New parents - did you have "help" at home after the birth?

[nkjzmom]

I have always had family near to help if needed but none have ever come and stayed with us. I always felt like I had to entertain if people were here and I didn't really like it. Short visits were okay.

Friends and family had the older kids over to play for a few hours every couple of days so I could sleep or catch up with laundry or just cuddle with the baby quietly. DH has always been blessed with compassionate employers who have allowed him to stay home or change his hours to help with driving older kids to school, etc. The only time I really needed someone to stay with me was when I had my gall bladder removed when our middle child was just 2 weeks old. My mom worked as a nurse at night and would come to sleep at my house during the day. Mostly she would change the baby and then bring her to me to nurse. That only lasted 2-3 days, then I felt much better.

I loved being at home by myself with the kids...I'm kind of a homebody anyway and we love to have PJ days where we don't get dressed and just watch movies or play games. Having a new baby at home gave me an extra excuse to have more of those days!!!

 

[just.me]

DD #1 - No
DS #2 - My mother in law would pop in every day and run a broom over the floor, call if I needed anything from the store - etc...
DD #3 - DH took a few days "off" - beign self emplyed - and would take my ds with him to fix equiptment or whatever so that me and that little one could have a break. Mil came over every day still

my DS #2 did NOT sleep well - ever - still doesn't ... I was sleep deprived for 2 years I think!! so I NEEDED that little help a lot then

if you didn't need help why did your dh take 2 weeks off ??

another subject to which I would have to say "to each his own"

a friend of mine has a nanny, and her mother was there at the birth of their 3rd child, after two and a half months the mother left and the nanny had to go somewhere - therefore leaving the the mom with the kids alone for the first time...
the oldests dd - 4 says "MOM - THEY are leaving YOU to take care of ALL of us!!" is total shock and awe...

 

[LisaNJ25]

double post

 

[lulugirl]

With our first baby Dh was able to take two weeks off of work, we really enjoyed the alone time w/ our baby.
With our second we had a lot of family nearby, they helped me out by cleaning the house and grocery shopping. I wouldn't say I really "needed" help, but it sure was nice and they felt good about it.

 

[LisaNJ25]

Only hubby.. but he took 2 1/2 weeks off. My mom lives 3 blocks away but works FT. I would never of asked her to come help. My last 3 were C-sections and I was in the hospital for 5 days. My last 3 were also born right when the school year was starting and I needed some help getting the older ones to school.

 

[KelNottAt]

DS - My mom stayed with us for the first week
DD - My mom repeated a one-week stay, then DMIL stayed for week 2. I really didn't need MIL AT ALL, but I think she wanted to be there.

I'm glad I had my mom during the first week with both babies. They were both born early (35 & 37 weeks) and were both jaundice. I had to take them back to the hospital BEFORE 10 AM to get their bilirubin checked EVERY DAY for a week. Getting up and out of the house by 9:30 was pretty hard, plus since I wasn't allowed to drive yet, Nana's taxi was perfect.

 

[welovedisneyx4]

I have read all the posts now.

I consider myself very lucky. DH took off several days right after the DD was born and we worked together w/ her. After he went back to work, I would do the night duty and he would do what he could in the evening. However, during the day, I was so grateful for my parents and IL's to come over and help. My IL's would come over in the afternoon, make sure I had something for lunch and we would watch Days of Our Lives together. Then, they would watch the baby while I would shower or nap or something like that. My mom taught school and would stop by on her way home. I welcomed the company. My dad was always out and about driving around the city w/ his job, so he would check on me every so often to see if I needed anything. They did get a bit anoying when I wanted to start doing things such as cleaning or vacumning and they said I shouldn't be. It was about 4 weeks after the baby was born and the dr. said it was fine, but you know how parents are... That's when the visits became less frequent.

With DS, we were living w/ the IL's at the time, so that was very nice.

Our parents helped us a lot and I'm sure we could have done it ourselves, but I valued their experience in this area where I had none!!! (As to the advice they offer now w/ the kids, well, I just try to take that w/ a grain of salt sometimes!! )

For the OP, that wasn't a nice response from your patient. I was glad my doctor asked if I had help, it at least gave the appearance of them being caring!

 

[Aidensmom]

I didn't have any help, but I sure would not have minded some. The first couple weeks my son would only sleep if I was holding him, and anytime I did put him down, even for a minute to use the bathroom, he would cry and cry. He would even cry and cry for no reason much of the time I was holding him. My husband was not able to take time off work, and so I also needed to be responsible to take care of some of the things around the house. And sleep? The only sleep I got was if I dozed off in the chair while I was holding my son.

I definitely could have used some help.

 

[Gwene65]

Well my mom flew in for both my children's births. And she stayed at my house during that time so I guess you could say I had help. MY DS had a lot of health problems and was in the NICU, so he was already on a schedule when we finally brought him home. I was a new mother though so of course I needed help.

With DD, she helped a little bit but b/c I was older and more wiser I did everything myself.

Oh BTW-neither of my two slept 50% of the time, let alone 80%.

 

[ZachnElli]

No, not really. Not after birth or adoption! My oldest came early and I hadn't finished the nursery yet, so my mom came and helped with that. With the next 2 we lived out of state and my parents came to visit, but that was really to visit not help. My mom did take care of meals and cleaning up afterward while visiting, but it was only for a few days.

 

[dizagain]

Wow! Different opinions!

DD#1 - the entire family...grandparents both sides, aunts, uncles, came for the birth (scheduled induction). Mom could only stay a day or two, but DMIL stayed for 4 or 5 days. A lifesaver to me - they took care of our lives and we took care of the baby.

DD#2 - Mom was able to drive 9 hours to get to us in time for us to go to the hospital and she stayed with DD#1. She stayed one or two days and then DMIL came down (3 hours) for 4 or 5 days. Again, they were wonderful taking care of older DD and the house while we settled in with baby.


Child #3 is arriving in August and my mom is planning to fly in for 4 or 5 days to take care of DD's now 12 and 10. I can't wait for her to be here as she is always so helpful.

It can be stressful to have family staying in your home, but I've learned to "let go" and just enjoy their help without worrying about entertaining them or even cleaning - that's why they come!

 

[Longsx3]

My Parents game to DC to visit us the week before DD was born, I had assumed they would be staying for a few weeks after since they had drove up from Fl. All of my GF's had parnets who stayed, cleaned and cooked, LOL. When DD was born on Monday I had a C-section, Tuesday my Mom and Dad came to visit at the hospital and by Wed. they were on their way back to Florida. Intially I thought they were mad at me, I hung up on my Dad when he called me while I was in labor! Later my Dad explained that he felt like that was our time to bond as a family and did not want to intrude and I later realized he was right. By the time my Milk came in I was very thankful I didn't have to worry about my parents. DH was home for the first 2 weeks and after that DD and I were on our own.

Dad did leave my house clean and a pan of Lasgana in the freezer!

 

[disykat]

I also thought the sleeping 80% of the time comment was funny. My oldest barely slept as an infant. I remember being so upset when the Pediatrician commented he should be sleeping about 18 hours a day. I had averaged it out and figured out he was sleeping 7 1/2 hours in a 24 hour time period.

The pediatrician told me I may have a child that simply doesn't require much sleep and to get ready for the long haul. Fortunately, it got better within a few months - but, boy that first few weeks was tough!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

My mother came to the house for about 3 hours a day for a few days.
Other than my DH taking taking off some days I was alone.

One day when my 2nd DD was a newborn and my older DD was about 3, they both had a crying fight one late afernoon. I broke down and cried with them!
Those darn hormones in the first week!

 

[tae1218]

No one came to stay with us when DD was born but DH did take a week off of work.

 

[Kimmumum]

My mom came over almost every day for a few hours. I had post partum depression with both DS's and it was worse with the second one. I was so relieved to have a little help. I could take a nap and know they were in good hands. I would not have wanted help 100% of the day but a few hours was great.

 

[Strawberry Lemonade]

DH had the week after DS was born off and that's all the help I had. As a matter of fact, my parents wouldn't even come over the week after I gave birth so we could "bond" with DS.

My mother helped in other ways: she prepared meals I could freeze and took our cat for a couple weeks. She helps now by taking care of DS while I work and babysitting practically on demand.

Taking a cue from my mother, we told my MIL not to come over until we were ready since I didn't need that kind of aggravation.

Just to clarify, our entire families did visit at the hospital - they just didn't bother us at home for a few days.

 

[DaisyD]

My mom helped for the first two for a week. It was wonderful to have her around! She did all the chores and made meals so that I could rest and totally concentrate on the baby. When my youngest was born I almost died so of course DH took off for 2 weeks to help me. I guess it took a close call with death to get him to take off more then a couple of days! LOL! My mom came by to help then too. I must be lucky as my mom never got in the way or told me what to do. I certainly would have listened to her advice either way as she raised children a lot longer then I and had much more experience then me.

 

[DaisyD]

I also thought the sleeping 80% of the time comment was funny. My oldest barely slept as an infant. I remember being so upset when the Pediatrician commented he should be sleeping about 18 hours a day. I had averaged it out and figured out he was sleeping 7 1/2 hours in a 24 hour time period.

The pediatrician told me I may have a child that simply doesn't require much sleep and to get ready for the long haul. Fortunately, it got better within a few months - but, boy that first few weeks was tough!

'


My kids slept a lot but only during the day! At night forget it. They were up every 30 minutes. I swear DD didn't sleep through the night until she was 4!

 

[mommaU4]

Help????

Nope, other than my DH.

And after my last pregnancy I could have used some. I had a 5 yr old, a 3 yr old and newborn twins to care for, plus recovering from a c-section.

I do believe I cried on a daily basis. But I got used to it. Going grocery shopping was fun. Pushing the stroller with one hand while pulling the cart with the other. And getting stopped every two minutes by people wanting to admire the twins and ask how the heck I managed to do it??

Running errands with 4 kids. Going to the laundry mat cause we lived in an apartment with all four (THAT only happened once!).

It made me stronger though. I used to sit and cry on my bed and think I cannot do this. I'm going nuts. Then this other voice (guess I really was going nuts!!) would come across like a drill sargeant and say "get your butt up off this bed now. You have kids who need you and there ain't no one else who is gonna come and do what needs to be done.) And it worked.

It made me a snob too. I remember once going to a department store with all four of the kids. Two older ones walking beside me and the twins in a double stroller.
There was a lady who also had twins who were sleeping in a stroller. No other kids. She had a friend with her. The saleslady says to her "Wow, twins huh? How do you do it?"
The lady says "Well I can't leave the house without my friend coming with me to help. It's too hard otherwise."

Huh? I looked at my twins and my 3 yr old and 5 yr old and thought with a very smug smile, "Ha, amatuer!"