NO Christmas gifts for the kids??

[MizTink]

i just found out today that ds's gf who lives with us got nothing from her mom (& stepdad). she also has 2 younger brothers & 1 step brother. 4 kids total for that blended family. only the youngest boy (8yrs old) got gifts. the other 3 (12, 15, and 18) didn't get anything. not even the 18yr old's baby, who is their 1st grandchild.
they celebrate on the 24th and made a big deal for 2 days cooking and preparing for the big get together. they were all there for gift opening but nothing for 3 (plus the baby) of the kids. i really despise her family more and more the more i know about them......
oh, and they usually do get gifts. just not this year. gf said it was because they were "bad" this year. gf got pregnant and had a baby at 18. the 15 year old brother has had a little trouble with school and other typical 15yr old boy stuff. and the only thing that i know of that the 12 year old did is like his step dad, who he lives with, more than his real dad. wonder why??

 

[Sugardimples]

A gift is jus that - a gift. Freely given. It is not an obligation. Sounds like these parents had some real reasons to not reward these particular children this year.

 

[Cindy B]

Some parents are like that. A gift is not an obligation. I've heard of many parents that don't give gifts at all or trade the gifts they received for other items such as drugs.

It happens and yes people do it.

 

[sunnyday123]

Wow. I can't imagine given one of your children something, and cutting out the others, especially a baby.

 

[Avalon_toon]

Wow. A gift clearly is voluntary, but so are hugs, praise, encouragement - the things a good parent gives willingly to a child, to tell them they are valued, and loved. Just because you are not required to give them, doesn't mean you don't damage children by withholding them. A gift to your child is just a physical expression of these things, imo.

 

[CF'er]

That really is bad IMO. Could it have been a financial thing and they just said it was because of actions? Also, I feel more for the 13/15yo than the 18yo and the baby. The baby really isn't old enough to know at this point. The 18yo is a parent now and although it stinks can suck it up. The 13/15yo's know what's going on and are still young enough that they should be given gifts. (I hope this makes sense.)

 

[Acklander]

It's really sad. And the problem is, while they're trying to prove some weird point by doing that, what they're actually doing is causing serious damage in their relationship with their children. They might not realize it yet, but the parents have lost out big time by their doing this.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

i just found out today that ds's gf who lives with us got nothing from her mom (& stepdad). she also has 2 younger brothers & 1 step brother. 4 kids total for that blended family. only the youngest boy (8yrs old) got gifts. the other 3 (12, 15, and 18) didn't get anything. not even the 18yr old's baby, who is their 1st grandchild.
they celebrate on the 24th and made a big deal for 2 days cooking and preparing for the big get together. they were all there for gift opening but nothing for 3 (plus the baby) of the kids. i really despise her family more and more the more i know about them......
oh, and they usually do get gifts. just not this year. gf said it was because they were "bad" this year. gf got pregnant and had a baby at 18. the 15 year old brother has had a little trouble with school and other typical 15yr old boy stuff. and the only thing that i know of that the 12 year old did is like his step dad, who he lives with, more than his real dad. wonder why??

Maybe the mom is at her wits end with the kids? I know my sister went through hell with her twins when they were teenagers, and I can tell you they deserved nothing for all the trouble they caused on a constant basis. I agree with a PP, the 18yo is a mom now, and adult, she needs to suck it up and focus on raising her baby. I bolded the statement made about the 15yo, because I don't think it is typical of 15yo to be in trouble with school. Most of the 15 year olds I know are good kids, get good grades and behave in school.

I hope to God I never have difficult children, but I don't know what I would do if they were "bad" teenagers.

 

[Acklander]

I hope to God I never have difficult children, but I don't know what I would do if they were "bad" teenagers.

What you would do, is you would love them. EVERY child goes through difficult periods. They are people, not robots you can program to be perfect. But you still love them. They're your kids, how can you not love them? A few problems at school, doesn't make them "bad" teenagers - it makes them teenagers. People who are learning to spread their wings and will make mistakes in the process. That doesn't mean you ignore the mistakes, but you do keep them in perspective. Mistakes doesn't mean you withhold your love or cancel Christmas. Because your Children don't live their lives exactly as you want them to, doesn't make them bad people. It's OK to accept people for who they are - warts and all.

 

[MizTink]

yeah, you all are giving the parents too much credit by thinking that they did this to try to make some sort of point. so wrong. they are just low-lifes. no other excuse. and i totally agree that it's not bad for the 18yr old and baby. they were with me and my family and had a great christmas. but her 2 brothers were a different story. these parents suck in soooo many ways it's hard to even explain. they have been quit an eye opener to me and my kids ever since the 18 yr old came into our lives. like i said, the more i get to know about them, the less i think of them. i just can't begin to understand people like them.
and i kind of feel like i can't really blame the 15 yr old for his problems. i think it's all a result of his parents. that boy sees them for what they are and has a lot of resentment. we have had a few talks. i always try to make it seem not as bad as it is, but to myself, i agree with him.
oh well, as my parents have tried to convince me and my sister all our lives, you can't change the world.......sucks.

 

[MizTink]

What you would do, is you would love them. EVERY child goes through difficult periods. They are people, not robots you can program to be perfect. But you still love them. They're your kids, how can you not love them? A few problems at school, doesn't make them "bad" teenagers - it makes them teenagers. People who are learning to spread their wings and will make mistakes in the process. That doesn't mean you ignore the mistakes, but you do keep them in perspective. Mistakes doesn't mean you withhold your love or cancel Christmas. Because your Children don't live their lives exactly as you want them to, doesn't make them bad people. It's OK to accept people for who they are - warts and all.

 

[merryweather20]

A gift is jus that - a gift. Freely given. It is not an obligation. Sounds like these parents had some real reasons to not reward these particular children this year.

Huh? What did the 12 year old and the baby do exactly?

 

[MizTink]

Huh? What did the 12 year old and the baby do exactly?

the 12 yr old likes his step-dad better than his mean, abusive, drunk, biological dad.
the baby is the product of 2 too young parents.....
they really are morons

 

[luvsJack]

I was always of the opinion that you give your child Christmas or birthday gifts because you love them, not with conditions tacked on.

And they didn't give the 18 year old a gift because "she was bad and got pregnant?" And they can continue to feel that way with their precious grandchild sitting there??? That says a whole lot right there.

 

[LilyWDW]

yeah, you all are giving the parents too much credit by thinking that they did this to try to make some sort of point. so wrong. they are just low-lifes. no other excuse. and i totally agree that it's not bad for the 18yr old and baby. they were with me and my family and had a great christmas. but her 2 brothers were a different story. these parents suck in soooo many ways it's hard to even explain. they have been quit an eye opener to me and my kids ever since the 18 yr old came into our lives. like i said, the more i get to know about them, the less i think of them. i just can't begin to understand people like them.
and i kind of feel like i can't really blame the 15 yr old for his problems. i think it's all a result of his parents. that boy sees them for what they are and has a lot of resentment. we have had a few talks. i always try to make it seem not as bad as it is, but to myself, i agree with him.
oh well, as my parents have tried to convince me and my sister all our lives, you can't change the world.......sucks.

But at least you and your family were there for the 18yr old and her child. That is most likely worth more to the girl then any item her "parents" could have given her.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I think these parents should be ashamed of themselves, but I don't think they're bright enough to know they did something wrong.

And OP, I'm surprised that you're surprised. With everything that's gone on, you really still thought these people might have a few redeeming qualities left?

I'm glad you've been there for this girl and your grandchild. They have a fighting chance as long as you're in their life.

 

[MizTink]

I think these parents should be ashamed of themselves, but I don't think they're bright enough to know they did something wrong.

And OP, I'm surprised that you're surprised. With everything that's gone on, you really still thought these people might have a few redeeming qualities left?

I'm glad you've been there for this girl and your grandchild. They have a fighting chance as long as you're in their life.

you are soooo right. i guess i just still have a hard time understanding them. i suppose i never will. i just pray that things work out with ds and his gf. odds are against them due to age, but it HAS to work. for the baby AND for her mom. i just hate to think of how different things could be for my granddaughter.

 

[bumbershoot]

Mistakes doesn't mean you withhold your love or cancel Christmas.

So what's the whole point of the Santa thing, then? He sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake, etc etc, bad or good, be good for goodness sake.... The whole concept behind "kids need to be good to get presents" thing is a HUGE thing that people hold over their kids...

I don't do that (we don't do the Santa thing, but I was singing that song around DS the other day and he looked at me and said "that is a horrible song"...he feels the same way about Rockabye Baby), but really, I think that people have and will withold presents b/c kids did something wrong.

Not saying that THIS family is an otherwise good family that has made a point for xmas, but I think many would reject the thought that "doesn't mean you...cancel Christmas".

the 12 yr old likes his step-dad better than his mean, abusive, drunk, biological dad.

I'm totally confused about the relationship of the man in the household to the 12 year old. I thought this might be an ugly situation where only the bio-child of the man in the house was getting presents, but that's obviously not the case.


It does sort of sound like the kids knew it was going to happen, though..."gf said it was because they were "bad" this year." If she knew and she wasn't even living there (she's been with you, yes?) I would imagine the 15 and 12 year olds knew what way the wind was blowing this year.

Glad the girlfriend is with you!

 

[Mickey's Minion]

i just found out today that ds's gf who lives with us got nothing from her mom (& stepdad). she also has 2 younger brothers & 1 step brother. 4 kids total for that blended family. only the youngest boy (8yrs old) got gifts. the other 3 (12, 15, and 18) didn't get anything. not even the 18yr old's baby, who is their 1st grandchild.
they celebrate on the 24th and made a big deal for 2 days cooking and preparing for the big get together. they were all there for gift opening but nothing for 3 (plus the baby) of the kids. i really despise her family more and more the more i know about them......
oh, and they usually do get gifts. just not this year. gf said it was because they were "bad" this year. gf got pregnant and had a baby at 18. the 15 year old brother has had a little trouble with school and other typical 15yr old boy stuff. and the only thing that i know of that the 12 year old did is like his step dad, who he lives with, more than his real dad. wonder why??

I know that in our case, the state of the economy has been a huge eye opener for many friends about how Christmas has morphed into a gift frenzy. Many, including us, are trying to go back, correct, and focus more on the true meaning of Christmas rather than it being just about gifts. I know many families, even if they can afford a lot, have cut back if not eliminated gifts completely this year.

If they cooked for 2 days and planned a large family get together, it sounds like they were putting some effort into making Christmas about family and not gifts.

The 8 year old would be the only one still believing in Santa, so I can understand him getting a gift and not the older kids.

Perhaps there is more underlying than you can see, as you always see it through the 18 year old and 15 year old's perspective.

And no, not all 15 year olds have "typical" trouble in school. Mine never did, nor did any of their friends. They stayed clear of the trouble makers and by their own accord, these were the "bad" teenagers.

In light of all their children's problems, I can see where this family would be at wits end and wanting to make changes and focus on family and not gifts. Maybe they were trying to correct past mistakes, starting with a jolt - something that is occasionally needed. An out-of-wedlock teen pregnancy and a troubled high schooler are not norm for most families. I can see them wanting to do something drastic to put their family back on the right track.

Just curious, did the 18 year old get gifts for the parents from both her and the baby? Did the 15 year old get anything. Even a handmade card to show thought and love?

 

[Boxley]

i just found out today that ds's gf who lives with us got nothing from her mom (& stepdad). she also has 2 younger brothers & 1 step brother. 4 kids total for that blended family. only the youngest boy (8yrs old) got gifts. the other 3 (12, 15, and 18) didn't get anything. not even the 18yr old's baby, who is their 1st grandchild.
they celebrate on the 24th and made a big deal for 2 days cooking and preparing for the big get together. they were all there for gift opening but nothing for 3 (plus the baby) of the kids. i really despise her family more and more the more i know about them......
oh, and they usually do get gifts. just not this year. gf said it was because they were "bad" this year. gf got pregnant and had a baby at 18. the 15 year old brother has had a little trouble with school and other typical 15yr old boy stuff. and the only thing that i know of that the 12 year old did is like his step dad, who he lives with, more than his real dad. wonder why??

I can kind of understand why the older kids did not get any presents, but the baby? What did the baby do?