"No Gifts Please"......Really?

[LoriKay]

We are invited to a surprise 50th birthday party and the invitation says "No Gifts Please". Really? I don't feel like we should arrive empty handed but I'm not sure what is truly the correct thing to do. Opinions?

 

[sweetspicy]

Hey, there's another thread on this board about this same subject, from the point of view of the people GIVING the party.

If the invitation says "no gifts please," I would respect what they want, and not bring a gift.

 

[Pam]

We just got invited to an 80th birthdday party with that same line on the invitation.

We are taking a card with a $25.00 restaurant gift certificate to Red Lobster. Just feel weird not taking something.

I think that people just don't want a bunch of "cutesy" 50th, 60th, 80th, etc. knickknacks and joke gifts, so they put this on the card.

 

[Allie322]

We just got an invitation to a 50th birthday party for twins and the wives requested a scratch ticket for each of the "boys". I thought this was a nice way to keep everyone happy because you at least feel like you're bringing something without going crazy.
When I had a surprise 40th for DH, I did say no gifts yet 75% of the people brought gifts. It was very nice of them and we certainly were appreciative but really wished they hadn't.

 

[lulugirl]

If the invitation reads "no gifts", then I would respect it and not bring a gift.

 

[clarabelle]

Do a really funny card

 

[CEDmom]

How about making a charitable donation in the person's name? You could select something meaningful to them and include a note to that effect in a card.

 

[kaw1218]

How about making a charitable donation in the person's name? You could select something meaningful to them and include a note to that effect in a card.

that sounds like a great idea!!

 

[aprilgail2]

I will usually stick a gift cert in the amount of their age in the card or lottery tickets in the amount of their age.

 

[TDC Nala]

A card, maybe candy or a bottle of wine, but no "gift"

 

[All Morganic]

I agree with the bottle of wine or the scratch off tickets. I too, hate showing up empty handed

 

[It's A Happy Day]

Depending where this event is taking place - restaurant, home - you could call and ask if you could help out by bringing a dessert/dish. Then it would not be a gift but you wouldn't be arriving empty handed either.

 

[Ginamarie]

How about making a charitable donation in the person's name? You could select something meaningful to them and include a note to that effect in a card.

THis is what I was going to suggest too.

 

[va32h]

Yes, really.

I am truly stunned at the number of people who are saying "I bring a gift anyway, because I don't feel comfortable."

Well it's not about you.

If the hosts don't want gifts, they don't want gifts. They aren't going to put that on the invitation to trick you or something.

If the invite said "black tie" would you show up in jeans, because that's what you're comfortable with?

 

[mytwotinks]

I think that it would be totally o.k. to bring something that can fit in a card. A gift certificate to a restaurant or movies or (if you know the person well enough) the birthday girl or boy's favorite store. Nobody has to know besides you and the recipient.

I don't think it would be very good manners to show up with a wrapped gift. You don't want to make anyone who "followed directions" feel awkward when they walk in next to you empty handed.

 

[mytwotinks]

Yes, really.

I am truly stunned at the number of people who are saying "I bring a gift anyway, because I don't feel comfortable."

Well it's not about you.

If the hosts don't want gifts, they don't want gifts. They aren't going to put that on the invitation to trick you or something.

If the invite said "black tie" would you show up in jeans, because that's what you're comfortable with?

I think it's a little different than a dress code. Since it is actually bad manners to imply a gift one way or the other, I don't see how it could be any worse manners to discreetly show up with a small gift for someone you care about.

 

[lulugirl]

I think it's a little different than a dress code. Since it is actually bad manners to imply a gift one way or the other, I don't see how it could be any worse manners to discreetly show up with a small gift for someone you care about.

I think it's bad manners because you are ignoring a very specific request stated in the invitation.
Many people want to bring a gift anyhow because THEY are uncomfortable showing up empty handed, so they risk making the host uncomfortable instead......bad manners.

 

[mytwotinks]

I think it's bad manners because you are ignoring a very specific request stated in the invitation.
Many people want to bring a gift anyhow because THEY are uncomfortable showing up empty handed, so they risk making the host uncomfortable instead......bad manners.

I don't think that you should do anything that makes the host uncomfortable. I think that something in a card is o.k. though. Most people will still bring a card so nobody knows, but you and the recipient. If they don't want to use the Red Lobster gift certificate (or whatever) they can toss it.

 

[va32h]

I don't think that you should do anything that makes the host uncomfortable. I think that something in a card is o.k. though. Most people will still bring a card so nobody knows, but you and the recipient. If they don't want to use the Red Lobster gift certificate (or whatever) they can toss it.

Your statement seems contradictory. If you don't want to do anything that makes the host uncomfortable, then you don't disregard their request and give a gift.

The fact that no one else knows you gave it is irrelevant.

I agree that it is technically rude to say "no gifts" because a gift is nevery obligatory, and saying "no gifts" implies that you expect a gift. However, that wasn't the question asked.

And if your gift is so worthless to you that you don't care if the recipient throws it away - my goodness, why is it so important to give it in the first place?

Gifts of any kind should be given out of a desire to please the recipient, not because you don't feel right being empty handed.

If someone doesn't want gifts, for whatever reason, then don't give a gift. Why is this hard?

 

[deekaypee]

I've been someone who has issued the "no gifts, please" on invitations, and meant that no gifts were expected. We wanted to put the emphasis on observing the occasion with our loved ones rather than any material outcomes. (Not that the two necessarily go hand-in-hand...). Anyway, we loved the cards with handwritten messages in them (memories, anecdotes, thoughtful quotes) because these things really spoke to the occasion; I would highly suggest that kind of "gift," if you feel the need to bring something.