It is up to you what kind of wedding you want. I just want to add a couple of points for some to remember (from someone who has been there done that on all sides of the issue)
I invited only the children of my and my husbands siblings. Yes one cryed during the ceromony, but a friend quickly took her out...no biggie. I personally could not imagine not having the whole family there.
When my brother got married he was the last in our family to get married and he married a girl who was the oldest in her family and there were no children on her side. She insisted on no kids at her wedding which was out of town. Not only did this upset my brother (she didn't care though, because it was HER big day)since he was close to his nieces and nephews, but it caused the worlds biggest strain on the rest of our family. Her mother was EXTREMELY outspoken at the shower about how rude it would be to take children to a wedding. At the time myself and 2 of my sisters were nursing rather new babies. I was not in a financial catagory to pay to get to the wedding, very expensive bridesmaids dress and hotel and afford a babysitter for a whole weekend. Also, I was not about to leave a newborn baby with a babysitter for 3 whole days. Since my whole family was going to be at the wedding - they could not babysit, my husband does not have family in town to babysit, and I really didn't know any babysitters I would feel comfortable leaving my baby with for a whole weekend . Basically, it came down to since my sister in law was so concerned with being a princess, that I had to decline the invitation to my own brothers wedding. (As did 2 of my sisters) We were not being mean and wanted desparately to work something out to make them happy, but we were up against a wall. My brother threw a fit, said no one he loved was coming to his wedding and that she and her mother would have to get over the fact that there would be a few kids there. They relented, and had a room in the basement of the reception site with an older lady to babysit, ofcourse, since they didn't know anything about kids it was completely unprepared for the kids, with nothing to entertain the 3-5 yr olds. and the babies were screaming for their mothers. The little girls 5-6 were crying that they weren't allowed to "go see the bride in the pretty dress" I spent the whole reception in the basement with my baby so that he would not cry. I really wanted to see some of the wedding and my baby was sound asleep, so I snuck him up to wach some dancing, and was met by DB's MIL in the hall, who gave me a HUGE eye-roll. None of my family enjoyed the wedding, because we were either confined to the basement, or at the reception, knowing our children were MISERABLE and crying for us in the basement.
My SIL had an extremely extravagant and beautiful wedding, and she was envisioning being a princess, but all my family saw was the wicked step-sister making us miserable and being difficult. For all the money she spent, I don't remember anything about the wedding, except an ugly basement and some ugly attitudes.
i guess my point is, that the first rule of etiquette is making your guests comfortable and happy, and then they will love your wedding. If you put them in a bad position, they won't think of you as a princess at your wedding anyway, they will just remember being treated ugly.
I'm not saying that all (or any) posterss to this thread are being like my SIL - I'm just saying, some people are in different situations, and Ithink you need to look at each case. Some parents will be happy to have a weekend alone without the kids. Some with newborns are going to be in a pickle etc. If you are gracious and in your beautiful wedding dress, nothing will distract from you anyway. If you still know you don't want to make any exceptions to the rule, than just be prepared that some people will not be able to come.
Side note - my cousin was recently married and did not invite kids to the wedding (trying to keep it small) - Guess who brought their newborn baby to the wedding without even asking if it was OK? Yes - you guessed it- the bridezilla) She also made a huge fuss over him the whole time wearing the big new mother badge proudly. and said it didn't matter that she brought him, because he sleeps all the time anyway, and she IS nursing! Let me tell you, it was worth many giggles at our table.
The whole issue got so ugly, that no one in our family has much of a relationship with her...
She wanted to be the "big show" and we would have thought it was all much prettier, and been more impressed if she had just been understanding. She was a "big show" alright.
Anyway, I too think the childcare idea at Disney is a great one, I'm sure that they would have much for kids, and it would help parents tremendously, while still making your affair and adult one. Just don't get upset if a mommy lets her little girl peek in to see the "pretty bride" for a minute, or a mommy wants to nurse and watch the dansing in a discreet corner. They aren't being selfish, they just want to see "your big day" too.
Thank you all so much for your help. Reading all your replys actually made me calm down. I decided across the board no children will be invited, so no one will be offended. There also will be no children in the wedding party. We were thinking about the kids club during the reception. We thought it would be a really cute thing to have, we were going to send his cousins their own invitations and all. We spoke to the MIL about this and she hated it. She said that we were being selfish. My parents and his parents are helping to pay for the wedding, but most of the wedding is getting paid by us. Does anyone know how much the kids club during the reception would cost.
