RickinNYC
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2003
- Messages
- 7,870
Once again, I was roused out of a peaceful sleep to hear the incredible cacophony of the phone conveniently located next to my eardrum. Struggling mightily with my initial instinct to pull the stupid thing out of the wall and hurl it across the room, I patted the bedside table until my fingers found the offensive device.
Before I could even get the receiver to my ear, I could hear the cheery but oddly tinny voice of my best bud Mickey wishing me a great morning and a magical day. I love the guy, but I wanted to beat him into a Technicolor pulp. We had requested a rather early wake up, 7:00am, because I was itching to get over to the Animal Kingdom as the gates opened. Nevertheless, I was questioning this bit of DIS board home spun wisdom and considered sleeping a bit later. Alas, it wasnt to be for this incredibly grumpy morning person.
Morning! Morning! Time to get up! I heard the phone ring! Joe cheerfully shouted from the balcony. Theres coffee on the table and I picked up a cinnamon bun for you if you want. Apparently, he had been awake for the past hour, happily reading the paper while enjoying a bit of the Disney morning in solitude.
With a world-weary groan, I sat up, contact lenses permanently stuck to my corneas, trying to get my bearings through a blurred haze. God, how does he do that? I muttered. The very idea of willingly getting up in the morning without any prompting whatsoever was beyond me. I need a herd of elephants running across my bed, with a six-man brass band parading through the room before I ever even consider the thought of leaving the comfy confines of my bed.
Nevertheless, the Kilamanjaro Safari was calling and I figured if the tapirs could get up, then so could I. With that, I staggered over to the proffered cup of now luke warm but caffeine packed coffee, drank it down in a few massive gulps, wandered over to the balcony and plopped my bones in the spare seat. Did you have a good nights sleep? Joe asked, bright eyed and chipper as usual.
I grunted in response.
Isnt the bed comfortable? We should get one like it!
Again, another grunt.
Want your cinnamon bun? Theyre good!
Grunts all around.
Want to read part of the paper?
Ditto.
Have you ever noticed that morning people always seem to be paired up with non-morning people? Why do we do that to ourselves? And have you ever noticed that morning people are completely oblivious to the fact that the non-morning people just dont want to talk, eat, read or do anything else first thing in the morning? They just chirp and chatter and smile right through our misery. This is a true conundrum that Ive considered over the years and Im sure quite a few of you out there have as well. But like so many of lifes mysteries, this is one that will never be answered adequately. At least not to a non-morning persons satisfaction. The morning people dont really care.
Anyway, after a few more grunts and what, in my mind, was a solid unblinking gaze focused on Joes forehead, I stood and headed for the shower. After cleaning up and taking care of all the necessary morning business, I was ready to face the day. I stood at the vanity, and looked down at the vast array of toiletries, in particular all the hair junk. I considered doing the boy band thing and spiking everything up but felt itd be a waste of time and effort, given the very likely fact that wed be riding the waves along the Kali River Rapids. The drowned rat look, combined with wilting, soggy spikes went out with shredded jeans, flat top haircuts and safety pins all over a denim jacket.
Nevertheless, as I pondered this incredibly important dilemma, I noticed that the cap to the hair glue was loose. Hey! Are you playing with my hair junk again? I shouted to Joe.
I am not playing with it, Im trying something new. I told you yesterday! he answered around a mouthful of my cinnamon bun.
I have still yet to figure out what it was he was trying that was so new. His hair looked exactly the same as it always had. And I suspect that it will look exactly the same tomorrow and the day after. Oh well, let the guy have his fun. Oh. Well, just dont use so much of it. Theres not that much left.
I didnt exactly hear what it was Joe said in response but it sounded something like hair queen or whatever. So much for Mr. Happy Morning Guy.
Just another few minutes later, we were strolling down the hallway and once again, we came face to face with our mouse keepers. And once again, we maniacally greeted them with rousing good mornings! in hopes of instilling the urge to create fabulous towel creations for our future amusement. Maybe we should let them know that were leaving them nice big tips every morning, Joe whispered through a toothy grin.
Keeping my mouth in a perpetual smile, I said through clenched teeth, Now that would just be tacky.
Joe grinned back, But how are they going to know we are? We just look like the guys that grin like idiots every morning. They wont know which room were in.
Considering his common sense approach, I was going to respond but the elevator dinged and we hopped inside. What? You want me to throw dollar bills at them with a smile and say, Were in 5308! as we walk down the hall? You really want me to bribe them for a towel animal?
No! THAT would just be tacky! Joe responded as he made faces into the mirrors that surrounded us. Yet another Joe characteristic is that he always mugs for mirrors. Hell pull his face into the strangest contortions simply because it amuses him. On more than one occasion, Ive caught him waggling his eyes, giving his best cheesy smile into a mirror as he says, Well hello there good lookin! I suspect he was one of those kids that amused himself with the box the toy came in on Christmas day.
Anyway, we made our way over to the walkway leading to the resort bus stop without any further incident. Perfect timing was with us because the Animal Kingdom bus was rolling in as we walked up. For some strange reason, no one else seemed to be headed to the park so we got on with no problem. There were only a handful of others waiting patiently on board. You could have heard a pin drop it was so quiet.
Have you ever noticed that when there are only a handful of people on the bus, everyone talks quietly to each other? But when the bus is at capacity, everyone has to scream at the top of his or her lungs? Why is that? Yet another Disney mystery under observation.
We pulled into our stop at the Animal Kingdom and headed over to the main entrance. Much like the Mission: Space marathon from yesterday, everyone seemed hell-bent to be the first in line when they officially opened for the day. And much like yesterday, I dragged my feet, refusing to join in the fray. There is very little in life that I actually own, and my personal dignity is something I plan on keeping intact. Not that I think that there is anything wrong with running like the wind, dragging your children behind you, and ramming other guests in their shins with your stroller because they are apparently in your way. I just choose to enjoy myself and stroll casually to my destination. Thankfully, Joe agrees with me for the most part. Well, except when its something like Mission: Space.
Even without participating in the race against humanity, we still ended up only eighth or tenth in place on line. And we werent out of breath, we didnt have to blot any sweat from our foreheads and we hadnt caused any bodily harm to others or ourselves. I do think the bodily harm to others thing can be amusing at times, its being hot and sticky first thing in the morning that doesnt agree with me.
Joe called Vinnie on his cel to see if they were on their way as scheduled. I knew something was up when he turned his back and hunched over a bit and started whispering. What do you mean youre running late? How late? HOW late?! Ok, Ill handle it. Dont worry. No. Ill let him know. Dont worry. No, he wont kill me. No, he wont kill you, he might kill Dennis though. Well, hurry up. Ok. Bye.
With a push of the button, he ended the call, stood up straight, whirled around and merrily said, Theyre on their way! I simply stared, tapping my foot, hands on hips (mine, not his), and waited. And stared some more. And waited. What? Why are you staring at me like that? And I simply tapped and waited and stared. What?! Tap, wait, stare. WHAT?! Stop staring at me! Ok! Theyre late. Theyre running late and were just finishing breakfast. Happy? There, I told you now quit it!
I could have seethed or ranted. I could have spouted foul language and said some nasty things. I could have vented my rage. But I wasnt mad. In fact, I was at peace. Why? Because of the agreement we had made yesterday that if either couple were late by a half hour or so, the other couple was free to go off and do whatever we wanted. With that knowledge, I simply smiled. Joe told me later that it scared him when I smiled like that. Go figure. Looks like its just you and me. Lets call the guys and tell them were going on ahead without them. They can call us when they get here and maybe we can meet up then. Sounded like a plan to me.
Shortly thereafter, I heard Walts voice through the P.A. system, talking about the importance of living in harmony with the animals of the world. Id never heard it before and thought it was a nice touch. While listening to the speech, in my pleasant reverie, I didnt realize the masses of humans surging forward towards the turnstiles. We were no longer eighth or tenth in line, we were now fifteenth, then sixteenth, twentieth, what the ?! Joe tugged my shirt and demanded that we enter. You were the one that wanted to come here at the crack of dawn so lets go! Lets go!
I shook myself out of my stupor and moved ahead, walking behind Joe. I felt the first of many painful whacks against my shins and looked down to find the first of many baby strollers inching its way forward. I glanced up and saw a rather sheepish young father with his little girl perched precariously on his shoulders while his already harried wife was urging him to Get to the front! Get to the front! Seeing that the day had barely started and said wife was already haranguing him, I knew hed get his comeuppance simply by being in her lovely presence.
I moved through the entrance first and stepped ahead, out of the way of the other guests, while I waited for Joe. His hopper pass was apparently not worthy of the Animal Kingdoms minion so a Helpful Cast Member came to his rescue. They slid it through time and again to no avail. No worries, I figured, these things happen. I whiled away the minutes looking around at the lush foliage, never once suspecting another not-so-Helpful Cast Member was creeping up behind me.
Hi! Welcome to the Animal Kingdom! Want to see a tarantula? this not-so-Helpful Cast Member asked merrily. Little did this pert little blond girl know at the time that the six foot four inch guy in front of her was a rabid arachnid and screams at the sight of a teeny tiny itty-bitty wee little spider we occasionally find in our living room. How was she to know?
Pert and cute Helpful Cast Member notwithstanding, I screamed and ran as if the devils were after me. Ever see Scooby Doo and watch as he and Shaggy try to run from a ghost, yet their feet move a mile a minute and theyre stationary? Like that. But once my feet got a little traction, I was dust. I dont think my feet even touched the ground to tell the truth. I wound my way through The Oasis, trying to put as much distance between me and that massive hairy thing with eight legs as I possibly could. I gradually slowed to a stop and just stood there, feeling a bit winded, a little sweaty and itchy as all get out. Never fails. Show me a spider and I just know I have dozens more crawling all over me. Nasty little evil things.
I realized that I had forgotten Joe in my efforts to escape but was reluctant to go back and find him for fear that the not-so-Helpful Cast Member might pounce and force me to hold her stupid spider. I can only imagine her chipper voice, Come on! Theyre harmless! Just touch it. Come on and touch it. Its soft and furry. You know you want to touch it. I think not.
But I still needed to find Joe with his stupid, useless Park Hopper pass. So I walked back, trying to look calm, cool and collected. I figured Id lost him for good but lo! He was standing and chatting amiably with the not-so-Helpful Cast Member about the stupid tarantula. So I simply stood in the shade, not wanting to call any attention to myself. I had already embarrassed and humiliated myself enough so I felt it best not to call out or have anyone look in my direction. I figured if I blended in the foliage, I could grab Joe as he walked by. So I stood still as a statue and barely breathed.
Joes spidey sense (Get it?? Get it?) must have gone off because he lifted his head with a snap, interrupted himself in mid-sentence, looked over and locked his eyes on mine. Hey! There you are! Cool tarantula, huh? Whispering loud enough to wake the dead, he said to the perky blond not-so-Helpful Cast Member, He hates spiders.
She merely giggled and responded, Ya think?
I thought Id be in a better happy place if the world opened up and swallowed me whole.
Joe trotted over, You saw the spider, huh?
What makes you think that? I responded, none too defensively.
Trying to sound casual, he said, Dunno. I just heard a high pitch, stifled squeal and a lot of feet thudding into the distance. You know you shouldnt swear in Disney World.
Still embarrassed, I meekly retorted, It was huge. They shouldnt allow those things to walk around like that. Its not safe. And I didnt swear. Still hadnt made any eye contact at this point. I figured if we could just calmly walk through The Oasis without incident, all would once again be well.
First, it was in a plastic box and couldnt get out. It wasnt walking around. Second, you did too swear. You said the s word over and over again while you ran away. You shouldnt do that here, kids might hear you.
I decided to drop it. I could tell that as much as Joe felt bad for my discomfort about spiders, he was also trying not to laugh out loud. And if he laughed out loud, he wouldnt stop. And if he couldnt stop, Id have to kill him. And if I killed him, Id go to jail. And if I went to jail, Id never be able to go to Disney World again. And if I never went to Disney World again, Id never be able to come to the Animal Kingdom again. And if if I never went to the Animal Kingdom again Id never see the perky blond with the giant tarantula. Hmmmmm this scenario is beginning to shape up. Ill revisit this train of thought in the quiet of my mind.
Before I could even get the receiver to my ear, I could hear the cheery but oddly tinny voice of my best bud Mickey wishing me a great morning and a magical day. I love the guy, but I wanted to beat him into a Technicolor pulp. We had requested a rather early wake up, 7:00am, because I was itching to get over to the Animal Kingdom as the gates opened. Nevertheless, I was questioning this bit of DIS board home spun wisdom and considered sleeping a bit later. Alas, it wasnt to be for this incredibly grumpy morning person.
Morning! Morning! Time to get up! I heard the phone ring! Joe cheerfully shouted from the balcony. Theres coffee on the table and I picked up a cinnamon bun for you if you want. Apparently, he had been awake for the past hour, happily reading the paper while enjoying a bit of the Disney morning in solitude.
With a world-weary groan, I sat up, contact lenses permanently stuck to my corneas, trying to get my bearings through a blurred haze. God, how does he do that? I muttered. The very idea of willingly getting up in the morning without any prompting whatsoever was beyond me. I need a herd of elephants running across my bed, with a six-man brass band parading through the room before I ever even consider the thought of leaving the comfy confines of my bed.
Nevertheless, the Kilamanjaro Safari was calling and I figured if the tapirs could get up, then so could I. With that, I staggered over to the proffered cup of now luke warm but caffeine packed coffee, drank it down in a few massive gulps, wandered over to the balcony and plopped my bones in the spare seat. Did you have a good nights sleep? Joe asked, bright eyed and chipper as usual.
I grunted in response.
Isnt the bed comfortable? We should get one like it!
Again, another grunt.
Want your cinnamon bun? Theyre good!
Grunts all around.
Want to read part of the paper?
Ditto.
Have you ever noticed that morning people always seem to be paired up with non-morning people? Why do we do that to ourselves? And have you ever noticed that morning people are completely oblivious to the fact that the non-morning people just dont want to talk, eat, read or do anything else first thing in the morning? They just chirp and chatter and smile right through our misery. This is a true conundrum that Ive considered over the years and Im sure quite a few of you out there have as well. But like so many of lifes mysteries, this is one that will never be answered adequately. At least not to a non-morning persons satisfaction. The morning people dont really care.
Anyway, after a few more grunts and what, in my mind, was a solid unblinking gaze focused on Joes forehead, I stood and headed for the shower. After cleaning up and taking care of all the necessary morning business, I was ready to face the day. I stood at the vanity, and looked down at the vast array of toiletries, in particular all the hair junk. I considered doing the boy band thing and spiking everything up but felt itd be a waste of time and effort, given the very likely fact that wed be riding the waves along the Kali River Rapids. The drowned rat look, combined with wilting, soggy spikes went out with shredded jeans, flat top haircuts and safety pins all over a denim jacket.
Nevertheless, as I pondered this incredibly important dilemma, I noticed that the cap to the hair glue was loose. Hey! Are you playing with my hair junk again? I shouted to Joe.
I am not playing with it, Im trying something new. I told you yesterday! he answered around a mouthful of my cinnamon bun.
I have still yet to figure out what it was he was trying that was so new. His hair looked exactly the same as it always had. And I suspect that it will look exactly the same tomorrow and the day after. Oh well, let the guy have his fun. Oh. Well, just dont use so much of it. Theres not that much left.
I didnt exactly hear what it was Joe said in response but it sounded something like hair queen or whatever. So much for Mr. Happy Morning Guy.
Just another few minutes later, we were strolling down the hallway and once again, we came face to face with our mouse keepers. And once again, we maniacally greeted them with rousing good mornings! in hopes of instilling the urge to create fabulous towel creations for our future amusement. Maybe we should let them know that were leaving them nice big tips every morning, Joe whispered through a toothy grin.
Keeping my mouth in a perpetual smile, I said through clenched teeth, Now that would just be tacky.
Joe grinned back, But how are they going to know we are? We just look like the guys that grin like idiots every morning. They wont know which room were in.
Considering his common sense approach, I was going to respond but the elevator dinged and we hopped inside. What? You want me to throw dollar bills at them with a smile and say, Were in 5308! as we walk down the hall? You really want me to bribe them for a towel animal?
No! THAT would just be tacky! Joe responded as he made faces into the mirrors that surrounded us. Yet another Joe characteristic is that he always mugs for mirrors. Hell pull his face into the strangest contortions simply because it amuses him. On more than one occasion, Ive caught him waggling his eyes, giving his best cheesy smile into a mirror as he says, Well hello there good lookin! I suspect he was one of those kids that amused himself with the box the toy came in on Christmas day.
Anyway, we made our way over to the walkway leading to the resort bus stop without any further incident. Perfect timing was with us because the Animal Kingdom bus was rolling in as we walked up. For some strange reason, no one else seemed to be headed to the park so we got on with no problem. There were only a handful of others waiting patiently on board. You could have heard a pin drop it was so quiet.
Have you ever noticed that when there are only a handful of people on the bus, everyone talks quietly to each other? But when the bus is at capacity, everyone has to scream at the top of his or her lungs? Why is that? Yet another Disney mystery under observation.
We pulled into our stop at the Animal Kingdom and headed over to the main entrance. Much like the Mission: Space marathon from yesterday, everyone seemed hell-bent to be the first in line when they officially opened for the day. And much like yesterday, I dragged my feet, refusing to join in the fray. There is very little in life that I actually own, and my personal dignity is something I plan on keeping intact. Not that I think that there is anything wrong with running like the wind, dragging your children behind you, and ramming other guests in their shins with your stroller because they are apparently in your way. I just choose to enjoy myself and stroll casually to my destination. Thankfully, Joe agrees with me for the most part. Well, except when its something like Mission: Space.
Even without participating in the race against humanity, we still ended up only eighth or tenth in place on line. And we werent out of breath, we didnt have to blot any sweat from our foreheads and we hadnt caused any bodily harm to others or ourselves. I do think the bodily harm to others thing can be amusing at times, its being hot and sticky first thing in the morning that doesnt agree with me.
Joe called Vinnie on his cel to see if they were on their way as scheduled. I knew something was up when he turned his back and hunched over a bit and started whispering. What do you mean youre running late? How late? HOW late?! Ok, Ill handle it. Dont worry. No. Ill let him know. Dont worry. No, he wont kill me. No, he wont kill you, he might kill Dennis though. Well, hurry up. Ok. Bye.
With a push of the button, he ended the call, stood up straight, whirled around and merrily said, Theyre on their way! I simply stared, tapping my foot, hands on hips (mine, not his), and waited. And stared some more. And waited. What? Why are you staring at me like that? And I simply tapped and waited and stared. What?! Tap, wait, stare. WHAT?! Stop staring at me! Ok! Theyre late. Theyre running late and were just finishing breakfast. Happy? There, I told you now quit it!
I could have seethed or ranted. I could have spouted foul language and said some nasty things. I could have vented my rage. But I wasnt mad. In fact, I was at peace. Why? Because of the agreement we had made yesterday that if either couple were late by a half hour or so, the other couple was free to go off and do whatever we wanted. With that knowledge, I simply smiled. Joe told me later that it scared him when I smiled like that. Go figure. Looks like its just you and me. Lets call the guys and tell them were going on ahead without them. They can call us when they get here and maybe we can meet up then. Sounded like a plan to me.
Shortly thereafter, I heard Walts voice through the P.A. system, talking about the importance of living in harmony with the animals of the world. Id never heard it before and thought it was a nice touch. While listening to the speech, in my pleasant reverie, I didnt realize the masses of humans surging forward towards the turnstiles. We were no longer eighth or tenth in line, we were now fifteenth, then sixteenth, twentieth, what the ?! Joe tugged my shirt and demanded that we enter. You were the one that wanted to come here at the crack of dawn so lets go! Lets go!
I shook myself out of my stupor and moved ahead, walking behind Joe. I felt the first of many painful whacks against my shins and looked down to find the first of many baby strollers inching its way forward. I glanced up and saw a rather sheepish young father with his little girl perched precariously on his shoulders while his already harried wife was urging him to Get to the front! Get to the front! Seeing that the day had barely started and said wife was already haranguing him, I knew hed get his comeuppance simply by being in her lovely presence.
I moved through the entrance first and stepped ahead, out of the way of the other guests, while I waited for Joe. His hopper pass was apparently not worthy of the Animal Kingdoms minion so a Helpful Cast Member came to his rescue. They slid it through time and again to no avail. No worries, I figured, these things happen. I whiled away the minutes looking around at the lush foliage, never once suspecting another not-so-Helpful Cast Member was creeping up behind me.
Hi! Welcome to the Animal Kingdom! Want to see a tarantula? this not-so-Helpful Cast Member asked merrily. Little did this pert little blond girl know at the time that the six foot four inch guy in front of her was a rabid arachnid and screams at the sight of a teeny tiny itty-bitty wee little spider we occasionally find in our living room. How was she to know?
Pert and cute Helpful Cast Member notwithstanding, I screamed and ran as if the devils were after me. Ever see Scooby Doo and watch as he and Shaggy try to run from a ghost, yet their feet move a mile a minute and theyre stationary? Like that. But once my feet got a little traction, I was dust. I dont think my feet even touched the ground to tell the truth. I wound my way through The Oasis, trying to put as much distance between me and that massive hairy thing with eight legs as I possibly could. I gradually slowed to a stop and just stood there, feeling a bit winded, a little sweaty and itchy as all get out. Never fails. Show me a spider and I just know I have dozens more crawling all over me. Nasty little evil things.
I realized that I had forgotten Joe in my efforts to escape but was reluctant to go back and find him for fear that the not-so-Helpful Cast Member might pounce and force me to hold her stupid spider. I can only imagine her chipper voice, Come on! Theyre harmless! Just touch it. Come on and touch it. Its soft and furry. You know you want to touch it. I think not.
But I still needed to find Joe with his stupid, useless Park Hopper pass. So I walked back, trying to look calm, cool and collected. I figured Id lost him for good but lo! He was standing and chatting amiably with the not-so-Helpful Cast Member about the stupid tarantula. So I simply stood in the shade, not wanting to call any attention to myself. I had already embarrassed and humiliated myself enough so I felt it best not to call out or have anyone look in my direction. I figured if I blended in the foliage, I could grab Joe as he walked by. So I stood still as a statue and barely breathed.
Joes spidey sense (Get it?? Get it?) must have gone off because he lifted his head with a snap, interrupted himself in mid-sentence, looked over and locked his eyes on mine. Hey! There you are! Cool tarantula, huh? Whispering loud enough to wake the dead, he said to the perky blond not-so-Helpful Cast Member, He hates spiders.
She merely giggled and responded, Ya think?
I thought Id be in a better happy place if the world opened up and swallowed me whole.
Joe trotted over, You saw the spider, huh?
What makes you think that? I responded, none too defensively.
Trying to sound casual, he said, Dunno. I just heard a high pitch, stifled squeal and a lot of feet thudding into the distance. You know you shouldnt swear in Disney World.
Still embarrassed, I meekly retorted, It was huge. They shouldnt allow those things to walk around like that. Its not safe. And I didnt swear. Still hadnt made any eye contact at this point. I figured if we could just calmly walk through The Oasis without incident, all would once again be well.
First, it was in a plastic box and couldnt get out. It wasnt walking around. Second, you did too swear. You said the s word over and over again while you ran away. You shouldnt do that here, kids might hear you.
I decided to drop it. I could tell that as much as Joe felt bad for my discomfort about spiders, he was also trying not to laugh out loud. And if he laughed out loud, he wouldnt stop. And if he couldnt stop, Id have to kill him. And if I killed him, Id go to jail. And if I went to jail, Id never be able to go to Disney World again. And if I never went to Disney World again, Id never be able to come to the Animal Kingdom again. And if if I never went to the Animal Kingdom again Id never see the perky blond with the giant tarantula. Hmmmmm this scenario is beginning to shape up. Ill revisit this train of thought in the quiet of my mind.
at the spider.
