NIECE IS GRADUATING....Gift?

[momrek06]

My niece is graduating on Sunday from h.s. She has been accepted to the state's university, total cost $15,600.00 and she received a scholarship for $14,000.00! She and her mom are THRILLLLLLED to pieces.

My DSis is a single mom working 3 jobs to support her and her DD. I love my DSis. She has made allot of bad financial decisions her whole adult life. They have moved approx 8 times in the last 8 years (after her divorce). Her dad is not in the picture at all. Most of the time being evicted. She does not use good sense with her $$$. So over the years when it came to gift giving, family always tended to give DSis and DNiece GIFT CARDS..as Sis LOVES fast food and she tends to hit up McD's and BK's etc with any LOOSE change she may have (another whole story, DSis weighs over 300 lbs).

I always give her a Wal-Mart/Target g.c. BEFORE the holidays so she can get things for niece. One time she called in tears thanking me as she had literally NO underwear. She is now struggling to buy a dress for niece for the graduation. She told me confidentially that she bought the dress at a Thrift Shop but niece doesn't know and loves it! So that is good. I paid for all DNiece's Senior Pics as Sis had no money. BELIEVE ME I DO NOT MIND. Whenever I have a few extra $$$ I send them her way.

MY QUESTION: DSis needs to purchase a laptop for niece by Sept 1st. I did not know this until last night when Mom called me. I was planning on getting Niece two g.c. #1 @ BB&B for sheets for the dorm etc and #2 @ Staples for college supplies @ each $100.00. Mom says.."NO, Your sister wants the money to buy the laptop"! I remind Mom about anyone giving her cash....will it go towards the laptop OR some utility bill or car payment or rent instead of Niece's pending laptop.....
Should I just give Niece the $200.00 cash in a lovely card I have already purchased......OR should I do the two gift cards?

TIA I love all your replies!

 

[horseshowmom]

Would it help if you gave her a Visa gift card instead of cash? She could use that to help pay for the laptop, but it couldn't be applied to a utility bill, etc. (at least I don't think it could). Or maybe a check made out to DN so that she's the one who cashes it?

(Just a note: You might want to talk to DN about getting her own savings or checking account - that her mother doesn't have access to if it's that possible that she would spend her DD's graduation money. My DD was a college freshman this year and had a friend whose mother helped herself to some of the girl's scholarship money. Anything over the bursar's bill is either electronically deposited or mailed to the student, and the parent spent a large part of it. The girl was barely scraping by and was heartbroken. My DD really felt sorry for her.)

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Given your sister's history, I think I would stay away from cash. If you know where she is getting the computer, could you get a gift card there? Dell, Circuit City, whatever. Otherwise I would go with your first plan as those are still things she will need. You are a very generous and thoughtful aunt.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

I would stick to the gift cards. For me, half the fun of moving out to go to college was shopping for my dorm stuff, and that is an expense that is easily overlooked. She'll be able to use the Staples card towards gear for her laptop, too.

 

[RUDisney]

Visa check cards can be used at McD's, etc., now, so I wouldn't do that.

Why not give her a gift certificate that you make up for $200 toward the purchase of her laptop?

Often times, colleges can score better pricing than you can get yourself by going through Dell. That way, you won't limit her choices in where she'll get it, but you also won't part with the money until it is going specifically toward the purchase of her laptop.

 

[jonestavern]

Is there anyway you add in your funds & perhaps take up a collection from your DNiece's friends & family to buy the laptop outright? Is there anyone who might be looking to trade up & give you their older model?
If DSis is unwise in her financial choices, I, too, would have misgivings as to whether or not DNiece would get her much needed laptop~My instincts just tell me for you to get the cash & take DNiece to the store & pick one up~

as for gift cards--is there any question of your DSis guilting her daughter into turning them over to her in order to pay bills or such? I know some stores will give you change in cash if you buy something with a gift card~just a thought, do not mean to insult your sister--maybe your family isn't as nutty as mine can be!

Congrats to your DNiece! You must be so proud of her fantastic scholarship!
I am sure your love & support & the happy heart with which you give it, has gone a long way into making her a great student & I'll just bet she is a lovely young lady, too!

Jean

 

[horseshowmom]

Often times, colleges can score better pricing than you can get yourself by going through Dell. That way, you won't limit her choices in where she'll get it, but you also won't part with the money until it is going specifically toward the purchase of her laptop.

That's completely true. You could just make out your own "gift certificate" telling her that you'll pay the first $200 on her laptop (as someone else said).

Also, my DD's university has an "Express Card". Basically, it's a reverse debit card that you can put money on for them. They do buy their laptops through the school (much better pricing and the school has established specs that you know for sure you're meeting), but I'm not sure whether the Express could be used for that. You might check into it though.

 

[barkley]

gift cards can be sold on the street for cash-the social services agency i worked for discontinued using gift certificates and gift cards for this very reason (if we were buying diapers we bought them ourselves and doled them out).

given sis's history dn may want to pull up her credit record-i had many clients who due to evictions had used their children's name and ssn's for years resulting in horrible credit scores (and unless the victim will prosecute the credit agencies will not assist in cleaning it up).

i'm a bit confused about the whole lap-top issue. does she "need to purchase", "want to purchase" or "have to purchase" (as in did she perhaps get some advance funding from the college that was earmarked for this and it's been spent elsewhere?). i would want more specifics before i got involved in the whole issue-september is several months off, there are usualy great "back to school" deals on lap-tops and maybe it's time to make her mom accountable for her own finances (just seems to "smell" of using the graduation as an opportunity to yet again have someone else foot the bill).

i would give the gift cards you planned on giving-she has to have bedding and supplies, and while a lap-top is a great assett at college i don't know of many (if any) that require incoming freshman to own one. you might also encourage dn to get a summer job and set aside the money in the event the lap top does'nt appear (and if she's the type that would end up handing the money over to her mom for whatever mom wants, you can always offer to set up savings account in both your names that would entail both signatures to draw from).

 

[crs7568]

Is there anyway you add in your funds & perhaps take up a collection from your DNiece's friends & family to buy the laptop outright?

This was going to be my suggestion. How about a few relatives chip in on a group gift and buy her a laptop?

 

[horseshowmom]

does she "need to purchase", "want to purchase" or "have to purchase" (as in did she perhaps get some advance funding from the college that was earmarked for this and it's been spent elsewhere?). i would want more specifics before i got involved in the whole issue-september is several months off, there are usualy great "back to school" deals on lap-tops and maybe it's time to make her mom accountable for her own finances (just seems to "smell" of using the graduation as an opportunity to yet again have someone else foot the bill).

i would give the gift cards you planned on giving-she has to have bedding and supplies, and while a lap-top is a great assett at college i don't know of many (if any) that require incoming freshman to own one.

Barkley does have a point. While I have heard of some colleges requiring their incoming freshman to have a computer, I haven't heard of it often.

My DD is at a major university in our state. She will be required to have a laptop for the upcoming year (her sophomore year) but only because she's a pharmacy student, and they have a requirement for them for their classes.

Because she knew she would have to buy one for the upcoming year (according to specs that won't be released until this summer), she didn't want to waste money on a laptop for her freshman year. She commutes, so she used one of the computer labs on campus when she was at school (I'd definitely get her a flash drive - she'll need it for sure). She had access to ours when she was at home but rarely used it - most of the stuff she did at school). Of course, this would only work if they have computer labs available to students (pretty easy to check on).

 

[momrek06]

OP HERE: Wow, thanks for all the replies. And you all really understand the situation. AND you are right as well. As Dniece has many times "given" $$ to both dad(who is no longer even around) and mom and BURNT by both of them BUT also knows their financial situation is the pits. Sis works at 3 p.t. jobs in retail and overnight stocking shelves and it pays almost nothing. She has messed up her credit to the point she barely can get housing for herself and Dniece. They are living now in "tragic" housing...dilapidated falling down dwelling.
I asked my DSon who bought a DELL in December and wants a MAC for the Fall to see if he wants to give Dniece his DELL but DSon said..."Mom, I plan on selling it, it was $2500.00 when I bought it!"....so no real swapping there. He is hoping to sell his and use that money for the MAC.(It is funny, as I really did ask him yesterday after my Mom called about DN needing a laptop).

I LOVE THE IDEA OF MAKING UP A SORT OF GIFT CERTIFICATE for DNiece to use towards her new laptop. I can be creative at times....soooo....maybe I will look online and see if I can get like a COLLEGE GRADUATION type of paper or even a MONEY themed type of paper. THANK YOU ALL!!

Mom just call about more plans for the weekend graduation and said DNiece was contacted by the h.s. to attend a special luncheon on Friday. Sis was told that she is getting a $2000.00 scholarship from a outside organization. Sis is pumped. DNiece has selected my parents (her Grandparents) to go w/her as her escort. Sis is working and cannot go.

I am going to call Sis and suggest to her about the possibility that the college might have a deal on laptops!!!

THANK YOU ALL!!!

 

[almacdonald]

The university I went to had a computer store in the Student's centre. The prices were very reasonable. Why not see if you can get a gift certificate for a store like that if her university has one? Or, she could spend the staples gift card on a laptop if that's where she found one. I think that your original gifts are very thoughtful and would be greatly appreciated too.

 

[sharbear]

My DS is graduating this year. He applied and was accepted to 8 universities. We also looked at a few more. Only 1 school required a laptop computer and it had to be purchased through the university. Before I would go through the effort of acquiring a computer or giving money for it, I would wait. My DS was told that he did not need a computer at school, there are plenty of computers around and he is going to be a engineering major. At most public schools, they do not expect all of their students to have their own computer, although most do.

My DS is going to purchase a laptop for word processing and to IM his friends. Everything else will be done at the computer. I would buy a 1G memory card so she can put her stuff on it. The other thing about not having a computer is that she will be forced to go to the library or computer lab to do her work and won't be tempted to stay in the dorms.

I would give the GC's that you first want to give. She will need to purchase things at BBB. Under no circumstances would I give her money. It's just too tempting.

 

[agnes!]

A couple of thoughts...

*A laptop is a major purchase. If I were in your situation, I would ask DSis for a few more details. The university might *require* inocming students to buy their laptops through them, that way they come pre-loaded with all required university & course software (including virus protection, etc.) Make sure you have the correct and complete information.

*The poster who suggested getting a credit report on your DSis had a brilliant idea. Even if it costs something and might feel a little bit sneaky, I think it's necessary. You need to protect your DNiece & make sure her credit hasn't already been damaged.

*If the laptop is too much of an expense for the extended family to handle, look into funding an account at the university bookstore. Your DNiece will always need supplies.

*If you do not need to buy through the university, I think a gift certificate from the whole family for the entire cost of the laptop is a good idea.
But here's my twist...
have DNiece research what she is supposed to have (keeping in mind the classes she is going to take) software & hardware -wise. She can have it all picked out, even to the point of where to buy(Best Buy, Circuit City, Staples, etc.).
THEN go with her and stand there while she buys it, handing over the money that you have previously collected from the family. I'm sure that everyone is aware of DSis' money problems and that they also want DNiece to actually end up with the laptop. Don't let DSis *near* the money/giftcard/whatever, she won't mean to do anything with it, but it sounds like she can't help herself. Make a day of it, maybe even take DNiece out to lunch afterwards.

Congratulations to your DNiece.
agnes!