No Alcohol at a Wedding?

[sbell111]

Lots of wedding receptions don't serve alcohol. In fact, I wish that we didn't serve it at our wedding. It certainly didn't improve the reception and it would have saved us quite a chunk of money.

 

[horseshowmom]

Your post does come across condescending to other regions - not sure if you meant it to. I would never post "of course my reception had an open bar, unlike those frugal, boring southern wedding in the church basement."

I don't think she meant it that way. I think she meant the television shows she mentioned that portray weddings that cost an exhorbitant amount of money (which is why they're on the program - they're a little out of the norm).

(Got to add that I've been in a lot of southern churches and been in almost none that have a basement - a nice fellowship hall but almost no basements (not a lot of basements in the south - not to say there aren't any). )

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I have been to several weddings without alcohol. There's nothing wrong with one and it's a personal choice of the couple just like what (if any) kind of cake to have. But, that being said, no dry-reception couple should take it personally if guests decide to check out right after the cutting and head to a local watering hole.

 

[JVL1018]

I've never been to a wedding without alcohol. And yes I would be kind of bummed if I got there and there was no cocktails to be had. Not mad or judgmental, just a little disappointed because it is the norm and I would expect it.

I do not have a drinking problem-I drink maybe 6 or 7 drinks per year, never have alcohol in the house unless having a big party(rare), my husband nor I like wine or beer at all-but I can't dance without a few drinks in me, so bring on the Malibu Baybreezes at weddings!

Neither my husband's family nor mine drink more than occasionally, but we had an open bar-and regarding the comment about people drinking heavily because it's free and leaving the couple with a huge bar tab, around here you don't pay per drink, you pay a set price up front for open bar and that's it, so if your guests drink 1 drink or 500 it's the same price-until they run out of bottles.

 

[ozarkmom]

I live in the south and for me it's been about 50/50. I know if I'm invited to a say Baptist wedding and the reception is in the fellowship hall no alcohol. If I'm invited to a Catholic wedding well I know there will be alcohol and dancing !! The last wedding I attended was at a church on a college campus and the reception was at one of our local wineries wine cellars. They had wine, beer and soft drinks and if you wanted something stronger it was a cash bar.

 

[clgwli]

Yes I have. They were not drinkers and the chuch hall they used did not allow for it.

Honestly no one cared or said one word about it. Then again going to a Baptist church it was highly expected.

 

[Camicar]

We've had the discussion about cash/open bars a million times, I think, so I'm not going to rehash my entire stance on that issue. It will suffice to say that I've gotten to the point of being a real crankypants if I go to a wedding and have to shell out $5-10 for a Coke. Sorry, but I think making your guests pay for a Coke is unacceptable and there is no excuse that makes it acceptable. I would add that the weddings where I've had to shell out for a Coke are not church basement, "We're really poor and trying to save money" events -- they are always big foo foo affairs where the bride is wearing a beaucoup bucks gown and the cake cost $1500.

I mean, I'm not asking for $100/bottle wine, just one glass of Coke. If you can afford to serve nothing more than tap water, then rescale the event so that you are actually hosting the event, rather than providing set up fees and making your guests fund the rest of it.

 

[MushyMushy]

We've had the discussion about cash/open bars a million times, I think, so I'm not going to rehash my entire stance on that issue. It will suffice to say that I've gotten to the point of being a real crankypants if I go to a wedding and have to shell out $5-10 for a Coke. Sorry, but I think making your guests pay for a Coke is unacceptable and there is no excuse that makes it acceptable. I would add that the weddings where I've had to shell out for a Coke are not church basement, "We're really poor and trying to save money" events -- they are always big foo foo affairs where the bride is wearing a beaucoup bucks gown and the cake cost $1500.

I mean, I'm not asking for $100/bottle wine, just one glass of Coke. If you can afford to serve nothing more than tap water, then rescale the event so that you are actually hosting the event, rather than providing set up fees and making your guests fund the rest of it.

I totally agree with you there. At the very least, soft drinks should be included!

 

[luvsJack]

This may be a southern thing, but most of the time around here there will be the church wedding, then the church reception and then the other reception or a party or short of that the whole wedding party will go out to a club together. That way they kind of have everyone covered--those that want to party and those that don't.

My niece had all of her reception in the same place but even they served dinner and did the cutting of the cake before the bar opened and dj started the music. That way any of her elderly relatives that wanted to eat and see the cake did so without feeling they had to be there during the drinking and dancing (not that any of that is a bad thing just something she had to be aware of how they felt)

 

[NC State]

Yes I have. They were not drinkers and the chuch hall they used did not allow for it.

Honestly no one cared or said one word about it. Then again going to a Baptist church it was highly expected.

This is our family, we don't drink so therefore we didn't offer it. Plus we had everything at the church. I don't see the problem.

 

[MarkBarbieri]

I don't recall having alcohol out our reception. My wife and I don't drink. It was a mid-day reception. It can't think of why we would have spent the money on alcohol. If people want to make fun of us for that, it doesn't make a difference to me. I've never been overly concerned with what others think of us.

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't think she meant it that way. I think she meant the television shows she mentioned that portray weddings that cost an exhorbitant amount of money (which is why they're on the program - they're a little out of the norm).

(Got to add that I've been in a lot of southern churches and been in almost none that have a basement - a nice fellowship hall but almost no basements (not a lot of basements in the south - not to say there aren't any). )

I think the problem with these shows is that they expose the rest of the world to traditional weddings here, and people think it's the new trend. Here in NYC metro area, most have the engraved invitations and wedding programs, limos, the large bridal party, the expensive dress, the elaborate cocktail hour, the 5 course dinner, etc. Weddings typically run $100+ a plate. Before these boards, I honestly didn't know that people still drink punch (I remember in from the 70's).

 

[Philagoofy]

This is our family, we don't drink so therefore we didn't offer it. Plus we had everything at the church. I don't see the problem.

If you are referring to my original question (I'm the original poster), there's not a problem. I was wondering because many, many years ago, we didn't serve any at our wedding - my choice. I've been wondering all this time, although rarely - once every 6-8 years, if my guests have been at me. It doesn't really bother me, was just curious if our wedding was one of the very few that didn't have booze. I don't go to weddings much so I didn't know.

 

[ladyv]

Never been to a wedding without alcohol.

I do think cash only bars are kind of tacky - but much less so when SOME free alcohol is provided like a champagne toast, free bar during cocktail hour or wine with dinner. But I also completely understand different circumstances - money, alcoholics, etc.. I might be disappointed, but I wouldn't ridicule or pass judgment on the situation. (at least not out loud!)

DH's cousin did get married and had a dry wedding (DH and I did not attend...I think we may have been on our honeymoon). MIL and immediate family "tailgated" in the parking lot while photos were being taken and then proceeded to pass around a flask around the dinner table during the reception. I cannot tell you how happy I am that we skipped that wedding. I would have been mortified by their behavior. IMO, that is much, much, much worse than not serving alcohol at the wedding.

 

[jimmiej]

DW & I did not have alcohol at our wedding. Neither of us drink & our reception was at our church. As far as I know, no one thought anything about it (and if they did, I don't care).

 

[Minnesota!]

See that's what I want to do! I go to the church to show support of the union. I go to the reception to PARTY!

I have been to one dry wedding. It was nice.

Interesting comments about open bar here too though. I didn't know it was considered rude in some places to not have an open bar for your wedding. I've never heard that. In our circle of friends and family I have seen a mix of people either having cash bar all night or open bar all night, or a combo.

Usually its a combo- open bar up until dinner is served and then cash bar after that. Our wedding was that way- except we also had wine on the tables for dinner, and hosted beer and pop all evening.

I knew you were from MN instantly!

On the subject of a cash bar...I feel it is the height of tacky. I always feel that when you host an event you foot the bill. It's rude, IMHO, to invite people and then ask them to pay their own way. I'd much rather have an event with just wine or even just soft drinks. Once, dh and I were invited to a wedding that had a cash bar and we didn't know ahead of time. We literally had about 5 dollars cash on us, and we couldn't pay with a card. Even the soft drinks were cash. So, we could only afford 2 sodas or something. We left that one early because we were so thirsty.

Cash bars are the norm here. We paid for 4 - 5 kegs for our wedding, wine (2 bottles on each table) and pop. Anything over and above - the guests were on their own! No one *****ed...it's just the way it's done around here

 

[bound2travel]

I went to a wedding that didn't have alcohol. The bride was not old enough to legally drink.... so no alcohol.

 

[Arielx2]

Not exactly. If you were having a wedding at a restaurant's party room and were choosing not to serve alcohol, even though there was an operating bar in the restaurant, I wouldn't consider that a cash bar unless guests were specifically told "Hey, if you want drinks you need to go buy them at the bar".

If they're just having a party and ignoring the restaurant bar and serving non-alcoholic drinks, that's just a dry party and perfectly acceptable. Heck, in that situation I'd actually find it rude if guests took it upon themselves to wander down to the bar to buy drinks and bring them back to the party.

When I think of a cash bar I think of a bar in the party room/area with a bartender available and list of drink prices posted. That's a cash bar and it's tacky, tacky, tacky.

I find this comment tacky.

At my wedding we had 3 kegs of beer, champagne for the toast and a few bottles of wine for the guests for free. Anything beyond that they had to pay for themselves. At my cousins wedding we were given drink tickets. Around here it's the norm and not considered tacky.

 

[disneystacy]

[/B]

I find this comment tacky.

At my wedding we had 3 kegs of beer, champagne for the toast and a few bottles of wine for the guests for free. Anything beyond that they had to pay for themselves. At my cousins wedding we were given drink tickets. Around here it's the norm and not considered tacky.

Ummm, you did provide alcohol for your guests for free, I wouldn't really consider that a cash bar. Cash bar imo is when you provide no drinks at all and your guests have no option but to pay(even for a soda).

 

[Justanopinion]

Here's another question...for those of you who can't imagine going to a dry wedding, do both you and your spouse drink? I'm not trying to offend anyone or sound tacky, but if you go to "party" as some have stated does that include both you and your spouse and if so who drives home then?

On the rare occassions that DH and I drink it's either one or the other unless we are staying for the night. Neither of us will drink and drive no matter how few or how many drinks are consumed. So if we did go to a wedding where alcohol was served only one of was would be drinking.

So who drives or do one you don't drink?