Neighbors!!

[DisneyBamaFan]

I understand that , she said she had already bought the materials. But how ugly can a fence be , our neighbour came to us asked if we wanted to go half for a fence we said sure and put one up. Heck it would be only one side. Wouldn't it look like the one they took down?

Agreed - a few weeks into a new neighbor relationship, I would have agreed just to start off things on the right foot. Angry neighbors are almost as bad as toxic relatives.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Sounds like you started it.

I was wondering if anybody caught that. It seems the OP threw down the gauntlet first.

In the OP first statement, the neighbor had picked out the fence and would not give the OP a say in the fence.

Did the OP give the neighbor any say in the fence? She said she went out the very weekend the neighbor approached her and put up a 6 foot privacy fence on her own, knowing the neighbor had already picked out the materials for the fence.

I also can't imagine approaching a neighbor about the volume of their sex. Unfortunately, that is one of the drawbacks of sharing a common wall. You hear things you might rather not

Sounds like the two of them deserve each other as neighbors - both sides of the duplex need to grow up and act like adults.

 

[Heidict]

Start cheering and clapping everytime you hear her Give her a round of applause! LOL!

Make sure you yell out pointers and critiques also. They really enjoy that!! I don't think she would have a friend that would be willing to stick around for that.

Next time she starts having relations push your speakers against the wall and put on a Barry White album.

As for your screen, leave her a note that you are hanging it up on this date and if the pots are not moved then the screen will just have to lay on them.

Barry White? Heck no, why help her along and get her in the mood. Blast some Christian music. I think that would kill the mood even more.

As for the bamboo shade, I would wait for her to be gone, then I would lean over the wall, placing her plants on the floor and then hang my shade. To bad if she doesn't like it.

 

[mickey&minnie04]

Sounds like you started it.

I reread what I wrote and maybe I shoudl have been more clear....there was an existing 6 ft privacy fence that needed to be replaced....it was hers to replace, she wanted to replace it with an ornamental fence......i have 2 dogs as does she. The fence she wanted was maybe 3 feet at the most 4 feet tall ...this would never have kept my dogs from jumping over it. I told her this, but she didn't care.....so I did what I needed to keep my dogs in my yard. Because I can only imagine she would not like my dogs jumping the fence and ending up in her yard!

 

[mickey&minnie04]

Very passive aggressive on her part. I'm betting she doesn't like your bamboo shade and this is her way of attempting to control your putting it up. Does your shade hang on your side of the wall only or is it situated smack in the middle? If it's smack in the middle of the wall, technically, it's invading her space too, so you may need to move the hooks over an inch or two. Then, after moving the hooks (if applicable), I'd take the shade out this weekend and let her know that her plants are in the way of your shade.

You - "I'd hate to push your plants over to your side and have them fall off of the wall. You may like to find another place to keep these lovely plants so they don't get damaged by my shade!"

Her - "Oh, but I don't really care for your shade. I think these plants look much better"

You - "Well, we like our shade and we've had it here for a few years now. You may want to find another place for your plants so they won't get damaged when we put our shade down."

And regarding the "activities" - I agree with clapping/cheering. Do you have a TV in your room? Maybe blast it for a few minutes in the middle of her "enthusiasm." She, as well as her "friend", will get the message.

Good luck. Next thing you know, she'll be telling you exactly how to mow your grass (I had a neighbor from heck, too!).

The shade is very much on our side .....but thats the thing so are her potted plants, they are that far over that they will interfere. I'm just going to let it go and see what happens ....we don't spend ALOT of time on the front porch so I'm just going to suck it up for now!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I reread what I wrote and maybe I shoudl have been more clear....there was an existing 6 ft privacy fence that needed to be replaced....it was hers to replace, she wanted to replace it with an ornamental fence......i have 2 dogs as does she. The fence she wanted was maybe 3 feet at the most 4 feet tall ...this would never have kept my dogs from jumping over it. I told her this, but she didn't care.....so I did what I needed to keep my dogs in my yard. Because I can only imagine she would not like my dogs jumping the fence and ending up in her yard!

I am not sure that this changes anything. You could have let her put up the fence and seen how the dogs responded, then put up your taller fence if it became a problem. You chose an approach that was sure to create animosity.

 

[mickey&minnie04]

I understand that , she said she had already bought the materials. But how ugly can a fence be , our neighbour came to us asked if we wanted to go half for a fence we said sure and put one up. Heck it would be only one side. Wouldn't it look like the one they took down?

It's not what the fence looked like....it wasn't practical with our 2 dogs and her 2 dogs. She wanted to replace a 6 ft privacy fence with a 3 -4 ft picket fence. I have 2 large dogs that could easily jump over that fence. Her dogs are also big dogs. I would rather not have to worry about my dogs jumping the fence and ending up in her yard or worse getting hit by a car. This all has been happening for the last 3 years .....its just this latest property line issue that has me asking what others would do. I was just giving some back story.

 

[mickey&minnie04]

I was wondering if anybody caught that. It seems the OP threw down the gauntlet first.



Did the OP give the neighbor any say in the fence? She said she went out the very weekend the neighbor approached her and put up a 6 foot privacy fence on her own, knowing the neighbor had already picked out the materials for the fence.

I also can't imagine approaching a neighbor about the volume of their sex. Unfortunately, that is one of the drawbacks of sharing a common wall. You hear things you might rather not

Sounds like the two of them deserve each other as neighbors - both sides of the duplex need to grow up and act like adults.

I have been acting like the adult ...I have tried every angle to try and get this woman to like us. You want the list ....I'll give it to you:

She leaves, puts one dog in a cage, this dog barks, cries and howls like a coyote for the whole time she is gone. It's one thing during the day ( not that i like it ) but when she doesn't come home till midnight thats another story.

I can hear her having sex......like crazy unrealistic moaning and such. Yes, that's her business...but she's also making it mine. Why should I be subject to hearing it?

Every night is movie night with surround sound booming ....I can usually figure out what movie she is watching that's how loud it is.

She is an early bird....she goes out on her back deck at 5 am and proceeds to talk as loud as possible on her cell phone all the while yelling to the other neighbor. I asked if she could please try to keep it down that early because my husband works till 1 am and is still trying to sleep.....her response was that the other neighbor is deaf so she has to yell.

She smokes and throws her cigarette butts in front of my garage. we don't smoke so they can only be hers.

So ...I'm not being the adult? My mom raised me better....I care about how my actions effect other people.

 

[mickey&minnie04]

I am not sure that this changes anything. You could have let her put up the fence and seen how the dogs responded, then put up your taller fence if it became a problem. You chose an approach that was sure to create animosity.

And how would you suppose we take care of the grass between them there would be no way to get to it.....she can still put up her lovely ornamental fence next to mine. I know from experience my dogs can jump that kind of fence from out previous house, so know I wasn't willing to risk my dogs getting out and being hit by a car.

 

[Scurvy]

OP, your neighbor sounds awful. I'm sorry you have to deal with that!

I am not sure that this changes anything. You could have let her put up the fence and seen how the dogs responded, then put up your taller fence if it became a problem. You chose an approach that was sure to create animosity.

As a dog owner, I think the OP did the responsible thing in regards to the fence. If she knew her dogs were likely to jump the fence her neighbor wanted, it would have been very irresponsible for her to give them the chance to jump into the neighbor's yard (and then possibly out into the neighborhood) before taking action to prevent that. The owner of a dog has a responsiblity to keep their dog contained, even if their neighbors don't agree. She did the right thing.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

And how would you suppose we take care of the grass between them there would be no way to get to it.....she can still put up her lovely ornamental fence next to mine. I know from experience my dogs can jump that kind of fence from out previous house, so know I wasn't willing to risk my dogs getting out and being hit by a car.

Fine - my only point was that you made your bed...

 

[Heidict]

I am not sure that this changes anything. You could have let her put up the fence and seen how the dogs responded, then put up your taller fence if it became a problem. You chose an approach that was sure to create animosity.

Oh please. If her dog had jumped the little fence the neighbor wanted to use and then had bitten someone or gotten hit by a car everyone on here would be all over her butt for not properly containing her dog and how she is a horrible pet owner.

That's the DIS for you. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Oh please. If her dog had jumped the little fence the neighbor wanted to use and then had bitten someone or gotten hit by a car everyone on here would be all over her butt for not properly containing her dog and how she is a horrible pet owner.

That's the DIS for you. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

You miss my point - she made a decision that was sure to create animosity, then she holds the neighbor responsible for the animosity. Was it the right decision for her and her family? Maybe. But she need to take responsibility for her part in this relationship issue with her neighbor.

 

[mickey&minnie04]

Fine - my only point was that you made your bed...

I'm not going to debate you, but I would like to know what you would have done. She didn't want the kind of fence that would hold my dogs in their own yard. that's fine, but I can't sit back and not take care of my responsiblilty to keep my dogs in my own yard. Talking to her and telling her that there is no way that my dogs would be contained by that kind of fence was making my own bed?? I never asked her to pay for half of the fence that I knew was needed. We would have been happy to pay for half of a fence that would contain both her dogs and mine. Trust me I would have gladly shared the expense! So now I payed for it ...it keeps her dogs in plus gives her privacy. In her own words fences make the =best neighbors. I made my bed, but yet she was the one that wanted us to pay for half of the fence that she picked out without us getting ANY say. It's my money why wouldn't I want a say? Would you have just handed her the money and said fine do what you want?? I don't think anyone would!

 

[mickey&minnie04]

You miss my point - she made a decision that was sure to create animosity, then she holds the neighbor responsible for the animosity. Was it the right decision for her and her family? Maybe. But she need to take responsibility for her part in this relationship issue with her neighbor.

Wasn't the "new" neighbor creating the animosity when she expected my money to pay for the fence she wanted. What was I supposed to do ....say here have $500 get the fence you want and I will then have to pay another $1000 when the fence you picked out doesn't work? I told her we were going to replace the fence with a 6ft fence reguardless of what she decided to do. It's funny .......she still hasn't put up that ornamental fence. The previous poster is right ...damned if you do damned if you don't! Thanks for all the kind words!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I'm not going to debate you, but I would like to know what you would have done. She didn't want the kind of fence that would hold my dogs in their own yard. that's fine, but I can't sit back and not take care of my responsiblilty to keep my dogs in my own yard. Talking to her and telling her that there is no way that my dogs would be contained by that kind of fence was making my own bed?? I never asked her to pay for half of the fence that I knew was needed. We would have been happy to pay for half of a fence that would contain both her dogs and mine. Trust me I would have gladly shared the expense! So now I payed for it ...it keeps her dogs in plus gives her privacy. In her own words fences make the =best neighbors. I made my bed, but yet she was the one that wanted us to pay for half of the fence that she picked out without us getting ANY say. It's my money why wouldn't I want a say? Would you have just handed her the money and said fine do what you want?? I don't think anyone would!

If a fence had to go up anyway, yes - for a new neighbor, I would have. You clearly had the money, so money was not the issue. IMO, control was the issue.

Me - I'd rather have friends living next door than my choice of a fence - or any fence at all. Heck, I'd set up a runner for my dog before I actively worked to create animosity with someone that I shared a common wall in my home.

You did what you felt that you needed to do and there have been consequences.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...she still hasn't put up that ornamental fence...

Why would she put up that fence? It would offer no beauty up against a taller, plain fence.

 

[Heidict]

You miss my point - she made a decision that was sure to create animosity, then she holds the neighbor responsible for the animosity. Was it the right decision for her and her family? Maybe. But she need to take responsibility for her part in this relationship issue with her neighbor.

No, I get your point. You are stating that the neighbor is mad at her because she put a fence up that she didn't want.

What would you have suggested in this case? Let the neighbor put up a fence, then when the dogs got out put you your own fence? You do realize that with the type of person she is dealing with, doing that still would have ticked off the neighbor because it would have messed up the perfect vision she had of her back yard and since she wasn't having a problem with the short fence, then no one else should have a problem with it.

She spoke with the neighbor and told her what type of fence was needed for the safety of all of their dogs. The neighbor didn't want it. She had no choice but to do it on her own. I'm sure the neighbor wasn't happy about it, but the safety of her animals is probably more important. I know it would be for me.

Even if the fence was the original reason why the neighbor is mad that doesn't give her a free pass for her immature behavior since then. This neighbor has shown that she has the mentality of a 5 year old and has no respect or concern for her neighbors. If she is using the fence as her excuse 3 years later then she really needs to grow up and get over it. It doesn't give her the right to throw cigarette butts in their yard, blast movies and music till all hours of the night or any number of things she is doing.

There is not much you can do OP. Either keep saying nothing and allow her to run the neighborhood, so to speak, or fight fire with fire.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

No, I get your point. You are stating that the neighbor is mad at her because she put a fence up that she didn't want....

You are hearing one side of the story. Maybe the neighbor has a different story to tell? Imagine how their stories might differ.

But even if we take the OP at her word (and I am), in the end, we only control our actions. Once we take them, we lose control of the consequences.

 

[mickey&minnie04]

Why would she put up that fence? It would offer no beauty up against a taller, plain fence.

But, if she had to have it so bad then why wouldn't she? You told me to put up my fence after she had put hers , so she would have hated it anyway! You also stated that it didn't seem money was an issue...that's besides the point why should I have to pay for it twice. I can't win with her and I can't win with you!