Newlywed Couples: Annoying questions!

[diznee25]

"When are you going to start a family?" Or, "Now that you're in a house aren't you going to have a baby now?"

This is my biggest pet peeve about being married. And I'm sure most of you will tell me that the questioning only gets worse through out the years! After we have a baby it'll be, "When are you having another child?"

My husband and I have only been married for almost a year now, so all this bombarding of personal questions is over whelming to me. Plus, when I tell people we don't want to have children for a few more years, I get the "weird look." Whatever that means.....

Diznee25

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

We're not newlyweds but my boyfriend and I feel your pain.
I received a promise ring from him this summer and recently I bought us matching promise bands.

People now constantly ask when are you two getting engaged?
Now I am only 19 and neither of us are ready to get married yet people insist we must get engaged now

 

[poohtown]

I'm not a newlywed (came out of curiousity) - been married 15 years, but I'll let you in on a little secret............you'll always be asked personal questions my someone. Just look at it as a conversation starter and don't take it so personal. Over the years we've been asked among others:

'when are you going to have kids?'
'are you going to have more kids?'
'you're not going to have any more kids are you?'
'will your husband get a vas.(you know what I mean) or are you going to get fixed?'
'do you wish you had more kids?'

or the ever popular newest comment;

'just think pretty soon your oldest will be old enough to start thinking about having kids (she's still in high school people!!!)


when they run out of kid comments there are plenty of other topics to bug you with. just laugh it off and have kids when you're ready. Or tell them you're waiting for when medical science can turn a nine month pregnancy into a nine day pregnancy for your husband. Sarcasism always leaves them wondering.

 

[totalia]

Rofl. You need to be married to get those questions? My fiance's mother won't lay off about us having kids as soon as possible and how we have to move to be near her so that she can spend time with them. It's getting annoying.

 

[helenabear]

You know what? It never ends... we have been married just shy of 4 years (next week is our anniversary). It started even *before* we were married with my in-laws bugging us. We don't have kids yet, and we can't be sure we will be blessed with children. I can tell you, after four years, I've gotten very good at letting those questions just roll off my back. I can simply say "we aren't ready yet" and most will leave it be.
I will say I had a great converstation last night with someone from our church who said how much they loved their time together before they had kids (which was about 4 years or so). So at least not *everyone* out there thinks like that

 

[Shugardrawers]

It drives me nuts when people ask such personal questions. DH and I are asked that all the time. We've been married 3 years now and I'm 40 and he's 46!! I'm constantly reminded that the clock is ticking! When I say we aren't having children they then have the nerve to ask why not! More power to you if at 40 you want to have a child but believe me, my life is just fine without thank you!

 

[Disney Ella]

We didn't have kids until we were married for ten years, so we got that question a lot. We would always say we weren't ready, but half the time people couldn't just leave it at that. "But why? Why aren't you ready? You two would make such good parents. You really should have a baby." I don't know why some people are so interested in other people's reproductive plans. I have never asked anyone that question and never will.

When we did finally have twins, we never got the "when are you going to have another one?" question. I guess we fulfilled our obligation to the baby police with two of them.

There's nothing you can do to make people stop asking that question, and I always did find it a little annoying, even after ten years.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

You could always respond by saying something like :

"We'll consider it when people stop asking us annoying personal questions that are none of their business."

Or make up some outrageous answer like , We were thinking of trying for our first sometime around the year 2072. Just to see the blank stare on their face.

 

[Laurabearz]

misery loves company

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Make sure you leave an uncomfortable silience and continue to say "I don't know" everytime a question is fired upon you.
You can also stare in disbelief for added fun and say hmmmm....

 

[coliebird]

I wish I could tell you it stops after you have a child, but they just want to know when the next one is coming. My daughter is 2 and that is all I hear "When are you having another one?"

Ask them if they want to know when you practice and what positions you use as well. That usually shuts people up.

 

[jkovick]

DH & I have been married almost 10 years. We don't have children. The questioning never goes away. "When are you going to have kids?" "Is something wrong, can't you have kids?" "Which one of you can't have kids?" "do you hate kids?" "how can you think you don't want kids....why did you get married?" It is amazing the kinds of questions people ask. And many of these questions come from virtual strangers too!
Hang in there. I don't know why some people think others reproductive plans are their business-- but they do! Try to come up with a witty comeback, it helps.

 

[remyandhollandsmommy]

Oh yeah, the questions never stop! After you have one child alot of people will start in on the "When are you having another one?" questions. People keep asking me when I will "try" for a boy since I have two girls (6yr & 10mo)?! I JUST had a baby not a year ago, geez give me a break!! Plus, they act like I should be disappointed to have two girls and I should crave a boy. I LOVE having girls and if I did have a boy...well, he would most likely end up really girly anyways. Oh, and boy clothes are icky, I like dresses and girl clothes better.

 

[Kristi1357]

We got this all the time. Even before we were married, both sets of parents hounded us!

We had been married about 3 weeks before Thanksgiving - and MIL starts in at the dinner table with us having a baby. My DH totally serious says to her, "Mom, I told you Kristi can't have kids." The table was deathly quiet. Finally, we both busted out laughing. Still didn't stop her hounding us though. You would have thought that would have gotten the point across. She and my parents did let up a bit after 2 years.

All kinds of people used to ask, and I'd always say we liked our life the way it was, we liked traveling, etc. So, when we finally decided to have a baby - EVERYONE was shocked! I loved that element of surprise.

Now, DS is 15 mos. and we've been hearing the "when is he going to have a brother or sister" thing for almost a year! Oy! I had one of the most awful labor/deliveries ever, nevermind 2 months of bedrest before that. You'd think they'd give me a break! Well, MIL sort of does - she knows what heck I went through and she keeps offering to be a surrogate for us which totally freaks DH out!

 

[mommytutu]

Originally posted by poohtown
I'm not a newlywed (came out of curiousity) - been married 15 years, but I'll let you in on a little secret............you'll always be asked personal questions my someone. Just look at it as a conversation starter and don't take it so personal. Over the years we've been asked among others:

'when are you going to have kids?'
'are you going to have more kids?'
'you're not going to have any more kids are you?'
'will your husband get a vas.(you know what I mean) or are you going to get fixed?'
'do you wish you had more kids?'

or the ever popular newest comment;

'just think pretty soon your oldest will be old enough to start thinking about having kids (she's still in high school people!!!)


when they run out of kid comments there are plenty of other topics to bug you with. just laugh it off and have kids when you're ready. Or tell them you're waiting for when medical science can turn a nine month pregnancy into a nine day pregnancy for your husband. Sarcasism always leaves them wondering.

In addition to the above...my personal favorite is "Will/Do you breastfeed?"

So not only do people want to know when you'll have kids, they want to know how your raising them too. And they feel free to suggest lots of books every mom "needs" to read.

 

[Celluloidgal]

Aaah. The baby question.

I think it's how some people try to make conversation. I try to think to myself that they are just trying to be friendly...ignore & smile...or pick your nose...that'll make them leave in a hurry.

Oh yeah. It will NEVER stop - it just changes.
"When are you going to have a baby?"
"When are you going to have another?"
"When will you try for the boy/girl?"
"Don't you know what causes that?(pointing at children)"

One time, I was asked this once too often. When an older couple commented on my brood and said, "Don't you know what causes that?" I said, "Yes. And I'm darn good at " Well, that ended the conversation.

 

[newmousecateer]

I have found over the years that when someone asks personal, annoying questions like that, I like to turn it around and put them on the spot.

This works for almost all personal questions:

"Why do you want to know?"

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I don't get the baby question anymore, since I'm divorced now. Instead, I get "Are there any new men on the horizon?"

 

[skuttle]

I feel your pain! Three people in my family got married in 2000...me in June, cousin1 in July and cousin2 in October. Cousin 2 had a baby in Feb 2001 (they were engaged before she got pregnatn) and cousin1 had a baby in October 2001. We got questioned a lot about when we'd have kids. We were planning to wait until I at least graduated from law school (May 03) but DS had other plans and arrived July03. Still, we were married for 3 years before we had him.

 

[lovemygoofy]

My Dh and I have been married for almost two years. People constantly ask us when we "are going to hatch one out." Cute huh? Anyways, depending on the mood I usually either say: "I'll have it if you pay for it" or " I know technology has come a long way but thats not really something my Dh can email home since he is usually 10,000 miles away, but thanks for reminding of what I don't have."

Neither one of our families now ask. It maybe harsh but I know it gets old very quickly and I don't have the patience for those questions. I'm not a horse don't try to breed me.


Tina