No flames please, just my observation and thoughts!

[minkydog]

Back in the dark ages when I was a teen, there were plenty of teenagers having babies but it never seemed to be as desired as it is now. So many kids want to be pregnant from what I understand and it boggles my mind.

In certain cultures having a child has become a "rite of passage" amongst teens. Both the girls and the boys look forward to this like earning a badge of adulthood. Unfortunately, a lot of these babies get fobbed off on Grandma or other relatives and the parents don't really do so much of the parenting. Which makes it more likely that they will go on to have more babies.

Raising a child is hard work and most teens are not ready for that kind of commitment when they are still growing up. They have no idea how aggravating a baby can be, how many nights without sleep are required, how bad the crying can get on your nerves. I loved my kids, but I was shocked as some of my feelings when they were young babies--I could really understand what would drive a parent to abuse along about the fifth week of colic. Thankfully, I was 30, married, owned a home,& had a college degree by then. Security wasn't the issue it might have been earlier in my life. I had plenty of support and I still had a hard time with the babies.

Until teen pregnancy becomes once again something to avoid we will have babies having babies.

 

[poohandwendy]

I also worked for Planned Parenting and understand exactly what LMD is talking about, it is truly scary to know that there are some girls who want to become pregnant at such young ages.

However, the statistics show that this is not a growing trend, if anything it is declining substantially.

The birth rate of teen mothers (ages 15-19) declined substantially in the 1990's (in ALL states), 22% less nationwide. The rates for 15-19 yos giving birth in 2000 were at at an all-time low. (stats from 1990-2000)

So, while it may be disheartening thing to hear teens talk about wanting babies with their BFs, they are definitely in the minority and birth rates show they are becoming more and more rare...it has been steadily declining since the 1970's.

I do agree with Dana that this is directly related to socio-economical groups. The idea of 'wanting' to be pregnant in your teens is much more acceptable among less educated, low income groups.

 

[Planogirl]

The birth rate of teen mothers (ages 15-19) declined substantially in the 1990's 9in ALL states), 22% less nationwide. The rates for 15-19 yos giving birth in 2000 were at at an all-time low.

So, while it may be disheartening thing to hear teens talk about wanting babies with their BFs, it is actually not happening as much as it used to...it has been steadily declining since the 1970's.

I wondered about that. I seemed to remember hearing that it had peaked at some point but I had no idea that it was so long ago. As usual, the Press makes a big deal of the worst cases.

Of course back in history, girls typically got married while in their teens so I suppose that things really have improved a lot. I only wish that every kid would get an education or learn a trade before getting tied down so that they would always have that to fall back on.

 

[poohandwendy]

I now have 2 wonderful sons and hope to add to the family. You can't always judge a teen parent....some go on to make wonderful lives.

Oh, I totally agree. I have a similar story, I was pregnant at 19 with my first child. Many of you know, she is now a freshman in college, so we didn't blow it completely LOL. Three children later, we have been married 20 years and I wouldn't change a thing.

But, in my experience, there is a VAST difference in someone who tries to become pregnant in their teens and someone who makes the best of becoming pregnant in their teens. Trying to become pregnant when you are still in high school, unmarried and don't have two dimes to rub together is a frame of mind that I just simply cannot grasp.

 

[Tiffann4k]

Teen pregnancy disgusts me. The teen years are for opening books, not legs. It always did disgust me, whether its planned or "by accident"-

I am glad to say that I would probably disgust you I got pregnant at 18, granted I was an ADULT I was still eighTEEN. I am soo glad that I had my daughter when I did, it was a real eye opener to me. I had my second daughter 14 months after my first was born( had #4 at 22 years old) so I started my family young and am VERY PROUD of where I am today. I am not into partying & all that other crap that people my age are/were doing. So if I discust you then so be it, I have 4 wonderful children, a great husband, we own our own house, never been on welfare and are making it just fine for starting out so young & me being a SAHM since I was pregnant with #1

Just wanted to add that this is more of a tongue in cheek comment than anything

 

[laurie31]

When I was in graduate school I did clinicals in a teen clinic. We had everything from girls wanting birth control to boys getting sports physicals. We were really shocked one day when we had a girl come in wanting infertility counselling. She had been trying for 6 months and still wasn't pregnant. She was 15.

Laurie

 

[mtemm]

When I was in graduate school I did clinicals in a teen clinic. We had everything from girls wanting birth control to boys getting sports physicals. We were really shocked one day when we had a girl come in wanting infertility counselling. She had been trying for 6 months and still wasn't pregnant. She was 15.

Laurie

omg. I think I have officially heard everything.

 

[nwdisgal]

My sense is that this is such a regional, socioeconomic thing. I didn't know anyone - ANYONE - pregnant younger than 24, and the 24-year-old was married and got accidentally pregnant on the pill when she was put on hard-core anti-seizure meds. This was among private schools in New Jersey, both high school and college.
Seriously. Not a soul. I think in my class of 550 girls at college, one got pregnant. She had the baby and stayed in school, a choice I truly respected. Must've been absolutely draining/exhausting.

I had heard that pregnacy rates in NYC are much lower than other parts of the country. The people that did the study were speculating that it had to do with the fact that there is so much for the teens to do there to keep busy (i.e cultural activities, teen venues etc.) Pregnancy rates tend to be higher were teens have more spare time on their hands and lack of activities.

 

[Disney Ella]

I had heard that pregnacy rates in NYC are much lower than other parts of the country. The people that did the study were speculating that it had to do with the fact that there is so much for the teens to do there to keep busy (i.e cultural activities, teen venues etc.) Pregnancy rates tend to be higher were teens have more spare time on their hands and lack of activities.

I've also read that girls with no goals are also more likely to get pregnant. I certainly saw that in the rural area where I grew up. Girls who had no plans after high school, who just took any menial job they could get, got pregnant in far higher numbers than any of the girls who went to college/trade school.

 

[justhat]

My sense is that this is such a regional, socioeconomic thing. I didn't know anyone - ANYONE - pregnant younger than 24, and the 24-year-old was married and got accidentally pregnant on the pill when she was put on hard-core anti-seizure meds. This was among private schools in New Jersey, both high school and college.
Seriously. Not a soul. I think in my class of 550 girls at college, one got pregnant. She had the baby and stayed in school, a choice I truly respected. Must've been absolutely draining/exhausting.

Dana, you need to correct that cause you know me and I was 23 when Madison was born!

Seriously though, I agree with you cause I think a lot of it is a socioeconomic thing. In my college only 1 girl in my class got pregnant-she had the baby January of senior year and graduated with us in the spring. In high school that was nonexistant. Now, I'm sure a lot of that was simply that people in my high school could afford going to a gyn and staying on birth control, but I realize too that you don't necessarily need any money for that either.

OP, I know what you mean. I read some of the pregnancy boards since I'm pregnant with #2 and I have seen many young moms on there. Granted, many people considered me one of them when I had my 1st child at 23 (not on pregnancy boards cause I didn't read them then, but IRL), but yeah, I see a lot who are younger than I was. It doesn't really bother me though, probably cause I don't go to the TTC boards to see teens complaining that they don't have a baby.

 

[lilostitch]

I worked at Planned Parenthood as a counselor, and let me tell you, some of these teenage girls (we did not see males) would come in with their friends giggling and all excited about taking pregnancy tests. Honestly, they treated it as a day out with the girls shopping or something--like entertainment.

We'd hear it all: "We're trying for a baby!" (But you're 16!!!); "My boyfriend wants a baby soooooo bad!" (I hope he's able to find a job to support this baby considering he's 14.); "No, we don't use birth control--we don't believe in it." ( But you believe in dropping out of high school, working a minimum wage job, and how the joy of having a baby will keep you together forever?); and a little OT: "I can't have herpes! He said he's *never* been with anyone else!" And the best line I actually ever heard form a parent: "She can't be pregnant! We drive a Mercedes!" The things we'd hear were unbelievable.

It never ceased to amaze me that these young girls thought it was "cool" to try to get pregnant--so young, the proverbial babies having babies, a right of passage, and proof of adulthood. We'd talk to them until we were blue in the face about the dangers and consequences of teen and unprotected sex, but we so many times got the "talk to the hand." They always knew better.

YIKES! I'm so sad for kids like this. They are so in the here and now and can't appreciate the difficulties that the future holds for any mom, let alone a young teen/single mom.

After I saw the "birth video" in 10th grade biology, having a baby was the LAST thing I would even consider . Not to mention the fact that I had goals I wanted to achieve and had the good sense to know that having a baby so young could put a big old crimp in my plans!

 

[lilostitch]

Well, I got preganant at 17...by accident, and everyone and their cousins wanted me to have an abortion....not. I just couldn't kill a baby....sorry. My 1st son is now 12 years old and I completed high school and earned 2 bachelors degrees.

I now have 2 wonderful sons and hope to add to the family. You can't always judge a teen parent....some go on to make wonderful lives.

ETA: This is so fitting for my 5,000 post.

I think your situation is different though. You weren't trying to get pregnant.

You did an amazing job in a difficult situation. Good for you!

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

My best friend got pregnant when she was 16. I didn't know her then. She is 28 now. We talked about it alot. She said that she really wanted to get pregnant . She didn't care who fathered the baby, she just wanted baby to love her. She had such an awful childhood, which i won't go into, but let's just say it was really bad. I grew up in such a great family and so i can't possibly fathom her reasoning. She really has gone through alot in the past 12 years. I can't judge anyone because i don't know what it feels like to be in her situation. I don't know what it was like for her growing up and to have the need to feel loved by someone because i was loved by my family. It is sad when you feel you need to have a baby to get that kind of love.

 

[luvmydogs]

I had my first child at 28, and even then could not have imagined the responsibility and committment it takes to properly raise a child, never mind the financial aspect.

I think for some girls--at least some with whom I had counseling sessions--see a baby as an 'accessory' that their friends can oooooh and ahhhhhhh over. Like a new Kate Spade purse.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think for some girls--at least some with whom I had counseling sessions--see a baby as an 'accessory' that their friends can oooooh and ahhhhhhh over. Like a new Kate Spade purse.

LOL, most of the girls I talked to with that attitude wouldn't even know what a Kate Spade purse was.

 

[luvmydogs]

LOL, most of the girls I talked to with that attitude wouldn't even know what a Kate Spade purse was.

LOL. OK, OK, I'll give you that, PAW.

*I'd* be the one oooooohing and ahhhhing over the Kate Spade purse.

 

[mtemm]

My best friend got pregnant when she was 16. I didn't know her then. She is 28 now. We talked about it alot. She said that she really wanted to get pregnant . She didn't care who fathered the baby, she just wanted baby to love her. She had such an awful childhood, which i won't go into, but let's just say it was really bad. I grew up in such a great family and so i can't possibly fathom her reasoning. She really has gone through alot in the past 12 years. I can't judge anyone because i don't know what it feels like to be in her situation. I don't know what it was like for her growing up and to have the need to feel loved by someone because i was loved by my family. It is sad when you feel you need to have a baby to get that kind of love.

we read a book in college called, Worlds of Pain. I think it was for Soc. Anyway, that is exactly what the book talked about...that people from low income and/or bad childhoods tended to want children so they had someone to love them, or even just to have something (since they had nothing else).

 

[punkin]

I went to a magnet high school so we did not really have these problems, but I remember one of my friends had a cousin who had a baby at 15. My friend was appaled at that, but what really freaked her out was the 15yo's little 12 year old sister saying how she couldn't wait to have a baby so that she would be the one gettting all the attention.

 

[mrsgus06]

I am also one of those statistics. I had my first child at 19. I did not realize that antibiotics made the pill null and void? I guess if I had read the insert that came with the pills I would know that, but face it, at 18, I was not going to read the insert. I have never once been on welfare. I went to work with the local hospital when I was still 19 and worked for them for 15 years. With that being said, and lesson learned, I did not have my second until I was 28 years old. I was not ready for another child until then. I have never had any interest in attending college. Right now not only am I raising my two biological children (oldest will turn 20 this year) I am also raising my step son and 3 beautiful girls that I have had the priviledge of adopting after their mother passed away. This April hubby and I will be celebrating our 5th year anniversary. If I had to do one thing, JUST ONE THING, over again, I would change the fact that my adopted daughters mother passed away. I would still raise them, no problem in that, but they would get the chance to spend time with her. They were too young to remember her. The oldest was only 4 and she will be turning 9 this week. My, how time flies!

 

[MrsPete]

we read a book in college called, Worlds of Pain. I think it was for Soc. Anyway, that is exactly what the book talked about...that people from low income and/or bad childhoods tended to want children so they had someone to love them, or even just to have something (since they had nothing else).

In my decade and a half of teaching high school I've taught a number of pregnant girls and even a few girls who admitted they were actively trying to get pregnant. I think the great majority fall into these categories:

1. Those who weren't really thinking about getting pregnant and who weren't using birth control (or who weren't using it consistantly or who weren't using it correctly). I don't think this is an "accident" -- it's just a failure to prepare.
2. Some girls get pregnant on purpose because they think it will "cement" their relationship to the child's father. The girl believes that her boyfriend will never leave her, that they'll then be a happy little family . . .
3. Some girls get pregnant on purpose because they have no love in their lives and they think they'll get what they're missing from the baby.

I've seen teen mothers make the best of a bad situation (I've seen more make a mess of a bad situation), but I have not talked one yet who -- if she could go back in time -- wouldn't have delayed the pregnancy a few more years; this doesn't mean they don't love the child, but they realize too late what they've given up to have the baby at such a young age.