Need opinions from fellow dissers

[mrsgus06]

I have 6 wonderful, healthy kids. Out of my 6, only one shows "interest" in anyone different that herself. I would watch her stare at people who were in wheelchairs and it didn't matter if the person was a baby or an elderly person. She always asks me why they are in the chair or what is wrong with the person. My response has always been, ask them. I don't know why I tell her that except maybe the best conversations I have had have been with disabled people or their family members. My best friend has a 17yo dd that suffered a stroke and is subject to multiple siezures. I have watched her many a day in my life so dealing with a disabled person is nothing new to me. I have also had wonderful talks with this child and have taken her to WDW with my family a few times. I know Ashley is capable of telling my 7yo why she has to have a wheelchair and at the times she does not want to talk, her mother will inform people that inquire about Ashley. My 7yo, Hailey, met a wonderful young lady her age at the pool in Nov that happened to be missing the lower part of her right arm. Hailey proceeded to ask the little girl what happened and it turned out that they spent hours together. I think she needs to realize it is o.k. to ask questions and in the end, she may even make a friend or at least someone that makes a lasting impression on her. Am I doing the right thing? I really don't want her to offend anyone. Should I just tell her to mind her own business? Would you be offended if she asked you questions?

BTW: we have reservations for this summer and the same little girl will be there again and Hailey still talks about her and can't wait to meet up with her again.

 

[JenJen]

Children are naturally Curious and I would rather them ask questions then just stare. IF they are asking question it is promoting I time for you as the parent to teach her some awesome life lessons. Before you have her go up to someone that is in a wheelchair or anyone with a specail need I would just be very alert to the fact that there can be other things going on besides physical disabilities and tell her she needs to stay with you when she talks to them.
Sounds like you have a smart cookie She is very aware of all that is going on arround her that is awesome!
JenJen

 

[SueOKW]

I see a very caring little girl... I agree asking questions is fine. In my case if she were to ask my son, he wouldn't be able to answer, because he has very severe CP. I would be happy to answer for him, and I think she could ask any of us the question - including my DS - and someone would answer.

 

[eternaldisneyfan]

I'd rather someone ask questions and am glad to answer. It is better if she asks 'why are you in a wheelchair/walker/cane, etc' instead of 'what's wrong with you?' It's nice that your daughter is willing to learn about & accept differences.

Christamae

 

[loadsapixiedust]

DS had CP, he doesn't speak, but he does love to chat if that makes any sense. He can convey his mood and feelings with body language and facial expressions, he can nod for yes and shake his head for no. He is a smart kid and is learning to use a voice output communication aid.

The most frustrating thing for him (and us) is when people stare or stand really close to him, but don't speak to him. He would rather have a load of questions than no conversation at all. He never gets tired of answering questions about himself, especially from other kids. Sadly it is often the parents who will try to stop them.

That is how kids learn and we should be praising them for asking their questions. I find that kids will ask about a disability in exactly the same way they want to know where you come from or what your favourite ride is, it is all the same to them, just a way of gathering information and that is true equality.

I can also understand that some people with disabilities might feel uncomfortable answering personal questions, but most kids I know will be happy for them to say, 'I can't tell you that', or 'I prefer not to talk about that' and move the conversation on to another topic. It really needn't be a problem.

 

[GroovyWheeler]

You're definitely doing the right thing. And no, I wouldn't be offended, as I love having kids come up to me, and ask me the usual questions of why I have to use a wheelchair (Dystonia, Hip Dysplasia in other hip, and moderate to severe scoliosis, all which make walking long distance, difficult) or what happened with my hands (and feet during the summertime, when they see how small they are, when I wear sandals that someone made for my leg brace/AFO.

I was born with Apert Syndrome, a very rare craniofacial disorder, that causes the bones in the skull and mid-face to "sink" or "cave" in, and for kids with this syndrome, it can cause huge amounts of unfriendly teasing, name calling, etc., from kids who "just don't understand", in their childhood years. I've had that happen to me a lot, in the past years. And since I'm a young woman that is so sensitive to the "worst things that could happen" or that I didn't feel uncomfortable with, I would easily clam up, and let the tears fall back then. I was always so ashamed of myself.

But now, I welcome questions from curious people, especially kids, who want to know why my hands/feet are different. It's good to teach kids about people with disabilities, not to be afraid of them because they're just like everyone else. They just live life differently.

Samantha

 

[BCV23]

Here's a dissenting view.

I was always taught not to stare at others and have tried to teach my children that it is rude to do so.

I also don't think it appropriate to ask strangers any highly personal questions. Just as you wouldn't ask a complete stranger "what made you choose that outfit," or "what is your salary," asking someone questions about their medical condition is too personal.

I do think it is wonderful of your friendly daughter to strike up a friendship with someone with a disability. In due time, it might be OK to ask personal questions.

Just as it used to make Samanta cry, my daughter with CP hated when other kids who didn't know her would ask her about her condition when she was small.

 

[michelle9343]

I think it is really good for childern to ask questions. My DD also doesn't talk but loves being talked to. I really hate when we are in ear shot of someone and I hear a child ask the parent " Whats wrong with her?" and the parent just hushes them and quickly gets then away.I would much rather someone have and understanding then to be afraid.

 

[minkydog]

I think it is really good for childern to ask questions. My DD also doesn't talk but loves being talked to. I really hate when we are in ear shot of someone and I hear a child ask the parent " Whats wrong with her?" and the parent just hushes them and quickly gets then away.I would much rather someone have and understanding then to be afraid.

I agree. I am a little bit sensitive to the staring and whispers that we recieve when we go out with Christian,10. He doesn't have a common "look" so most people can't really identify his disbility, although it's obvious he is different.
He's a sweet, happy boy who happens to be very mentally handicapped and non-verbal.Therefore, he has some odd behaviors (flapping, squealing, hooting, drooling) and sometimes he can be downright weird. He's the love of my life, though, and I'm very proud of his accomplishments so it doesn't bother me when people ask about him.