New Form of Panhandling

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Depends. How long should I wait for a thank you? I assume after 2 years they are not sending them or acknowledging it, but maybe I need to be more patient. Maybe my gift of $200 wasn't enough? The graduates were a cousin's daughter, a friends son, another cousin's daughter, and a coworker's twin girls ($200 for each of them except coworkers twin girls, $100 each, since I don't know them as well).

I sent mine out within 4 weeks of my graduation party and I had right around 100 family friends/family attend and the majority brought gifts. I sent a thank you even if they didn't leave a gift but still attended.

Or, maybe manners have dropped through the years and it had nothing to do with my presence or my gift.

The age old question will be brought up are you gifting money just so you'll get a thank you back or because you are actually sending well wishes to the graduates? Some of the people you list are fairly distant IMO as far as graduation gifts. Are you actually close to your coworker and their children enough to send that much money over just a card or nothing at all? Are you close with both of your cousin's and their daughters to do so?

This isn't to say that sending thanks however you do so isn't something nice to do but I all too often see people place such expectation on something that they've done themselves. Basically are you placing this on yourself and then turning it around to say "guess they don't appreciate my gifts". IDK $200 is a lot to send, not sure any one graduate actually expects that.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'd do it for the person who is keeping low-key

TBH how does one do this and yet you also know about a stranger to the point where you're buying someone a drink?

Meaning how would you even find out someone was celebrating a birthday, wedding or divorce out and about (assuming this is what you're meaning rather than someone actually close to you where you're aware because of that close relationship) unless someone is announcing it in some way? Typically people who are celebrating something end up drawing attention to themselves through one way or another. Maybe one is more out there by putting it on a car but I don't see that any different than sashes worn for divorce or bachelorette parties or when there's a ruckus in a place and it's made clear it's someone celebrating their 21st birthday for example. Maybe it doesn't rise to obnoxious to you but I wouldn't call it low-key.

 

[Living42Day]

It’s pretty well known that thank you notes are going the way of the do do bird, not that a agree with it (they’re still a thing here for formal occasions, but I get a lot of thank you texts from my kids’ SO’s, which is fine). I think attending a gift giving occasion without a gift is a worse faux pas than not sending a thank you note, better to just not attend.

Oh definitely, that is the plan here.

 

[Donalddidwhat…?!]

Have never seen or heard of this until I just saw this thread.
I only read about half of the first page, but with that being said, this is just plain tacky on top of tacky with extra tacky sauce.
What the hell is wrong with people…?!?!?!

 

[Living42Day]

The age old question will be brought up are you gifting money just so you'll get a thank you back or because you are actually sending well wishes to the graduates? Some of the people you list are fairly distant IMO as far as graduation gifts. Are you actually close to your coworker and their children enough to send that much money over just a card or nothing at all? Are you close with both of your cousin's and their daughters to do so?

This isn't to say that sending thanks however you do so isn't something nice to do but I all too often see people place such expectation on something that they've done themselves. Basically are you placing this on yourself and then turning it around to say "guess they don't appreciate my gifts". IDK $200 is a lot to send, not sure any one graduate actually expects that.

$200 is normal for around here for distant family, $100 for non-relatives. IIRC I deposited about $7500 from my high school graduation with 100-ish people that attended throughout the evening. My brother has received about the same. We are expected to send a card when we get an announcement or grad invite, sending less or nothing would be seen as a snub.

But I'm just a drunk flying in an exit row, so what do I know?

 

[barkley]

I sent a thank you even if they didn't leave a gift but still attended.

we did that for our wedding and it caused some confusion when a full 2 years later mil went to wear the suit she wore to our wedding only to find an envelope in the pocket. one of the guests (her friends) had handed it to her to put into the card box but she had forgotten. she called her friends apologizing about it only to find that they assumed we had received it 'because we received such a lovely thank you note' nice little unexpected cash gift after the fact

thank you notes were already going by the way-side in the early 2000's when we had some young family members graduating high school and such. it was more frequently a personal thanks, an email or facebook shout-out if anything. i ended up sending actual checks to ensure the gifts i sent by mail were received (cancelled check on my statement) and i'll admit to choosing not to send another when those same 'kid's' graduated from college if over the 4-5 years in between i never heard anything.

 

[shh]

Depends. How long should I wait for a thank you? I assume after 2 years they are not sending them or acknowledging it, but maybe I need to be more patient. Maybe my gift of $200 wasn't enough? The graduates were a cousin's daughter, a friends son, another cousin's daughter, and a coworker's twin girls ($200 for each of them except coworkers twin girls, $100 each, since I don't know them as well).

I sent mine out within 4 weeks of my graduation party and I had right around 100 family friends/family attend and the majority brought gifts. I sent a thank you even if they didn't leave a gift but still attended.

Or, maybe manners have dropped through the years and it had nothing to do with my presence or my gift.

Those are generous gifts, in my opinion. I'd be extremely grateful if I was one of these relatives. But then again, when I graduated, it was "congrats!" and life went on. No big parties, gifts, etc.

 

[NotUrsula]

may very well have been what they/you think it was and I'm glad they are safe. But "surrender" or "present" ? I maintained hiring paperwork for a legitimate business for many years. We always copied the new hire's DL to go along with their I9 form

Surrender, as in "We will hang onto it for safekeeping as long as you work this project; we provide all your transportation so you won't need it while you are at the job site."

 

[mjkacmom]

$200 is normal for around here for distant family, $100 for non-relatives. IIRC I deposited about $7500 from my high school graduation with 100-ish people that attended throughout the evening. My brother has received about the same. We are expected to send a card when we get an announcement or grad invite, sending less or nothing would be seen as a snub.

But I'm just a drunk flying in an exit row, so what do I know?

I think it’s a regional/cultural thing, here graduation announcements aren’t even a thing (or grad photos, just get headshots by the photographer the schools use). However, I just wrote a $500 for a friend’s daughter’s wedding.

 

[Cadiewampus]

Have you ever seen this? What is your opinion on this updated form of panhandling? I am starting to see it more often in our area, anything from "Buy me a drink!" to "It's my birthday!" to "It's my bachelorette trip!" to "It's my daughter's 1st birthday!" with a venmo username.

It's probably petty but one of those things that makes me cringe every time I see it.






Examples below:


View attachment 866426
View attachment 866428




View attachment 866427



View attachment 866429


View attachment 866430

yep this irritates me as well but not as much as seeing little league teams standing on a corner saying help pay for our trip to such and such. Here's an idea why not acutally work to earn money? Have a bake sale, do a car wash anything but stand there and beg.

 

[mjkacmom]

yep this irritates me as well but not as much as seeing little league teams standing on a corner saying help pay for our trip to such and such. Here's an idea why not acutally work to earn money? Have a bake sale, do a car wash anything but stand there and beg.

There have been can shakes outside of stores here for as long as I remember. Do you know the #1 reason they’re a very effective fundraiser? Little adult supervision/volunteers are needed. Let’s face it, it’s always the same parents (because parents opt out because they have work and kids, um okay). They also bring in the most profit. Our HS teams fundraise as well, and our music students, to pay for things like buses, uniforms, instruments…

 

[barkley]

yep this irritates me as well but not as much as seeing little league teams standing on a corner saying help pay for our trip to such and such. Here's an idea why not acutally work to earn money? Have a bake sale, do a car wash anything but stand there and beg.

the panhandling laws enacted in our area have put a stop to any groups doing this. i've not seen it done locally here but where we previously lived one of the biggest youth sports fundraisers entailed a 'free carwash'. the local safeway allowed an area of their parking lot near the hose bibs to be used, a couple of other local autoparts stores donated all the cleaning products and supplies. kids held up signs that read 'free carwash, donations and tips appreciated'. the weekends these were held they had lines of cars (often wives went in and shopped while hubbies sat in line). the groups tracked how much they made when they charged a flat fee vs. the donation/tip method-people were far more generous when allowed to choose how much.

 

[luv2cheer92]

Meh. It's not something I would do, but I don't see a problem with it or find it "tacky". To each their own. If you don't want to contribute, don't.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

In years past, I would send a drink to a bride to be, or her group. I remember how expensive all these wild nights are. This seems easier. Doesnt bother me.