Need Help!! (Long post, but please read!)

[LittleMissMickey]

I need to get my mom motivated to start working on developing a healthy diet and exercise routine.

She was told by the doctor that she needed to lose 100 pounds. Then, another doctor, in an effort to make her feel better, told her, "not that much." Because of that second doctor, she thinks she doesn't need to worry about it!

This frustrates me. I worry about her! I know that her self-esteem isn't where it should be and that her weight is having other effects on her body and mood. I try to help her by introducing her to Kashi cereals and things like that. We have gotten better, up until a week ago she was stopping at McDonald's for breakfast every morning!

She still has potato chips and/or Culver's Custard every night. For lunch she has Chicken and pasta salad with mayo and water chestnuts. She thinks this is healthy because she uses a low carb pasta. She doesn't realize that that much mayo and low carb pasta is only good if you are doing a low carb diet. She refuses to go low carb, even just for a little bit.

She thinks working out is too hard for her. She comes to water aerobics with me two times a week, unless there is something going on. I guess on average she exercises once a week.

She doesn't like drinking water, so no matter how much I try to push that idea on her, she won't have it.

She made the comment the other day that really frustrated me. One of her friends lost 30 pounds, and she said, "I can't believe it. Her clothes don't even look good on her, they just hang. She is actually going to go out and buy all new clothes." She said this as if it was a bad thing! I tried to help her imagine how good it felt to "have" to go buy new clothes. I think she is almost afraid to lose weight, but I don't know.

Maybe some of you can help me? I don't know if others have overcome things like this or know anything. I tried to sign her up on WISH, and sometimes she seems to like the idea, but she refuses to do it!

ARGH! So frustrated and worried about her! If she doesn't do it now, while I'm living here at home, I doubt that she ever will...

Thanks in advance,
Ashley

 

[kayeandjim00]

Wow - it sounds like you are in a difficult position. Caring so much for your mom's health and obviously wanting to help her to take the best care she can of herself but other than encouraging her I don't know what you can do. Speaking from experience I have to say that when people are successful losing weight it's because they have made the choice to do so. Sometimes all the encouragement and well intentioned suggestions just don't help. I think you are doing everything that you can and I am sure that deep inside she knows what she needs to do she just hasn't gotten herself to the point where she realizes that she CAN do it. I think you are doing great - having her come with you to water aerobics and really encouraging her and mentioning how well she is doing will be a big help. If the two of you go out for meals maybe suggest restaurants that you know tend to have healthier choices and suggest items. Maybe even in an off handed way like "I heard that the grilled chicken salad here is wonderful." Is Weight Watchers something that may work? It's something the two of you could do together and that might help.
You are doing everything you can. My advice would be to keep encouraging her and maybe the success you are having will inspire her as well! Best of luck. :

 

[LittleMissMickey]

Thanks, Kaye&Jim...

I try to be encouraging, but sometimes I just get so frustrated! I told her that when we leave for Florida in December, I am tossing all junk in the house, because we really need to start fresh. We have a pantry worth of chips and candy! We made a fun time out of organizing it and tossing anything old, but as you can see, unhealthy lifestyles are taking over our lives. It's very hard, too, because she will often suggest things that are less than healthy and I'm training for the marathon, so I get stressed out over that! UGH! It's so hard when it's family!

 

[geetey]

Hugs to you, Ashley! What you are trying to do is a wonderful thing. I have tried to get both of my parents to be more careful about their dietary choices. No success with my mother, but much better with my father.

My dad is diabetic and his numbers were getting close to the doctor's recommending insulin. Only when I found information about Atkins helping diabetics and reducing the need for meds did he listen. He does the WATP tapes (which is a riot, if you knew my dad) or walks. He tends to be 'good' for several weeks, and then go off and munch on carbs. Overall, he has avoided insulin and does weigh less than when he started, so I am hopeful that slowly but surely he will get there. My mom bounces between low carb products and regular eating. Same as your mom... thinks she is doing good eating all of the mayo, cheeses, low carb stuff, without actually following low carb, so I think she is actually moving up the scale!

Studies have shown that even a 10% weight loss is benefitial. Maybe you could ask her to try and just lose 10 pounds and see how she feels? It could be the hugeness of the whole thing is turning her off. Baby steps.

Could she WATP or some other basic tape? I love WATP! My mom likes Richard Simmons tapes. Some thing is better than nothing. Good luck!!!

 

[LittleMissMickey]

Any more inspiring ideas?

 

[Auntmeme]

Hi Ashely I was just asking about you on the other thread

Good for you motivating your mom! Just keep it up - positive role model thatyou are will help her see(hopefully). It is more motivating to do things together so anything you can do or another person can do with her will help. Like weight watchers & exercising. I say get rid of the chips now The sooner you start the better.

Does she have a best friend who canhelp? A heart to heart talk - how you are worried and all for her health. Her negative words about the other woman are words of fear & possibly jealousy. It is so hard to be honest with ourselves when we are unhappy - we all know how easy it is to not exercise & eat whatever junk suits our taste but you & all the wishers know what that leads too.

Remember how you got the kids to start following your lead with eating better - well know you must do it with your mom - everyday show her the way(weigh)

Please join us soon on the maraton thread - miss ya

 

[karebear1]

You know what Ashley? You could be my DD writing this about me a year ago! You are such a sweet young woman- and a wonderful daughter too.

Honestly, I think the only thing my daughetr could've done to help me along would be to sit down and have a heart to heart with me about how she is so concerned and worried about me. How much she wants me to be healthy and what can she do to help me? That would be a real motivator for me if it was done in the right spirit. BUT, when it comes right down to it Ashley, this is totally your DM own responsibilty. She has to be ready to move it along. For me, it took several months of my diabetes being totally out of control to change my lilfestyle. And even now, I still have a LONG way to go and have my major slip ups.

Please- tell your mom if she wants a partner in crime- I'll walk with her! I still have close to 80 lbs. to lose. I would love to have someone to talk to about it. Maybe when we meet you all at the marathon, we can get her to commit ot doing it NEXT January in 2006. Wouldn't that be something?!?!?! It would be worth going back there for that!

 

[Zoesmama03]

I can't really help but want to say my mom is the same way. She is diabetic at that so she has read all about how she should eat but she isn't chaning. Her vision is messing up and I'm afraid she will loose her sight in the future.

I seriously don't know what to do myself so perhaps we both can get some ideas.

I tried to get my mom to do Weight Watchers with me 4 years ago and when I switched from meetings to the online program I gave her my materials and she didn't even read them. She throws newspapers in the morning as her job and sleeps and plays The Sims most of the day. Ack The told her a few weeks back that she would need to be put on insulin shots.


The good thing about it is I'm trying to change the habits she has got me on so I can avoid these health problems. I assume since you are here you are doing some kinda plan maybe you can keep encouraging her to do it with you.