need help with a family dilema

[peanut1967]

I will try and keep it short...

I have been with my partner for 9 years, I have two children from a previous marriage and my dp has taken care of them as his own.

When we first met I tried really hard with his mom and she didnt have transport so I would take her shopping, but it was all one way she never phoned me to see how we were never would come round for tea or come round for anything really not even holidays.

Anyway 2005 xmas we took the kids to WDW, this was my dp first visit and first really big holiday in his whole life. I made a pact to myself that I would not phone his mom when I got home I would wait for her to phone us....well we are now in 2009 and still no call, Dp gos round regulary but we just dont. She does visit her other sons, 4 in total and my dp is the oldest.

This is the dilema, it is her 60th birthday on Saturday and the sons have arranged a meal, my dp has asked if I want to go and basically I have said I will go if he would like me there, but he has put the choice in my corner....my first instinct is no I dont want to go, it will make me and his mother feel uneasy, and she has never excepted an invite to us. My second instinct is that DP will be the only brother without his family around him....what do you all think

 

[Mouse House Mama]

That's a tough one. Is the rest of the family good to you and your kids? Is so then I would go. I would probably go anyway to support my partner. But truthfully I think your partner should have had a long talk with his Mom way before this. Good luck!

 

[badblackpug]

I think I gather from your post that his mom is not outright nasty to you, but mostly indifferent. I would go. Be the bigger person, support your partner. It is one night be gracious and friendly and leave it at that, the ball is now in her court.

 

[Camno's Mama]

I would say go. Generally, when dh says things are up to me, that means he wants me there but doesn't want to make me do something. I think it's never a good idea to have a person separate his/her two families too much because sometimes it means that he/she has to choose at some point. No point in putting yourselves in that position if you can avoid it.

It's one dinner, right? I would just go and get it over with! Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[peanut1967]

Just to let you know that we went to the dinner, it went ok...but no loved loss.
Thanks for the advise guys

 

[tmatthews]

good for you! I am sure your dp really appreciated it!

 

[MousekaMaddi]

I think that was great of u to go,

 

[PEANUT1]

from one peanut to another...it feels good to be the bigger person. good for you.

 

[dimimi]

I was going to suggest you go...so I'm glad you went. Even if she didn't act like she cared, she probably did. I'll bet your dp was happy that you attended!

 

[chrisw127]

I'm glad you went. Sometimes it's just better to be the bigger person. How sad for her though, that she's missing out on having other people who care about her in her life.