Neighbors!!

[diznygirl]

If a fence had to go up anyway, yes - for a new neighbor, I would have. You clearly had the money, so money was not the issue. IMO, control was the issue.

Me - I'd rather have friends living next door than my choice of a fence - or any fence at all. Heck, I'd set up a runner for my dog before I actively worked to create animosity with someone that I shared a common wall in my home.

You did what you felt that you needed to do and there have been consequences.

Well, that's just crazy. Why would anyone give up what they want/need including finances just so as not to hurt someone else's feelings? I would talk, I would try to reach a consensus, but then I would have to do what is best for me and mine. How my neighbor reacts is in my neighbor's power to control, not mine.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Make a recording and play it back to her answering machine.

No! Wait! Make a recording and play it back OUT THE WINDOW when you know she's home!

As for the shared porch wall - if she has eight inch pots on a six inch wide wall, that's NOT sharing! Bad neighbor. Bad, bad neighbor! Stop being considerate.

 

[mickey&minnie04]

Just for the record, I have repeatedly gone over and tried to make small talk, about everything! Last night I even told her that the potted shrubs looked nice where they were. So, I try! When there has been an issue I have talked to her about it, nothing changes! I have never called the police or gone to the borough about anything. Many have said I should, but I don't want that kind of ammuntion for her. I would love to be able to have a normal neighborly relationship with her. I just don't think that it will happen, because I don't think she gives a crap that anyone else lives in the neighborhood.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

I'm a little shocked by the peoples' responses to the neighbor being a bit vocal during certain activities.

DW and I live in a "twin" house and, well, I'm sure our neighbors have heard us. Life is too short to worry about whether or not someone is listening in on us, or to change the ways we have "fun."

I don't think the neighbors extracurricular activities should affect a neighborly relationship at all.

Now the fence issue, on the other hand. Stuff like that can always bring the worst out in people. The thing both sides need to remember is that when you share a "twin" house you are going to give up certain aesthetic and decorating liberties, at least in the shared areas. It's just part of living in those type of homes. In our case, our neighbor loves to decorate the porch, so we let her go crazy with ours, too, that way we don't have to do it.

 

[Heidict]

Just for the record, I have repeatedly gone over and tried to make small talk, about everything! Last night I even told her that the potted shrubs looked nice where they were. So, I try! When there has been an issue I have talked to her about it, nothing changes! I have never called the police or gone to the borough about anything. Many have said I should, but I don't want that kind of ammuntion for her. I would love to be able to have a normal neighborly relationship with her. I just don't think that it will happen, because I don't think she gives a crap that anyone else lives in the neighborhood.

Yup, you hit the nail on the head. She doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She will do whatever she wants to do, all others be damned.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I am not sure that this changes anything. You could have let her put up the fence and seen how the dogs responded, then put up your taller fence if it became a problem. You chose an approach that was sure to create animosity.

I'm not sure I understand how replacing a six foot fence (that apparently kept the OP's dogs contained) with another six foot fence (that would then apparently also keep the OP's dogs contained) is less practical, sensible, or responsible than letting the neighbor erect a smaller, decorative fence and waiting to see what happened.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I'm not sure I understand how replacing a six foot fence (that apparently kept the OP's dogs contained) with another six foot fence (that would then apparently also keep the OP's dogs contained) is less practical, sensible, or responsible than letting the neighbor erect a smaller, decorative fence and waiting to see what happened.

I never claimed that it would be less practical, sensible or responsible - simply better for relations with the neighbor. This isn't just about the OP's dogs. Come on.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

But, if she had to have it so bad then why wouldn't she?

Because it would look very different up against your fence. Can't you see that?

... I can't win with her and I can't win with you!

You don't need to win with me. You are happy with your decision. That should be good enough. But you can't expect everyone to see things your way.

It seems that everyone else here agrees with you, so just call me the odd ball and move on.

 

[kaytieeldr]

You are hearing one side of the story. Maybe the neighbor has a different story to tell? Imagine how their stories might differ.

But even if we take the OP at her word (and I am), in the end, we only control our actions. Once we take them, we lose control of the consequences.

That's great. So, the OP's actions consist of (a) putting up a fence three years ago that apparently offends the neighbor and (b) venting on the DIS.
Meanwhile, it appears the neighbor's actions consist of (a) expecting the OP to share the cost of a fence with no input as to its type; (b) usurping shared wall space (8" planters on a 6" wide shared porch wall); (c) spray-painting an awning with permanent paint on a windy day, getting same paint permanently on OP's side of wall and on bushes; (d) LOUD sex; (e) LOUD surround-sound movies played nightly; (f) LOUD early morning outdoor cellphone conversation; (g) yelled outdoor conversations with a neighbor who the neighbor in question claims is deaf (derogatory) early in the morning; (h) discarding presumably lit cigarette butts in front of the OP's garage - because if they were extinguished, they could be left in the ashtray in which they'd been put out; (i) dogs disturbing the peace except for a glitch in the law.

 

[Scurvy]

I never claimed that it would be less practical, sensible or responsible - simply better for relations with the neighbor. This isn't just about the OP's dogs. Come on.

But if the OP believed her dog would jump into her neighbor's yard without a 6 foot fence to prevent that, then isn't better for relations with the neighbor for the OP to prevent that? Clearly the neighbor would not have been happy with anything other than just having her short decorative fence netween the yards. If the OP had a choice between making the neighbor unhappy by putting up a taller fence or making the neighbor unhappy by letting the dogs jump into the neighbor's yard (and then also possibly losing her dogs to a car or dog catcher) the reasonable choice is obviously the taller fence.

ETA - Oh, wait. From the whistling smiley I'm guessing you're just playing Devil's Advocate and that you really do understand that the OP is being the reasonable one in this situation. Sorry I missed that when I read through the first time!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

That's great. So, the OP's actions consist of (a) putting up a fence three years ago that apparently offends the neighbor and (b) venting on the DIS.
Meanwhile, it appears the neighbor's actions consist of (a) expecting the OP to share the cost of a fence with no input as to its type; (b) usurping shared wall space (8" planters on a 6" wide shared porch wall); (c) spray-painting an awning with permanent paint on a windy day, getting same paint permanently on OP's side of wall and on bushes; (d) LOUD sex; (e) LOUD surround-sound movies played nightly; (f) LOUD early morning outdoor cellphone conversation; (g) yelled outdoor conversations with a neighbor who the neighbor in question claims is deaf (derogatory) early in the morning; (h) discarding presumably lit cigarette butts in front of the OP's garage - because if they were extinguished, they could be left in the ashtray in which they'd been put out; (i) dogs disturbing the peace except for a glitch in the law.

You believe that it is really that simple?

 

[Kitzka]

I want to just let it go and ignore everything she does, but I also don't want her to think that she can just walk all over us either! Another thing about the potted plants is that she put them on the adjoining wall that our porches share and every summer( this is her 3rd summer living there so she knows ) I hang a bamboo shade for privacy,the hooks are there but we haven't put it out yet. It is on our side but with these pots there I will not be able to hang it because the pots are in the way. The wall is about 6 inches wide and the pots are about 8 inches wide so they hang over on her side and mine ...technically 3 inches of that wall is hers and 3 is mine. I can't just slide them over so that i can hang my shade because they would fall.

honestly, i would slide them to her 3 inches and if they fall so be it. Then hang your bamboo shade.

I shuold warn you that i don't like being taken advantage of and am all about fair. and i am perfectly okay with her plants falling and breaking. the wall is 6 inches you get 3 she gets three. end of story.

Lara

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...ETA - Oh, wait. From the whistling smiley I'm guessing you're just playing Devil's Advocate and that you really do understand that the OP is being the reasonable one in this situation. Sorry I missed that when I read through the first time!

I recognize that she did what she felt that she needed to do, and that it was certainly her prerogative. I do not necessarily buy into the whole, "my neighbor is evil" stuff (my words). I think that they just don't get along, and it probably started right here.

 

[mickey&minnie04]

You believe that it is really that simple?

yes, it is that simple....I guess I was raised differently. You know, to be considerate of others. I don't let my dogs contintuously bark, I don't blast movies at all hours ( at all for that matter ) I am aware that there is a property line and that I have no right to impose upon it. If theres is work being done to my home and it will effect her I let her know ahead of time. As for the "relations" part.....that's just embarassing to think that the whole neighborhood would hear me and if my neighbor told me that they heard me I would be mortified!! I go out of my way to be nice and considerate, but it is not reciprocated.

I chose the safety and well being of my dogs( as well as hers ), because I know mine can jump a 4 foot fence....one of them did this at the doggy daycare, so I was not taking the chance with a fence in my own yard.

 

[ajk912]

I agree with the PP that this has nothing to do with the fence. If the neighbor is that miserable of a person that she would hold a grudge for THREE YEARS because she doesn't like the practical fence that you PAID FOR..I am sorry, I think she would have gone off over something else over time. So even if you could go back and rewrite history, and hand over a check so she could do as she pleased (and I agree, who does that, not me) eventually she would have gotten her panties in a wad over something else..and then she would have started the other actions. Because that's what miserable people do. She needs to get a hobby. I can't imagine causing this thrift could be THAT rewarding.

 

[HelenePA]

DisneyBamaFan have you ever lived in the type of home we are talking about? I have all my life. Single homes around me are almost unheard of. Its very much a give and take relationship with your neighbors! Its like apt living almost. I keep the kids quiet after 8:30. Try not to let them touch our shared wall because its VERY loud when you do. No vaccuming after 9, no loud music, tvs all that good stuff! I dont know if my neighbor has heard us.. I dont want to think about it.. she's very holy and was probably praying for us the whole time if she has! (no joke!) Like I said very very give and take. I understand OP. I do.. The only thing I like about our porch is there is a railing inbetween our sides.. No worries about our little ones going on her side or anything like that.

 

[mickey&minnie04]

DisneyBamaFan have you ever lived in the type of home we are talking about? I have all my life. Single homes around me are almost unheard of. Its very much a give and take relationship with your neighbors! Its like apt living almost. I keep the kids quiet after 8:30. Try not to let them touch our shared wall because its VERY loud when you do. No vaccuming after 9, no loud music, tvs all that good stuff! I dont know if my neighbor has heard us.. I dont want to think about it.. she's very holy and was probably praying for us the whole time if she has! (no joke!) Like I said very very give and take. I understand OP. I do.. The only thing I like about our porch is there is a railing inbetween our sides.. No worries about our little ones going on her side or anything like that.

My husband wants to put some type of divider/wall up on the porch so that it is clearly hers/ours....but , not possible as of now because she has staked claim of the entire wall at the moment. These pots look heavy and are large, so there's no chance the wind will take them...LOL! Where we live many of the homes are twins also, even new construction in developments are being built this way. We have thought about having someone come in and stud out the wall (our side) and have them put in some extra heavy duty insulation to lessen the noise in our living room, as this is the room we spend the most time in. We have moved our bedroom to the back of the house since the master bedrooms for our house and hers were located in the front and we were tired of being awoken by the "relation" noise ....LOL! So I have been trying to just adjust to the way she is, just that one can only take so much.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

DisneyBamaFan have you ever lived in the type of home we are talking about? ...

Apartments/condos count? That is my only experience with this sort of living.

 

[NAB]

You sure the neighbour isn't deaf herself?

Talking loud into a phone, loud TV , loud other things.

Now I understand about the fence issue.

Like I said before hated living in an apartment and hearing the neighbours upstairs. Not much your can do about it.

 

[mickey&minnie04]

Apartments/condos count? That is my only experience with this sort of living.

I see you are from New Jersey, I would think you probably have been to the beach...have you ever noticed 2 beach houses connected together? Thats a twin home.One building, each half is owned by separate people, split right down the middle.