New TTC Thread

[soontobewed07]

Well AF showed this morning .....although I was expecting it it still hurts.

I do have a strange question for you.....do you ever feel like maybe you're trying to "alter" God's plan having to work this hard to get pregnant? I can't understand why he would not want us to have a second child, but then again I don't understand a lot of things.

I think it ALL the time. I think that there must be a plan and I'm not following it. Maybe there is some reason I am suppose to wait to get pregnant maybe it will just happen. Maybe DS is all I was meant to have?
Then I think why would I still WANT to have a baby and not be able to? That's not fair? Who knows?

 

[esbrick]

So sorry.
There is a story about a man who goes through many trials and
tribulations. When he dies he goes to heaven and has a conversation
with God. In the conversation he asks God why he didn't come when he
calle him. God replied that he did come when called just not the way the
man expected. I believe that God chooses to come in forms that we ca
n understand so by going to these drs we r not altering Gods plan we r
helping it along. Sometimes yes its not in the plan for all of us.
However I'm a firm believer that u needd to go through certain thing so
when u figure out the plan ur experiences in life has made u better
equipt to handle it.

I'm doing this on my bb so I hope it comes out ok.

Take care!

E

 

[RachaelRol]

Well AF showed this morning .....although I was expecting it it still hurts.

I do have a strange question for you.....do you ever feel like maybe you're trying to "alter" God's plan having to work this hard to get pregnant? I can't understand why he would not want us to have a second child, but then again I don't understand a lot of things.

I question it all the time. In my life I've been pregnant once and in the 12 years dh and I together never on the pil or any real form of bc. Getting there took a year of trying and I got very sick, ds spent 37 days in the nicu/intermed care before he came home. So I wonder if God gave me one chance to be a mom and that is it. I go to church and pray for an answer but haven't gotten it yet. I hope to on Tuesday when I go to the RE.

I am sorry for your af, even though it is expected it still isn't welcome.

 

[skuttle]

Anyone want to share how much IUI is costing them?

I'm so sorry. My OB/GYN actually did all of my IUIs. We did one unmedicated but monitored cycle which was cancelled because I didn't respond well enough, then she did the HSG, hysterscopy, and then my 3 monitored Clomid/IUIs.

For the IUIs, my insurance covered ALL ultrasounds. I think my OB/GYN coded it a certain way so that it wouldn't be considered fertility treatments. I had anywhere from 1-4 ultrasounds per cycle. I had to pay OOP for DH's sperm wash ($190), the clomid CD5-9 ($10ish), the trigger shot ($65-85), and the actual IUI ($190). Forgot to add that the Prometrium was covered by my insurance, thankfully since I think it was over $100.

My RE consult was covered. I'm not sure what, if anything, insurance would cover for the injectable/IUI cycles I'm supposed to do next. I was hoping that they would cover the ultrasounds, but the RE office seemed to think that once my insurance so the RE's name, they'd quit covering the ultrasounds, too. I think for most insurance companies that don't cover IF, they cover everything leading up to a diagnosis, but no actual treatment (i.e. IUI, IVF, etc).

As for God's plan, I'm not a very religious person (and a lot of that has had to do with the past four years of failure while TTC), but I do think about it often. What if I'm just "not meant" to have another child? I think about it every day. But then I think of all of the drug-addicted teens that get pregnant by looking at a boy or all of the children born to abusive parents and think to myself that surely THAT is not "God's plan" or "meant to be."

 

[D&DDisney]

Well AF showed this morning .....although I was expecting it it still hurts.

I do have a strange question for you.....do you ever feel like maybe you're trying to "alter" God's plan having to work this hard to get pregnant? I can't understand why he would not want us to have a second child, but then again I don't understand a lot of things.

I think it ALL the time. I think that there must be a plan and I'm not following it. Maybe there is some reason I am suppose to wait to get pregnant maybe it will just happen. Maybe DS is all I was meant to have?
Then I think why would I still WANT to have a baby and not be able to? That's not fair? Who knows?

I question it all the time. In my life I've been pregnant once and in the 12 years dh and I together never on the pil or any real form of bc. Getting there took a year of trying and I got very sick, ds spent 37 days in the nicu/intermed care before he came home. So I wonder if God gave me one chance to be a mom and that is it. I go to church and pray for an answer but haven't gotten it yet. I hope to on Tuesday when I go to the RE.

I am sorry for your af, even though it is expected it still isn't welcome.

I too question THE PLAN. Why on earth would good people have to suffer for something so beautiful and wonderful, while others have it come so easy?

Then I wonder why some of us have to "be careful what we wish for.." or "just be thankful for what you have" while others can wish all they want, get what they wish for, and have multiple children and still get more. What is that all about? Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for what I have, but I do resent when people tell me "just be thankful for what I have..." when they themselves keep wanting more -- AND GET IT!!!
(Not sure if I am making any sense here but hopefully you know what I am getting at)
We try SOOOO HARD every day to be optimistic & appreciative and you know, some days you just get angry!!! Angry that you have to work so hard. Angry that you have to sell your soul for what you get. Angry that you just can't make sense of this whole experience.

Okay...I'll stop ranting now.

 

[esbrick]

I hope I didn't come off as preachy earlier. I don't consider myself religious but spiritual. God draws straight lines crookedly. It's difficult to understand and I really don't. I actually can't stand when someone tells me that this is "God's Plan". Really, are you kidding? It would be so much easier if there was a reason. Fo me, there is no reason. There is nothing wrong, as far as been determined. The plumbing is all in the right places and paths are clear enough so why?

There are so many questions and I have them, I drive myself nutz with them when I let myself go there.

Every trial, every experience only makes us STRONGER! It's something I need to believe. That's what gets me through the rough times when I calm down. I believe that we are all here because we were meant to be here for eachother. I don't think it's religous, I think it's more human. I for one am so glad I met you all! You are the ones who make me strong with your support and that is a gift. I know I always have a place to go and that saves a whole lot of other relationships.

OK I'm off to find food and a black shirt so I can "Geaux Saints"! I hope everyone has a good day today and I'm thinkin of yas!

E

 

[Leger13]

Well AF showed this morning .....although I was expecting it it still hurts.

I do have a strange question for you.....do you ever feel like maybe you're trying to "alter" God's plan having to work this hard to get pregnant? I can't understand why he would not want us to have a second child, but then again I don't understand a lot of things.

So sorry about AF

and yes, I know exactly what you mean! I struggle with this question constantly. Although, I don't have an answer, what comforts me is that I figure, God wouldn't have given us this sort of technology if He didn't want us to use it. I know it's hard to wrap your mind around and I hate that but these are just answers we won't know until we meet Him when it is our time to. A friend of mine found a christian based infertility support blog that might help you. I haven't looked at it myself but if you are interested in looking at it I will find the site again and post it for you.

 

[Kronk's girl]

Aww, so now we are all thinking about fate and God's plan, huh?

I think it is a little hard not to think about it, even though we haven't done anything other than good old fashioned "trying", I have wondered this whole time...are we not meant to be parents? Is there some reason that we should not have a child? I sure wish I knew what the plan was. I am going to try to stay positive, I know there are a lot of you in here that have been waiting a lot longer than my little 16 months!

I hope we all get what we want/need very soon!

 

[Leger13]

I hope I didn't come off as preachy earlier. I don't consider myself religious but spiritual. God draws straight lines crookedly. It's difficult to understand and I really don't. I actually can't stand when someone tells me that this is "God's Plan". Really, are you kidding? It would be so much easier if there was a reason. Fo me, there is no reason. There is nothing wrong, as far as been determined. The plumbing is all in the right places and paths are clear enough so why?

There are so many questions and I have them, I drive myself nutz with them when I let myself go there.

Every trial, every experience only makes us STRONGER! It's something I need to believe. That's what gets me through the rough times when I calm down. I believe that we are all here because we were meant to be here for eachother. I don't think it's religous, I think it's more human. I for one am so glad I met you all! You are the ones who make me strong with your support and that is a gift. I know I always have a place to go and that saves a whole lot of other relationships.

OK I'm off to find food and a black shirt so I can "Geaux Saints"! I hope everyone has a good day today and I'm thinkin of yas!

E

I don't think you came off as preachy. I really liked what you said. And I totally agree with what you said here too.

 

[si-am]

I think about the "God's plan" question a lot. While I'm not a hugely religious person (as in I don't go to church, which of course my mom keeps telling me to do because then God will make me pregnant ), I do believe there's a plan.

But it's hard to accept that this is God's plan for ME. Why ME? It's like natural selection or something... are my genes just too weak to pass down?

I'm a smart, successful, healthy person. Why WOULDN'T I be good enough to have a child?

 

[TandT]

I am Catholic and I go to church every Sunday (well almost every Sunday) I ponder "God's Plan" quite often. Why this..why that..
sometimes I just drive myself crazy thinking about it. Last year my husband and I actually got blessed by Father when they were doing the "expected" family blessing for couples who were expecting OR trying to concieve. That was one year ago...and the blessing is coming up again next weekend during Mass... I think to myself....Well, it didnt work last time...so why get blessed this time... I know thats negative thinking...but GEESH.....

It IS hard sometimes to get involved in church activities as well...it seems like everyone my age has children or is pregnant ...UGH...I always feel like the odd woman out in most of the "womens" groups at church.... I end up chatting with the 50 and older crowd

Anyway...everytime I get on my knees in church....I ask God PLEASE help me understand why I am childless...i still dont know why....but hopefully there is a bigger plan that i just cant see yet

 

[RachaelRol]

I hope I didn't come off as preachy earlier. I don't consider myself religious but spiritual. God draws straight lines crookedly. It's difficult to understand and I really don't. I actually can't stand when someone tells me that this is "God's Plan". Really, are you kidding? It would be so much easier if there was a reason. Fo me, there is no reason. There is nothing wrong, as far as been determined. The plumbing is all in the right places and paths are clear enough so why?

There are so many questions and I have them, I drive myself nutz with them when I let myself go there.

Every trial, every experience only makes us STRONGER! It's something I need to believe. That's what gets me through the rough times when I calm down. I believe that we are all here because we were meant to be here for eachother. I don't think it's religous, I think it's more human. I for one am so glad I met you all! You are the ones who make me strong with your support and that is a gift. I know I always have a place to go and that saves a whole lot of other relationships.

OK I'm off to find food and a black shirt so I can "Geaux Saints"! I hope everyone has a good day today and I'm thinkin of yas!

E

Not preachy at all.

 

[soontobewed07]

Nope not preachy

I am not very religious either I grew up going to church and now I don't. I just wonder. Who knows My MIL prays for me everyday (lives in Italy) and she tells everyone we are trying which I HATE. So I figure there are enough people in Italy praying I don't have too. LOL

Well Baby dust to everyone still waiting for AF to show so I can get the show on the road. UGH!

 

[Leger13]

Nope not preachy

I am not very religious either I grew up going to church and now I don't. I just wonder. Who knows My MIL prays for me everyday (lives in Italy) and she tells everyone we are trying which I HATE. So I figure there are enough people in Italy praying I don't have too. LOL

Well Baby dust to everyone still waiting for AF to show so I can get the show on the road. UGH!

C'mon AF!!! The wait for her to start is a B*tch when you are waiting to get on a treatment cycle!! Hope she comes soon for ya.

 

[cherbear]

I definitely think about it. It's very unfair to me that God will not allow us to have my husband's own biological child. But DH doesn't know his real dad and his theory is that his dad must have passed down some bad genes that God didn't want him to pass to anyone. I think it makes him feel better about the donor thing to think that way. Me, I still get angry.

What I wouldn't give to be able to have my DH's child. I don't understand it. And even when we get a seemingly perfect donor it's just not happening yet. And then, somehow I still have faith...I guess it's ALL I've got.

 

[soontobewed07]

I definitely think about it. It's very unfair to me that God will not allow us to have my husband's own biological child. But DH doesn't know his real dad and his theory is that his dad must have passed down some bad genes that God didn't want him to pass to anyone. I think it makes him feel better about the donor thing to think that way. Me, I still get angry.

What I wouldn't give to be able to have my DH's child. I don't understand it. And even when we get a seemingly perfect donor it's just not happening yet. And then, somehow I still have faith...I guess it's ALL I've got.

 

[WDWorBUST]

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts on the subject. I have a really hard time with trying so hard and then people who, let's face it, really should not ever reproduce have children so easily.

Two years ago at Christmas my nephew and his wife told us that she was pregnant. My sister got mad at me because I made the comment that didn't they know there were ways to prevent that. Turns out they did it on purpose. Now before everyone thinks I'm the mean auntie neither one of them had a full-time job and they had been married since March. (oh and they were 21 & 20 or something like that - so still very young) Really?? So we can't afford to feed ourselves.....oh and we still have to pay for those cigarettes.......but lets have a child?? Thank goodness that baby has her grandparents because I really don't know how they would be doing it otherwise.

I was 21 when I got married. DH and I waited until we felt like we could take care of a child before TTC. I was 27 when we started TTC and I was 29 when I had DD. Then we waited before TTC #2 so that DD could be a little older and we wouldn't feel like we were "taking" so much from her to have another baby. I got pregnant last February and found out I lost the baby in April and now here it is a year later and I'm not even pregnant again. So in return for trying to be responsible I get THIS?? This journey of nothing but heartbreak and disappointment? It's just not fair. And I have a hard time trying to see Gods plan in my life for all this. And I am angry.....very angry at him. Then I feel guilty about it.

 

[esbrick]

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts on the subject. I have a really hard time with trying so hard and then people who, let's face it, really should not ever reproduce have children so easily.

Two years ago at Christmas my nephew and his wife told us that she was pregnant. My sister got mad at me because I made the comment that didn't they know there were ways to prevent that. Turns out they did it on purpose. Now before everyone thinks I'm the mean auntie neither one of them had a full-time job and they had been married since March. (oh and they were 21 & 20 or something like that - so still very young) Really?? So we can't afford to feed ourselves.....oh and we still have to pay for those cigarettes.......but lets have a child?? Thank goodness that baby has her grandparents because I really don't know how they would be doing it otherwise.

I was 21 when I got married. DH and I waited until we felt like we could take care of a child before TTC. I was 27 when we started TTC and I was 29 when I had DD. Then we waited before TTC #2 so that DD could be a little older and we wouldn't feel like we were "taking" so much from her to have another baby. I got pregnant last February and found out I lost the baby in April and now here it is a year later and I'm not even pregnant again. So in return for trying to be responsible I get THIS?? This journey of nothing but heartbreak and disappointment? It's just not fair. And I have a hard time trying to see Gods plan in my life for all this. And I am angry.....very angry at him. Then I feel guilty about it.

 

[esbrick]

Sending out hugs to all of you who are mad, sad, and confused!

I hope that there is a a turn around real soon for all of us! It's possible that we need a good dose of hope!

 

[esbrick]

oh. . . 2WW started yesterday! I'm staying positive and the nurse said things looked really good! Let's hope my body agrees!

Bring on the magic!