal showers and I realized that I haven't thought much about my bridal shower...I live in New Jersey and my wedding is in Oregon. I'm not sure I can trust my MOH (my little sister) to really get anything going...she's got all sorts of other things going on (she's in another wedding and she hates her dress and it's really upsetting her and the bride is being a bridezilla) and if she did plan something she'd want to have it at her apartment in the yucky "arty" section of Portland that she lives in...she's very proud of the place and everyone else is past that first apartment thing,not that her place isn't great, but it's just not appropriate for a bridal shower, but then her feelings would be hurt and there would be drama and oh WHO NEEDS IT?! I've been rather disappointed in my family in regards to the whole wedding thing. I mean everyone is excited for us and everything, but when I was home to buy my wedding dress, the night before my little sister was just furious with me for not wanting to out to a bar to see her friends... I belive the words that came out of her mouth were "F--- YOU, I'm so over this...F--- IT!" I'm afraid to even really let myself want one b/c I don't want to be disappointed. The only person who brought a camera to the bridal salon was one of my bridesmaids...if it hadn't been for her the only pics we would have of my dress would be on a camera phone... I don't think I even got an engagement gift from anyone in my family...not that the gifts matter at all...it's just the principle of the thing...like getting to the post office to mail even a card is too much to bother with...I'm just feeling really blue over it all today...

My fiance groans over the cost of the things constantly and part of the reason that I'm sort of bothered by that is that this is his second wedding. He spent over 50k on his first wedding and I realize that he didn't have kids or a mortgages or child support payments then, but every time he sighs or whatever, it just makes me feel like somehow this wedding just isn't as important. I mean I know he adores me and I know that he loves me, but it just gets to me sometimes. He wasn't making over 100k THEN and he is now and it's not like between us we can't afford this. So I feel guilty over everything lately. I hate feeling that way about my wedding!!! I feel guilty about everything and he teases me about buying things...GEEZ if I want two bathing suits then I want two, and there is no need to ask me why I can't wear the ones from last year...THEY ARE FROM LAST YEAR, THAT's WHY!!! I mean I know that sounds bratty but that's what i feel like saying when he teases me about that stuff. I am also a lot thinner now than I was then and I lost a lot of chest....okay?

Am I being awful? I'm really trying not to be...I'm trying to be a good fiance and a good daughter and a good step mom to be and it's just driving me batty lately! I want everyone to get along at the wedding and I want his parents to feel comfortable and my parents to not fight and my mom not feel irritated that my step mom is there and my bridesmaids to feel comfortable in their dresses...LOSING MY DANG MIND!!!

okay I feel better now...thanks for reading

 

[Brad&Kryssi]

Take a DEEEEEP breath and calm down sweetie...in and out....in and out....there ya go!

Take it one thing at a time...forget about his first wedding. That has nothing to do with you and you are not bound by anything he did previously...this is YOUR wedding.

You're not being bratty; you're being a bride. It's normal to want everything to be magical. Obviously, Disney would have been your first choice and you acquiesced and gave in to what would be easier for everyone else...that makes you a considerate bride.

Don't have any advice on your shower other than maybe whispering something in your mom's ear on what you would like?

Hugs hon...it'll work out! Keep us posted...we NJ brides gotta stick together!

 

[littleladykaty]

Kryssi, thank you so much for your kind words...I am so weepy lately and just a stress ball! I guess it takes other brides to understand that blue place I'm sure we all get into now and then...

I'm sure that my mom and sisters will make everything work out fine...we are a funny bunch...competitive for mom's attention I think (which is why I moved 3000 miles away from all that...not going to compete...I know mom loves me best! ) But I am sure that everything will be fine. Mostly because, at the end of the day, my fiance loves me and I love him and we WILL be married when this is all over!

thanks again for the support...it helps enourmously to be heard!

 

[JessHooper]

I am having some of the same feelings. Except my fiance was married once before but has no kids. I couldn't handle it if he did. His family doesn't even know we're getting married yet. We're both in the Army and he is away right now. He will tell them soon, I hope. But he is like that with me and money too. We're both stressed about money since we're doing this wedding all by ourselves. Don't worry, you're not alone. Also, I'm stressing about the bridal party thing too. I'm across country from my family too (very competitive sister back home; she is a 'one better'). But, much like you, I know my mom loves me more (I'm the baby) HAHAHA. I want a party too, but I hate my dad's family and I don't want them there but I know they will be so a huge part of me doesn't want to have one. Just like my wedding, my dad wants me to invite his kids from his previous marriage, and his mom (my step grandmother), but I can't stand any of them! At my college graduation, they all came and not one person even acknowledged that I existed. No one said one word to me from that side of the family, yet everyone ate my food and cake. Again like you, they didn't even bring me a gift or card for my graduation! Not that I was expecting one, since I know how they are, but isn't that just normal? If you attend someone's graduation party don't you atleast bring them a 'congratulations' card? What ever! I guess I just need to breath too. Good luck. Keep us posted!

 

[littleladykaty]

I think we should start an offical "VENT" thread that is stuck to the front of the board!! It's rough...weddings are so emotional anyways, yet there are so many family politics involved...my mom pretty much raised my sisters and me on her own...but my dad wanted custody of me and not my sisters so there was a big fight when I was small and joint custody garbage and a lot of resentment from my sisters...and okay so now we are all grown up and I know that it bothers my mom that I want my dad to walk me down the aisle along with her. She doesn't feel he has a right to even be there, let alone give me away...and while she has a point I don't think it's appropriate to use weddings as public declarations of revenge...know what i mean? I just want EVERYONE to feel special and loved, my mom most of all, and she's great...and I do understand where she's coming from...blah blah blah...family politics!

but like Kryssi said, we must remember to breathe and not lose the joy of the event and what it truly means!

hugs to all you stressed out brides!!!

 

[Brad&Kryssi]

Ok gals...it's my turn to vent now!

After making the decision the have a small wedding at Disney and a reception at home...I have changed my mind!

I am soooo tired of everyone having a say in this that I called Disney Weddings and am having a full out custom wedding in WDW. This is what I originally wanted and I'm gonna have it, darn it! It's bad enough that we have to coordinate the dates with everyone's busy season (the in laws own a private membership lake in Kenvil, NJ and will not leave at any time from late May to end of September). Not even for their son's wedding...not even if we had the wedding up there and it was a one day event.

I can't plan it for October because my FIL also owns an irrigation biz and does sprinkler turn offs during that month.

Then I can't plan it for late November/early December because they sell Christmas trees in the off season.

It goes farther too. During the winter FIL does snow plowing so that leaves out Jan, Feb and March. April and May are landscaping and sprinkler turn on's. So what does that leave me with? Early November.


The coordinator is going to call me by Tuesday with the available dates in late 2006.

I know I've been the voice of optimism here but grrrrrr....I just can't handle it. We were at my MIL's house the other day and I was looking at picture books she had out on the end table for all to see and what did I find???!!!
Brad's first wedding album!!!

Am I wrong or shouldn't she have put that away? Not asking for it to be thrown out, but couldn't she have put it in the attic or something?

I have budgeted 30,000 for my wedding and it will go as follows. 3 nights for the family in WDW....they will arrive on Friday and leave Monday...planning a Sunday wedding.

We are paying for all airfare, transportation, and rooms for immediate family only. Parents, brothers and sisters, nieces, nephews, and our godparents and spouses. We will give them tickets for the park and are booking meals together so there will be no expense to them. There should be NO way that anyone can say no. We are also not accepting gifts of any kind as this is the second wedding for each.

Invitations will be sent to the rest of his family. If they want to come, let them pay for it. I am not inviting extended family from my side. It's my MIL who will start a big thing if I don't invite all of his extended family, but I'll be darned if I'm paying for everyone.

My familiy is being spectacular. Whatever I want, they'll do. So that'll help. My mom is crocheting the wedding gown and tuxedo for my Mickey and Minnie so they can be displayed on the table with the cake. My stepdad (real dad passed away a long time ago) gets teary whenever he thinks about walking me down the aisle and my 18 yr old daughter is going to sing at the ceremony.

Whew...sorry so long...just holding it in for awhile.

I'm remembering to breathe!

Starting to really love it on these boards...nobody gets that Disney is important to us except all of you.

Hugs to my fellow stressed out brides!!!

 

[allisonswonderland]

You go girl!!!!! You should do what you want!

 

[littleladykaty]

Kryssi, oh my goodness!!! Good for you!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT SHE LEFT HIS FIRST WEDDING ALBUM OUT!!!!! That is extremely inappropriate and hurtful to you and ever so slightly passive agressive if you ask the doctoral psychology student...(ME!) I mean I've looked and chuckled my way through my DF's first wedding album (I would have to kill the woman had I been her bridesmaid...oh lord it was atrocious...mean mean I know... ) But to leave the album out when you are on your way over is just plain thoughtlessness.

You and your fiance are being EXTREMELY generous and you should be allowed to walk around with a tiara on for the rest of your life!

I'm so glad you are doing what YOU want to do!!! Bravo Sista!!!

 

[Brad&Kryssi]

Thanks Katy...that's what I thought too.

Now where the heck is that tiara? I'm gonna wear it to do the housecleaning!

 

[littleladykaty]

I have my little tiara that I got in Disneyland last year...every so often I put it on to do the vacuuming!!! Once my sweetie came home from work when I was wearing it and vacuuming...he raised a very insolent eyebrow...so I made him kiss my foot before he could go upstairs and change!

I'm really happy for you Kryssi...seriously, life is just too short to not do what makes you happy!!!

BTW...Disney is offering free dining again for Aug13-Sept..something, and i got it added to my package and somehow ended up with a $156 credit!!!

 

[Brad&Kryssi]

Wow free dining!!! Good for you! I'm not sure how that works with my AP...I know you can add it to your Magic Your Way tix.

I'm LMAO thinking of you doing the vaccuming with the tiara on!