Need to Vent!!!!!!!! MIL is Driving me Crazy!

[sarah_n_brian2006]

Sometimes you know how when people call and you just let it ring! I wish I had that luxury with my soon to be MIL! But she's my boss!
Well my DF and I have wanted a WDW Wedding ever since I mentioned it to him before we were engaged! We really wouldn't have the money for the WDW Wedding, so I started planning a wedding here. Well, that would cost around $10-15,000! (Got to love high priced Palm Beach County, Florida!) That wasn't even for an elegant wedding, But a Publix catered (finger sandwiches and chicken tenders), casual wedding!
My soon to be FIL is a surgeon so I would be obligated to invite those political only invitees! So she wasnt fond. And I'm Southern Baptist while he's a non-celebrating catholic. We were going to have it at my church since his not a devote catholic. She would not hear of it and offered us $4000 for a WDW Wedding! My dream come true!
I started planning an intimate wedding cuz it obviously is cheaper, until she started inviting relative that DF hasnt seen in 6 years!
So we moved it to a custom! I just emailed sm and told him im ready for the contract and she calls me up telling me we should have it here! But where she wants to have it, is still going to cost the same if not more!
To be honest, we do not expect gifts from the people who show up to WDW, hell, in travel they did enough.
I'm sorry so long, I just had to vent! Not too sure on what's goin to happen! DF is just as upset, I'm hurt he's more furious!

I WILL HAVE MY WDW FTW IF IT KILLS ME, AND IF SHE TAKES AWAY HER SUPPORT, I WILL ONLY INVITE HER IF DF WANTS HER THERE!

 

[sajetto]

Geez I'm so sorry. Sounds like you are in one heck of a pickle. I hope it all gets worked out soon

 

[WDWbride2007]

I'm so sorry. It seems that weddings are always surrounded by crazy politics. I wish you all the best.

 

[littleladykaty]

Oh man do I have a big opinion here, I've been through a very simaler situation and I hope that I don't offend you but...You know what I would do?! Oh here, let me tell you!!! I would take the money you and your DF have for whatever wedding...have a disney intimate wedding and invite only YOUR friends and the family you want there...do NOT allow this woman to control your life from the get go...speaking from experience here. Giving money so that y'all can have a Disney wedding and then pulling back and changing HER mind is NOT fair. It's YOUR wedding, YOU are the bride and if anyone's mother should have a say it's your mom not his! Weddings are always more about the bride...that's like...law or something! For your MIL to be so careless with her whims and offers of money is a massive red flag! Take your stand right here and now, as a couple. Do not take her money and do it yourselves...

I was engaged once upon a time just out of college...my almost MIL was constantly doing this to us...offering money and then saying that since it was her money she should have say in how it is spent, with no regard to our personal tastes. It was a nightmare. Her son and i were always on pins and needles to see if she would "approve" of a choice we made b/c if she didn't, she'd just call up whatever vendor and change things or cancel it. It was b/c of this and some other things that we ended up not getting married at all...her son wouldn't stand up to her, which meant he wouldn't stand up for us, for ME...and on the day that I sent out the last invitation he called and said "we need to talk..." and that was it. THANK GOODNESS I did not marry this person. His parents would have made our lives a living hell.

I wish you the very best of luck hun...it's hard when your sweetie's mom is like this. Be strong and stand up to her!!!!

hugs and a good spell for anti-MIL trouble!!!

 

[karenperez]

I agree with ladykaty! Your wedding is for the two of you, not a bunch of people you barely know. Every decision SHE makes, makes the wedding less and less yours. I understand this is a real tough situation, but I watched my grandmother (on dad's side) trample my mother for years, and the last 10 years of my grandmother's life they barely spoke. It was very sad. You need to stand up for yourself now so she knows she can't push you around for years to come. The fact that she's your boss SUCKS! Maybe your DF can talk to her? In my opinion, it's his place to say something.

 

[Luvndisney]

agreed! its your day and you need to amke the decisions. that is the main reason we asked for no money from either side. We are paying for it and this way we can decide how it plays out and who gets invited. Do what you want and won't regret.

 

[ukmickey'sgirl]

Im so sorry ur in this situation hun. That sure is a mean thing to do get ur hopes up then dash them.

I had a similar experiences a couple of yrs ago with my son's grandmother, everything had to be her way or there was hell to pay!! Lucky for me not so for her i have a strong personality & a feisty temper - i blame my scots genes for this, cheers mum.
Everything I did wasnt good enough for her son & she would always take charge of things. Even wanting to change my sons name & incorporating a male version of her christian name for him. Hell No!!
At 1st i tried to keep the peace but in the end their was loads of uncomfortable clashes which in part lead to her son & mine split.

Unfortunately when it comes to weddings everyone goes crazy, family members feel the need to invite gr8 uncle fred who u havent seen since u were 2 & no1 has spoken to him in 20 yrs, but u may have to invite him just not to cause a "family war" - sounds familiar to anyone lol

This is in part why we decided on having a DFTW, not only cos its been my dream my whole life , but coming from the Uk we know limited guests will only be able to attend. To get round both parents we have agreed on a huge party when we get back & let them invite who they want on the grounds they pay for it Perfect 1 less wedding hassle gone.

Could u perhaps do the same, have a DFTW & a reception back home?
If a DFTW is what u truly want in ur heart dont let her persuade u otherwise or i fear she will never stop her manipulative & hurtful ways.

Wishing u lots of luck

 

[DisneyBrideWannabe]

Just tell her you signed the contract, no backing out! Of course you could call he EM and upgrade. Tell her you'd love to invite all the relatives, but you're going to need $6,000 more to pay for the custom. Make it seem like inviting all the relatives is a great idea, and gush on how much they will love Disney and now you can't wait to rent the bigger ceremony hall, on her. I finally told my future MIL that it's okay that she doesn't want to go to our intimate wedding (she hates to fly and is overall hesitant) b/c my aunt and uncle would really love to be there. Now that she knows that her "spot" is in jeopardy, she's changed her tune.