Newly "orphaned" and missing my mom!

[disneyfanatic60]

My heart breaks for you. You see--I feel the same way you do.

I lost my Mom in May. She was my best friend. She suffered with Alzheimer's for 10 years and died at 64. Right now--I'm in the angry stage myself. I truly understand your WHY, WHY, WHY!!! I watched her suffer and be so frightened for such a long time and felt so helpless. In essence, I watched her slowly slip away for ten very, very long years. It was truly gut-wrenching! I know she is in a better place and I can only hope she's happy and content and in a better state than she was when she left us.

Like you as well, my brother's and I are not close and my father well that's an entirely different story. Thus, I guess I never quite looked at it like you, but I am now orphaned as well.

I wish I had more words of wisdom for you. I know how difficult it is to go on with your life when you feel such a void. Just this morning, I was feeling "regrets." We should have spent more time together, I should have forced her to get care sooner, etc. etc. etc. It's like a roller coaster that you never get off of. Some days are better than others.

It helps to find someone to talk to. I tend to keep all my emotions bottled up inside and I know that's not a good thing. Some days I just cry (of course, always when no one else is around). Sometimes it makes me feel better.

Just know, you are not alone. All the emotions you are feeling are quite normal. I wish I could reach out and give you a "big hug." I am so terribly sorry for your loss. "Smile and Be Happy " because that's what our Mom's want us to do.


Michele

 

[tinkerbee]

 

[luvwinnie]

I know exactly how you fee. I lost my mom July 12...almost 6 mths. It still just doesn't seem POSSIBLE that she is "gone." I have completel faith she is in heaven and I also believe I have gotten many "signs" from her and even "visits" in dreams...but the pain is so intense. I MISS HER SO SO MUCH. I just want to sit down with her and talk and laugh like we used to...and hug her.
And I know what you mean about not wanting the "comofort"..one thing I learned is that no one CAN comfort me...only having my mom here would comfort me. I read a book that said grief is a LIFELONG process and I believe it. I will always grieve for her, ALWAYS MISS HER, that isn't going to miraculously go away when we hit the one-year or two-year or 20-year anniversary.
I wish you peace and love...and PM me anytime.

 

[nativetxn]

Oh, honey. {{{HUGS}}} for you. I lost my dear mother on 6/25 of this year. I miss her terribly. I will always miss her. I dreamed of her, last night. I dreamed of the last time I saw her and that was my saddest day ever

I've been told that the pain lessens with time. I'm still waiting for the pain to lessen.

More {{{HUGS}}} for you, sweetie.

Katholyn

 

[Beastlover]

So sorry for your loss...I have no advice to share with you, my mom has alzheimers (she is 68) and hasn't known who I am for 3 years. I greive for the loss of her every day.

All I can tell you is from what I hear, it will get better each day.

 

[goofy4tink]

I'm so sorry. I lost my mom and best friend 10/2/03. She did have some problems but she looked and acted fine right up to the time she sat down, napped and never woke up. Everyone told me the first year would be the hardest. Well, it is. But, the second one is just different. I still miss her horribly. It was/is hard to go into the stores we shopped in. I sometimes feel like I'm the only one going through this. Then someone here, on these boards, reminds me that I am not alone. That everyday, someone else loses a parent.

I know what you mean about the comforter. My dh just wanted to make me feel better. But there was nothing he could do. And it upset him terribly to not be able to help. So, I waited until I was alone and then all the pent up grief came out. Still does on occasion.

No words of wisdom for you. Everyone grieves in their own way, in their own time. Every experience is different. It will get easier. My mil says there are still days that she goes to the phone to call her mother and tell her some news. But she's been gone for 25 years!!! Doesn't bode well for the rest of us, does it?? Hang in there. If you need to come back to the boards. Yes, some may get tired of listening to some of us vent. But, there are the rest of us...we are more than willing to listen to you. We understand. We've walked in your shoes.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Cry, rant, rave, punch the pillow, etc. whenever the urge strikes. People always want to help...especially if you have a husband...but unless someone's been through it, they don't understand completely. They want to fix it for good. That's not possible. It comes and goes in waves. I hope you're feeling better soon!

 

[Laurajean1014]

I lost my mom on 4/8/97 - and I still miss her to this day and forever more.

Don't run away from your pain. Embrace it. It is the loss of love that you are feeling. However, you hit the tree but missed the target. Her love for you is still her in you, you just may not feel it, at this time.

A month or two after my mom's death, I started to feel better and even have happy moments. However, whenever I questioned my happiness, I felt as if someone just punched me in the stomach. It was a terrible feeling. But these too go away.

Do you have any religious belief? I can tell you what someone told me when you reply.

L

 

[Microcell]

You are at the second of the three most terrible feelings you will have when you lose your mother.

1. The actual news of her death, when thankfully your brain springs into action and the dreamlike state starts.
2. When you wake up as I think you did today and realize the full effect of your loss. The first phase helps you stay sane and lasted a full month for me.
3. The 1st's- birthday, Christmas (at least you were in dreamlike for that this year) I loved my mom so much I cried on St. Patty's day too!

My advice is this, since you have a caring husband that won't let you cry alone, when that is what you need, tell him you want to take a shower, and take a very long one and cry your eyes out.

I have been told all things being equal- ie: not losing a child, that losing your mother is the greatest loss of your life. I believe it! Have that good cry and do something happy, she wants that.

 

[Keli]

I'm so sorry for your loss

 

[JVL1018]

My Mom died this past June after a 2 month battle with colon cancer and really it's so incredibly sad.

People told me it gets easier, and I didn't think it would, but it does.
I never stop missing her, I think about her every single day, but I guess you get used to it, in a way.
There are still days when I just can NOT believe she is not here with us anymore. It just shocks me all over again.

I have a wonderful husband, who lost his Mom 5 years ago, he was 32, same age I was--but he says that even though he misses his Mom terribly, he thinks it's harder for me because I am a girl.
He used to tell me that he thinks of his Mom every day, and before my Mom died I didn't understand how he could think of her every single day years after she died, but now I do.

People say Oh your Mom was your best friend and I want to say, No, no she wasn't-she was something more than a mere best friend she was my Mom, and I will miss her forever.

I am lucky that I have 2 wonderful brothers and SILs, and my two childdren are amazing, so I am happy with my life because of them, it's ard to be mopey with a 3 yr old and a 5 yr old in the house ..but I don't think my life will ever be quite as "full" as it was before my Mom died.

Most of the time I am fine, but there are times when I just need to cry.
I spent the last half hour of New Year's Eve sobbing in the bathroom crying, Mommy, please come back, please Mommy, come back, come back...
It just hit me all of a sudden that this would be the first year ever without her and it broke my heart all over again.

But the next morning I felt good and happy again. Just take it as it comes, let yourself feel what you feel.

 

[JVL1018]

I was always much closer to my Dad than to my Mom and when he died I just wanted to die myself.. I remember walking through the grocery store and looking at everyone walking by and thinking to myself, "I'll bet THEY still have their Dad.." - and I was SO angry about it!!

Oh yes!! I have had the same thoughts! I would see women my age walking with their Moms and I would get so angry I wanted to run over and kick them in the shins. LOL I refrained, of course.

My kids and I were eating lunch in the mall about a month after my Mom died and there was a woman there with her kids and her Mom, and I started crying because it was so NOT FAIR that MY kids didn't have a grandma. I think that I feel worse about that than about me not having my Mom. My kids loved her so much and she loved them. When she first got diagnosed she told me she wasn't afraid to die, she knew she was going to Heaven, but that the little ones(my niece and nephew and my kids) needed her...and she was all choked up. The ONLY time I had heard her cry during that whole horrible time. That haunts me to this day. The kids should have a loving grandma, and it makes me so sad that they don't get that.

Once I was driving and saw a woman with gray hair and I had to pull over I was crying so much.my Mom was 62 when she died and I realized that I never had seen her with gray hair, and that she didn't live long enough to have her brown hair turn gray.

I know I will see her again, I know she watches over us, I know she is happy in Heaven, but man, do I want her here with us!

I dream about her from time to time and I love that-it seems so real, it's never about the past, it's always in the present and it feels so good to be hugging her and talking to her again. I wake up feeling like I just talked to her. I wonder if God lets her come to me in my dreams.

In one dream I asked her if she had any idea how much we were struggling without her and how sad we were and if she was sad too..and she told me that there is no sadness in Heaven and she wants us to be happy, because she is.
I try.

 

[mrsstats]

I know what you are feeling. I lost my mother on 9/1. She stayed at my house while I was away on vacation. I came home on Sunday and on Monday she said she wasn't feeling well. To make a long story short, within 10 days she was done. One of the first things I said to my husband was that I am an orphan now (My dad died in 95) I am 53, my mom was 78. I miss her every day. My mother was a pain the the butt but she was my pain. I believe that it will get easier as time goes on but I think not having your mother is one of the hardest things for a girl to deal with.

 

[luvwinnie]

JVL1018, your post has me in tears...I know that feeling of saying Mommy, come back...makes you feel like you are 5 yrs old again. The best I can describe my sense of loss is that I feel as I did when I first went to kindergarten and all Iwanted was to stay home with my mommy...I was so HOMESICK for her and that is how I feel now. My mom always said "they never cut the apron strings" with us...that's for sure.

Like C.Ann I feel angry at people who still have their moms. I see women my age (36) or older shopping with their moms and think "oh, sure, must be NICE to have your mom around, huh?' My nieces get so mad at people who complain about their grandparents. I thank God I had the sense to appreciate what a wonderful mom I had...I just wish I had her longer.

 

[Wickedmom75]

I lost my mom in July of 2001 after a short batlle with lung cancer that they got rid of but not before it invaded her brain. The 1st year after she passed away I cried so much because I just wanted one more chance to talk to her. I still talk to her often and sometime feel crazy because I still miss her so much everyone says it will get better , and I wonder how because I think of all the things my children will never get to do with her and all the crazy stories she had of growing up and life in general, I can still tell those stories to my kids but they don't feel the same. I do get angry but at anyone who is treating anyone else without kindness, I just want to run up to them and say "what would you do if tomorrow this person was no longer in your life just like that, there is no communication with them ever again, do you know you will be somewhere and think to yourself I wonder what this person would say only to realize there is no way to find out anymore!!! " Sometimes I do a double take because I see someone who looks just like my mom and that starts the heartache all over again. I can't even listen to country music anymore because every time i turn it to our local station it's one of my mom's songs and it in someways makes me think she is talking to me saying "remem ber when i used ot blast this in the car with you making puke faces?" mY hubbie tries to be so understanding but it just is not the same until you go through it and I pray he does not have to go through it for a long time. Her birthday is coming up in less than 2 weeks and I am in tears typing this but it is so nice to find someone who understands. When no one is home while i am in the shower I let myself cry and scream out that I want my mommy. wow this is long sorry but it feels kinda nice to not be the only one. Live life for the moment and always tell everyone you love you love them.