"No Gifts Please"......Really?

[DisneyBlonde]

I can't not bring something, even if it's a bottle of champagne or a nice plant.

 

[spazzyjazzy]

I honestly did not want any gifts for my wedding. A couple of my bridesmaids made me go register. I just wanted everyone to go to the wedding, eat a nice dinner and have a good time. The gifts were the last thing on my mind.
If someone told me not to bring a gift I would respect that and not bring one.

 

[Allison]

I agree with those who say no gift means no gift. I would respect what the people specifically requested.

 

[Allison]

Your statement seems contradictory. If you don't want to do anything that makes the host uncomfortable, then you don't disregard their request and give a gift.

The fact that no one else knows you gave it is irrelevant.

I agree that it is technically rude to say "no gifts" because a gift is nevery obligatory, and saying "no gifts" implies that you expect a gift. However, that wasn't the question asked.

And if your gift is so worthless to you that you don't care if the recipient throws it away - my goodness, why is it so important to give it in the first place?

Gifts of any kind should be given out of a desire to please the recipient, not because you don't feel right being empty handed.

If someone doesn't want gifts, for whatever reason, then don't give a gift. Why is this hard?

I have to say I agree with this.

 

[DisneyCP2002]

My parents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary saturday. They also had requested no gifts. They only got 3 gifts among the 50+ cards. They received a gift card, $50 in cash, & a handmade name plaque.

 

[Caradana]

I always bring flowers for the hostess. I respect her wish - no gifts for the celebre. But the flowers are in honor of the work she did to make the party come about.

 

[bjgrazi]

I too will never understand why someone will insist on bringing something when it says no gifts.

We had a party in September and on the invitation it said, your presence is gift enough, please do not bring a gift. I couldn't believe we actually had people bring things. We said thank you at the party and I did send out thank yous but it took me 2 weeks. One Aunt called my mother to complain after a week of no thank you. My Mother's answer to her was, well they said no gifts and now they're away. They'll send them when they get home I'm sure.

You should do as the invitation says.

 

[caitycaity]

i agree with dana. i always bring a bottle of wine, chocolates, flowers, or something of that nature. i do not view those things as gifts. when people say no gifts i assume they mean they don't want "real" presents - like the kind of thing you would buy off a registry.

i guarantee none of my friends have ever been offended at my bringing a bottle of wine or something of that nature. in my circle, bringing something for the host is just expected.

not sure i would want to be friends with someone who got angry at me for bringing flowers, chocolate, or wine (assuming they drink).

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I've been someone who has issued the "no gifts, please" on invitations, and meant that no gifts were expected. We wanted to put the emphasis on observing the occasion with our loved ones rather than any material outcomes. (Not that the two necessarily go hand-in-hand...). Anyway, we loved the cards with handwritten messages in them (memories, anecdotes, thoughtful quotes) because these things really spoke to the occasion; I would highly suggest that kind of "gift," if you feel the need to bring something.

I was going to say something along these lines, that you could write a special note to the honoree, perhaps expressing your deep regard or affection, funny memories you've shared together, etc.

Our office had a celebration of one co-worker's 30th anniversary with the company. The event organizer asked anyone who knew the honoree to write something about him, how you met or some sort of memento. After that long with a company, just about everybody knew him and had a funny story to tell!

 

[Caradana]

i guarantee none of my friends have ever been offended at my bringing a bottle of wine or something of that nature. in my circle, bringing something for the host is just expected.

SO TRUE! Exactly.

 

[sha_lyn]

when people say no gifts i assume they mean they don't want "real" presents - like the kind of thing you would buy off a registry.

This makes no sense to me. Why would someone be registered for gifts, then put no gifts on the invitation?

One of DD's friends invited her to a birthday slumber party and the parents requested no gifts. I asked the mother ahead of time, and she said that the grandparents always went overboard and they really did not want the guest bringing gifts. We showed up and DD was the only child out of about a dozen kids that didn't bring a gift. I felt terrible. Not for the girl, I don't think she even realized who brought what. However DD felt awful.

 

[Hannathy]

No they just wrote it for the heck of it! Why would they put it on the invitation if they wanted gifts. If you are bringing a gift to make them happy THEN REALLY make them happy and do what the want don't bring anything. The people who disregard the request aren't doing it to make the recipient happy they are doing it to make themselves happy and in my book that is selfish. Bring a card if you want but no gift- and since when is a gift card (hint the word is right in there) not a gift?

 

[Stitch1970]

I have to side with those that don't think gift giving is right. It's their party, their rules.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Your statement seems contradictory. If you don't want to do anything that makes the host uncomfortable, then you don't disregard their request and give a gift.

The fact that no one else knows you gave it is irrelevant.

I agree that it is technically rude to say "no gifts" because a gift is nevery obligatory, and saying "no gifts" implies that you expect a gift. However, that wasn't the question asked.

And if your gift is so worthless to you that you don't care if the recipient throws it away - my goodness, why is it so important to give it in the first place?

Gifts of any kind should be given out of a desire to please the recipient, not because you don't feel right being empty handed.

If someone doesn't want gifts, for whatever reason, then don't give a gift. Why is this hard?

Yeah, what she said.

When I go to an event that has a "no gift" request, I usually just bring a card.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

No they just wrote it for the heck of it! Why would they put it on the invitation if they wanted gifts. If you are bringing a gift to make them happy THEN REALLY make them happy and do what the want don't bring anything. The people who disregard the request aren't doing it to make the recipient happy they are doing it to make themselves happy and in my book that is selfish. Bring a card if you want but no gift- and since when is a gift card (hint the word is right in there) not a gift?

On the flip side--it dishonors other guests who honored the request of the guest of honor. (wow--lots of "honor" in that sentence).

As a guest--you should be concerned about how you make other guests feel in addition to the guest of honor.

IF you feel compelled to ignore the request--do it elsewhere and not at the party.

Heck--make a donation in their name. It is a gift option, honors the guest of honor, honors their request..and then you don't look like an idiot in front of all the other guests.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I never feel obliged to bring something for the host if the party is something bigger than an intimate dinner. If every couple at a party for 40 people brought something for the host, they'd end up with a ton of flowers, chocolates, wine etc.!

So if it's a real party, I'd just bring a card. If it's a small dinner party I'd bring a card for the birthday person and a small host gift. If I were very close to the birthday person and wanted to give them a personal gift (which I would have done whether there had been a party or not), I wouldn't give it at the party itself. Or I'd keep it in the car and give it discreetly after the party. Or I'd arrive early. You get the picture.

 

[NMAmy]

Yes, really.

I am truly stunned at the number of people who are saying "I bring a gift anyway, because I don't feel comfortable."

Well it's not about you.

If the hosts don't want gifts, they don't want gifts. They aren't going to put that on the invitation to trick you or something.

If the invite said "black tie" would you show up in jeans, because that's what you're comfortable with?

DH and I had a vow renewal last year--we had a small party at our home for friends and family. Even though we put "No gifts, please" on the invitation, we still received a bunch of stuff and I was very annoyed. It wasn't a first marriage for either of us and we had everything we needed already. Then I had to buy thank you notes and send them out, as well.

While I understand that people feel they need to bring something, I just wish they'd take the guests of honor at their word. Cards with personal notes were wonderful and appreciated. I wasn't having a party to rake in the gifts but to share something with our friends.

 

[vetrik]

My mom just had a surprise 50th birthday party for my dad 2 weeks ago, and she put "no gifts" on the invitation. We did a timeline of his life on the wall, and instead asked people to send memories/funny stories that would be read throughout the evening and placed on the timeline. Everyone sent memories, but at the party some people brought gifts, and a few didn't. It was fine either way.

I do like the idea of a charitable donation, and then writing a note in a card to bring to the party. I know my dad would have appreciated that - especially a donation to a charity that was personal to him. I think the "no gifts" is used is sometimes used to take the pressure off guests - instead of being obligated to run out and buy a present when you get the invitation, you know that it will be fine with the host if you don't bring a gift. My mom and dad would have been perfectly happy with people just attending and sending memories, but they weren't offended by the people that did bring gifts.

 

[lg3]

On the flip side--it dishonors other guests who honored the request of the guest of honor. (wow--lots of "honor" in that sentence).
As a guest--you should be concerned about how you make other guests feel in addition to the guest of honor.
IF you feel compelled to ignore the request--do it elsewhere and not at the party.
Heck--make a donation in their name. It is a gift option, honors the guest of honor, honors their request..and then you don't look like an idiot in front of all the other guests.

Exactly! There is another thread about this that I posted a longer reply, but no gifts means NO GIFTS PLEASE! IA - Why is this so hard to comprehend? If you feel you "MUST" bring something, a card is the only acceptable alternative. A thoughtful note is always appreciated. This also means no gift cards in the envelope as others have noted. Bringing wine, chocolate, etc. is a no no here too - these are called "Hostess GIFTS". While they are wonderful for the correct occasion, they are not welcomed if no gifts are requested.

 

[froglady]

I'm having a vow renewal this weekend (30th) and have also put "there is no better gift than sharing our joy with family and friends." I hope that people understand that this means no gifts, please!

Although I could handle wine or chocolates, I would have a hard time dealing with flowers, as I've ordered coordinating ones for our home and the restaurant. I also get a little annoyed when people bring cut flowers without a vase. That means I have to drop everything and arrange them, or just put them aside to wither. Refrigerating them usually isn't an option, as the fridge is full of food, drinks, etc.

I also can't tell you the number of gift certificates I have sitting in a drawer.

I've reached an age where I'm trying to rid of stuff, not accumulate more.