Need help - On Christmas, do you go anywhere?

[SnowWhite607]

Here's the story.........my parents live about an hour away from us. Last night in talking to my mom, she made a remark that led me to believe we were doing Christmas at her house. When I was a kid, we got up to open our Santa gifts and the my mom started yelling at us to throw down the toys and get in the car so we could go to our grandma's house. All I wanted to do was stay home and play with my new stuff! She has made comments recently about how unfair that was.

My brother passed away in 2007 and she has not felt like doing a tree at her house so we did it here. My parents would come over and hang out with DD and eat at my house. Well this year she feels like putting up a tree so we are all expected to cater to her and her whims, I suppose. At least thats the way it sort of sounded. I didnt really ask, one, since they can never make plans more than 3 days ahead of time and two, I probably didnt want to hear the answer since we had just gotten into a very heated discussion about her use of a certain racial epithet of which I do not approve.

I am not giving DD a bunch of stuff and then loading her in the car to go to grandma's and spend the day.....but am I being unfair?

Do you stay home for Christmas Day or go to see family? Should I just say "Mom, we are staying here and you are more than welcome to come visit and eat."?

Just wondering what others do for holidays.............I guess the holidays bring out all the dysfunction that a family has to offer!

 

[golfgal]

We stopped going places for Christmas when DS17 was 3 and the twins were babies--first, it was just way too much work, second-because it was way too much work we ended up forgetting to bring all of our presents so the kids woke up to NO PRESENTS from us or Santa. We haven't gone anywhere since until recently (the kids are all teenagers).

 

[Kimberle]

We spend Xmas Eve w/ Grandma/Grandpa, cousins etc. Xmas day is at home.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well what do you want? If you want to stay home tell mom that you are staying home and she is welcome to visit.

We stay home on Christmas Day usually. With the kids being older we might travel this yr. It is a weird yr. with a lot going on.

If you do decide to visit mom, you don't have to stay all day either. Make it a short visit.

Or visit on C. Eve.

"Make it Work" for you.

 

[SamRoc]

We stayed home when the kids were little so they could play with their toys and then started traveling when they were teenagers. Spent a few Christmases in Disney World. But now we go to my brother in laws in colts neck on Christmas eve for the traditional Italian fish dinner, then to my brothers in Bloomsbury for Christmas Day

 

[Christine]

It doesn't matter what other people do or what *should* be done. Mystery Machine is correct--what do you want to do? Any decision you make is not wrong. I am always amazed on these DIS threads that people allow their families to manipulate/bully them into behaving a certain way. You are an adult woman, yes, your kids probably want to stay home (as do you). Just tell your mom that this is your *thing* and you aren't leaving the house on Christmas Day and that she is welcome to your home. There's nothing wrong with going to see her on another day.

 

[clarabelle]

We made a general announcement -to both sides when our oldest was born.
That we would NOT travel on Christmas Day.
We will travel the weekends before and after and grandparents were welcome to come here.
It worked out fine for us. There may have been some hurt feelings -but if there were -they kept it quiet.
The key is to stick to it -not vary from year to year.

Having a Christmas celebration a week or so after Christmas is a lot of fun- it gives you a little something to look forward to.

 

[BelleWDW]

We alawys have extended Family get togethers-with all the cousins-the weekend before Christmas.

 

[mamamary]

We go up to New York every Christmas Eve and stay a few days. My whole family is in NY. My kids have never had Christmas morning at our house. What we do is have an "early christmas" here in Maryland usually either the weekend before or on the day we head up to NY. So it's like having two Christmas mornings - one here and one in NY. I think it's whatever works. My DH's family is here in Maryland and we do a "Christmas" with them sometime in December.

 

[SnowWhite607]

It doesn't matter what other people do or what *should* be done. Mystery Machine is correct--what do you want to do? Any decision you make is not wrong. I am always amazed on these DIS threads that people allow their families to manipulate/bully them into behaving a certain way. You are an adult woman, yes, your kids probably want to stay home (as do you). Just tell your mom that this is your *thing* and you aren't leaving the house on Christmas Day and that she is welcome to your home. There's nothing wrong with going to see her on another day.

You are absolutely correct, I know. But my mother lays on the guilt so heavy and she always has. I know exactly what she will say........"I only have one child left and one grandchild and you cant even come to my house....this could be my last Christmas, you never know, and then how would you feel??"

She just doesnt get how I am so family oriented, I guess since she never was that way.

 

[SnowWhite607]

We made a general announcement -to both sides when our oldest was born.
That we would NOT travel on Christmas Day.
We will travel the weekends before and after and grandparents were welcome to come here.
It worked out fine for us. There may have been some hurt feelings -but if there were -they kept it quiet.
The key is to stick to it -not vary from year to year.

Having a Christmas celebration a week or so after Christmas is a lot of fun- it gives you a little something to look forward to.

HA! In my wildest dreams would she ever keep quiet (see above post)

 

[happygirl]

Christmas Eve is my family

Christmas we drive 4 hours to my hubby family, I really wish we could just stay home

 

[Christine]

You are absolutely correct, I know. But my mother lays on the guilt so heavy and she always has. I know exactly what she will say........"I only have one child left and one grandchild and you cant even come to my house....this could be my last Christmas, you never know, and then how would you feel??"

She just doesnt get how I am so family oriented, I guess since she never was that way.

I hope I'm not sounding rude (I just have to be quick because I'm at work). The guilt trip is really your mother's problem. You have to choose not to let it get to you. My MIL guilted us for years. I *never* let it bother me, although, it did bug my DH but I just stood my ground.

I'm lucky for the most part with my parents. My mom doesn't believe that kids should have to be dragged around on Christmas Day (she knows they love sitting home with their toys). Since my parents are "just the two of them" they are completely mobile and unencumbered. They show up at my house each Christmas morning at around 8:00 a.m. because they want to watch the kids open gifts. They don't make the holiday about them or what they want, it is about what the people who have to drag kids around want to do.

Of course, they are in good health and have no problems getting around. It would be a different story if they were aging poorly.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

Lemme tell ya, my family puts the FUN in DISfunctional!

A little odd,but it works for us......

We spend Christmas Eve hanging out with just us around 2pm on. I work in retail so I normally work like 5am-130 pm on Christmas Eve. We ride the trolly around the local shopping center and eat a snack. THEN>>>>>>

We go home, get the tiny tree from DDs room, pack the car with a few presents, and go to a hotel. YEP a hotel. We normally get a 2 room suite and the kids sleep on the pullout. We set up the tree, order room service, rent movies, and snack all night! The next morning we open the few presents we brought, take the ornaments off the tree (leave the tree), head to my Dad's for brunch about 930. Then to hubby's family by noon where we spend the rest of the day. Sometimes we stay the night, event though they are less than 1/2 hour away. When we come home, the kids open the rest of the presents.

It's normally a WHIRLWIND couple of days, but it's not about me and DH, it's about the kids. and the meaning of Christmas of course. But we are very tight with our families and this way the kids see everyone that day.

Whatever you choose, have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

 

[mtemm]

we stay home. the first year we had our eldest, we travelled for it and split time between both parents, but ever since we decided we were home...our door is open to whomever wants to be there, but we aren't going anywhere.

we are comfortable with our decision and the first year we made it known well ahead of time. my advice, if you want it, is to make sure you are both comfortable with your decision and once you know you are, let your mom know what it is. sooner rather than later.

good luck! and remember, even if it causes drama, you don't have to participate in the drama.

 

[SnowWhite607]

No not rude, I understand. I need to be a big girl and state what I want and let it be non-negotiable. I just feel bad because sometimes I feel guilty that I am all she has and now I am making it hard on her. (although not really hard since they are in their early 60s, decent health and they travel all over in their camper).

I am glad to see that so many others stay home with their kids on Christmas, like I said, I grew up spending the day at relatives so I didnt really know any difference and thought I was stramge for wanting to be at home.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

We stay home for Christmas day but we live in Va and our families live in Pa and NY. Growing up we would start off at home I would open santas gifts. Then go to my one Grandmas for lunch and go to my other Grandmas for dinner. I loved it. We exchanged presents with cosuins. I would bring something new I could show to my Grandma's I never at all remember thinking I wish I could stay home and play with this stuff I wanted to be with family.
If there was a way we would be with family on this day we would because it isn't about the toys the kids get it is about being with those you love.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I guess I have a different view point. When I was growing up, we did the marathon thing. Christmas eve was church and hors d'oevres/desserts at my uncle's house.

Christmas morning, my mom's dad and my dad's mom would come over and watch us open presents -- we'd have breakfast with danish and cookies. Then we would go to my grandmother's (my mother's mom) for dinner (2 p.m. or so) and then leave there and go back to my uncle's house (my dad's brother's) for dessert. Gifts everywhere, so it didn't bother me at all! It was only 1/2 hour to/from each place.

Now, we're in IL, DH's mother is in IN (4 hours), DH's family is all over the country, my parents and grandmother are in NJ, and my brother is in NC. I would give anything for my kids to have the kind of relationship I did with my cousins and family. Sharing family birthday parties and holidays is something that they'll never know.

We try hard to switch off on holidays, and there are some times we just say (in AUGUST) that we're going nowhere for Christmas. Anyone who wants to visit is welcome, but we're staying put. I've also made the point with people that it's much easier for one or two to travel with gifts than for a family of 4 with gifts.

Best wishes on whatever you decide. You need to decide how you want your kids to remember Christmas, and if it's at home with your immediate family unit, that's what you should decide and stick to your guns.

 

[SnowWhite607]

we usually go to DH's brother house Christmas Eve afternoon and exchange gifts. But I have no siblings and DH has just the one brother, he has one child. We have one child. His mother is deceased and all our (mine and his) grandparents are deceased. So basically on his side, its his brother, sister in law and their son, DH's dad and on my side, its my mom and dad. I just thought it would be easier for everyone (my mom, my dad and my FIL) to come over here) BIL and SIL do their own thing for Christmas with her family out of town.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

First christmas I think we went to DH's parents house--but by her second, we stayed home at least on Christmas morning if not day. We go out to dinner on Christmas Eve and then to mass, come home--have snacks and open one gift then the kiddos go to bed. Santa works his magic and then the following morning it is Christmas in our house.

This christmas we'll be going to his family the day after Christmas.

But the closest relative for us had always been 2.5-3 hours away.

If they lived more locally, I'd still do morning in my home--but chances are we'd bounce around later in the day.

The decision is yours and when you have kids on your own, you should be fully capable of deciding how you want your family traditions to be without being manipulated by family members whom you left once you started your own family. (I'm not saying family is not important, but they do not come before your own family.)