Newly "orphaned" and missing my mom!

[IMGONNABE40!]

So I'm a bit old to be an orphan, but I miss my mom! She died 11/17 and today I feel it very acutely. I think the shock is wearing off and I am feeling the pain.
\
Any suggestions from women who have lost their beloved moms?

 

[MELSMICE]

I am fortunate enough to still have my mom here with me.

I can only imagine what you are going through & I hope with time your pain lessons. I am sorry for your loss. Hugs to you.

 

[Tuffcookie]

IMGONNABE40,

TC

 

[browneyes]

Do you have any siblings?

 

[Serena]

The only thing I can suggest is to miss her fully. Set aside some time and really think and write about her. About the good and the bad. Try for your earliest memories and go from there. It's heartwrenching, but it helps.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

Yes I have siblings. We have never been close. Miss her fully? I may be begining to understand that. Today was the first time that I had some alone time to really wail at the top of my lungs and scream out "why, why why?" in the privacy of my own home. It felt good. My DH does not understand that. He wants to hear me cry and to comfort. To me, that is a burden that gets in the way of my greif. I need to cry myself out without being "comforted". At some point, you begin to feel bad for the "comforter" and stop crying--even if you are not ready to stop. Anyone understand?

 

[browneyes]

The 2nd part of healing is anger. That's where you're at right now. You're angry your mom is gone, you're angry because you want her with you. What you're experiencing now is very normal.

One way to help you feel better is to write to your mom. You could buy a journal and have it as a Mom journal. Write your feelings out. Don't hold back.

I too am fortunate to still have my mom, but I have lost loved ones and I've found writing to them helps me deal with my emotions the best.

 

[totalia]

So I'm a bit old to be an orphan, but I miss my mom! She died 11/17 and today I feel it very acutely. I think the shock is wearing off and I am feeling the pain.
\
Any suggestions from women who have lost their beloved moms?

I wish I had suggestions for you. I lost my mom in 2003 and its still incredibly painful.

I wish you the best.

 

[marybet]

I lost my Mom on Dec. 9, 2000. She was in Ohio I was in Alabama and it was hard. You cry alot, everyday for awhile and then you cry less often but you miss her everyday. Just writing that made me cry. But it does get better. The worst is when you go to call her to tell her something and then remember. It doesn't happen as often now.

We use to go shopping together, and she loved Christmas so much. I went to the Mall last year on a memory trip for her. It was sad but also fun because I could think about all the fun we had doing stuff like that.

Just remember all the good times and hold them close to your heart and take it one day at a time.

 

[safetymom]

Sorry to hear about your mother. I lost my mother in Dec 94 and my husband 5 months later.

Take comfort in the memories. Our mother is the center of our lives for almost everything we do. The hardest thing for me was when something happened and I picked up the phone to call her and realized I couldn't.

Talk about her, share memories, write it down if you have to. Also when the holidays or special days it isn't that day that hits you but after that. You have your guard up so it hits later.

Be good to yourself. Realize that healing takes time. The days get softer but it never goes away.

 

[MScott1851]

I am so sorry for your loss...grieve all you want to....We are here for you if you want to talk!

 

[Pooh67_68]

 

[mickey65]

I am very sorry for your loss. I can totally relate to the wanting to cry on your own and not be comforted and just let it all cry out and the part about feeling bad for the comforter and thinking you have to stop crying (even when you are not ready) I have been going through the same thing. I lost my mom this past July. It has been so difficult just getting through each day. Right now I am finding it especaily hard because my 40th birthday is coming up and I just feel so cheated without having my mom there.
I don't know what words to offer you other than let yourself feel all that you feel.....all the emotions of anger, saddness, guilt etc. anything you feel is ok. I went to a support group a few months after my mom passed away. It was for adults that had recently lost a parent. It was very good for me. I was worried that everyone would be older than me and not understand losing a parent at a young age, but they composed lthe group so that we were of similar ages.
You will be in my thoughts and if you ever need to talk to someone who has been there send me a PM.

 

[CyranoJones]

My mom died 30 years ago when I was 20, and there are days when it still hurts, days when I wish I could tell her something or get her advice. But for the most part, the pain of grief goes away and is replaced by the good memories. The "missing" never seems to go away though, but I think that's the way it should be. When I miss my mom, think of her, laugh over something she said or did many years ago...that's what keeps her here with me.

Your loss is so much more recent and you are grieving. You have to let that happen and then the healing will begin. My sincere sympathies go out to you and all others going through this difficult time.

 

[C.Ann]

I was always much closer to my Dad than to my Mom and when he died I just wanted to die myself.. I remember walking through the grocery store and looking at everyone walking by and thinking to myself, "I'll bet THEY still have their Dad.." - and I was SO angry about it!!

The only thing I can tell you is that eventually the pain won't be so "raw", but for now you just have to ride it out the best you can.. I know that's not very comforting - because when we're in pain we just want it to STOP - but there's no way to sidestep it or get around it.. My best advice is to deal with it in whatever manner you need to.. Scream, cry, throw things - whatever..

I'm so sorry for your loss..

 

[casey49781]

sorry for your loss,,,hugs to you,,,,i also lost my mom 2 1/2 years ago to cancer she had it 3 times ,,i was 32 and had 2 little kids,,my 2 brothers and i are not close the only thing i have left is a grandma and shes 82 that i am taking care of,,,,its a blessing to be able to have her around since both her daughters died in the fiftys,my aunt 53 and my mom 57,,when i miss my mom i just try to think of happy memories,,,not all the time it works sometimes i even have to pull of the road to get myself together,,,,,i never thought about the writing process so thanks to you all for that,,,i will give it a try,,,and once again i am so sorry for you,,,,,good luck and God Bless,,,

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

Thank you everyone. And hugs to all who are going through it as well.

 

[Muffy]

I lost my mom when I was in my 20's and I still miss her. Time has a way of healing though and I remember the good times and not the way she died. Sending big hugs.

 

[Missy1961]

First off, hugs to you.

It's hard, I know. I lost my mom almost 4 years ago (Feb. 2001) and I still miss her and it still hurts. It doesn't hurt as much, but it still hurts.

You are so right about needing to cry alone. Do it whenever you can. I am lucky, I have siblings and we are all close, especially the girls. So we could all cry, comfort each other but still cry. I don't have a husband, so I don't have advise for you there. But I have wonderful friends, one who still comforts me when I need it, all these years later.

Time heals some wounds. I still miss her everyday, but the pain is a little less raw now then it was then. Now, I tend to remember the funny things she did more than the pain I felt when she first left us.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Good wishes, IMGONNABE40!. Take comfort in the good and lasting memories of your mom, always with you, as is she.