No Alcohol at a Wedding?

[PrincessSuzanne]

I personally cannot imagine going to a wedding - or any celebration - and not bringing a gift. I give gifts at showers and give gifts at the wedding as well. I have never heard of people not giving a wedding gift if they attended the shower.

Same here. Until I heard about this on the Dis, I've never heard of giving a shower gift and a wedding gift. I'm happy to give a gift to the couple as they start their new life, but I don't see any reason to give them two.

And, as others have said, I don't see any reason for me to provide cash at the wedding to pay for their party. I doubt that most people would pick a wedding as one of their favorite things to do (we mainly go to show our love and support for the new couple), so I sure wouldn't expect them to "chip in" to pay for it (and we have one coming up in June).

I'm with the 2 of you, I have never known anyone to give 2 gifts. I don't even know anyone that had more than one shower, except my BF, her husband worked at the police dept and the guys in his unit gave him a diaper shower, but never heard of women having more than one shower for a wedding.

The only people who gave gifts at our wedding were peple who had NOT attended my shower or lived our of town and didn't send a shower gift. Any monetary gift we received went to purchase things we needed for our first house, not the reception.

I am now hearing about couples having a honeymoon registry and having people pay for their honeymoon, what is up with that. Do you now give a gift at the shower, wedding, and for the honeymoon. I was lucky to get my MIL to pay for the one night of our one night "honeymoon", my mom and I paid for everything, even the bridesmaids dress fabric and having them made. My FIL & stepMIL did pay for a rehearsal dinner, only for those participating in the wedding, at the restaurant of THEIR choice and they didnt even live here and know anything about the place, they wouldn't have it where we wanted it. now, seems like everyone comes to the rehearsal dinner now.


Suzanne

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

You've never heard of bring a hostess gift when invited to someone's home for dinner?

I have heard of it on TV, but people don't do that around here.

Suzanne

 

[MushyMushy]

I have polled all my female coworkers, and they all wholeheartedly agreed that they have been taught that you don't take a gift to the wedding if you've already given a shower gift. I know this must not be common in all parts of the country, but "around here" it's the norm.

Hm! I never heard that either. For us, the shower is more of a time to give the bride something for her -- lingerie if you know her really well, or just something feminine. If I know the couple is just starting out, I'll give them something for the household.

Weddings, I give cash or gift card. Maybe that's just laziness, but I also think it's appreciated.

I think it's interesting hearing how other regions do their weddings! Well, except for the folks who ridicule some of us for being tacky. That kind of puts a damper on the discussion -- feeling like we're cheap or doing something wrong when we're just following our own customs and what we know.

 

[MushyMushy]

I live in Alabama, and anytime I have gone to a shower for the bride, I didn't give again at the wedding. Never knew people did that. Why would you do that anyway I have never heard of giving a gift when invited somewhere for dinner either.

Suzanne

I've heard of it, but it's not the norm around here. When we're invited to more formal parties or a housewarming, we'll take a bottle of wine or a nice house plant. Nothing major, just a small token.

When we go to close friends' houses, that's just not done at all. It sounds like a sweet idea, but you could go broke in no time, depending on how much you socialize!

 

[Feralpeg]

I must admit that it has been a long time since I attending a bridal shower. Maybe things have changed. When I went to a bridal shower the gifts were totally different than the type one would give as a wedding gift. The gifts for the bridal shower were things like lingerie or other personal things for the bride. They weren't things for their home. I guess I'm glad I haven't attended any bridal showers lately. I'd have shown up with some fancy nightwear for the bride and have been totally embarrassed being the only one.

 

[disneystacy]

I've heard of it, but it's not the norm around here. When we're invited to more formal parties or a housewarming, we'll take a bottle of wine or a nice house plant. Nothing major, just a small token.

When we go to close friends' houses, that's just not done at all. It sounds like a sweet idea, but you could go broke in no time, depending on how much you socialize!

When we are invited to a friends house for dinner, we will bring a bottle of wine, a cake or cookies. The only time we don't do that is if its a pot luck.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

When we are invited to a friends house for dinner, we will bring a bottle of wine, a cake or cookies. The only time we don't do that is if its a pot luck.

Us too. I would never go to someone's house for dinner emptyhanded. (Except for my Mom's)

 

[MushyMushy]

When we are invited to a friends house for dinner, we will bring a bottle of wine, a cake or cookies. The only time we don't do that is if its a pot luck.

Is that something *just* for the host? Do they usually put it away for later? Or do they break it out for the party?

I mean, we bring stuff or go buy stuff. But it's not given like a gift, we just contribute.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Oh, we don't give wedding gifts from the registry, we give them from our checkbook! Is there another region where people don't give wedding gifts if they've given shower gifts, other than yours?

Exactly. We don't give "gifts" for weddings. We give gifts for the shower. For the wedding we give Boosters. Which really means cash. Heck when I was a kid we used to give boosters for funerals too.

People around here don't even have engagement parties. Inever even heard of one until it was talked about on I think Bridezillas.

There are are some gift hungry people out there, have a party for every little event.
Suzanne

This is really rude. Yeah, I am gift hungry because I like to celebrate anything I can. I guess it makes me terrible that I love to get my family and my friends together as much as I can to have a good time. I have parties for the sake of having a party. You know why? I love to have celebrations! I like spending time with those closest to me. I like hosting. I like to bring us all together. Oh- and no, I don't charge my guests nor do I ask them to bring anything other than themselves and a smile.
Having parties doesn't make someone a gift hound.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Is that something *just* for the host? Do they usually put it away for later? Or do they break it out for the party?

I mean, we bring stuff or go buy stuff. But it's not given like a gift, we just contribute.

They usually serve it. Like if you invite me over for coffee I will stop at the bakery and bring a cake etc. They don't ask and I don't tell them I am going to bring something. I just show up with it.

 

[Kycha]

We're in the Northeast. Enough said?

I'm not really sure what you mean.I live in the Northeast and have been to a few wedding receptions where alcohol was not served.

Actually, I don't really drink. So, for all I know all the weddings I've been to didn't serve alcohol. But the one wedding reception I know for sure that didn't serve alcohol took place in a Church reception hall. The no alcohol thing didn't faze me a bit. It was the no dancing thing that I found weird. Plus, they opened all their wedding gifts during the reception...like it was the wedding shower or something.

When DH were looking at reception sites for our wedding. We found the idyllic place. The one caveat was they only allowed alcohol during the toast. That's it. We ended up eloping. So, it didn't matter anyway.

 

[MushyMushy]

They usually serve it. Like if you invite me over for coffee I will stop at the bakery and bring a cake etc. They don't ask and I don't tell them I am going to bring something. I just show up with it.

Oh, well we do that, but I guess we just don't consider it a gift. Just being social.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Exactly. We don't give "gifts" for weddings. We give gifts for the shower. For the wedding we give Boosters. Which really means cash. Heck when I was a kid we used to give boosters for funerals too.




This is really rude. Yeah, I am gift hungry because I like to celebrate anything I can. I guess it makes me terrible that I love to get my family and my friends together as much as I can to have a good time. I have parties for the sake of having a party. You know why? I love to have celebrations! I like spending time with those closest to me. I like hosting. I like to bring us all together. Oh- and no, I don't charge my guests nor do I ask them to bring anything other than themselves and a smile.
Having parties doesn't make someone a gift hound.

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend, I guess I should have added to that comment. The person I was quoting said something about taking a gift to EVERY party you attend and we just don't do that, depending on the type of party it is. Oh, I can definitely understand having lots of parties, I just don't think all of them require a gift.

I would never charge guests and have never asked anyone to bring anything, well, except when we are dividing up who is going to cook what, for say Thanksgiving or Christmas Lunch and it is only family, if I invited someone other than family, i wouldn't ask or expect them to bring anything.

Suzanne

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

I've heard of it, but it's not the norm around here. When we're invited to more formal parties or a housewarming, we'll take a bottle of wine or a nice house plant. Nothing major, just a small token.

When we go to close friends' houses, that's just not done at all. It sounds like a sweet idea, but you could go broke in no time, depending on how much you socialize!

I guess I don't ever get invited to other peoples house, except my cousin and depending on why we go I might take something (a portion of the meal), but it is not expected. Now, I would take a gift to a housewarming, but not to a dinner, as that was not something we did growing up, I only thought rich people took hostess gifts, and I never really heard of that being done, except on tv.

Suzanne

 

[mumom95]

Oh- and no, I don't charge my guests nor do I ask them to bring anything other than themselves and a smile.
Having parties doesn't make someone a gift hound.

But aren't you one of the people that keeps saying it is the norm to give gifts for all these occasions? (if it isn't you I apologize). So if you are saying it's the norm and that everyone brings gifts, doesn't throwing a party or having people over in a way show that you are expecting them to bring a gift? If it's the norm, then doesn't that mean you expect it?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

But aren't you one of the people that keeps saying it is the norm to give gifts for all these occasions? (if it isn't you I apologize). So if you are saying it's the norm and that everyone brings gifts, doesn't throwing a party or having people over in a way show that you are expecting them to bring a gift? If it's the norm, then doesn't that mean you expect it?

If the party is a celebration such as a birthday, wedding, shower etc. It is generally expected that you will bring a gift. Meaning, most people do bring gifts for these occassions but it is not like the guest of honor is sitting at the door collecting them as you walk in. If you didn't bring a gift you would still be just as welcome, but to be honest most of us would find it odd that you brought nothing for the person celebrating.
If I invite you over to a say Halloween Party then of course I don't expect you to bring anything. Halloween is not a gift giving ocassion. Do guests ask what they can bring? Of course. I always tell them nothing. If they press and insist on bringing something then I tell them to bring what they feel comfortable with. What they are asking is not what kind of gift can they bring, but more along the lines of can I bring a dessert, fruit, wine etc. I guess that is what is getting confusing. If I come to your home for dinner I will stop and pick up wine or something from the bakery. Is it a gift? Technically yes but we don't look at it as a gift. It is just something you do.
I hope that sort of clears it up.

 

[SydSim]

I am always surprised when people comment on alcohol and having fun. I am 44 and am the life of many parties - all dry. We have a blast. I always thought that it was kind of odd that people felt that they couldn't have fun at a "dry" party. That's kind of sad that people admit that they can only have fun if they're drinking alcohol

 

[Kath2003]

I am always surprised when people comment on alcohol and having fun. I am 44 and am the life of many parties - all dry. We have a blast. I always thought that it was kind of odd that people felt that they couldn't have fun at a "dry" party. That's kind of sad that people admit that they can only have fun if they're drinking alcohol

For some people, drinking alcohol is a very enjoyable experience; it doesn't necessarily mean they can't have fun without it, just that they would find the experience a whole lot more enjoyable if another activity they enjoyed was happening at the same time!

I'll openly admit that I enjoy a meal with wine far more than a meal without wine. I don't dislike meals without wine, but I very much enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. I wouldn't decline going out for a meal where there was no alcohol served, but I'll admit that I'd probably enjoy it LESS than going out for a meal where alcohol was available. It's all part of having an enjoyable experience.

 

[MushyMushy]

I am always surprised when people comment on alcohol and having fun. I am 44 and am the life of many parties - all dry. We have a blast. I always thought that it was kind of odd that people felt that they couldn't have fun at a "dry" party. That's kind of sad that people admit that they can only have fun if they're drinking alcohol

I'll say this much. If there's dancing, and they wanna see me out there shaking my fat rear, then there darn well better be alcohol.

 

[SydSim]

For some people, drinking alcohol is a very enjoyable experience; it doesn't necessarily mean they can't have fun without it, just that they would find the experience a whole lot more enjoyable if another activity they enjoyed was happening at the same time!

I'll openly admit that I enjoy a meal with wine far more than a meal without wine. I don't dislike meals without wine, but I very much enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. I wouldn't decline going out for a meal where there was no alcohol served, but I'll admit that I'd probably enjoy it LESS than going out for a meal where alcohol was available. It's all part of having an enjoyable experience.

I understand what you're saying. I am really talking about people who have actually said that they wouldn't go to a dry party, because they wouldn't have any fun.