Neighbor boy breaks toys... talk to his parents? Long...

[Mickey's Minion]

Sorry, but I have a now 18 year old who was severely ADHD when he was younger. The behavior you describe has absolutely nothing to do with ADHD. Has everything to do with your sister not enforcing the play rule for all the kids to pick up before they leave and for there to be an inspection before they walk out the front door. Most kids left on their own without guidance would choose not to help clean up. That is just natural.

Exactly. I too have an adult child with ADD. That is not a symptom of ADD/ADHD. It is a symptom of your sister's rules or lack of rules.

As for calling the parents, try it if you think it will help. However, as witnessed by numerous threads on the CB where parents are infuriated because another parent called about their children's behavior and how their child would never do such a thing, it will probably be a futile effort.

I would just either end the friendship or do a bit more supervising to enforce strict rules in your household.

 

[EllenFrasier]

Do what my Mom used to do. She had a best friend that would come to visit and bring her kids. The one girl was a year older than me, but rough on the toys. So my Mom would put the toys that were kind of on the fragile side or really meant something to me up on a shelf or in another closet until the girl went home. That way, we could play and she would not constantly be checking in to see if something was being handled too roughly. She did not deliberately break things - do you think this boy is trying to break things? Or is he just too rough?

Limit the amount of time the kids play together. I would think 2 hours a couple times a week would be good. If the mother pushes for more, tell her your kids are not available. Hopefully she will not press for more details like why not.

Good luck!

 

[Sleepy]

In my sisters case the kid did have ADHD (according to his mom) and that is what made me think of it.

I have child with ADD, myself. I was just wondering if there might be more to the child... then people were seeing.

No, there really is nothing more to it than would be any "normal" child. He is just a kid who is not being told to pick up the toys at your sisters house and if he is, it is not being enforced. Again, that may not even necessarily have anything to do with him being allowed to leave a messy room in his own home. All kids want to have fun and leave the mess for someone else. Even adults do that at gatherings with plates, glasses, napkins, etc all over the house.

ADHD is only different from ADD in that the ADHD child talks 100mph all day and night and wants to bounce off the walls with energy. If the child you mention is not being too rough with play or annoying her kids with all that talk, I don't see why your sister would keep him out of the house. Just tell her to remind him "We don't leave the house until everyone helps pick up all the toys".

 

[MrsPete]

Well, you'vee already told him you would speak to his parents if another toy gets broken, so you have to do that.

That said.... my girls have friends like this. I went to the thrift store and bought some inexpensive toys. Those were the only toys I brought out during their visits. As my dds grew tired of some of their nicer toys, I would add them to the pile, too. This way whatever toy(s) got broken it really wasn't a big deal. My girls didn't mind because they knew doing this meant their most loved toys would remain unharmed.

I was going to suggest that you save the broken toys and allow ONLY THOSE TOYS to be played with when these kids are over.

This isn't unlike adult interactions. I mean, there are things I'd lend to a friend and things I wouldn't lend. I'd lend you a paperback book; I wouldn't share an old, fragile book that was once my grandmother's, nor would I lend out my Kindle. I'd lend you my lawnmower or chain saw, but not my car. We adults put limits on things; this is a good way for kids to learn that IT'S OKAY to say, "No, we're not going to play with my DS or my new board game."

Also, especially since it's spring, I'd suggest more outside time for the kids.