New TTC Thread

[D&DDisney]

neat, I haven't known anyone who adopted from Bulgaria before. How was the process? Did you have to make more than one trip? How long was your in country time? Did you travel with a group or by yourselves? If I'm asking too many questions you can tell me to shut up. I'm not sure yet if we want to keep pushing on with treatments again or just go for adoption so I am always curious when I hear someone has adopted

The process was okay. Took 1 year to finally get him home. I hear its taking longer now.
We only had to stay in the country for 1 week. The bummer part was we had to travel 1x at the beginning of the process to see him for 2 days, leave and wait for 1 year for the process to continue. That was hard. He was 18mo when we saw him 1st and then 2.5 years when we picked him up.
We traveled alone -my DH and I. We did stay with a host family while we were there. That was the best part. We were with perfect strangers who had a small apt and little money (compared to USA standards) and they treated us like royalty. We still email them to this day and are friends.
Our son does have some issues we are still working on after 8 years. We weren't prepared for this Reactive Attachment Disorder stuff but soon learned a lot about it. He's doing much better today, but still has his moments. Funny how the adoption agency said "all he'd need is lots of love" when in fact he needed professional help too.
I don't want to scare anybody because this doesn't happen often. Adoption is far more rewarding than awful like you hear on TV. We have friends who adopted w/ no issues. Just wish we would have done more research on the problems kids might have, to be better prepared.
All in all though, I'd still do it again in a heartbeat.. May try USA this time.

 

[boltfans]

Bulgaria
Welcome boltfans. Your secret is safe w/ us and feel free to vent any time you want.
I've had some mid-cycle spotting before. Turned out the vitamins I was taking (labeled Womans Vitamins) had traces of estrogen in them. Messed up my cycle. Doctor also says as you get older you can get that some times. If you don't mind my asking are you close to 40?

I'm almost 29yo. I've been taking prenatal vitamins for about 6 years now, since I was pregnant with my 5yo, I should look at them to see what's in them.

I'm new here too, they have all been very welcoming. I'm sorry that you don't feel you can let your other friends in on your struggles but I also understand why you wouldn't want to. I got really tired of everyone asking why weren't we having another, you don't want the kids spaced too far apart, etc........... and all the while we were going through testing and treatments so it wasn't from lack of trying.

That is exactly my problem. Everyone knows we've been trying for a 3rd, but now that it's been nearly a year, I can't handle people asking me about it anymore. And I seriously think everyone I know is having a 3rd child at the moment and I keep getting their opinions like you mentioned, of what a big age gap there will be (though my son is only 2.5yo), it'll be like starting over, they won't be close, etc. I know they mean well, but I just can't hear it anymore.

Then when it was taking longer than people thought it should, we were told we already have 2 kids so we shouldn't have anymore anyway, especially since we have a girl and a boy. And I appreciate that, but I desperately want a 3rd kid so hearing that was upsetting.

And as much as I love my friends, there are several of them who post here often who I see a lot and though know things didn't happen right away, but then to stop the "aww, I'm sorry" I kept getting, I just said we weren't working on it so much at the moment. So I know that will all be rekindled if they read a post here, but I don't have much of a desire to find a new board right now.

As for your cycle issues, I would consider going to a reproductive endocrinologist, or even an RE/OB-GYN, they are out there. I was on the pill to control my endometriosis and I got my period. Worse than a normal period, gushing blood like I'd peed my pants (and I was at Target picking up a prescription getting ready to go on vacation, woohoo). It continued for my entire 17 day vacation and even when I was home. All in all it lasted for over three months, still on the pill. My OBGYN office was not very responsive. You're young, sh!t happens, was basically the response. One doctor actually told me "If you were older, I'd be concerned, but you're in your 20's so no big deal" Excuse me?? Went to the RE/OBGYN and it was from my endometriosis. One surgery later and things finally started clearing up. I guess my point is if your gut is telling you that's not the right answer, seek out the right answer. Get a second or even third or fourth opinion- your health is worth it. And good luck, it's stressful

Wow, 3 months. What a terrible response to get from your OB. And on the pill even, that's crazy! Honestly, I wonder if they think before they respond sometimes.

That was pretty much the response I got from the OB I saw, that I'm young, not to worry. Well, I wouldn't necessarily, but since my 1st 2 kids happened right away, and all these changes to my cycles started just over a year ago, I sorta think our inability to conceive a 3rd in nearly a year is related to those changes.

Thanks though, I will call tomorrow and ask to see the RE in the group. I never really thought about it as the OB I saw said it was too soon and I was too young to do anything, but I was really not satisfied with that answer. Honestly, as much as I want another child, my first concern was why I had all these changes and what they meant.

D&D - Wow, how difficult it must have been to meet your son at 18 months then have to wait a whole year to take him home. Great that you formed such a nice relationship with your host family though. How did you get matched with a host family? Was that through the adoption agency?

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Welcome Boltfans! You should definitely see another doctor for a second opinion. Don't accept that you're young, etc.. This was a change in your body, they should find the cause. Anyway, after a year, it's time to see an RE.

I know how annoying the questions and comments from friends and family can be. I get them all the time. Super annoying.

 

[skuttle]

Bolt: Welcome to the TTC thread! If you've been lurking, you know that we have a great group of ladies here. But, as we always say, I hope your stay is a short one! We've been TTC #2 for almost three years. DS will be 6 in July and I always worry about the age gap. But I really want another child and so far I'm okay with a 6 year gap. Funny how when I started TTC I always said nothing more than 5 years, but now, I've pushed back my age gap limit. When we first started TTC, I didn't tell anyone IRL. I finally told my friends after one of my BFFs got pregnant and I sorta withdrew from the group. It's hard keeping it all inside. This thread has helped me SO much. I'm not sure I'd be as functional as I still am if not for the girls on here. It's great to have people to talk to that understand, even though I wish none of us were going through this!

D&D, I can't imagine seeing your child and having to leave and wait a year!

 

[WDWAurora]

Welcome Boltfans! We're always glad to have people join us, but look forward to people leaving-because they have good news.

I'm going for my consult tomorrow-any advice on what to ask? I was thinking about asking about metformin and if I need it. What else?

 

[skuttle]

Courtney, have you been tested for insulin resistance? That's what I'm taking Metformin for. I would also ask how many IUI's they are willing to do with you. I've also heard of some people getting two inseminations per IUI...maybe see if that would help you, and if they would try that. Maybe double check to see what size follicles you had and determine if next time you should wait for larger follicles or more follicles to increase your odds.

 

[D&DDisney]

D&D - Wow, how difficult it must have been to meet your son at 18 months then have to wait a whole year to take him home. Great that you formed such a nice relationship with your host family though. How did you get matched with a host family? Was that through the adoption agency?

Quite by accident is how we met. The first visit there, we were told that the lawyer in Bulgaria would pick us up and take us to the hotel. Turns out the lawyer didn't have a car. (imagine that!) A friend of his did and offered to pick us up. We got to talking with him during the long car ride to our hotel. He and his wife were in the process of adopting too, so we had a lot to talk about. (although he knew English, he didn't get the chance to speak it often, so we had a rough time at first communicating with him) Anyway, we continued to email him and his wife. The next visit to pick up our son, they offered to have us stay with them. We couldn't believe how trusting and generous they were to us - never expecting anything in return. In fact, when we left some money for them as a token of our gratitude for all they did, they wanted to give it back. Really opened our eyes to how people are truly good by nature.

 

[boltfans]

Quite by accident is how we met. The first visit there, we were told that the lawyer in Bulgaria would pick us up and take us to the hotel. Turns out the lawyer didn't have a car. (imagine that!) A friend of his did and offered to pick us up. We got to talking with him during the long car ride to our hotel. He and his wife were in the process of adopting too, so we had a lot to talk about. (although he knew English, he didn't get the chance to speak it often, so we had a rough time at first communicating with him) Anyway, we continued to email him and his wife. The next visit to pick up our son, they offered to have us stay with them. We couldn't believe how trusting and generous they were to us - never expecting anything in return. In fact, when we left some money for them as a token of our gratitude for all they did, they wanted to give it back. Really opened our eyes to how people are truly good by nature.

That's a great story. It must have really made the whole process that much better. And it's also a great connection to your son's birth country, which I'm sure he'll appreciate as he's older if he wants to learn more about where he's from.


Skuttle - That is sorta how I feel with so many of my friends and relatives being pregnant at the moment. In fact, my SIL had her 3rd today, a little girl. And I truly am thrilled for her, but seeing the photos of her oldest hold the baby make me cry. I guess I'm just lucky we don't live near them so it will be months before I actually see the baby.

What exactly is insulin resistence? Is that like diabetes? How do you know you have it?

WDWAurora - I hope your consult went well today and that you have have a good next step planned out.

 

[skuttle]

Bolt: Insulin resistance is not diabetes. Maybe it's like pre-diabetes, because it does mean you have an increased chance of developing diabetes. For insulin resistance, the body makes insulin, but does not use it properly. To find out if you have it, you do a three hour glucose test, just like when you're pregnant (Nasty drink and all!).

This was the first test my Dr ordered for me. My mom and grandma are both diabetic. When I was pregnant with DS, I didn't have gestational diabetes, but I was put on bedrest at 32 weeks due to high blood pressure. DS was born 4 weeks early (water broke) but he was still 6lb6oz, so the Dr thought that if I had continued with the pregnancy, I would have had more problems. So due to my family history and my prior pregnancy history, that's the first test we ran.

Originally she sent me to my "regular" doctor to get it under control. My regular doctor just suggested diet and exercise. At my next annual visit with my OB/GYN, I mentioned how I was just told to diet and exercise. So then my OB/GYN put me on Metformin to try to speed things along. I've taken it off and on. I took it religiously for a while, but when I got down about TTC I stopped taking it because it makes me feel awful (headache, stomach problems, etc). For a while, my Dr wouldn't do anything with me until my DH followed up with a urologist because his sperm analysis came back funky. It took my DH a while to agree to go to the urologist, so I got really down for a while with TTC. After he followed up, my doctor finally (a few weeks ago) agreed to try IUI (our other option was for DH to have some sort of surgery, so we opted for the less invasive of the two), so I've been taking the Metformin religiously again and it actually hasn't been too bad.

Now I'm starting to worry about being on Clomid. I've been researching it online and that's probably the worst thing I can do!!

 

[WDWAurora]

Well, it was interesting today. She said our next step should be IVF because we're just wasting money on IUIs. She said I've had good follicles every time (although she did the blood test for a count today) and that there's no issue with him, although his counts weren't as good this time (still more than double normal) so we should not do more IUIs because it won't do anything different. She's not concerned about the insulin resistance because of my weight, but I'm going to test next month, just in case.

We told her it would be a while before we could go ahead, and she put me on Clomid for the time being to give me something inexpensive that would somewhat control my cycles. I have no idea how long it will take us to afford it. I think we're going to sell our 3rd car, which we had been planning to do eventually anyway. My dad may give us a little money, but I feel guilty about that. Ugh. I couldn't help it. I definitely cried in the office today, and I've managed every time before to make it at least to the elevator or outside.

 

[boltfans]

Skuttle - Thanks for the info. My son was also born at 36 weeks when my water broke and he was extremely large, 21 inches, 8 lbs, 4oz. My daughter was exactly the same size at 38 weeks so my OB had an idea my son would be big and scheduled me for an induction at 38 weeks, which I obviously didn't make.

I did the glucose test with both and with my son I saw my number outside the normal range, but not much, and my OB said it was fine, likely just that I had (stupidly) gone to Starbucks right before the test and had a banana coconut frappachino. But honestly, who has an 8 pound 36 weeker? Maybe I should check into this.

When do you start the Clomid? Next cycle for the IUI? I really hope that has great results for you!


Aurora - So sorry that you have to jump to IVF and that it's so costly. We would be in the same position financially and that is so hard to accept.

 

[Jen_in_NH]

Skuttle - just a thought for you to mention to your doc at the next appointment. There are some studies in the medical journals comparing metformin vs clomid vs taking both of them in infertile women. Apparently the metformin results in a higher pregnancy rate, but clomid gives a higher rate of live births. And taking the 2 together was worse than taking one individually.

I don't know what the OBs and REs think of it, but I'm definitely planning on bringing it up at our appointment. I've been on the metformin for a long time now, and it's making me think about stopping.

Jen

 

[skuttle]

Courtney, I'm sorry you didn't get the news you were hoping for. I'm very surprised because I've always heard that it often takes more than one IUI. But hey, I'm not a doctor for sure! I know taking money from others isn't ideal, but I wouldn't turn that down. Think how much a grandchild from you would make up for the money borrowed from your dad!

Bolt, I actually passed the 1 hour glucose test when I was pregnant. But I failed the three hour when I had it down when we first started TTC back in 2006. I will start the clomid for my next cycle, so for now it's just a waiting game.

Jen, do you have any links to those articles. I googled metformin and clomid and haven't come up with anything negative, so I'd like to see what the articles actually say. I think I need to bring a notebook with me on Tuesday to keep track of my questions...I will look like a total nerd!

 

[Jen_in_NH]

I don't have links - it was some journal articles I was reading for work.

1. Journal of the American Academy of Physician Assistants in the April 2009 issue has a good overview. Their website is www.jaapa.org and there is a spot on the bottom of the page that lets you see this months issues. Pg 49-50.

2. New England Journal of Medicine 2007 vol 356(6) pg 551 - 566

3. British Medical Journal 2006 vol 332(7556) pg 1485-1489

4. Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism 2005 vol 90(7) pg 4068-4075


I know that's the complicated way I don't have any way at home to access the articles (other than the JAAPA one)

 

[si-am]

Hey everyone, just checking in. It's been a while since I've posted in this thread but I read regularly. Doesn't seem like there's been a ton of luck around here lately!

I haven't been doing anything about the ole' infertility problem since November after my 3rd month of Femara was unsuccessful. I keep putting off trying to get in to see an RE but I am turning 35 this summer so I guess I need to make it a priority.

I've sort of been enjoying NOT hassling with everything. It's going to take a big push to make me hop on that train again....

Anyway, continued good thoughts and good luck for everyone here!

 

[D&DDisney]

Aurora - I'm so sorry. Very surprised though. Docs usually suggest doing at least 3 IUIs before calling it quits. Dont' let them just push you into something more expensive before you're ready. Have you had your eggs tested? A friend of mine was having trouble getting pregnant. Went through every test in the book. Finally did a test on her eggs and found out "they were bad" which was why she wasn't getting pregnant. You may be too young for this, but you never know. Just don't give up and don't stop trying after just 1 IUI. Third time's a charm!

 

[WDWAurora]

I'm only 26, so there's no concern about my egg quality, but I am having a blood test to check them. (Maybe the quantity though, not the quality) I think the reason she says not to do more IUIs is the same reason that I doubted an IUI for us in the first place. We're getting good, healthy sized eggs. Sperm quality is beyond excellent. We're sure I'm ovulating with the injection. There's nothing in the equation that IUI would fix, really.

Today, a lady in my class (I'm a psychologist doing a licensure add-on) announced she was pregnant. I nearly lost it. Luckily, it was at the very end, and she's not coming to the remaining 2 classes. Ugh.

 

[skuttle]

Courtney, did they say what they thought your odds would be with IVF? Do they think that would work? So sorry about your classmate. I received a text from a paralegal at work last night that his wife was in labor, then I received a text that she had the baby, then I received a picture today.

si-am...I was like you for a while also. I had given up and actually enjoyed it! Then I had another chemical pregnancy, which brought me back to reality and made me realize how much I really did want another child, so that got the ball rolling again for me.

Jen, thanks! I love reading as much as I can about everything, specially all possibilities! Of course, DH just says that I'm driving myself crazy with all of this research. Since we started the IUI process, I don't think a day has gone by where I have googled something related to IUI.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend! We're heading to an LSU baseball game tomorrow. Should be nice and hot!

 

[WDWAurora]

She thinks our chances are 100% with IVF if we do a cycle and a follow up frozen, if necessary. Between the 2, 100%, she thinks. Currently for my age group this year, the clinic's rate is 75.8%. She thinks that a big part of the problem is getting things fertilized, and that if they make that happen in the lab, things will work.

I know what you mean about googling. I looked up IVF, the actual process last night. Holy crow-the diagram for the egg retrieval is SCARY!!! Ugh, the hard part is having no idea how long it's going to be before we do this. Getting that much money is going to be tough. I'm starting to think that we should try to save more than half, then finance the rest. Between selling our extra car and letting my dad contribute a little, we wouldn't have to save too long to be to that point, I don't think.

Of course, adoption is still cheaper...But he's still not sold on it. Hard to believe since his dad is adopted. I would think that would make him want to adopt.

 

[7beasley]

Hey Courtney -- jumping in for a post since I still lurk on this thread with you guys and plan to be back as an official member shortly...

I have gone through IVF and I wanted to share a few things with you.

1) Your success rates will be high - so don't be too detered by the money - I know that's easier said than done but seriously, its a drop in the bucket in the overall cost of raising a child!!

2) Look into SHARED RISK programs -- most of the fertility clinics offer them now - they differ by place but basically the concept is a flat rate cost for (usually) 3 IVF procedures -- and if you don't get a live birth you get your money back or get to do 3 more cycles for free. If you are going to spend the $$ on the IVF anyway -- might as well go for the insurance aspect of it all!

3) Don't be afraid to look around at clinics all over the US -- you will find some places have MUCH higher stats than others - some places are less expensive then others and some places have better shared risk programs. If you want some recommendations for clinics I am glad to pass them on.

My IVF was successful - I now have a beautiful 18 month old little girl as a result and I plan to undergo a Frozen Embryo Transfer in August!

We took out a second mortgage on our house to pay for the IVF. We borrowed $20K. It costs us $185 a month for (I think 15 years or maybe 10 years) --- point of my story is that I never have one moment of regret writing that check every month. In fact - its my happiest bill to pay and I smile every time I pay it because I look at it "paying off" my wondeful Izzy!!

So my point with that - is don't focus so much on the number -- because the number can be overwhelming -- focus more on the small monthly cost of the financing option.

Also -- check around for financing rates -- for us - a 2nd mortgage was the way to go. But some clinics offer financing as well.

Lastly, even if your insurance doesn't cover IVF -- talk to you clinic about working with you because they can sometimes write presciptions in a way for them to be covered or can bill monitoring services like ultrasounds under codes that are covered rather than under IVF codes.

If you have any questions - glad to answer them.

*********

HI ALLISON!!!

-Nicole