Dear anyone who cares,
Here's an update on my life:
"This ain't the best view/On the outside looking in"
The above lyrics were written about rejection; rejection from record deals, friends, and people in general.
I look all around me. What do I see? I see people that have best friends, relationships, love, and other superlatives. I wonder if I'll ever be in the spot that my friends are. I wonder if I'll be alone forever. Depressing thoughts, I tell you. I just can't help but think them these days.
I've often been told that life will get better in time. I'm tired of waiting. I know, I need to take more chances. But, as a friend of mine said today, "Taking chances usually ends with falling on your face." Too true. I need to take chances in life. You only get to live once, so why not live to the fullest? I don't have an answer to that one, sadly.
You know that kid that you see, but never really know? I'm more often that not that kid. I'm the one that flies under the radar, never noticed by most. When I do get noticed, it's usually for something that I don't care either way about. That's life though.
I've been lonely for too long. I just don't even know what to do anymore. What do I need to do? I've always been too timid to walk away from everything I know. Lonliness causes worry, and worry causes hopelessness. Being hopeless is never good. Being hopeless makes you vulnerable to things you don't want to be involved in.
I have long thought of my self as the dark horse of the lot. I don't have the best friend like most others have, the kind that knows everything about you, and vice versa. I've often been asked why I don't talk about myself much. The answer to that is that I don't usually know what to say. I'll talk about other people for hours, days even. In my mind, the worst question that I can be asked is, "So, what about you? What are you really like?"
I'm no stranger to disappointment. I just want to know why it happens to me so much. Of everything good that could happen, why this now? I don't want to be lonely this close to Christmas, the time I actually get to be with my family and have a nice time. I'm an optimist most of the time, so I'm sure that it'll all get better in time. I'm going to smile because I deserve to.
Just my two cents for Friday, December ninteenth. If you really love me, you'll leave a comment.
I haven't talked to you lately. What's new?
I'm still stressed out from school and stuff. I should be doing this huge packet for Biology, but I'm too lazy to do it now. 
