No questions asked

[Boo'sMom]

We've always said "no punishment"

 

[Luv2Scrap]

My parents never did this for me, but even as a teen, when hearing about it from other families, I always understood it to mean no questions asked that night, but that there would be a conversation about it in the morning (with no punishment).

 

[krcit]

I just had a talk like this with my dd14. I said no questions asked because if she went out and got drunk and called to be picked up, I would be thrilled that she had sense enough to call but I cannot say that there wouldn't be a punishment It's a tricky thing. I have stressed to her how important it is to never get in a car with someone who is drinking or to call and get picked up if she is uncomfortable with what is going on. I guess each situation is different. I'm curious as to how other parents handle things like this. I don't want her to ever be too afraid to call but on the other hand, if she is puking drunk at 16, how can there not be a punishment? Anyone been there done that and can give me some insight? I don't want to bury my head in the sand and pretend that it will never happen b/c I'm pretty sure it will. Especially if she is anything like I was

 

[ckay87]

I just had a talk like this with my dd14. I said no questions asked because if she went out and got drunk and called to be picked up, I would be thrilled that she had sense enough to call but I cannot say that there wouldn't be a punishment It's a tricky thing. I have stressed to her how important it is to never get in a car with someone who is drinking or to call and get picked up if she is uncomfortable with what is going on. I guess each situation is different. I'm curious as to how other parents handle things like this. I don't want her to ever be too afraid to call but on the other hand, if she is puking drunk at 16, how can there not be a punishment? Anyone been there done that and can give me some insight? I don't want to bury my head in the sand and pretend that it will never happen b/c I'm pretty sure it will. Especially if she is anything like I was

I think, with teenagers, you can punish a kid without proclaiming a formal punishment. When something like that happens, for example, you might not need to say "that's it, you're grounded for a month." You can say "you did the right thing by calling me." But your trust in them changes. And the next time they ask (to use a glowing example from another poster ) "can I go with Judy to the lake?" your answer will now be "oh h*** no!" There's the punishment - you can't trust them anymore in that situation.

 

[Jennasis]

My parents made sure the "no eustions" policy extended to all of our friends as well. Many times mom and Dad would be woken by my younger sister OR her friends to come and get them. They always obliged. Better to bring 'em home drunk than dead.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I just had a talk like this with my dd14. I said no questions asked because if she went out and got drunk and called to be picked up, I would be thrilled that she had sense enough to call but I cannot say that there wouldn't be a punishment It's a tricky thing. I have stressed to her how important it is to never get in a car with someone who is drinking or to call and get picked up if she is uncomfortable with what is going on. I guess each situation is different. I'm curious as to how other parents handle things like this. I don't want her to ever be too afraid to call but on the other hand, if she is puking drunk at 16, how can there not be a punishment? Anyone been there done that and can give me some insight? I don't want to bury my head in the sand and pretend that it will never happen b/c I'm pretty sure it will. Especially if she is anything like I was

Yea...I know what you mean.

I just take it case by case. So far, my 18yodd hasn't been a "partier" although friends of hers drink some.

Basically as long as dd is honest and upfront, then we are reasonable with the teen get togethers.

I am not going to freak out if she tries stuff but at the same time, I am not going to be a mom that lets her sit back drink at home with her friends. Alot of parents allow that. I try to find the middle ground.

She is going off to college and forbidding kids as seniors to never be around drinking is impossible here.

You do you best with with the learning curve. Work with your kid as best you can. You may need to punish, discuss, etc...it is really based on the kid. And don't be a stupid parent.....Assume drinking and go over the rules. Talking to your kids is does help.

 

[Bren's Mom]

My parents were the 'call us, we won't yell, scream, berate, question you, we will just come' type of parents. They never promised no questions asked, but told us that there would be no punishment for calling them and that any discussion would wait until we were no longer hungover (if in fact it was us that was drinking). They also extended the option to any friends of mine and my sister's. So even if WE weren't out and our friends were they could call our parents and would be picked up. Many of my friends would have driven before calling their own parents, and mine knew this. They never condoned drinking, never allowed it in our own home, and were disappointed in us whenever we did drink (rarely for me, more often for my sister who was a partier) but we always knew we could call.

Of course, they had this talk with us (and with our friends too sometimes) often...and almost always after showing us graphic motor vehicle accident pictures. Mom was an ER RN/paramedic, dad was a paramedic. They'd both seen alot, and wanted us to know what the REAL consequences of not calling were. We definitely got it!

 

[worm761]

My parents were those parents. Nothing was condoned but we didn't get yelled at for it either. They would just come pick us up, then wake us up early in the morning. Me? I only called once and that was because my driver had a drink. I saw him with it, he said it was his only one. I still called. My friends used it often, so did my sister and her friends. I am positive that a lot of our friends would have been in accidents had it not been for our parents picking them up. I had a friend that called her dad because she was drunk. He screamed at her. She refused to call home again. I did convince her to call my mom and sober up at our house before she went home.

Please, if you tell your teen this, make sure you stand by it.

 

[EMom]

I could never promise "no questions asked". They wouldn't believe me even if I did. However, I would be there, and questions would wait until next morning.
And my oldest had one instance that proved it.

There would be questions the next day.

But we will always pick her up. I lost more than one friend to drunk driving. Boys who never made it out of their teens or early 20s. They are frozen in my head, handsome and grinning and full of life. But they never got to marry and have children, buy homes, watch their kids play baseball or perform at dance recitals. All the things that bring so much joy to DH and me.....My friends never got that chance. Such a waste. So much pain for their parents. I remember how it felt to look at the empty seat in class or see the group of guys walk into the club...minus one. Someone was just erased. Forever.

So we'll pick her up. And we'll pick up her friends. Better that than identifying them at the morgue.

 

[agnes!]

I've told my DD that if she's somewhere & she gets uncomfortable (alcohol/drugs/"etc" start happening), she can always say that she feels like she is going to puke. No matter what the circumstances, one wants to deal with a puking teenager, so she can then call me. All she has to say on the phone is "Mom, I feel sick" & I will come and get her.

And she gets out of a bad situation.

I like the "no questions asked" that night re: drinking/drugs/driving but the next day discussing & dealing with the event. Oooooh, and the getting snookums up *early* if the car needs cleaning out

agnes!

 

[Rora]

I got this same speech. I never needed to take my parents up on the offer but it was good to know that there would be no questions asked if I did need them.

 

[wowsmom]

My parents told all 6 of us kids the same thing. I never had to use it and don't think any of my siblings did either. A friend who stayed with us for a few months did - she called at 3:00 am for my dad to come get her. I don't think my parents ever said anything to her but I gave her a major earful for getting my dad up in the middle of the night!

I do plan on telling my kids the same thing, though. I think it's important for them to know we'll be there for them, even when they screw up.

 

[jenlynn0808]

My Dsister and I go the same speech from our parents, but we never used/needed it. We always had a designated driver ahead of time if we knew there might be drinking where we were headed and our groups were very good about it.

Now a few years ago my DSister went out after work with some colleuges (sp?) and she had a little to much to drink and everyone else had left the bar, my parents had moved out of state, so she called me at 2 in the morning to come get her. She slept it off on my couch. We all went to work/school the next day and left her be (no big deal for the kids to see her at our house-she lived an hour away from work and when she worked the night and morning shifts or the weather was bad she just stayed at our place to save travel time). After work she called me the next day, so apologetic for drinking that much and she should have known better since she wasn't a teenager. I told her, no big deal...would rather have her call and me gone and gotten her then have the police call me and I have to identify her at the morgue.

We also got the if you end up in jail don't call us speech, but our Uncle and Aunt said, call us we'll come get you. Then/Now that my cousins are older my Aunt and Uncle have told them the same thing, don't call us, but my parents said to call them, and now my sister has told our youngest cousin to call her. That way our parents knew we were safe, but could still feel free to knock some sense into us for being stupid.

OT-Actually my youngest cousin was out with his friends and they were doing something stupid and he sliced his hand open and couldn't get it to stop bleeding. So at 8:30 one night he comes walking in our house with ihs hand all bandaged and says he was around the corner from our house and needs a band aid, so we go in the bathroom to get one and he un wraps his hand, so iI get my first glimpse of his cut. Needed way more then a band-aid, we put pressure on it to try and stop the bleeding. While I was holding it, I said if we can't get it to stop you are going to needed stitches, but don't worry, I'll take you home and pull big sister rank and protect you from getting into trouble at least for the moment. Knew he didn't need a tenticous shot because he had just switched schools so had to have his boosters. After a while it did stop and we bandaged his hand up and he decided to ride his bike home. Then I called my Aunt and Uncle to let them know he had stopped by and we fixed him up. He didn't get into trouble, but they did give him grief about it.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

My father always had this policy when we were kids, I'm sure he would still do it today

For us we didn't need that punishment coming anyway, we knew if we needed to call dad to pick us up in the middle of the night once it was a learning experience, more than once I would feel like my father would look down upon me and that is more punishment than anything he could dish out anyway. Unfortunately I don't think many kids are like that anymore

 

[SDFgirl]

My parents drilled this home to me. I never had to use it, but I always felt safe knowing I had the option.

I definitely plan to use this policy with my girls.

 

[ckay87]

My father always had this policy when we were kids, I'm sure he would still do it today

For us we didn't need that punishment coming anyway, we knew if we needed to call dad to pick us up in the middle of the night once it was a learning experience, more than once I would feel like my father would look down upon me and that is more punishment than anything he could dish out anyway. Unfortunately I don't think many kids are like that anymore

I don't agree, I think kids care as much today about what their parents think of them as ever before. That's a pretty primitive emotion (wanting your parents' acceptance) that I don't see changing anytime soon.

I was never, ever grounded as a kid, but my parents were so mad at me a few times, I wanted to die. And I can shame my own kids today. In fact I pulled it just last night. My youngest (13) shot his mouth off and I expressed to him my disappointment and sent him to bed. That's a big deal, we still have a pretty elaborate bedtime (with talking, etc.) He knew how mad I was and was EXTREMELY apologetic this morning. I felt mean doing it, and rarely do, but he needed to be knocked down a notch!

 

[C.Ann]

My parents never had to give me the "talk" because we had lost too many family members and friends due to idiots who choose to drink and drive.. (One was my counsin's 5 yr. old son - hit by a drunk driver who jumped the curb and dragged him for a block.. The other was my 17 yr. cousin - walking home from the local soda shop with her brother and 3 other friends.. A drunk swerved off the road and plowed into them - killing everyone but my cousins brother..) I wasn't even a teen when the first tragedy struck and from that point on despised anyone who would drink and drive..

By the time my kids were old enough for the "talk", I gave it to them, but it wasn't really necessary.. We had lost more family members to the idiots who drink and drive and by then my kids had adopted my stand about drinking and driving - or riding with anyone who had.. They still don't drink to this day and neither do I.. (Nor does my DD's DH..)

When you have experienced these tragedies first hand, it's much more likely to have a lasting impact - and I think your telling your DS about his aunts situation was a very good idea..

I'm hoping and praying that all kids make it home safe from prom this year - but sadly, I know there are some who won't..

 

[Disney Doll]

Truthfully, my parents never actually said they'd come get us no questions asked, with regard to our being drunk. I knew they would though. Except there would be a lot of questions the next day. My life would not have been happy for a while had I had to call my parents to pick me up because I was too drunk to drive.

Fortunately, however they did it, they were able to instill into my brother and I the desire nto to disappoint them, so neither of us really drank and/or drove too often. I have one incident where I drove when I shouldn't have, and something happened that scared the crap out of me...scared me sober, I kid you not!

My parents always said that if we were in a situation that made us uncomfortable they'd come get us. Of course, the one time I needed them, I was at a party in a town about 45 minutes away and I caught the guy who drove me snorting lines of coke...no way was I getting in a car with him! I called home, no one was there. This was in the years before cell phones. I took a cab. It cost me like $60 because it was a LONG ride but the cabdriver was a father-age guy and he made sure to tell my father that I made a good decision and not to yell at me . My father didn't yell because he knew I had made a good decision.

Really, my parents, though strict, were not yellers or hitters...they usually talked things through.