Need help with assisted living for great grandfather - advice needed.

[mommy2allyandaveri]

My great grandfather is 90 years old. He lives alone, sort of. For the last 5-10 years this guy has lived with him. He is middle aged and unemployed. He's basically a mooch but provides with my great grandfather company. He does absolutely nothing around the house, no cooking and no cleaning. It is beyond filthy and he refuses to let any of us come in and clean.

We (my mother and I) feel he can no longer care for himself. My mother has brought up assisted living in the past and he won't discuss it and hasn't talked to her for the last 3 months because of it.

A few months ago he crashed his car into a pole because he got confused between the gas and the brake.

Yesterday he started a fire in his house. He overloaded a power strip and was sticking 3 prong plugs into a 2 prong slot. The house is livable.

We have no idea what his finances are. I'm sure he gets SSI and I think a pension.

How do we force assisted living upon him? We do not have a lot of money to spend. We are in Northern CA if that helps.

Please help.

 

[minkydog]

Perhaps it's time to call in Adult Protective Services. I would be very concerned about this non-family member who is mooching off your GGF. APS can look into the safety of his home and check out the moocher. Also, if you or your mother can talk with the doctor, either in person or by letter, and let him know your concerns that might help. Doctors who deal with geriatric patients are well acquainted with this "talk". It sounds like your GGF has reached the point where he is endangering himself and others. It may be only a matter of time before this turns tragic.

 

[barkley]

you can't force him into anything.

unless mom has an irrevocable durable power of attorney the route you'de have to go is getting a court order showing he's incapable of making his own decisions-and then the courts decide who becomes his guardian (could be mom, could be another relative if they step forward, could be court appointed).

your best bet at this point is to get adult protective services involved. do an at risk complaint-and include adult financial abuse (the person living off your gf's resources).

if aps gets involved they can evaluate the entire situation and see what they can convince him to do as well as what he could be forced to do.

if his driving is a concern you can report him to the dmv-they have a process in california where senior drivers can have their driving skills evaluated if the dmv gets a complaint and deems it serious enough to act on.


as for places to live-you can call your county's (or grandpa's) local area agency on aging. they can give you an idea of what's out there.

my moms in a place near you that is strictly seniors but is'nt technicaly considered assisted living. it's similar to the look of a hotel (big lobby and dining room with individual private rooms on 3 floors). the set up is that the residents have individual apartments, but they get housekeeping services once per week (vacuuming, dusting, bathroom cleaned, bed linens changed-and their linens and towels are laundered for them). they have basicly a wet bar in the rooms (studios, one and two b/r) with a small fridge, a sink and some cabinets. they can put a microwave, hotplate and such in their kitchen area but their rent includes 3 meals per day in the dining room.

it's not cheap, but not what i consider horribly expensive when you factor in the maid service, 3 meals, electicity, water and cable bundled together.

with the place mom is in, as true assistance is required we can contract out for it.

 

[golfgal]

Well, if you don't have much money, assisted living is out-average cost here for an average place is about $6000/month. I agree about calling adult protective services and getting rid of the moocher. Hopefully the moocher hasn't gotten access to your Grandpa's accounts.