No gift on Mom's day?

[poohandwendy]

I guess. I just don't get into it with them. I refuse to retort or argue. I'm the Grand, Supreme Ruler of His Universe, and that's that.

But I'd like them to just calmly walk out to sit in the backyard and not tell me what they think first. That'd be nice.

Well, that would be nice, but it's unrealistic to expect it to ever happen.

You can be GSRoHU, but that does not guarantee he will respond like a stepford child.

Ignoring it is the best policy, IMO

 

[MouseWorshipin]

I want Stepford kids. Anyone who can do it, I'm completely impressed by and would like all the pointers I can get!

 

[suevee]

"But I don't understand? How does a child get to the point of saying "I hate you"? I would have NEVER said that to my parents. Never. At what point does a child feel "brave" enough to even utter those words?

How does it get that out of control?"

We never really had control.

I wasn't brave enough to utter those words because I was afraid of my parents but I thought them. I think most teens do. I also think it is good that teens today are not afraid to voice their feelings. It can open a dialogue up with their parents. I really do believe most kids are brain dead at that age. In fact their is some factual evidence from the AMA that the impulse control in teenagers' brains are not working.

That being said, I do believe in discipline, just not as strict as my parents. I have raised three very different daughters. There is an eight year span between them. All rebelled in different ways. The oldest was the polite quiet child until she turned 15. The second was a handful from six months onward. Even her grandmother's wouldn't babysit her. The third was a kind, thoughtful easy child.

However even the third child got angry with me at age 17. One day I asked her -

"Maureen, I don't understand why you are angry. Vicki was my oldest and had it the hardes because I was an inexperienced parent. Kathi pushed my buttons and I did not always respond appropriately so she may have some reason to be angry with me, but you...You have benefited from my experience with your sisters. If you can tell me why you are so angry with me I will try to change."

Her reply--

" I DON'T KNOW WHY, I JUST AM!!!" Then she broke down crying. I am sorry to say this was just so unexpected I just broke out laughing.

I think most kids go through this process while growing up. I think it is a form of separation and the kids themselves don't understand it. I am not advising caving into this behaviour, just to be patient, firm, and kind.

They will turn around. All my girls are doing well and all have apologised to me for past behaviour. We are able to talk and have a close relationship. My youngest is now 25 years old. So hang in there, it does get better!!

 

[FreshTressa]

I never told my mom I hated her, but my sister sure did!!!

And I'm happy to report, she and my mom are are super close now.

It does pass!!

 

[Jpgirl]

I'm sorry for your pain. I know how that hurts. My dd was little Miss Mary Sunshine as a child and a horrible raging hormone teen. She told me she hated me on more than one occassion. I also did that but not to my mom's face (why not just commit suicide!) Anyway myy dd is 21 and we get along again. We have our fights but she turned out well. So my advice to you would be have a nice dinner with dh in celebration of Mother's Day without dd. I promise as much as she "hates" you she loves you and when she grows out of this ugly stage you'll have a better relationship.

 

[isyne4u]

Son has screamed this at me several times since he learned to talk!! I always look at him and say, "yes, but i still love you." That just irritates him even more!!

As for the people opposed to time out...I have to admit I use time out, not because I think it is the best discipline measure, but because if I do it right (no talk, no emotion) I stay in control and don't let my son start debating with me. Which always ended up in me screaming my fool head off and ultimately spanking my kid. I'm not opposed to swats on the butt but sometimes I would let him push my buttons and as the adult I need to learn how to control my behavior. We are in behavior counseling now...so we are getting better!

I agree with the posters who say to let her have her birthday on Sunday without the sleep over. I would hate to see such a special birthday turned into a terrible memory for her.

As for mother's day...know that you are appreciated even if this one child doesn't show it. Gifts don't have to be tangible! Heck, i've asked to be able to sleep in until 8:30 that morning..that's all I want!!

 

[WDWFAN9]

kind of joining in late....

I would hesitate to cancel the birthday party because it was already planned. And what if the daughter said she was not getting Mom a gift but actually does? I am not in any way condoning DD behavior, but the issues need to be addressed when everyone is a little calmer.

Being a parent sure isn't easy. I have 4 kids and while none of them ever said I hate you, I've been called the meanest mom in the world more than once. I always responded, "Better the meanest than the stupidest!"

 

[paslea_pooh]

I am going thru the same thing right now with my 15 year old DD. It's hard to say darling sometimes.

I have 4 girls. My oldest is 18. She went thru a similiar period in her life. She was moody, spent alot of time in her room and almost everything bothered her. I am Happy to report she got over that. She is now 18 and one of the greatest people I know.

My 15 year old spends alot of time in her room. When she is asked to contribute and help around the house, you would have thought we asked her to give up a kidney!! Stomps up the stairs, slams the door and huffs and puffs around the house. Her room looks like she had a frat party in it and her bathroom is not even up to Board of Health standards!!

But I know it will pass. Just as it has before.

Try not to take it personally! This is something I am still struggling with. I have often cried at something DD has said. My dh has gone in to talk to her and explained that she just simply can't speak to me that way. It does get better. It just utterly frustrating right now.

My kids, as angry as they have ever been, have never told me they hated me. That is just plain disrespect. I tell them, you don't have to like me, but YOU DO HAVE TO RESPECT ME. I also kid them and tell them instead of using their money for college then can hire themselves a good therapist and get over all the "harm" I've done them!!

 

[wvjules]

I just got this email. I thought it was appropriate for this thread.

CHILDREN

To those of us who have children in our lives,whether they are our own,
grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"

"No Way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so! " God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an delicious fruit break
and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? " God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you? " said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it! " Adam said.

"Did not! "

"Did too! "

"DID NOT! "

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.


ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your
nursing home one day.


AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"
AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

 

[CathrynRose]

I'll have a 15 y/o son in June. He's not any better - None.

Man, teenagers suck.

I'm sorry youre going through this. Keep telling yourself the "this too shall pass" and when you get tired of doing that, visualize yourself giving her a swift kick in the..... you-know-what.