Need Discipline Advice

[disykat]

Also, just to clarify. We aren't lucky enough to have a play room (but that's not for lack of wishing for one). We have three bedrooms, a living room, and kitchen. Because of space issues, things get brought out to the living room because that is where there is the most floor space to play.

I'm glad you mentioned that! I've been surprised at all the people who seem to think kids keeping their toys confined to playrooms are the norm.

 

[dngnb8]

I would spank your DH later. It wont discipline the kids, but it may be fun and help you forget the pain of a broken flat screen.

 

[mrodgers]

My son broke a window in his bedroom playing with an RC plane, he had to use his birthday money to pay for it.

Ouch! I'd advise you to learn a bit about the adult hobby of RC airplanes and not to get him an airplane that is capable of breaking a window that should be flown outside in a dedicated AMA club field. There are plenty of toy grade RC airplanes in the stores such as Walmart and Target that would be appropriate for a child to play with. The toy grade planes you could fly into a person and nothing would happen. An airplane that could break a window is not a toy and should be handled by knowledgeable trained adults as I said, in a dedicated AMA club field.

 

[princessmom29]

Ouch! I'd advise you to learn a bit about the adult hobby of RC airplanes and not to get him an airplane that is capable of breaking a window that should be flown outside in a dedicated AMA club field. There are plenty of toy grade RC airplanes in the stores such as Walmart and Target that would be appropriate for a child to play with. The toy grade planes you could fly into a person and nothing would happen. An airplane that could break a window is not a toy and should be handled by knowledgeable trained adults as I said, in a dedicated AMA club field.

I have seen a toy helicopter from Walmart break a window. It didn't shatter, but it did crack the pane. Some of the toys are actually capable of breaking things.

 

[mhsjax]

I do understand where you're coming from. I have a child, but I also have rules. I know that toys don't belong where the TV is, and so does my child. If my child is watching TV, she's watching TV (not playing with toys). If she wants to play with toys, she plays in her room. I have these rules because I don't want expensive things broken. I know that a parent cannot be on top of her child 24/7. I don't think that's necessarily what the other poster meant. (At least that's not what I meant.) I just meant to say that a parent needs to have enough awareness of what his/her children are doing to be able to keep catastrophies from happening. (eyes in the back of our heads, right?? ) If there is a rule in the OP's house about throwing toys in the house, and if the 6-yr old was aware of that, then there should certainly be consequences. The 2-yr old, not so much.

Well first of all, kids break rules. That is why the OP has a broken TV. Also, my kids had toys in the room with the TV and they never broke it. Kids do these things some times and just because a child "isn't allowed" to play with things out side of their room, doesn't mean that it never happens. OH, and I have 3 kids. They sometimes threw things, and they got a swat when they did, but that is a whole other can of worms.

 

[Mama Who]

The toddler is too young to be "punished" for the dispropportionate result of a minorly naughty behavior. The consequences can be discussed but beyond that, the baby was unsupervised and can't really be expected to grasp a long term punishment.

Consequences, on the other hand, are a practical consideration. Clearly a large and fancy television is not safe to have in the rooms where the children are allowed unsupervised. If/when it is replaced the new one should go in a room with a door that the children are shut out of when mom and dad can't watch them. If mom has to be in the bathroom or doing laundry, the kids have to leave the room while she does. Cause and effect. It will remind the 6 year old of why we don't throw things and will prevent the 2 year old from destriying another.

 

[MrsPete]

The best discipline is usually to allow natural consequences to fall into place. In this case, they broke the TV. Now they can't watch 'til you have the money for another one.

Clearly, this item is much beyond their ability to save, but that doesn't matter: Even the 6-year old can't grasp the concept of money and the TV's real value. So I'd tell them it cost something like $100 -- or tell them that their part of the responsbility is $100 -- an amount that the 6-year old might grasp. Make a visual chart. And pick some sacrafices that the family will make. You might tell the kids that a certain toy they want or a certain outing they want to take might cost $10; skip that and mark $10 off the $100. No cookies, no soda might cut $5 off the debt.

Don't be afraid to let them hurt a bit. Kids learn from being unhappy.

And although both children need to be involved in the punishment, don't expect the 2-year old to really understand the lesson.

BUT once the debt is paid, drop it. Let them redeem themselves and move on.

 

[marcyinPA]

The best discipline is usually to allow natural consequences to fall into place. In this case, they broke the TV. Now they can't watch 'til you have the money for another one.

Clearly, this item is much beyond their ability to save, but that doesn't matter: Even the 6-year old can't grasp the concept of money and the TV's real value. So I'd tell them it cost something like $100 -- or tell them that their part of the responsbility is $100 -- an amount that the 6-year old might grasp. Make a visual chart. And pick some sacrafices that the family will make. You might tell the kids that a certain toy they want or a certain outing they want to take might cost $10; skip that and mark $10 off the $100. No cookies, no soda might cut $5 off the debt.

Don't be afraid to let them hurt a bit. Kids learn from being unhappy.

And although both children need to be involved in the punishment, don't expect the 2-year old to really understand the lesson.

BUT once the debt is paid, drop it. Let them redeem themselves and move on.

100% agree with this....110% with the bolded! We are so afraid of damaging our kids these days, and we make everything so comfy for them, that we end up doing more harm than good in the long run.

 

[princessmom29]

100% agree with this....110% with the bolded! We are so afraid of damaging our kids these days, and we make everything so comfy for them, that we end up doing more harm than good in the long run.

ITA as well. I see it all the time with DD's friends. I am the "mean mom" for making her follw the rules and imposing real consequences when she doesn't. I don't se it as mean, I see it as doing the right thing by my child and teaching her that poor behavior has consequences.

I coach DD's school cheer squad and every year I go through the "they're too young to be asked to listen and behave for a whole hour" bit with the parents. There are always one or two that say I am "too demanding" or I "expect too much". Once I have had them for a few weeks, thier parents are stunned that they actually listen and follow directions and are learning something, and that they are actualyl enjoying it. I get "I cannot get her to do that. How are you doing it?". I don't know how to answer, so most of the time I just say I don't know. If i was honest I woudl tell them that I set high expectations and expect that the girls will meet them. Once they know I really do mean what I say, they tend to fall in line and cooperate. It is sad that they have to figue out that i really do mean it and will follow through.

 

[DipsyDoodles]

I'm one of those very rare posters and I try and stay away from personal kinds of things, but this one I'm at a real lose on and need some advice.

My 2 1/2 and 6 year old DSs just completely broke our less than 6 months old flat screen T.V. They were messing around in the room and threw an empty plastic bucket. It hit the bottom corner of the T.V. Now when the T.V. is turned on, you can see where it hit and there are shatter lines stretching out from the point of impact. Also, there is no picture what so ever on that 1/3 of the T.V.

So, here is my question. How do you punish a 2 1/2 year old and 6 year old for something like this? They can't pay for it as it would take them years to pay it off on the small allowance the 6 year old gets. I want them to know it's serious and I want the punishment to fit the crime, but beyond no T.V. for x amount of months and doing extra chores, is there really anything else that can be done to help them understand fully what they did?

Thanks.

Do you have a "no throwing things" rule in your house? They may have just been tossing the bucket back and forth and accidently hit the t.v. If there isn't a rule to dissuade them from doing this I don't think you should punish. Definetely explain and create a new rule but punishing for just messing around is tough.

 

[happygirl]

If they have TV in there rooms, They would be gone, I would tell them they lost there tv. There tv have to be used in place of the tv they broke

 

[jodifla]

I agree 100%

I would never have punished my kids for that other than they would know what they did was wrong and what they shouldn't have been doing, and how much it is going to affect the family. And how now we have to decide what to do, whether to fix the tv and do with out something else or whether to live with it.
I did much more mental teaching than punishment with my kids. I didn't care about the punishment as much as did they learn what they needed to learn?
Do they know what they did wrong? Will they do it again.

Did they stand and throw it at the TV or did it get away from them? We all make mistakes. and it accidentally getting away from them is a helluva lot different than standing there and throwing it.

Seriously they need to learn from this much more than just that you can punish them.

Yes, this!

 

[Kat77]

I would use the example of the broken TV to make it clear why we do not throw things in the house.

Beyond that I would not discipline them or make them pay it back. Intent is big with me and they did not maliciously intend to break the TV. It was an accident.

^ This! Absolutely!

My two youngest busted a television when they were 4 and 5 yrs old. It almost landed on our daughter who tried to prevent it from falling. Items can be replaced, your kids can not! Experiencing the broken television is a lesson in itself. Accidents happen.

 

[mumto3girls]

I'm not certain that it applies, but did you consider turning this into your homeowner's insurance carrier? Accidents are usually the kinds of things that are covered under insurance policies. You would have a deductible and I guess you run the risk of your premium going up, but if it were a really expensive tv it might be worth it. A phone call can't hurt.

 

[NotUrsula]

I'm not certain that it applies, but did you consider turning this into your homeowner's insurance carrier? Accidents are usually the kinds of things that are covered under insurance policies. You would have a deductible and I guess you run the risk of your premium going up, but if it were a really expensive tv it might be worth it. A phone call can't hurt.

There is another possibility, since the OP says that it is less than a year old. If it was purchased with a credit card, the credit card's buyer protection plan might apply. That option won't negatively impact homeowner's insurance premiums.

That said, yes, I'd make the tykes suffer in a way that they can understand. No TV for a while, and also force them to give up some of their little luxuries to help pay for the TV; things like favorite fast-food lunches, or desserts at home, etc. Extra chores to work off the debt also might work.

If you cannot separate the toys from the TV due to the layout of your home, you might consider putting a screen protector on the replacement television. For large screens, these generally cost in the neighborhood of $80.

 

[huey duey & luey]

Children that young need supervision. Six is too young to be supervising a younger sibling. Neither child should be punished. An adut needed to be supervising the play to redirect the children before the play turned rough. Six is also too young to adequately understand costs and so on. The conscience is not even developed until later. There are books on what can be expected at various ages.

The children should be taught how to play indoors and given adequate supervised energetic play out of doors. This is a tough lesson for the parents, but things do get broken when children play. If no adult was there to prevent throwing of items in the TV room, that's a lesson learned by the adults of the household.

I have to ask, is this a serious response? Nowhere did the OP say the children were left to run rampant. A throwing of a toy could happen in a split second with a parent in the room.

 

[ccgirl]

I'm one of those very rare posters and I try and stay away from personal kinds of things, but this one I'm at a real lose on and need some advice.

My 2 1/2 and 6 year old DSs just completely broke our less than 6 months old flat screen T.V. They were messing around in the room and threw an empty plastic bucket. It hit the bottom corner of the T.V. Now when the T.V. is turned on, you can see where it hit and there are shatter lines stretching out from the point of impact. Also, there is no picture what so ever on that 1/3 of the T.V.

So, here is my question. How do you punish a 2 1/2 year old and 6 year old for something like this? They can't pay for it as it would take them years to pay it off on the small allowance the 6 year old gets. I want them to know it's serious and I want the punishment to fit the crime, but beyond no T.V. for x amount of months and doing extra chores, is there really anything else that can be done to help them understand fully what they did?

Thanks.

Haven't read all of the replies but just wanted to give my thoughts. As much as this stinks, I do not feel it warrants punishment. It was an accident. Unfortunately, with children accidents happen (even expensive ones). Now, if they were kicking a ball around in the house when you have told them not to; that might be one thing. Sorry.

Question to the OP: is the tv hung on the wall? If not, you may want to consider that if it is in a family room where the children play.

As far as unsupervised play; I guess the poster that posted that has never gone to the bathroom by herself, put in a load of laundry by herself or washed/vacuumed the floor without her children in the same room????