NJ Diser's, How much would you give for a wedding gift in North NJ? (The Brownstone)

[Lucky'sMom]

It shouldn't make any difference where the wedding is being held...you give what you can afford.

Any couple that chooses an expensive place made it THEIR choice, and it doesn't dictate or suggest how much your gift should be.

I absolutely agree with this. No one should feel pressured to give any amount above what they can comfortably afford. I have never heard of giving a wedding gift near that amount ($300). I would not go if that was expected.

 

[amylynne01]

It shouldn't make any difference where the wedding is being held...you give what you can afford.

Any couple that chooses an expensive place made it THEIR choice, and it doesn't dictate or suggest how much your gift should be.

Totally agree! If I were the OP, I most certainly cannot afford a $300 gift for anyone, so I would give what I can afford regardless of where it's being held.

 

[DisneyToddlers]

OP here. Thanks to everyone for your feedback. Your opinions pretty much match what I was thinking!

 

[delmar411]

OP here. Thanks to everyone for your feedback. Your opinions pretty much match what I was thinking!

well now I'm curious since there were dissenting opinions...$300 or are you bucking the 'rules' and going with whatever you can afford?

 

[delmar411]

Um, are you from northern NJ? I thought that was a requirement for posting on this thread.

well I'm not from NJ but DH's family is and that's where I got married so I'm well versed on the 'rules'.

 

[mjkacmom]

well now I'm curious since there were dissenting opinions...$300 or are you bucking the 'rules' and going with whatever you can afford?

I'm guessing she's going with us locals.

 

[mjkacmom]

well I'm not from NJ but DH's family is and that's where I got married so I'm well versed on the 'rules'.

There's a difference between being told the "rules," and growing up with the "rules." It's second nature. For me to show up to a wedding with a toaster over would make me extremely uncomfortable - I couldn't enjoy myself.

 

[delmar411]

I'm guessing she's going with us locals.

I certainly hope so but there certainly were a lot of other opinions (as there always are!). I'm just glad I got married in NJ and not out here in the midwest!

 

[delmar411]

There's a difference between being told the "rules," and growing up with the "rules." It's second nature. For me to show up to a wedding with a toaster over would make me extremely uncomfortable - I couldn't enjoy myself.

I've never heard of someone bringing an actual gift to a wedding before seeing that on online boards. But my family is New England based so the same 'rules' apply there too. The small cash gifts or actual presents seems to be a southern/middle America thing. I don't think anyone from the West Coast chimed in though...I'm curious what the norm is out there?

 

[mdsoccermom]

Give what you can afford. Simple. I grew up in NJ, got married in NJ, etc. etc. etc. so I'm pretty familiar with it. The location of the wedding should never dictate how much you give.

 

[java]

Give what you can afford. Simple. I grew up in NJ, got married in NJ, etc. etc. etc. so I'm pretty familiar with it. The location of the wedding should never dictate how much you give.

How many weddings do you get invited to?I agree in theory location shouldn't matter-However, $300 is the standard amount to any wedding of friend in NJ.
Let's remember these are open bar affairs! I remember going to my first wedding in New England and was shocked to see cash bar.

Don't get me started on Bar Mitzvahs.

 

[msmayor]

How many weddings do you get invited to?I agree in theory location shouldn't matter-However, $300 is the standard amount to any wedding of friend in NJ.
Let's remember these are open bar affairs! I remember going to my first wedding in New England and was shocked to see cash bar.

Don't get me started on Bar Mitzvahs.

I've lived in NJ since I was 4 (I'm 48 now), and attended many weddings here. Not once did any of my friends get a gift of $300 from me for their wedding.

I give what I can afford. If a friend is insulted by the amount my budget allows, then they are no friend to me.

If I ever got the sense that a friend expected a certain amount from each of her guests because of some 'rule', I'd decline the invitation.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've lived in NJ since I was 4 (I'm 48 now), and attended many weddings here. Not once did any of my friends get a gift of $300 from me for their wedding.

I give what I can afford. If a friend is insulted by the amount my budget allows, then they are no friend to me.

If I ever got the sense that a friend expected a certain amount from each of her guests because of some 'rule', I'd decline the invitation.

Okay, where in NJ? Here in northern NJ, we don't expect a certain amount, but we expect to give a certain amount. I've lived here for 40 years, and yes, I did get many $300 checks at my wedding.

 

[msmayor]

Okay, where in NJ? Here in northern NJ, we don't expect a certain amount, but we expect to give a certain amount. I've lived here for 40 years, and yes, I did get many $300 checks at my wedding.

I grew up in Ocean County, but went to college in Montclair and knew a LOT of north Jersey folks. I now live in what is considered south Jersey, about 20 minutes north of Philly.

I still don't subscribe to the idea that there is an 'expected' amount to give, either by the guests or the honorees. A gift is just that...a GIFT. By attaching an expectation on either side it loses the character of a gift and becomes an admission fee.

 

[mjkacmom]

I grew up in Ocean County, but went to college in Montclair and knew a LOT of north Jersey folks. I now live in what is considered south Jersey, about 20 minutes north of Philly.

I still don't subscribe to the idea that there is an 'expected' amount to give, either by the guests or the honorees. A gift is just that...a GIFT. By attaching an expectation on either side it loses the character of a gift and becomes an admission fee.

I have friends in Montclair, who would be giving $300+ in the OP's situation. North Jersey and south Jersey are like two different states (I have friends in south Jersey as well, outside Philly).

 

[DisneyToddlers]

well now I'm curious since there were dissenting opinions...$300 or are you bucking the 'rules' and going with whatever you can afford?

I think we'll go with $300. Yes, it is an awful lot, but we are sort of used to the large NJ/NY gifts and most people gave us a lot for our wedding also (7 years)-so we'll share!!

 

[DisneyToddlers]

i'm guessing she's going with us locals.

lol!

 

[msmayor]

I have friends in Montclair, who would be giving $300+ in the OP's situation. North Jersey and south Jersey are like two different states (I have friends in south Jersey as well, outside Philly).

And that's wonderful...that's their choice. I personally think its wrong to set the amount of your gift based on where you live, or where the event is being held, or what the couple 'expects'.

You give what you can and WANT to give. If $300 is that amount, great...but no one should ever feel pressure to give an amount they cannot afford, or normally would not give to a friend.

If $50 or $100 is what they feel comfortable giving, then it should be accepted with grace and happiness. No one should feel embarrassed about giving a smaller denomination than others.

 

[DisneyToddlers]

Let's remember these are open bar affairs!.

Yup, and on top of getting to celebrate with the couple, we also look at the fact that we are having an awesome meal with tons of great appetizers (my favorite part) and amazing desserts at these affairs. Throw in a band or DJ to dance the night away and you've got a great date night.

I'm not saying anyone should give beyond their means, but we kind of justify the big gifts that way. Thanks again to everyone for their feedback! We haven't been to a wedding in several years and I just wanted to double check the norm.