No questions asked

[ckay87]

If you have teenagers, or if you have ever even BEEN a teenager, chances are you have given or received this speech about drinking and driving. I recently gave the speech to DS, who will be going to his first prom in 2 weeks. We told him, as the speech goes, "do not EVER drive if you are drinking and do not ever get in a car with someone who has been. No matter where you are or what time it is or what you've been doing, we will pick you up, no questions asked."

So, this is not a new concept, so of course DS goes "yea, yea, yea, I know, I know." But I continued to explain to him that my sister, his favorite aunt, actually did that once as a teenager. Actually called my dad (his "pappy") in the middle of the night to come get her because she couldn't drive. DS perks up..."REALLY???" he exclaims. See, now it's not just a lecture I'm giving; it's something that people actually DO. My sister may not love that I'm telling the story, but now I have his attention and I can sense that the real-life example helped. I'm feeling better about prom. A little.

So did you, as a teenager, or your own teenagers ever actually do that? Call parents for a ride because drinking was going on? How did it work out for you? My dad, as the story goes, just got out of bed, told my mom "I'll be back, don't worry about it" and picked up my sister with, as promised, no questions asked.

 

[MichelleVW]

I started telling my girls this when they were very young. There was also a window of about 4 months that they lived with their dad to finish school before moving to North Dakota to live with me. When they lived with their dad I gave them a list of people who would go pick them up with "no questions asked" because I know their dad would flip if they called him and there would be way too much drama.

Both my girls have personally known people that have been killed because of drunk driving, so they are petty much dead set against getting in the car with someone that has been drinking.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I'd love to say this is something I'd do, but I'd also be afraid that this would become a habit, where my DD would go out drinking every weekend and call me at all hours expecting me to jump out of bed and come get her. A few times fine, but I'd be afraid it would become a habit, and I'm afraid it might send the wrong message that it's okay to drink underage, 'cause your parents won't ask questions.

I'll be interested to see the responses you get.

 

[PatsMom]

I've always told my DD that I'd rather bring her home drunk than dead. But I don't subscribe to the "no questions asked" theory. I would leave it alone at the time I picked her up but the next day I would want answers - who provided the booze? Who else was there? etc. I wouldn't necessarily punish her for making a bad decision and drinking but I would want to know who provided the booze. A kid who snitched out of their parents liquor cabinet I could live with. A parent who provided booze to minors would be turned in to the local police.

 

[Serena]

I could never promise "no questions asked". They wouldn't believe me even if I did. However, I would be there, and questions would wait until next morning.
And my oldest had one instance that proved it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We talk all the time. Esp. since dd is with teens that are drinking.

Frankly we go further than that and tell her about drugs. If she has a friend in the car and they have weed and she is the driver, guess who is going to get busted for it? YOU!!!

They will stash it and claim it isn't their drugs.

So add that to your list of talks.

 

[ckay87]

I'd love to say this is something I'd do, but I'd also be afraid that this would become a habit, where my DD would go out drinking every weekend and call me at all hours expecting me to jump out of bed and come get her. A few times fine, but I'd be afraid it would become a habit, and I'm afraid it might send the wrong message that it's okay to drink underage, 'cause your parents won't ask questions.

I'll be interested to see the responses you get.

I get what you are saying, for sure! This is why it is a very difficult thing to promise to do and then actually DO it. But I don't know how I could NOT make that promise.

The way I see it, following through with that promise requires a lot of pride-swallowing by both parties. Your kid generally cares about what you think. She'd be embarassed by having to make that call. You, in turn, would be required to bite your tongue so hard. I don't see it becomming a free pass to drink the years away, with mom as taxi. Not if your kid has any respect for you. But who knows....I haven't been there, yet.

 

[DVCLiz]

I'd be more inclined to say "no punishment" rather than "no questions asked."

 

[PatsMom]

I forgot to mention that DD and I do have a code phrase that she can use if she is calling where her friends might hear her and she doesn't want to come right out and say kids are drinking or doing drugs. The code means there is something going on that she isn't comfortable with and come get her quick. She's never had to use it but it is there if ever needed.

And as someone has mentioned, in high school these days, it is not just liquor you need to worry about.

 

[ckay87]

I'd be more inclined to say "no punishment" rather than "no questions asked."

I like that better too.

 

[TheZue]

My parents always gave me that speech too. I never had to use it but I'm glad they did say it. The reason? The fact my parents were willing to wake up in the middle of the night and retrieve me from ANYWHERE really slammed home how important it was not to drink and drive and that made me plan ahead. And really, if you get that call you don't really need to ask questions since you know why they are calling anyways.

Also with the weed in the car speech, that happened to my friend....only it was around five friends sitting in his car at the McDonalds parking lot. The cops were called because there was a massive group of teens hanging out, and all they kids in his car ditched their weed and ran, then he got charged with dealing.

 

[welovedisneyx4]

My parents had always told me that they would come pick me up if needed and wouldn't ask any questions.

One weekend my Freshman year in college, I came home for the weekend and went out on a Saturday night w/ 2 guy friends and 1 girl friend. We drove my car to a party at the lake. Well, I drank quite a bit at the party and one of the guys drove my car back to where their car was. They had to get home b/c of curfew and I realized there was no way in he** I could drive home. (and my other friend didn't even have her license yet!) Anyway, I called my parents (it was about midnight or 1:00 am) and they came right away and got us and took my friend home. They didn't ask any questions, but the next morning, I was up and going to church and when I came home, I had to clean out my car where I had gotten sick in it!!!!!!!

I am surprised my parents never said anything to me or to my friends parents either. However, the embarassment of having to call them sure made me watch myself and drinking when I was home and would be driving.

 

[MOREMICKEYFORME]

I have a DD16. Soon to be 17. She and I have had this talk for many years. It is not just with alcohol and drugs, but with stupid behavior.
If she goes to the mall in a friend's car and she is uncomfortable because the friend is driving like an @$$ and showing off, she knows she can call me.
She will pretend she is going to be sick, then pull over and call me to get her, anytime!
I like the code word that a PP mentioned.

 

[Kathi OD]

I'd be more inclined to say "no punishment" rather than "no questions asked."

This is the strategy DH and I applied when our kids were teens. It worked well for us. There were a few times when we got phone calls to bring them home and there were no punishments, but we did discuss it. I know that it only happened once or twice with each of them. Not sure if it was because of our "understanding" parenting or because they realized it wasn't worth it.

 

[MoniqueU]

I just had this conversation with my son. I just hope he listens to me.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I took my DD13 to her first boy/girl bday party a couple months back. There were a ton of parent chaperones, but I know how sneaky kids can be. I trust her, but I know she'd be uncomfortable if others started doing things, so she got that speech.
As she begins to go out (stilll a couple yrs off) I will hope that she believes me when I give her the speech again.
My mom gave it to me and my sister....I never needed it, but my sister did (she was 15, and drunk) and my mom went and got her....never asked, and my sister never needed her again... I think it helps...

 

[Nie0214]

I never drank until after my high school graduation, and there were only a few occasions. I wasn't interested in it, so I was usually DD for everyone. I guess I was a goody-two-shoes teen.

Anyway, my mother always told me to just call if there was a problem or to stay overnight wherever I was but to absolutely never drive. I never did, and would harp on my friends so that they never did. One time I did spend the night at a friend's house, I just called and told my mom the truth. She only ever asked for me to be honest.

My DBF was in an accident a few years back. He was driving down a dimly-lit road when a drunk driver hit him head on. The drunk driver died in the accident. His brand new car was totaled, he was lying in the ditch with broken bones with no idea if anyone would ever come and find him, he couldn't move to find his cell phone. He wasn't my boyfriend at the time, but it's one of my biggest fears is to lose family and friends in such a way. It's completely preventable.

 

[JessicaR]

My 16 year old son was given that talk as well. It also contained many examples of how it works. My dad was a police officer and between my sisters and I received many middle of the night phone calls to come get us.

We did have questions asked but at least he waitied till the next morning.

 

[TheZue]

My parents had always told me that they would come pick me up if needed and wouldn't ask any questions.

One weekend my Freshman year in college, I came home for the weekend and went out on a Saturday night w/ 2 guy friends and 1 girl friend. We drove my car to a party at the lake. Well, I drank quite a bit at the party and one of the guys drove my car back to where their car was. They had to get home b/c of curfew and I realized there was no way in he** I could drive home. (and my other friend didn't even have her license yet!) Anyway, I called my parents (it was about midnight or 1:00 am) and they came right away and got us and took my friend home. They didn't ask any questions, but the next morning, I was up and going to church and when I came home, I had to clean out my car where I had gotten sick in it!!!!!!!

I am surprised my parents never said anything to me or to my friends parents either. However, the embarassment of having to call them sure made me watch myself and drinking when I was home and would be driving.

See vomit in the car, a bunch of teens at the lake, middle of the night phone call...you already know and don't need to ask

 

[welovedisneyx4]

See vomit in the car, a bunch of teens at the lake, middle of the night phone call...you already know and don't need to ask

Yeah, I think they knew I was giving myself enough punishment w/ the way I was feeling that night and the next day.

I normally didn't drink that much (to get sick) and I was used to being at college where I would be walking, not driving, after drinking and I just indulged a little too much!!