Need Discipline Advice

[steves1bear]

I'm one of those very rare posters and I try and stay away from personal kinds of things, but this one I'm at a real lose on and need some advice.

My 2 1/2 and 6 year old DSs just completely broke our less than 6 months old flat screen T.V. They were messing around in the room and threw an empty plastic bucket. It hit the bottom corner of the T.V. Now when the T.V. is turned on, you can see where it hit and there are shatter lines stretching out from the point of impact. Also, there is no picture what so ever on that 1/3 of the T.V.

So, here is my question. How do you punish a 2 1/2 year old and 6 year old for something like this? They can't pay for it as it would take them years to pay it off on the small allowance the 6 year old gets. I want them to know it's serious and I want the punishment to fit the crime, but beyond no T.V. for x amount of months and doing extra chores, is there really anything else that can be done to help them understand fully what they did?

Thanks.

 

[C.Ann]

Uh oh!

I have no idea - but I'm really sorry..

 

[Talking Hands]

First the 2 1/2 yo really has no concept of what he has done. The 6 yo on the other hand should know he shouldn't be throwing things. Perhaps not allowing them to play in the room with the tv. Or only quick games can be played in that room. Board games, reading a book, etc.

 

[cornflake]

I'd definitely have them "pay it off," and maybe have them do a little empathy exercise to drive home the point. Obviously, this all applies more to the older child, who will get it more, but I'd do it for both - both to avoid 'no fair, he did it too, just because he's little....' and because he can learn to the extent he can learn, even if the punishment is a little big for him, it'll just go over his head.

Obviously they're not going to actually pay the whole thing off, but I'd sit them down and explain how much a tv costs. Explain in a way he can understand - relate it to his allowance in some way, or if it's too small, relate it to something he can understand better.

A tv like the one that got broken costs ... X number of whatever he knows is something that costs enough it's not a given, like a DVD or game or toy. Does he know that mommy and daddy go to work to make money? It takes a whole day at work to make enough money to buy groceries, it takes 5 WHOLE DAYS working to buy a tv, that sort of thing.

Then I'd explain that you know they did not do it on purpose. They didn't mean it, but that doesn't excuse that they were not being careful and respectful of the things in the house that you work hard for. Hence, they have to contribute to the cost of a new one. Put a bowl or whatever by the tv and he has to put a percentage of his allowance in for the same X weeks that it'll take you and your husband to pay for it, maybe? Or some such.

I'd then do a little empathy exercise. Again, reiterate that you know they did not mean to do it, but that they did it regardless and the outcome is the same.

Then discuss what would happen if, say, you accidentally, because you weren't being careful, broke their favourite toys, or some toys they value that they had to wait for Christmas or Birthday to get because it was expensive. Imagine if you.... put a pot down on your son's DS or whatever, because you didn't look to see what was on the table and broke it. How would he feel? Would he feel mad at you? Would he feel sad? What if you told him you didn't mean it, would that change how he felt?

If there's something he purchased with his money, all the better as another example. You can do it with your younger one too - how would he feel if you broke his whatever? Would he be mad? Sad? Etc....

Discussing that in depth and helping them learn to think from another person's point of view will hopefully help them understand that this wasn't ok, even if they didn't mean to, and help them be more careful of other people's things in general in the future.

 

[Sadie22]

Children that young need supervision. Six is too young to be supervising a younger sibling. Neither child should be punished. An adut needed to be supervising the play to redirect the children before the play turned rough. Six is also too young to adequately understand costs and so on. The conscience is not even developed until later. There are books on what can be expected at various ages.

The children should be taught how to play indoors and given adequate supervised energetic play out of doors. This is a tough lesson for the parents, but things do get broken when children play. If no adult was there to prevent throwing of items in the TV room, that's a lesson learned by the adults of the household.

 

[badblackpug]

Children that young need supervision. Six is too young to be supervising a younger sibling. Neither child should be punished. An adut needed to be supervising the play to redirect the children before the play turned rough. Six is also too young to adequately understand costs and so on. The conscience is not even developed until later. There are books on what can be expected at various ages.

The children should be taught how to play indoors and given adequate supervised energetic play out of doors. This is a tough lesson for the parents, but things do get broken when children play. If no adult was there to prevent throwing of items in the TV room, that's a lesson learned by the adults of the household.

Really? Because my 3 year old knows not to throw things in the house. Certainly a 6 year old knows this, too. The 2 year old is probably not going to "get" the punishment, but the 6 year old will.

How much will it cost to repair the TV? Maybe tell the 6 year old that he can't watch TV until his half of the repairs are paid off. Then use his allowance and assign extra chores to pay it off. Or have him sell something expensive of his (video game?) to pay for his half of the repairs.

My son broke a window in his bedroom playing with an RC plane, he had to use his birthday money to pay for it.

 

[themilesfamily]

OP, I am so sorry to hear that!

My take on it: I'd talk to the oldest one about being responsible with the family's belongings. Talk about cause and effect -- i.e. what he could have done differently in that situation. Talk about how he would feel if his favorite toy was broken. I would also tell him that I forgive him, that accidents happen, but that you expect him to do better next time and no more throwing things in the house!

My DH's take on it: DH said he would curl into the fetal position and weep softly for 24 hours. Or move out. (What can I say, the man loves his TV.)

Wasn't there a Brady Bunch episode where Peter breaks Carol's favorite vase? How did the Brady's handle it? I'm sure those folks knew what they were doing...

 

[Mama-san]

Children that young need supervision. Six is too young to be supervising a younger sibling. Neither child should be punished. An adut needed to be supervising the play to redirect the children before the play turned rough. Six is also too young to adequately understand costs and so on. The conscience is not even developed until later. There are books on what can be expected at various ages.

The children should be taught how to play indoors and given adequate supervised energetic play out of doors. This is a tough lesson for the parents, but things do get broken when children play. If no adult was there to prevent throwing of items in the TV room, that's a lesson learned by the adults of the household.

Wow, so much for going to the bathroom or grabbing a load of clothes to fold from the laundry! These were kids playing. I'm sure they know not to throw things, but hey, they are kids, they forget. This could happen in half a second. I do not believe for an instant that lack of adult supervision had anything to do with this happening.

OP, I'm at a loss as for suggestions, but good luck!

 

[cornflake]

Children that young need supervision. Six is too young to be supervising a younger sibling. Neither child should be punished. An adut needed to be supervising the play to redirect the children before the play turned rough. Six is also too young to adequately understand costs and so on. The conscience is not even developed until later. There are books on what can be expected at various ages.

The children should be taught how to play indoors and given adequate supervised energetic play out of doors. This is a tough lesson for the parents, but things do get broken when children play. If no adult was there to prevent throwing of items in the TV room, that's a lesson learned by the adults of the household.

A six-year-old has, or should have, a conscience, yes. As well, a six-year-old, and even a two-and-a-half-year-old, is old enough to know not to throw stuff around in the house, and to be careful around stuff that can break. These are not at all age-inapprorpiate expectations.

This wasn't a nine-month-old that inadvertently shoved something over while cruising, it's a toddler and a first grader.

 

[jdb in AZ]

Really? Because my 3 year old knows not to throw things in the house. Certainly a 6 year old knows this, too. The 2 year old is probably not going to "get" the punishment, but the 6 year old will.

How much will it cost to repair the TV? Maybe tell the 6 year old that he can't watch TV until his half of the repairs are paid off. Then use his allowance and assign extra chores to pay it off. Or have him sell something expensive of his (video game?) to pay for his half of the repairs.

My son broke a window in his bedroom playing with an RC plane, he had to use his birthday money to pay for it.

That makes sense, but the parent would have to be willing to put up with a restless kid who would normally be watching t.v. Extra time spent entertaining the 6-yr-old may be more of a punishment for the parent. Hopefully the family lives near a park where the kid can run off some pent-up energy.

 

[tinah159]

Wow, so much for going to the bathroom or grabbing a load of clothes to fold from the laundry! These were kids playing. I'm sure they know not to throw things, but hey, they are kids, they forget. This could happen in half a second. I do not believe for an instant that lack of adult supervision had anything to do with this happening.

OP, I'm at a loss as for suggestions, but good luck!

That is exactly what I was going to say. You beat me to it!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would use the example of the broken TV to make it clear why we do not throw things in the house.

Beyond that I would not discipline them or make them pay it back. Intent is big with me and they did not maliciously intend to break the TV. It was an accident.

 

[badblackpug]

That makes sense, but the parent would have to be willing to put up with a restless kid who would normally be watching t.v. Extra time spent entertaining the 6-yr-old may be more of a punishment for the parent. Hopefully the family lives near a park where the kid can run off some pent-up energy.

I guess it is different here. We don't entertain the kids. They are more than capable of amusing themselves, and if the OP's kids are anything like mine, they have more than enough toys to do it with.

 

[kacaju]

I would use the example of the broken TV to make it clear why we do not throw things in the house.

Beyond that I would not discipline them or make them pay it back. Intent is big with me and they did not maliciously intend to break the TV. It was an accident.

agreed

 

[disykat]

I would use the example of the broken TV to make it clear why we do not throw things in the house.

Beyond that I would not discipline them or make them pay it back. Intent is big with me and they did not maliciously intend to break the TV. It was an accident.

I agree. Although I would add that a key component of helping them understand what happened is not immediately replacing the tv. They need some time to feel the loss.

My kids have sometimes helped repair things they've broken since money really doesn't mean that much to them at that age. Since they can't help repair the tv I'd let them notice the consequences of it being broken.

 

[Hannathy]

I would use the example of the broken TV to make it clear why we do not throw things in the house.

Beyond that I would not discipline them or make them pay it back. Intent is big with me and they did not maliciously intend to break the TV. It was an accident.

I agree 100%

I would never have punished my kids for that other than they would know what they did was wrong and what they shouldn't have been doing, and how much it is going to affect the family. And how now we have to decide what to do, whether to fix the tv and do with out something else or whether to live with it.
I did much more mental teaching than punishment with my kids. I didn't care about the punishment as much as did they learn what they needed to learn?
Do they know what they did wrong? Will they do it again.

Did they stand and throw it at the TV or did it get away from them? We all make mistakes. and it accidentally getting away from them is a helluva lot different than standing there and throwing it.

Seriously they need to learn from this much more than just that you can punish them.

 

[NHdisneylover]

What would you normally do if you caught them throwing things in the living room? To me, that (because the rule they broke was about throwing things in the living room, NOT about do not break the TV), with you also underscoring that things breaking like this is WHY hey are not allowed to throw things in the living room is what should happen.

The natural consequence of everyone living without a well functioning TV for a while is the added repercussion, but not anything you are doing; it just is. Along those lines, you could set up a "new TV fund" jar and put in it whatever you have to put towards one plus whatever either kid has in a piggy bank, etc and then add to it for several months by, for example, skipping McDonald's at a time you would normally go and putting in the difference between what eating out and eating at home costs. Or, skipping going out to a movie and renting instead and putting the difference in the jar, etc. Talk about it every time you sacrifice something you would normally do to put $$ towards the new TV. Let them see the very real and natural effect of having to find the money from somewhere else to replaces what is broken.

 

[shortbun]

Natural consequences would dictate the loss of TV time. Removing the TV for months would be overkill but the loss of TV time for several days -3-6 for instance, might be in order. You might want to consider what no TV would do to or for your family orior to stating the exact punishment. For now, just say, "No TV" and fully examine the remifications of that on them and you. It might be a positive thing for your family-quality family time, more interaction without the numbing television OR theree might be a loss of that half hour of peace to prepare dinner, etc. Early in our son's life, we removed TV for a similar crime. None of us missed it and when we reintroduced television, we did it on a much shorter time schedule. Win-win.

 

[mhsjax]

Children that young need supervision. Six is too young to be supervising a younger sibling. Neither child should be punished. An adut needed to be supervising the play to redirect the children before the play turned rough. Six is also too young to adequately understand costs and so on. The conscience is not even developed until later. There are books on what can be expected at various ages.

The children should be taught how to play indoors and given adequate supervised energetic play out of doors. This is a tough lesson for the parents, but things do get broken when children play. If no adult was there to prevent throwing of items in the TV room, that's a lesson learned by the adults of the household.

Bull, a 2 year old sure, but a 6 year old is quite old enough to know not to throw things. Just watch them try and blame the other kids when caught. Sorry but I didn't and couldn't sit in the family room all day and supervise my kids.

I agree about them not understanding costs, but certainly a 6 year old is VERY capable of understanding not to throw, unless mine were just incredibly gifted, and I know they weren't.

OP. I don't know that you can really punish them at this age, for the cost of the TV. Maybe just let them go without TV for a little while, even if you do purchase a new one immediately.

 

[worm761]

I would use the example of the broken TV to make it clear why we do not throw things in the house.

Beyond that I would not discipline them or make them pay it back. Intent is big with me and they did not maliciously intend to break the TV. It was an accident.

I have to agree with this too. Let the natural consequences of not having a TV for a few days be their punishment. Accidents happen.

Ask yourself this: what would you do if it was something smaller that was broken, like a lamp? Would you be this upset?