Need Discipline Advice

[pioneer89]

Wasn't there a Brady Bunch episode where Peter breaks Carol's favorite vase? How did the Brady's handle it? I'm sure those folks knew what they were doing...

WWTBBD?

I like it.

 

[tlbwriter]

I guess it is different here. We don't entertain the kids. They are more than capable of amusing themselves, and if the OP's kids are anything like mine, they have more than enough toys to do it with.

Yes, it sounds like they had a good old time amusing themselves.

Anyway, I think another natural consequence might be that something they were looking forward to has to be put off while you save money for a new TV or pay off a new one, even if you actually have the cash to buy one right now. I wouldn't cancel Christmas or anything like that, but saying "That trip to the movies we were going to make this weekend won't happen for two weeks now, because we have to pay for the new TV" could have an impact.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

They didn't intend to break the TV, but they did intend to break the rules by throwing something in the house. The 6 year old I'm sure is aware there is a no throwing things in the house rule, and made a choice to throw something anyway. I go through this every day with my daughter, who is 4. She knows rules, such as not throwing things in the house, not locking doors, not climbing on the table, not getting things out of the fridge herself, and sometimes she chooses to disobey and do these things anyway. I've started talking to her about choices - she can choose to obey, or she can choose to disobey, and when she chooses to disobey, there are consequences. Recently she lost the privilege to choose what she wears herself because she chose to disobey me and tried to pull a fancy dress down out of her closet herself, and ended up ripping the neckline. She did not intend to rip the dress, but it wouldn't have happened if she had obeyed me when I told her not to pull on the dress.

 

[princessmom29]

Children that young need supervision. Six is too young to be supervising a younger sibling. Neither child should be punished. An adut needed to be supervising the play to redirect the children before the play turned rough. Six is also too young to adequately understand costs and so on. The conscience is not even developed until later. There are books on what can be expected at various ages.

The children should be taught how to play indoors and given adequate supervised energetic play out of doors. This is a tough lesson for the parents, but things do get broken when children play. If no adult was there to prevent throwing of items in the TV room, that's a lesson learned by the adults of the household.

Do you have kids? I as becuase this reads to me like something form a child development textbook, and not form someone who has real, live children. Bottom line form someone with kids:
1. The isx year odl is CERTIANLY old enough to know better than to throw things in the house. I personally feel the 2 1/2 year old is as well. Mine was fully capable of it at that point.
2. Mom SHOULD also be able to leave them to play while she runs to the restroom, thows in a load of laundry, washes dishes within earshot ect. How else would one get ANYTHING done other than stare at the kids all day??
3. The six year old can absolutely understand cost. You are seriously underestimating what children are capable of. And yes, six year olds do indeed have a conscience and CAN understand right and wrong and the consequences of making poor choices.
4. Kids who throw things in the house are not necessairly not getting enough time outside. Kids are not machines where a predetermined input gives the desired output. A hour of outside play does not automatically equal well behaved kids for the rest of the day. Today, that might be true. Tomorrow, mabye not. Kids change like the wind.

 

[Piper]

Check out http://www.loveandlogic.com/. This is a really good parenting system that works with children of all ages! I have used it in school for kids in Pre-K, Kdgn and older.


Also, it won't hurt children to not watch TV. Granted, they will have to use their imaginations and actually play. My sister and I were just talking last night about some of the inventive ways we entertained ourselves.

 

[MissyDVC]

I would use the example of the broken TV to make it clear why we do not throw things in the house.

Beyond that I would not discipline them or make them pay it back. Intent is big with me and they did not maliciously intend to break the TV. It was an accident.

I agree with this.

 

[lemondog]

Children that young need supervision. Six is too young to be supervising a younger sibling. Neither child should be punished. An adut needed to be supervising the play to redirect the children before the play turned rough. Six is also too young to adequately understand costs and so on. The conscience is not even developed until later. There are books on what can be expected at various ages.

The children should be taught how to play indoors and given adequate supervised energetic play out of doors. This is a tough lesson for the parents, but things do get broken when children play. If no adult was there to prevent throwing of items in the TV room, that's a lesson learned by the adults of the household.

Oh for pete's sake!!! Sometimes moms have to go the bathroom, change over the laundry, etc. Stuff like this happens in the blink of an eye.

 

[hambirg]

What would you normally do if you caught them throwing things in the living room? To me, that (because the rule they broke was about throwing things in the living room, NOT about do not break the TV), with you also underscoring that things breaking like this is WHY hey are not allowed to throw things in the living room is what should happen.

The natural consequence of everyone living without a well functioning TV for a while is the added repercussion, but not anything you are doing; it just is. Along those lines, you could set up a "new TV fund" jar and put in it whatever you have to put towards one plus whatever either kid has in a piggy bank, etc and then add to it for several months by, for example, skipping McDonald's at a time you would normally go and putting in the difference between what eating out and eating at home costs. Or, skipping going out to a movie and renting instead and putting the difference in the jar, etc. Talk about it every time you sacrifice something you would normally do to put $$ towards the new TV. Let them see the very real and natural effect of having to find the money from somewhere else to replaces what is broken.

I agree with this.

I also want to say, it might not be popular, but at the ages you are dealing with it's ok to let them see that it made you angry. I'm not talking losing your temper angry, just angry.

That time has probably already passed though.

I just think that it is a natural consequence too. . .if we disobey and do something we know we aren't suppose to. . .Mom and Dad will be angry and disappointed with us. If I break something, even without intent, the owner might be angry because I was careless.

It's a fine line. . .not angry at the child, but the behavior. Children need to see that cause and effect.

 

[SpecialK]

I would use the example of the broken TV to make it clear why we do not throw things in the house.

Beyond that I would not discipline them or make them pay it back. Intent is big with me and they did not maliciously intend to break the TV. It was an accident.

Completely agree.

 

[Debbie7452]

I'm glad so many people stuck up for the OP when she got blamed for the accident. Yes, 2 year olds know what the rules are (if they have been reinforced over time) but they have less self control in stopping themselves from breaking them. My DS used to break a rule and then run over to sit on the naughty step for a time out before I could react! Yeah, he knew when he was doing wrong....

Also, kids that play outdoors a lot STILL come inside and act rowdy. Especially if they are boys. Drives me totally crazy (my boys are 13 & 5). So that is not a magic solution.

 

[ChrizJen]

Children that young need supervision. Six is too young to be supervising a younger sibling. Neither child should be punished. An adut needed to be supervising the play to redirect the children before the play turned rough. Six is also too young to adequately understand costs and so on. The conscience is not even developed until later. There are books on what can be expected at various ages.

The children should be taught how to play indoors and given adequate supervised energetic play out of doors. This is a tough lesson for the parents, but things do get broken when children play. If no adult was there to prevent throwing of items in the TV room, that's a lesson learned by the adults of the household.

I have to agree with this. If they were in a playroom where there's less that can be broken, I could see a little bit of free play without parent supervision. But they were in a room with expensive, breakable things. There probably should have been some guidance as to what's appropriate for playing in such a room.
As much as it would suck, I'd probably have to just chalk this one up as my fault...one of those life lessons learned. I'd certainly talk to the children and let them know that toys are never to be thrown in the house. But beyond that, I'd have to take the blame for allowing those kinds of toys in the same room with the TV. Expensive lesson...

 

[ChrizJen]

Bull, a 2 year old sure, but a 6 year old is quite old enough to know not to throw things. Just watch them try and blame the other kids when caught. Sorry but I didn't and couldn't sit in the family room all day and supervise my kids.

I agree about them not understanding costs, but certainly a 6 year old is VERY capable of understanding not to throw, unless mine were just incredibly gifted, and I know they weren't.

OP. I don't know that you can really punish them at this age, for the cost of the TV. Maybe just let them go without TV for a little while, even if you do purchase a new one immediately.

Do you have kids? I as becuase this reads to me like something form a child development textbook, and not form someone who has real, live children. Bottom line form someone with kids:
1. The isx year odl is CERTIANLY old enough to know better than to throw things in the house. I personally feel the 2 1/2 year old is as well. Mine was fully capable of it at that point.
2. Mom SHOULD also be able to leave them to play while she runs to the restroom, thows in a load of laundry, washes dishes within earshot ect. How else would one get ANYTHING done other than stare at the kids all day??
3. The six year old can absolutely understand cost. You are seriously underestimating what children are capable of. And yes, six year olds do indeed have a conscience and CAN understand right and wrong and the consequences of making poor choices.
4. Kids who throw things in the house are not necessairly not getting enough time outside. Kids are not machines where a predetermined input gives the desired output. A hour of outside play does not automatically equal well behaved kids for the rest of the day. Today, that might be true. Tomorrow, mabye not. Kids change like the wind.

I do understand where you're coming from. I have a child, but I also have rules. I know that toys don't belong where the TV is, and so does my child. If my child is watching TV, she's watching TV (not playing with toys). If she wants to play with toys, she plays in her room. I have these rules because I don't want expensive things broken. I know that a parent cannot be on top of her child 24/7. I don't think that's necessarily what the other poster meant. (At least that's not what I meant.) I just meant to say that a parent needs to have enough awareness of what his/her children are doing to be able to keep catastrophies from happening. (eyes in the back of our heads, right?? ) If there is a rule in the OP's house about throwing toys in the house, and if the 6-yr old was aware of that, then there should certainly be consequences. The 2-yr old, not so much.

 

[marcyinPA]

We have an old, crappy TV, but when my boys (12 and 16) start fooling around and wrestling in our living room (we only have a living room- no family room), I always remind them if they break the TV, we aren't getting a new one.

My DH and I have one in our bedroom that we can watch, but the kids won't be watching that one either.

OP, your TV is already broken, so I say punishment for your kids should be no TV, at all, for as long as you can take it!

 

[princessmom29]

I do understand where you're coming from. I have a child, but I also have rules. I know that toys don't belong where the TV is, and so does my child. If my child is watching TV, she's watching TV (not playing with toys). If she wants to play with toys, she plays in her room. I have these rules because I don't want expensive things broken. I know that a parent cannot be on top of her child 24/7. I don't think that's necessarily what the other poster meant. (At least that's not what I meant.) I just meant to say that a parent needs to have enough awareness of what his/her children are doing to be able to keep catastrophies from happening. (eyes in the back of our heads, right?? ) If there is a rule in the OP's house about throwing toys in the house, and if the 6-yr old was aware of that, then there should certainly be consequences. The 2-yr old, not so much.

Thant's not how I read the post I was replying to. It read to me that the poster was saying that the 6 year old didn't have the capactiy to understand or obey such a rule and it was the OP's fault for expecting him to.

 

[zurgswife]

I agree 100%

I would never have punished my kids for that other than they would know what they did was wrong and what they shouldn't have been doing, and how much it is going to affect the family. And how now we have to decide what to do, whether to fix the tv and do with out something else or whether to live with it.
I did much more mental teaching than punishment with my kids. I didn't care about the punishment as much as did they learn what they needed to learn?
Do they know what they did wrong? Will they do it again.

Did they stand and throw it at the TV or did it get away from them? We all make mistakes. and it accidentally getting away from them is a helluva lot different than standing there and throwing it.

Seriously they need to learn from this much more than just that you can punish them.

Agree with this!!

 

[kidshop]

I have to agree with this. If they were in a playroom where there's less that can be broken, I could see a little bit of free play without parent supervision. But they were in a room with expensive, breakable things. There probably should have been some guidance as to what's appropriate for playing in such a room.
As much as it would suck, I'd probably have to just chalk this one up as my fault...one of those life lessons learned. I'd certainly talk to the children and let them know that toys are never to be thrown in the house. But beyond that, I'd have to take the blame for allowing those kinds of toys in the same room with the TV. Expensive lesson...

And you also know what kind of kids you have by 2 and 6. You know what they usually get into or if they do have to be supervised constantly. Some do. It's unfortunate something so expensive got broken, but everyone has to share the blame with this.

 

[steves1bear]

Thanks very much for the responses. You've really helped put things into perspective, especially now that we've had time to calm down and process what happened. I think many of you are right about how it was not done intentionally. I know the hype and excitement of Halloween coupled with being stuck in the house and at school majority of the day because of rain didn't help the situation either.

You are right in that there will be the natural consequence of just not having a t.v., which they both fully understand and will even more so when we pack it up and take it out of the house. We did take the advice of several and sat them down and talked about money (in terms they could understand). Just after that, the 6 year old brought us his money bank and said we could have it to help pay for a new one. We're also going to be saying sorry we can't _________ because we need the money for the t.v.

Also, just to clarify. We aren't lucky enough to have a play room (but that's not for lack of wishing for one). We have three bedrooms, a living room, and kitchen. Because of space issues, things get brought out to the living room because that is where there is the most floor space to play. I also don't let the 6 year old supervise his younger brother. They were happily and quietly playing with each other while I was in the room, I walked down the hall to grab something for my oldest DD, it took less than a minute, walked back and as soon as I came to the entry way to the living room, the 2 year old picked up the bucket, spun once and let go. No, I don't know what happened that caused him to pick it up, but as many have stated it happened too fast for me to react.

For the poster who mentioned her DH's reaction of curling into a fetal position, I couldn't help but laugh. I actually called DH at work just to give him time to cool down before he came home. Once the kids were in bed, all he could do was heavily sigh every time he walked by the t.v.

Thank you again. I do appreciate the thoughts and ideas presented and we have taken them into account because we were really at a lose and just couldn't think clearly or calmly enough.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Don't beat yourself up about it either. Even if you had been in the room and looking at them the two year old might have moved faster than you could help

I am glad you have calmed down (and your DH is sort of coping) and have come up with a plan to make things better and teach a lesson (not the same as punishing)

One last thought--it does not sound like it was even throwing then. It was spinning and maybe letting go intentionally but perhaps at 2 not realizing the force that could generate, OR maybe even losing his grip on the bucket while he spun.

I agree that simply seeing that their parents are/were upset, and not having a TV for a while and seeing the financial connection will make for a great lesson in life.

 

[steves1bear]

NHdisneylover - you're right, I don't think he was really throwing. It wasn't until things had calmed down and the kids were in bed that I started thinking through the entire scenario and just what I actually saw. Because of this, I'm glad we didn't say or do anything that would be regretted later. A lesson for me as well as them.

 

[C.Ann]

NHdisneylover - you're right, I don't think he was really throwing. It wasn't until things had calmed down and the kids were in bed that I started thinking through the entire scenario and just what I actually saw. Because of this, I'm glad we didn't say or do anything that would be regretted later. A lesson for me as well as them.

Any chance you could mount the next one up on the wall? Those things are way too fragile.. Could just have easily been an adult tripping with something in their hands while near the tv..

Glad that everyone is calmed down - as well as taking a calm approach to this..