Neglecting Homework

[ckay87]

Who's had a child - at around middle school age + - who just didn't do their homework?

I'm pulling my hair out over my kid. He'll get great grades on tests, then doesn't do homework. Grades are pulled way, way down.

Had a conference about it last night and, along with his teachers, we decided to crawl so far up his - well, you know - that he won't have an opportunity to miss assignments. Established this whole process of teachers signing his agenda, us reviewing his agenda, documenting a month's worth of tests at a time, picking up yet another assignment listing from the school daily, and so on and so on. But is that the answer - how long can/should that go on???

It's just kind of beyond my comprehension and boys especially this age are not all that great at describing their feelings. He knows what he has to do, he knows the consequences of not doing it. He makes no excuses either. Occasionally he'll say "I forgot," but otherwise he's like "oh well." It's a waste, he's so smart.

I'd just love to hear how others might have dealt with this.

 

[Katie]

sounds like my oldest boy to a tee! In MS just stopped doing homework, got a's on most tests, but didn't do homework and ended up with b or c's on report card.

Unfortunely, this didn't get any better in HS either. We told him he couldn't get his license until he had A's and B's only on RC. He was 17, before even that motivated him! All his teachers said the same thing, bright LAZY kid! It drove me and my husband INSANE!

College is going the same way, he has this semester and if his grades are not up to par, the money stops! He is very immature and "oh-well" ish attitude has not changed.

Navy is looking very appealing to me at this time. My brother-in-law is the preisdent of the local union at the railroad here in town, that is another option!

Good luck....I feel your pain!!! and unfortunely, have no words of wisdom to give....just empathy!

 

[grinningghost]

I never had a homework issue, but right now, I'm having a "doesn't prepare for math tests" issue. So I can sort of relate. I'm working on different methods of threatening her to study for math tests, but so far, I'm not gaining much ground.

 

[tkd lisa]

This is VERY very typical of middle school. Both my kids are in middle school now, and I honestly can't think of a middle school family that doesn't have this problem to some extent.

Mine go a bit farther, and don't do/turn in their "warm ups" which are basically just a sheet where they write down a thought or word of the day. These are "gimmes" that give them 10 points a week in most of their classes!

As to how long you can keep on them and require the agenda signing? Well, we started last year when DD was in 6th grade, and we're halfway through 7th and still keeping up with it. We've finally found the stick that makes her do the warmups. If she has a week that she doesn't get all 10 points, she loses internet privileges. Only happened once since I started enforcing that punishment!

 

[Tiggeroo]

I have been fighting with my one son over this since middle school. He's a sr. in hs still the same way. And in highschool you can literally fail a class over missed homework even with a's in tests. I am scared to death about this boy in college. He's going to be living at home and going to community college due to the grades. A bunch of his friends who are going to the community college are getting an apartment together. I said no not until I see one semesters grades. DH and I had a bit of fight about this. This boy is shy and dh thinks the apt. would be good for him. I agree but I can't afford to see him screw up in college. I even gave him the opportunity to fix it now. I said, let me see the grades come up and all homework handed in for the rest of the school year and you can get the apt in the fall and I'll help with money. He didn't do it so far, so oh well. The thing is it's exhausting fighting about this. I don't want to spend the rest of his time in hs fighting about homework. I've made him an appointment with a counselor. I want him to just talk it out with an unbiased person to see if there is a reason he's being so self destructive in this area. He's such a great kid but if this follows thru in his life he will have a rough road ahead of him.

 

[SeaShelley]

If my DS (5th grade) didn't have an assignment book that had to be signed by the teacher and us each night he'd pull this as well. I work for the school district now so his teacher (and all future teachers) has a direct link to me. His grade in spelling went from a A to a C last quarter due, in part, to us not testing his spelling each week. It came down to: you don't bring that grade up and start focusing on reading skills/comprehension....you'll be watching baseball games from outside the fence! No playing for you!

 

[crz4mm2]

I feel for you. DS (who is now 24, almost 25 and DID graduate HS ) was like that. He never liked school and hated doing homework, studying, everything. I don't have any real answers for you. If his teachers are willing to do an assignment sheet every day, you could try that. We did that until HS....

to you. We had our hands full and did summer school every year of HS to get him to graduate.....

Thankfully, DD is not like that!

Cathy

 

[lissawynn]

As a middle school teacher, I can tell you you are not alone. I have lots of students with parents like you, but the kids still don't do their work. There comes a time when kids have to learn personal responsibility. Until then, there isn't enough you can take away or deny your kid.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

College is going the same way, he has this semester and if his grades are not up to par, the money stops! He is very immature and "oh-well" ish attitude has not changed.

What do you define as good grades for college? My DD will go to college this fall and we will draw up a contract concerning acceptable grades. We will withdraw support if the grades are not up to par, possibly with 1 semester probation period. But, what we can't decide is what grades we'd consider bad enough to withdrow support. I've already told her that she needs to take more than the minimum class hours for a fulltime student (12 is required, I told her 15 credit hours) because I don't want this college thing dragging on too long. I want to be very clear cut with the grades, also.

Thanks, T&B

 

[marlasmom]

I could have written this about my grandson - age 14 - 8th grade. He gets As on tests, sometimes does his homework but won't turn it in.

NOTHING WORKS.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I would consider a b average acceptable for college. I would allow a one semester probation period. I would also allow an occasional C in subjects that really are tough. This is what the college would accept to maintain a scholarship.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

My nephew, graduated last year, by the skin of his teeth, is super smart. The smartest, quickest kid I have ever known.

He must of felt he was "above" having to do homework, because he knew everything. Well, because he never did assignments, the 0's outweighed the A's, and he spent every summer of his high school career in summer school. I felt so bad for my sister and BIL, because no matter what they did, nothing motivated him to do his school work. The kid probably would of had a free ride to college, but he never applied himself. It was a waste.

 

[Idahomom]

My ds in in 8th grade and would not do his homework if it was left up to him. So now when the kids get home from school they can take a chill for a bit, get something to eat, but then it's time to get the homework done. No tv, no computer, nothing, until it's done. When they are involved in sports during certain times of year obviously they don't get home till later, but same rules apply. We also don't let them wait until Sunday night to get their homework done.

This has worked great for us. We don't give them an option of doing their homework or not and we check to make sure it's done every night.

Our junior high sends progress reports out every few weeks and it's great because it shows all the assignments they were given, if they were late (or even turned in!) and what grade they received on it.

 

[Buttercup26]

Had same problem with dd, pretty much solved it with a two step approach.

1: Kitchen timer for time management.
When she gets home from school she has 30 minutes (set timer) to relax, snack, call friend, etc... Once timer goes off it's homework time. No tv, computer, phone, etc.. till homework done. She sets timer for 30 minutes at a time and can take a short break, for bathroom, drink etc, every 30 minutes.

At first it took hours to do homework, now it takes 45 - 90 minutes depending on assignments that day. She has really learned to manage her time much better. She also realizes it's easy to sit and work for 30 minutes without getting up every 5 minutes for water, bathroom, etc.. She also has very minimal chores around the house on homework nights (Mon-Thurs) fighting with her to get homework and chores done was just too much.

2: Bribery
We started paying $10 for every A, $5 for every B on report card.
This ensures that the homework being done, is actually being done correctly. Again, at first she would do the homework (fighting & complaining the whole time) and not do a very good job. Now that she gets paid for grades she actually tries to do well. She has also learned that it's easier to take tests, do reports etc... if she does her homework well and learns the subjects.

 

[KAG Mom]

Have you met my son? Because you are describing him perfectly. He is extremely gifted, in fact, was in all honors courses....until he was kicked out for not doing his homework. He is a senior now, and it has gotten a little better, because he is looking to the future and wants to go to college. However, I haven't seen a huge improvement in his grades. He wants to live on campus, but my husband and I both say no way....he has one semester to prove himself. After that, the money stops and he will start paying rent. I don't ask him about his homework anymore, but the car,etc. is taking away if he doesn't maintain at least a B average. I feel at 18 years old, he should be responsible enough to make sure his homework is done without his teachers or myself on him. Good luck! I wish you only the best, I know how frustrated you must be.

 

[Katie]

I think in college a B average is acceptable. I might even consider a C every now and then, IF the child was working hard on that subject and still struggling.

My son never studies at home, so my guess he is NOT studing at school also. So, because i see no effort, I expect more that less!

 

[LMC]

I haven't read all the posts so some of this may have already been said. It is clear that good grades isn't a motivating factor for your child. I like the comment that someone made about drivers licenses.

Maybe you could factor "bad grades" (whatever you define C's, D's, etc) and he will be delayed one month for each "bad grade" in being able to get his drivers permit. Then stick to you word! If he's 12 this may not work but if he is 14 or close to 14 then it may work.

Take away play station, computer, etc. Or reward based on good grades. For every A you get you can have 30 min of computer, playstation time per day until next report card. I prefer rewards than taking things away.

 

[Chicago526]

Sounds like me! I started getting homework in 4th grade, and from that day to the day I graduated HS I did as little of it as possible.

For me, I learned everything I needed to know to pass the tests just by paying attention in class. I aced every test I ever took (including geting a 24 on my ACT without a single second of prep work) and graduated HS with a C average because I didn't do my homework.

Why spend hours doing homework when I know it already? That was my reasoning, anyway. Honestly, the only thing that would have made me do the work was if my mother actualy sat with me while I did it, to make sure it got done.

 

[BARBARAAPPLE]

As a middle school teacher, I can tell you you are not alone. I have lots of students with parents like you, but the kids still don't do their work. There comes a time when kids have to learn personal responsibility. Until then, there isn't enough you can take away or deny your kid.

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS
I thought the teachers felt the parents aren't doing enough to get the kids to plug in. We have taken everything away from dd and nothing seems to click with her ....

 

[Kallison]

I work in a middle school and I hope your approach works. It's better than the parents who just say oh well what can I do. My own kids know they have a personal responsibility to get the best grades then can. If they don't, they will be grounded until the mid-term reports come out or their report cards improve. There is no negotiating. My middle schooler is very independent and gets good grades, it kicked in for him around 3rd grade when he had a tough but wonderful teacher. My two youngest are starting to feel the stress this year in 5th/6th to get work done. You have to stay on them. Good luck. We also would take away all extracurricular activities. This usually scares them the two younger ones love their sports.