I have had anaphylaxis to peanuts my whole live. I eat coconut oil (and coconut) and sesame seeds/oil and sunflower seeds/oil regularly and have used shea butter without any reaction. That is not to say that your DD does not have an allergy to them, but just because she has an allergy to peanuts it does not mean she has the allergy to those other things, so as far as avoiding those things, you will need to speak to your doctor and see if she tested allergic to them, as she may well not be allergic to them.
As mentioned before, peanutallergy.com has a forum and is a great resourse.
I know it is daunting, but as you your daughter grows up, she will be so used to the allergy, avoiding peanuts will be like second nature to her. As you grow with her also you will become so used to living with the allergy it will become easier. I really do not have one bit of trouble living with this allergy, it really does not bother me and I seem to avoid them quite well (haven't had an anaphylactic reaction in 12-15 years). I am certainly careful about never putting anything in my mouth or on my skin that I have not read the label of.
That is another thing, many don't think of it when they are first starting out, it is not only things that you eat, its everything you put on your skin. I had a household cleaner the other day, that I picked up and it has nut oils in it, so you should read EVERYTHING you bring into your home. There are peanut oils in some sunscreens, lipsticks, foundations among other things. A few hidden names to look for when looking at ingredients are peanutamide, Arachis Oil, Loramine Wax, Food Additive - 322 lecithins.
All the best with it, it will get easier
