Need some (personal) advice.....

[RAPstar]

And don't really have anyone else to talk to. Ok, so I sorta have a boyfriend. He lives in southern FL, I'm in Dallas. We've met in person, twice now. First time didn't go so well, but he was going through personal problems. Second time was a lot better. The only problem is, I love him, really I do, but I just don't feel connected to him. True it could be because of the distance, but it also irks me to no end when the few times I've said that I miss him, he asks me "why?". We don't ever really talk online. I try to tell him about stuff (i.e. my trip to FL/Universal this September), and ask him about is day, but all I can ever really get out of him is ok (repeatedly) or "i'm fine". He never really asks how I'm doing. Even when we've been together, I feel this distance between us. I know I'm somewhat annoying, everyone I've met has said so at one time or another, but . Here's a blog post showing his POV: "If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you." And then, and I keep kicking myself over this part because I'm one of those people that repeatedly say looks don't matter (partly because I have to myself, cause I'm really no catch), but......I'm not all that attracted to him. He's cute and I love his smile.....but other than that....... . Then, he also tells me that it's ok to fool around cause he has no sex drive and cause of the distance. Part of me wants to stay friends with him at least. Part of me doesn't cause that part is also convinced that I won't find anyone else. What should I do? How would I bring it up (the only way I can communicate with him is IM's)? Sorry if this isn't on topic with the board, again I really don't have anyone else to talk to about it. Thanks in advance!!

 

[macraven]

andy, you are too good for him.

you are a wonderful person, never forget that!


things have a way of working themselves out.
hang in there and just be his friend.


distance probably has a lot to do with it.


mac

 

[remain seated please]

My advice...NEXT!

You have to drop this guy and move on. You've already invested too much time and emotion into someone who can't make the same investment. There are other people out there. If you have only met twice and only communicate vial IM, there is definately something wrong. The long distance is another factor. I believe that starting a relationship with such distance (physical and emotional) is a big mistake.

And as far as just being "friends", I don't see the need.

Just my opinion. Good luck!

 

[RAPstar]

So like I'm in love and yes its really wonderful. Love is hard to come by in todays world.Everyone is always about sex,sex,sex,sex yes please.And I'm sorry I just am not about that.Gone are the times when I need to worry if that person who Im'd me is looking for a booty call or really wants a friend.I'm so over it ugh. I also fully realize that I'm in fact not the best bf you could hope for.I have many flaw and i don't always hold them back like I should.I was just brought up so white-trash its hard to break the hold(though I'm sure i broke it when i popped out!)I know i say things that are mean,and i don't actually mean them.It just comes out of my mouth before i can even think of what I'm saying which sounds nuts but then I am nuts lol.I never want to hurt the one I love. And I know its rough to be my boyfriend....and I'm really sorry I can't always be more open about things. But I can say this....I am very truly happy with who I am with now unlike so many years i spent alone.

It's when he says stuff like this that makes me change my mind.

 

[uklad79]

Sorry but this guy has some issues and he comes with lots of baggage. From reading his blogs I would say his most likely Bipolar and has problems expressing feelings in the right way maybe he is on medication. If you feel you can handle all of that along with the being messed around and the ups and downs the relationship you will have the stick with it. If you want something a bit more loving and easier to deal with then move on. I know I would move on from it as Love in my mind is a mix of feeling and emotions which don't seem to exist in the relationship you are having.

 

[MAF]

Aww your post made me sad. I didn't like how you said that you are annoying and everyone has said so and that you think you are unnatractive. You deserve soo much better, you really do.

 

[wallyb]

move on.

 

[bubie2.5]

Don't walk away from the relationship... run!

 

[RAPstar]

andy, you are too good for him.

you are a wonderful person, never forget that!


things have a way of working themselves out.
hang in there and just be his friend.


distance probably has a lot to do with it.


mac

i agree. i posted some of his thoughts. i'll wait til I see him in Sept. to make 100% sure tho!

Aww your post made me sad. I didn't like how you said that you are annoying and everyone has said so and that you think you are unnatractive. You deserve soo much better, you really do.

I'm sorry I made you sad. Not everyone has said I'm annoying, just most of the people I meet. I still have 3 good friends.....well when I talk to them. lol And I don't think I'm unattractive, I just know I'm not a big catch.

Sorry but this guy has some issues and he comes with lots of baggage. From reading his blogs I would say his most likely Bipolar and has problems expressing feelings in the right way maybe he is on medication. If you feel you can handle all of that along with the being messed around and the ups and downs the relationship you will have the stick with it. If you want something a bit more loving and easier to deal with then move on. I know I would move on from it as Love in my mind is a mix of feeling and emotions which don't seem to exist in the relationship you are having.

Thanks for the advice....from everyone really!

 

[macraven]

andy, you'll meet that special someone

be patient and it will happen when you least expect it.



i just wuv you to pieces and want you happy.

 

[donald...really]

Honestly, it doesn't sound like he is that into you, and it doesn't sound like you are that into him. You have only met in person twice and only communicate via IM. I echo what others have said and would simply move on if I were you. You might be missing out on meeting the right guy by spending more time with this (wrong) one.

 

[RAPstar]

Disregard this thread.......it's worked itself out (long story).

~Robert

 

[R.S.Winters]

Some people come into our lives and at first it seems very clear why - love, friendship or what ever.
But not everyone becomes a permanent fixture. You have to realise that life moves on, and sometimes in very mysterious ways.
If someone comes into your life for a short time and they gave you immense happiness, then you should savour those fond memories and try to remember that they came into your life for a reason. For five minutes or five years, everything happens for a reason.
I know it can be hard, I'm, not saying it's something you can just dismiss easily, but try to understand that there are bigger and more wonderful things that await you in life, and if something doesn't work out, then it wasn't meant to be.

Maybe I'm just waffling on lol.

I'm sure whatever happens, you know that you are a good person, and that good things come to thse who wait



Dx

 

[R.S.Winters]

I didn't read the last post before me lol - glad it worked out

Dx

 

[sotoalf]

Honestly, if I've read your post correctly, you're as much to blame. He's your "sorta" boyfriend even though you've seen him twice? If you're separated by distance, then of course you can't expect him to show intimacy. My advice: find someone close to home, someone who you can at least see often.

Whatever you do, good luck!