Need Help with a Picky Eater

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Hello!

I normally post on other forums in the DIS but I wanted some suggestions about what to do with my dd (7) who is a picky eater - so I came here!

My dd used to eat a wide variety of things when she was younger but in the last year or so she has become more increasinlgy picky. She will eat fruit (apples, bannanas, organges, tangerines, clemetines, watermelon, grapes and a few others). She has a much harder time with veggies (right now she will only eat carrots and salad with carrots with out a fight). She is also becoming very selective in the types of meat she will eat.

I have heard somethings about the hiding veggies in other reciepes and was wondering if that has really worked for people. If you have had a picky eater were you able to expand thier options? If so how? I would like for dinner time to be less of a battle and a more relaxing time for us to enjoy each other. Also she is at the age where sleepovers are becoming more common. I want her to eat what is offered to her and not go hungry because I have let her become so picky.

Ofcourse she likes junk food but she is not allowed to eat it on a regular basis.

Any suggestions on ways I can improve her eating?

 

[shirleyb]

First of all, I don't cater to my kids' food likes. I make what I make for dinner, and they either eat it or they don't. I can't tell you how many times my kids have said "I don't like that", when they see what's for supper, and then end up eating a second helping. If I had catered to their pickiness and made them something else, they wouldn't have realized that they like it.

 

[Todd&Copper]

We always had to taste things - take two bites. If we still didn't like it, we didn't have to eat it again. If we refused to taste something, mom told us she'd get it into our bodies one way or another and then dad would tell her to "go get the funnel". That scared us into trying things. [We thought the food would be funnelled into our behinds ].
My sister went through a stage where all she wanted for dinner was bologna and cheese mixed into scrambled eggs with zucchini in tomato sauce ont he side. As long as she took her Flintstones every day, mom & dad weren't worried. She grew out of it soon enough - maybe a couple of months. She was always fussy and has just recently (in her early 30's) decided to try a lot of foods she shunned in her youth.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I have a picky eater, too. I tell him he can eat what we are eating or he can have cereal. It also helps if I offer him mustard (he's a mustard freak) to dip things in.

We do have our battles. I just let him cry it out and he usually comes around.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I was a picky eater. I grew out of it. Now I'm considerably more adventurous than my parents in my tastes. Still don't like fruit (at all) or most veggies. Hasn't killed me yet.

 

[agentpleakley]

Another parent of a picky eater. This is are our standing house rule:

1. You must try everything on your plate. If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it, but you must at least try it. (DH & I both have horror stories from childhood being made to eat gross food - we both agreed we would never do this).

What has worked:

1. I let them pick out any fruit or vegetable in the produce section that they want to try. We have tried some pretty unusual things. Our recent picks were kumquats & tomatillos. The kids will try it because it's different - and alot of times they end up liking it.

2. I let them share in the cooking/preparation duties. Last night, DD(5) shucked the corn on the cob -- she exclaimed "this corn is so delicious mommy." We also have a garden -- my kids will gladly eat eggplant that they have grown.

3. I hide veggies in spaghetti sauce, chocolate cake etc. Not so much for kiddos -but for DH - he does not like veggies.

4. Make unusual foods with veggies. DD won't egg scrambled eggs. She won't eat cooked spinach. However, when I make green eggs and ham - she asks for seconds.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The best advice our pediatrician ever gave us was to not make special meals for them; that they should eat what we eat. We had some battles, but our rule was that they had to try something before they said they didn't like it. If they didn't eat, well then, they didn't eat for the rest of the night - their choice. We'd ask them, "do you really think we'd make something that doesn't taste good ?" And most of the time they'd enjoy what we were eating. Now, they eat just about everything, and seem to really enjoy trying new things, like we do. It can be done.

 

[luvmy3]

I have a very picky ds. We do have the you must try it rule before deciding that you don't like it. If I make something for dinner that I know he doesn't like I do make him something else.
I will not punish him for not liking something. (Growing up one of my punishments was going to bed without dinner).
I have found that if I give him something to dip his food in it really helps him like it.
I also let him pick what we have for dinner 2 times a week. No fast food, it must be something I cook.

 

[puffkin]

I was also going to suggest giving her things to dip her food in.

I don't make special meals in my house. If you don't like it, you don't eat. If you try it and really don't like it, you can have more side dish or something else heathly (like some fruit or something) but I don't make separate meals.

 

[TEENEE]

One thing that our pediatrician told us was not to worry about. A child that is offered food will not starve.

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd7 is really, really picky. You know what - I don't make it a battle. She always can have the default yogurt. Kids are born picky - 3 of my kids are GREAT eaters, and ds10 WAS really picky - now that he's older, he's become much better. She tastes, but if she doesn't like it, I'm not going to force her. With all of the obesity today, I don't think we should be making kids eat.

I will never make food a battle. My pediatrician says that if she only eats a handful of things, it's not a problem.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Thanks for all the responses!

I do not like to force food on dd and I do not force her to finish her food. She eats small frequent meals.

She eats a very healthy diet - it is just not as varied as I would like. I would love to get her to a place that she will eat a more varied choice of veggies.

 

[darlak]

Of my 4 kids, three were very picky eaters. I went through what you're going through now until I just couldn't live with the stress over every meal. On the advise of our doctor, I put them on a vitamin supplement and then just cooked normally. I did always secretly try to make sure that there was at least one thing each child would eat. I refused to make alternate meals for them though.

All but one have outgrown it (DD14) and my DS evens eats sushi now. Ten years ago I would have predicted that that would never happen!

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Parents of picky eaters, unite! DD1 was the worst, right up until one Thanksgiving about 3 years ago. And I snapped!

Right after I had spent the day cooking a grand Thanksgiving dinner (and without bragging, I can honestly say, I cook a mean Thanksgiving dinner!), DD1 (then 6) looked at the plate I put in front of her and said, "I don't think I like that." I went postal. Up until that moment, I had never been a "clear your plate" parent. I grew up on that type of household, and I refused to do the same. Right until that moment. I told DD1 that she had to clear her plate or eat it for breakfast (we had always had the clear your plate for dessert rule). She tested me, and I out stubborned her back.

3 years later, and she is much more willing to try new foods, and actually enjoys them. DD2 learned form her sister's mistakes, and has not tested my resolve yet. And is more willing to try new foods at a younger age.

I do not make separate meals for my girls, but I do respect their tastes as they get older. DD1 HATES steak. So when we grill steak for dinner, she gets shrimp (something she loves, but I cannot eat due to allergies). She is expected to eat all of the side dishes, but I do not force her to eat steak.

It has taken us a long time, but we have learned to meet in the middle. She loves to help in the kitchen, and I find that she is far more willing to eat a dish that she helped make. Even if it contains ingredients that she would normally not eat.

The good news is that she will outgrow this phase! Hang in there.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Of my 4 kids, three were very picky eaters. I went through what you're going through now until I just couldn't live with the stress over every meal. On the advise of our doctor, I put them on a vitamin supplement and then just cooked normally. I did always secretly try to make sure that there was at least one thing each child would eat. I refused to make alternate meals for them though.

All but one have outgrown it (DD14) and my DS evens eats sushi now. Ten years ago I would have predicted that that would never happen!

I also have dd on a vitamin supplement. It is good to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel!!

Parents of picky eaters, unite! DD1 was the worst, right up until one Thanksgiving about 3 years ago. And I snapped!

Right after I had spent the day cooking a grand Thanksgiving dinner (and without bragging, I can honestly say, I cook a mean Thanksgiving dinner!), DD1 (then 6) looked at the plate I put in front of her and said, "I don't think I like that." I went postal. Up until that moment, I had never been a "clear your plate" parent. I grew up on that type of household, and I refused to do the same. Right until that moment. I told DD1 that she had to clear her plate or eat it for breakfast (we had always had the clear your plate for dessert rule). She tested me, and I out stubborned her back.

3 years later, and she is much more willing to try new foods, and actually enjoys them. DD2 learned form her sister's mistakes, and has not tested my resolve yet. And is more willing to try new foods at a younger age.

I do not make separate meals for my girls, but I do respect their tastes as they get older. DD1 HATES steak. So when we grill steak for dinner, she gets shrimp (something she loves, but I cannot eat due to allergies). She is expected to eat all of the side dishes, but I do not force her to eat steak.

It has taken us a long time, but we have learned to meet in the middle. She loves to help in the kitchen, and I find that she is far more willing to eat a dish that she helped make. Even if it contains ingredients that she would normally not eat.

The good news is that she will outgrow this phase! Hang in there.

Thank you for your response! I too go to great lengths to cook an awesome Thanksgiving Dinner and so far dd will only eat one dish!

I think my biggest mistake has been that I do make her a seperate dinner. It's just the two of us and we have such different tastes. I will have to put a stop to that.

 

[live4christp1]

Another mom of a picky eater, well two really but DD is way worse than DS.

They do have to take 2 bites of everything on their plate. Sometimes they decide they like it sometimes not.

DD has decided she doesn't like any of the old favorites now.....she doesn't like pizza anymore, nor chicken, not spagetti, etc., etc., etc.

Neither of mine have ever liked childhood stand-bys of mac & cheese, they don't like mashed potatoes. DD doesn't like meat hardly at all now that she has decided she doesn't like chicken......reminds me of myself (told my mom I wasn't eating no dead animal )

I don't have any suggestions really.

We do vitamins. Did the Juice Plus vitamins for a while. They have both always had good lab work at the peds so he isn't worried.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm going to take a deep breath and post, and hope nobody gets offended by it. I'm not trying to tell people what to do, just explain the way I thought about it.

To me, it's about teaching good habits for a lifetime - for health and happiness, of which food plays a huge part.

I don't really believe in hiding vegetables in food, giving vitamin supplements, resorting to standby foods, or the like, in place of good eating habits, ie a varied diet. (This surely can be argued, but I'm trying to say how I felt.)

Good nutrition and healthy eating comes from eating and enjoying a variety of foods across the spectrum. There aren't only nutrients necessary for survival, but vitamins, minerals, fiber and water in different types of foods for optimum well being. Rich orange foods have Vitamin D (have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses? LOL) - squash, canteloupe, carrots. Rich reens have folic acid and other important minerals. Etc. OTOH, mac n cheese, hot dogs, fried chicken nuggets - mainly fat and salt, with very little nutritional value.

I keep a food pyramid in the kitchen as a guideline for my kids to make wise choices. Sure, they grab for the carbs, or salty, sweet snacks after school. But I stress with them that they need to eat from all 4 groups and keep what they eat in proportion to the recommendations on the pyramid. Hopefully it's sinking in. I want to give my kids the gift of health and well-being, as I'm sure everyone does, because I don't want them to have the lifetime of struggles that I did.

FWIW

 

[TEENEE]

Pea-n-me, I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing. In fact, I think having the chart in your kitchen is a great idea. I may try that for my dd, she tends to go fo the more fattening foods without even giving a thought to what she is eating.

 

[Camicar]

The good news is that she will outgrow this phase!

Not always. My sister is 42 and is as picky now as she was at 5 years old.

There are picky eaters and then there are TRULY picky eaters. There is a huge difference between them and what works for the former will NOT work for the latter because they will truly refuse to eat until they make themselves ill.

Sadly, my dd inherited my sister's pickiness. And my low blood sugar (so she becomes a total witch if she doesn't eat). We tried everything the doctor, her preschool teachers, etc. suggested. Nothing worked. Dipping sauces -- she'd suck the sauce off and not eat the item. Veggies in marinara? Give me a break -- at 14 she still picks out the tiniest chunks of tomato in a sauce, let alone another vegetable (she will also strain her sauce to remove all visible spices.) The idea of making her eat a refused dinner for breakfast didn't work-- she went 5 days eating only her school lunch and the principal told us he was going to call CPS on us for starving our child. Telling her she HAD to try food -- yeah, right -- she'd eat it and then make herself vomit it up.

She would eat plain pasta, mashed potatoes, pb sandwiches, chicken tenders, plain grilled chicken breast, and some veggies -- for some reason she was much less picky about veggies than one might think. I think part of her pickiness is that she likes VERY bland food with no other flavors on it.

When you have a truly picky eater, then the lesson we learned is to stop making food a battleground because you cannot win. You cannot FORCE anyone to eat anything they don't want to and you are setting up a very unhealthy dynamic by trying.

She has a vitamin daily. The rule now when there is nothing she likes (which happens frequently because she likes so little and we refuse to limit ourselves to her list of items any more), she can make herself a pizza or a pb sandwich or plain pasta. We also stopped limiting our restaurants to the ones with her list and there have been many a night when she eats a granola bar while we eat a real meal at the table.

Finally, last year she decided on her own that she was sick of eating chicken tenders and decided to try Fettucine Alfredo with chicken and she will now try that anywhere. But it was her choice. If we'd suggested it, she would have never tried it.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

I'm going to take a deep breath and post, and hope nobody gets offended by it. I'm not trying to tell people what to do, just explain the way I thought about it.

To me, it's about teaching good habits for a lifetime - for health and happiness, of which food plays a huge part.

I don't really believe in hiding vegetables in food, giving vitamin supplements, resorting to standby foods, or the like, in place of good eating habits, ie a varied diet. (This surely can be argued, but I'm trying to say how I felt.)

Good nutrition and healthy eating comes from eating and enjoying a variety of foods across the spectrum. There aren't only nutrients necessary for survival, but vitamins, minerals, fiber and water in different types of foods for optimum well being. Rich orange foods have Vitamin D (have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses? LOL) - squash, canteloupe, carrots. Rich reens have folic acid and other important minerals. Etc. OTOH, mac n cheese, hot dogs, fried chicken nuggets - mainly fat and salt, with very little nutritional value.

I keep a food pyramid in the kitchen as a guideline for my kids to make wise choices. Sure, they grab for the carbs, or salty, sweet snacks after school. But I stress with them that they need to eat from all 4 groups and keep what they eat in proportion to the recommendations on the pyramid. Hopefully it's sinking in. I want to give my kids the gift of health and well-being, as I'm sure everyone does, because I don't want them to have the lifetime of struggles that I did.

FWIW

I did not see anything wrong in your post so go ahead and take another deep breath and relax.

This is exactly where I am trying to get her. She does eat her fruits and veggies - I just want to expand the types she will eat. The nice thing about her or really going in her favor is that she "thinks" she likes the sweet snacks but she really does not in that she will only take a bite or two of them and be done with them.

Sadly, my dd inherited my sister's pickiness. And my low blood sugar (so she becomes a total witch if she doesn't eat). We tried everything the doctor, her preschool teachers, etc. suggested. Nothing worked. Dipping sauces -- she'd suck the sauce off and not eat the item. Veggies in marinara? Give me a break -- at 14 she still picks out the tiniest chunks of tomato in a sauce, let alone another vegetable (she will also strain her sauce to remove all visible spices.) The idea of making her eat a refused dinner for breakfast didn't work-- she went 5 days eating only her school lunch and the principal told us he was going to call CPS on us for starving our child. Telling her she HAD to try food -- yeah, right -- she'd eat it and then make herself vomit it up.

She would eat plain pasta, mashed potatoes, pb sandwiches, chicken tenders, plain grilled chicken breast, and some veggies -- for some reason she was much less picky about veggies than one might think. I think part of her pickiness is that she likes VERY bland food with no other flavors on it.

When you have a truly picky eater, then the lesson we learned is to stop making food a battleground because you cannot win. You cannot FORCE anyone to eat anything they don't want to and you are setting up a very unhealthy dynamic by trying.

She has a vitamin daily. The rule now when there is nothing she likes (which happens frequently because she likes so little and we refuse to limit ourselves to her list of items any more), she can make herself a pizza or a pb sandwich or plain pasta. We also stopped limiting our restaurants to the ones with her list and there have been many a night when she eats a granola bar while we eat a real meal at the table.

Finally, last year she decided on her own that she was sick of eating chicken tenders and decided to try Fettucine Alfredo with chicken and she will now try that anywhere. But it was her choice. If we'd suggested it, she would have never tried it.

I am the same in that I do not want to force my dd to eat anything. It is a garunteed way to ensure that she will not like it! LOL!! DD does surprise me sometimes with what she will eat. I just want to help her make the right choices and be comfortable where ever she eats.