no kids at wedding

[PinkCindere11a]

So we are running into a problem. We decided that we do not want to invite kids to our Disney Wedding (we are having a custom wedding). Anyone that is under 17 will not be invited to the wedding. My future mother law is really upset that we decided this. Can anyone lend any advice on how they handled this.

Thank you so much.

 

[TinkBride]

I would just politely say that you and your DF really thought this out and discussed it, and you both feel that for the type of wedding that you both dream of kids would not fit well. If I am not mistaken, Disney also has a service that you can set up for the kids to go to during the wedding and I am sure Disney takes care of them well. I would look into that, and see if that works out for you and your budget. I would also point out that the kids will probably have more fun being entertained by the Disney CM's than your wedding.

Just make sure to elaborate that you thought it out and gave it consideration. Remember!! It is YOUR and YOUR DF's WEDDING!!

Good Luck!!

 

[WickedWench]

I can see where that would be a difficulty with a destination wedding. Your guests can't leave the kids at home. Perhaps you could offer to arrange some kind of babysitting with disney to accomodate parents?

 

[ead79]

We did not have kids under 10 at our wedding since it was so late in the evening (our ceremony was at 7:30 pm, and our reception didn't end until 1:30 am). It's totally your decision to make, but be sure to be polite and considerate when letting people know. Some people will possibly be offended, but it is your decision to make. Disney does offer children's parties for a cost, so you could look into that option as well. See if your MIL can tell you why it upsets her, then you can have a polite conversation about it.

 

[heatherlynn444]

my wedding is not at disney, but i am putting "adult reception to follw" on my invitation. most people have enough sense that if it is an adult reception, that it is an adult wedding as well. i would throw a fit if a kid cried/screemed during my vows, so it has never been a quesiton in my mind! the key is to not make exceptions, b/c then ppl will say "well so and so is bringing their kid" but if you dont make exceptions you can say "i'm sorry, it is a rule for everyone, not even my close freidns/family are bringing kids" my friend did it for her wedding and no one had a problem. most people enjoyed not having to take the kids! there are all kinds of babysitting services on disney property. good luck!

 

[wendy46001]

Just be very clear as to why you don’t want kids....State a reasonable case...and like the above poster said no exceptions...This may include not having your flower girl at the reception...

 

[Moonpie]

I agree that a baby sitting service would be a great idea that would save some parents from being insulted. I totally understand why you don't want kids there, but I just went to a friend's wedding this weekend that was very upscale, and she did have about fifteen kids there. She had given them a gift bag of goodies like crayons, coloring books, bubbles and frisbees and the during the entire reception they played outside with their parents. So, everything worked out really well, and everyone was had such a good time.

 

[AlDubya]

As another poster said, simply put, "Adult reception to follow" on your invitations. People will get the hint.

We did this for our upcoming wedding on Sept. 1. However, we did make some exceptions as the idea of not allowing kids at the reception/ceremony was aimed at particular unruly children.

If someone were to say something our parents simply would step in and say, "it's their wedding, their rules".

I think the same goes for your wedding. If someone cannot find a babysitter, but has an extremely well behaved young one (who never causes problems), and you don't feel nervous about having that child cause a problem, do what you feel is right. If others have a problem, they'll get over it.

You can choose who you invite to your wedding as far as adults go... so why should it be any different for children?

 

[suffolkprincess]

Getting married is MUCH more than a "magical party" or an "EVENT."

You are creating a family, and joining two families.

I completely know how you feel-- not wanting a child's cries to disrupt the vows, but seriously: your wedding won't be ruined by it. Your marriage won't be ruined by it. And there is NO WAY that a cute child dancing on the dance floor with distract from your bridely glory. Children are a HUGE asset at weddings because they reinforce the family feeling and are great ice breakers. No, not 2 year olds having tantrums-- but how likely is that, really? Most parents won't bring their terrible 2 to an evening reception anyway. ESPECIALLY if you provide them with childcare suggestions.

But what *could* cause problems for you for many years into the future would be bucking the family traditions of including children. Sorry, but inlaws don't *have* to love you, and you won't be going a long way towards showing them that you plan on valuing and honoring both sides if their side usually has children at their events and you don't include them. PLUS destination weddings are an ENORMOUS imposition and expense for young families. To add the cost of childcare to this really pushes things, I think.

Now, its different if you are excluding them for space/ monetary reasons, and I am MUCH more sympathetic to that than to this "I want it *PERFECT*" attitude that some posters seem to have. I was a wedding coordinator for 10 years and did well over 400 weddings. I know what I am talking about here, and I don't think any bride EVER regretted including more people and accomodating family *more*. You don't have to "create" magical perfection for a wedding day-- it will necessarily and without any effort of yours be magical simply because it includes everyone you love celebrating your union to your soulmate.

I recently watched my own wedding video, and... I wish that people had brought their kids. Mine was late (7 pm reception) and so none of the locals brought their children to the reception except for my flower girl, and none of the out of town guests brought theirs, either. It would be great to see them dancing in the video.

Please-- reconsider this attitude. How could the behavior/presence of a couple of children really detract from your Disney wedding? SERIOUSLY?! Its going to be so fabulous!

NOW-- if it really is a space/ money thing, explain that to your MIL and be prepared for her to offer to pay for the kids... but what I have generally seen work well for other brides with that issue is to let the person who is already in that family break the "no kids" news.

 

[Lisa_Belle]

I have to agree wholehartedly with Suffolkprincess on this one. I've honestly NEVER been to a wedding where kids disrupted the event. In fact, the best receptions I've ever been to are the ones with lots of kids running about. Adult receptions remind me of endless charity fundraising cocktail parties. Just lots of folks gossiping over who is having an affair with so-and-so's spouse. If it were your friends having issues over this, it would be one thing. But you're talking about your future inlaws, and you don't want to ruin a lifetime relationship over what is, essentially, a very expensive party. It's not the actual wedding that matters, it's the love, devotion and respect for decades to come that's important.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Its your day, people need to agree with whatever you say. seriously, they don't HAVE to like it, they should just abide by your rules. that being said, we had the Disney wedding and had children, simply b/c it was at WDW, if we had gotten married at home we KNOW we would have said NO CHILDREN! we just didin't want people to not come b/c their kids were not invited.

 

[calanniebu]

A few thoughts come to mind:

1) who's paying? sometimes this can factor in to who get's to make this decision.
2) whatever decision you do make, stick to it! don't let people try to guilt you into making a decision about the event.
3) make sure the invitations are clear. etiquette states that whomever is invited should be stated specifically on the invite. if little johnny's name isn't listed, he's not invited so you really shouldn't have to put "Adult Reception to Follow" but unfortunately some people just don't get it!
4) this is your party that you are planning and you get to pick the guest list. why and I'm not trying to flame anyone do people fault a bride for wanting an adult only affair (no matter what time of day it is) and then use the following as reasons for why she should just allow them: this is the joining of two families, aren't children cute, they won't detract from YOUR day, etc.
5) Don't let anyone call you selfish for wanting what you want for your party. Yes, kids are cute but not to everyone at all times!

 

[ead79]

To be fair, not every bride who doesn't want children at her wedding is concerned about the event not being "perfect." I never expected a perfect wedding day, and I didn't want children at my event. In my personal case, one close friend of the family has a child that is an absolute terror. We were concerned that if the child came to the wedding, there would be many tantrums, as well as the possibility of her pulling the reception buffet servers down on herself or other very bad behavior. We would never be rude enough to exclude only this one child, so we made the blanket rule of no children to cover ourselves. I'm not talking about "kids being kids," I'm talking about a VERY ill-behaved child. Also, I felt that it's just not reasonable for us to expect a child to behave when 1:30 am rolls around--they are tired and that's just too much to ask, IMHO.

I can only speak for myself, but I am glad that we excluded this child from our wedding. Certainly I have been to many weddings where kids were very well-behaved and added to the enjoyment of the event. But I've also been to some where there were some problems. I think it's important not to paint with a broad brush and assume that all brides who don't want children at their wedding are concerned only with having a "perfect" wedding. I didn't want the stress that would've resulted from this child being included, so I didn't invite any children so as not to hurt feelings.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I don't plan on having a flower girl, ring bearer, or children at my wedding. It's just my personal preference. I'm sure my DBF's family will think this is ridiculous as they do everything together, vacations, weekends, everything is spent with the entire extended family. It's mine and my husband's day and the focus should be on the wedding couple (and my DBF is all for a no kid wedding). There are a ton of kids between our two families, I would probably feel differently if there were only going to be two or three kids attending. I went to one of his cousin's weddings and there were so many kids on the dance floor the wedding party couldn't even squeeze on there to dance. Two of the kids were chasing each other around the couple and the wedding cake when it was being cut and they were giving speeches. You could tell the wedding couple was annoyed at the distractions but everyone else laughed and exclaimed how cute it was.

I know technically weddings are the joining of two families but I don't look at it that way (yes, I'm sure alot of people DO look at it that way but they're not paying for my wedding or making my wedding decisions). I look at it like the day my husband and I are joining together as he's the person I'm going to see every day for the rest of my life. The other people (as nice as they are) will probably only be seen 2-3 times a year, except for our parents. Do what you want to do. I figure that if anyone is offended or doesn't want to be around us for not inviting their kids then it doesn't bother me, that's their decision. I made mine not to invite their children, they have every right to make their own decision to come, not come, or hold a grudge against us.

Good luck! I don't have any advice, I just know I'll be in your shoes whenever I start planning my wedding. My MIL will make it such a big deal. If this is really what you two want just stick to your guns but be prepared to have that affect your relationship with his family.

 

[suffolkprincess]

I know technically weddings are the joining of two families but I don't look at it that way (yes, I'm sure alot of people DO look at it that way but they're not paying for my wedding or making my wedding decisions). I look at it like the day my husband and I are joining together as he's the person I'm going to see every day for the rest of my life. The other people (as nice as they are) will probably only be seen 2-3 times a year, except for our parents.
.....
My MIL will make it such a big deal. If this is really what you two want just stick to your guns but be prepared to have that affect your relationship with his family.

Actually-- you have got a very good point in this-- if you DO want to set the precedent of your family unit (you and your spouse and children someday or not) being independent, then-- this is a GREAT way to do it. Especially if you really will not have to deal with the extended family frequently. But, if you expect to have to deal with them a lot due to living nearby or being otherwise enmeshed (working for a family business, caring for elderly relatives, etc.) then there is something to be said for mollifying them.

I think my biggest point to make really is just that you will be very very surprised by what you actually notice on the wedding day and what you actually remember about it. Some things that seem super important NOW just-- won't.

And-- if I had been coordinating that wedding with the kids running in circles around the bridal couple? Wouldn't have happened. One definite option is to get your planner/ coordinator to help keep these kinds of rude displays from happening for you-- let THEM be the bad guy! What I have done in similar situations is to take the children by the hand to their parents before the speech/ toast/ cutting gets underway and pretty much just told them (the parents)-- keep everyone together-- you wouldn't want anyone to miss anything! Usually the parents are embarassed into submission.

 

[happylalagirl]

We decided we are not inviting children to our wedding either. For us, it is mostly a money thing. We are paying for our own wedding and I can't see spending so much money for a child. I know you can get children's dinners but I'm not about to pay $30 for mac and cheese. Also, some of the children that would be invited (ie - my neice and nephews) are a bit unruly and obnoxious when the attention is not focused on them. I've had to deal with that at other family affairs and I choose not to deal with it at our wedding.

We had a cousin of my DF ask if children were invited. We told her the only children that would be there are our Jr. Bridesmaid (who is our daughter), our ringbearer and there were 2 younger cousins invited (11 and 9) because their parents are going through a rough divorce and since it's Christmas time, we figured we'd let their folks decide if they should come or not.

Anyway, everyone knows about the rule and hasn't complained about it. My DF's one cousin is bringing a babysitter with them who is a friend and they are making a vacation out of the rest of the time. They know we are paying for everything ourselves and haven't complained. I did have a cousin of mine ask if her son could come. THey've never been to Disney and she'd like to take him, but she has no place to leave him. He's 13 and the quietest boy I've ever met, so we said yes.

You really just need to use your own discretion. Do what you feel is right. Most of the times I've been to a wedding with children, it's been fine. THere have been times when the children get out of hand and their parents are nowhere to be found, but as someone else said, just make your coordinator aware of those situations and she/he should take care of it so you don't have to.

Most importantly, enjoy your day!!!

 

[WickedWench]

Just be sure that whatever you decide, you make the rules consistent for all children. When my cousin's son got married, the bride invited her nieces and nephews, but the children on our side were excluded. It led to alot of bad feelings, and they caved in literally on the day of the wedding, letting the kids come, but then there was no place for them to sit at the reception. People had to move around and fill in the seats from the no shows so the parents could be near the kids, and even then several ended up on laps. It was a huge mess.

 

[heatherlynn444]

actually i dont think i have been to a wedding with kids where a child did NOT disturb the ceremony. my sister got married 3 weeks ago, and there was two 9 year old girls there. we thought, no big deal, a 9 year old can handle it, but she WHINED through the whole thing. I was MOH and i almost jumped off the stage and drug her out of the church it made me so mad. i have also been to many weddings where an infant or toddler cries/screams right in the middle of the vows, and it is so annoying and everyone turns and looks and the parents reuse to take the child outside. i am paying big bucks for my wedding and will avoid a mushap if i can forsee it. I have also been to weddings with kids where the kids damaged the reception hall by running around and breaking things and the couple has to pa damages. my reception is at a very old New Orleans plantation home and it is not "kid friendly" also, as another poster said, I am not paying 38 dollars a person for a toddler to eat chicken nuggets at nice reception dinner. my inlaws are not paying, and they are understanding people, as well as the rest of teh family, and no one has a problem with it. MY wedding, MY decision. if people are going to be that sensitive about their kids they need to get over it IMO. dont get me wrong, i love kids, but there is a time and a place and parents should learn that and not get offended.

i'm ok now

 

[twojo21]

that is a tough one since its also your guests mini vacation. also whos paying for your wedding, is your mil helping? have you considered a childs party during your ceremony? my cousin did this during her wedding to avoid fussy children at the ceremony & then had a fun kids section at the reception. in the end if you have no children, make sure its no children period, no exceptions like others have mentioned otherwise your bound to have issues. also since youre having no children dont be disappointed when someone declines for that reason.

 

[Moonpie]

I don't think that very young kids care whether or not they attend the wedding. They just wanna have fun, whether that be with a babysitter at the wedding, or at the hotel... they'll have fun either way. Older children, and teens may want to attend a wedding because... it's family, it's a party, and it's Disney!