Need some parenting advice -

[Piglet]

My 7 yo DD is very shy and won't take up for herself. She is intimidated very easitly.

She was playing with a friend last evening that tends to be bossy and tries to get her to do things that they aren't supposed to sometimes and got very upset after she left because she was trying to get her to go over into the neighbors yard to look at something and my DD wouldn't, she started saying some mean things to her and of course my DD's feelings were hurt, but DD wouldn't talk back to her and just let her continue to say the hurtful things.

What can I do to help her take up for her self?? I don't want her being bullied. Does anyone else have a child like this and what do you do to help them????

Any advice???

Melinda

 

[nkjzmom]

It's so hard to see our kids being hurt.

The best advice I have is to hug her alot, tell her that she is amazing and courageous and strong and that she doesn't have to listen to people like that. All she has to do is walk away. That's what I tell my kids. They don't have to follow other kids....they don't have to argue....they can walk away.

 

[Hillbeans]

lol - Sounds like the way that my employees talk to me at work...

In all seriousness, your daughter is probably just quieter and shy, which there is nothing wrong with. Making her act differently may confuse her and her nature. Sometimes the people who talk the loudest assume they're right



Anyway, i'd encourage your Daughter to get involved in some activities that encourage self esteem----gymnastics, karate, swimming....where she can meet other kids who are her age and share common interests.

Best of luck to you.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I second the self esteem building extra curriculars. Does she have something she enjoys doing? Crafts, 4H club, a sport? As long as it's something she really likes, I think this could be good for her. Maybe the girl scouts? I know Girls scouts, and playing softball helped my neice out when she was younger. Now she is playing on a town sponsored baseball team (she's almost 12) and she is the only girl and very proud of herself.

 

[parmtoo]

My DD, 14 went through this for years. She came by it honestly though, I myself had hard times speeking up for myself when I was younger.
My biggest fear was that she would become a "follower".
Some girls in her class a few years were so mean to her that she didn't even want to go to school. She has learned alot about herself, and has finally learned to stand up for herself. It took her a long time. She now has many friends, and is busy with a nice group of girls. I don't think you can teach them to stand up for themselves, I think they just get thier fill of mean children and know when they've had enough.
I wish there were a way to get the parent's of the mean children to understand what thier children were doing to other's.
One day your DD will just tell this girl that she's had enough, and won't take it anymore. Good luck!

 

[Karel]

Maybe you can try some role playing at home so she can practice what to say and how to walk away. It's funny - at home my kids never have a problem telling me off but can't yell at their friends.

She has to find her own way to cope. Help her identify her emotions and then problem solve what to do about them. She needs to say, it's not ok for you to talk to me like that.

Maybe you should limit her time around this friend and make sure you supervise?

 

[Piglet]

Thanks for the advice and replies - I am going to try some of your suggestions.

She is just the type of kid that is so kind hearted and even though someone said something mean to her she would feel bad if she hurt someone elses feelings.

Melinda

 

[Lezah]

My DS was the same at her age. We enrolled him in karate and he is a different boy. Not a bully by any stretch of the imagination, he has the biggest, kindest heart I know - but he sticks up for himself now and won't let anyone push him around. It was a long-term fix, but it was amazing how quickly he gained his confidence and self esteem. JMHO

 

[Microcell]

Originally posted by EsmeraldaX
Maybe the girl scouts? I

I am a leader and I do not in any way shape or form allow any of my girls to be mean or spiteful. We have a girl who is usually mean outside, but I have told her that Girl Scouts are not mean to others on my watch, and this kid has blossomed, because when she got nice for that hour each week, low and behold people were nice back to her! It also gives my daughter a special group of friends.
I also think one activity that she can excel at could really boost her self esteem, oh and Karate class is good too, for building self esteem, because if she is intimidated, she would learn confidence, and would never use it, she would just know she has it, and that is usually enough!

 

[shortbun]

This mean "friend", can't you limit the exposure to her and
find some more loyal pals? Seven year olds can still use some
help figuring out who to be friends with. My DS, almost 9 is
really starting to make good choices about friends. I've watched
and monitored loads until now. I feel I can back off a bit as he's
taken over and edits his own friendships quite well.

 

[Piglet]

The bad part about it all is I am friends with the little girls Mom. She and I have been pretty close ever since high school.

I told my DD that she doesn't have to play with her if she doesn't want to. She does have some other friends that are very nice and actually look out and take up for her.

They aren't in the same class next year so hopefully that will help some.

Thanks again.

Melinda