Need boss advice.

[pbthompson]

Okay, I need some advice. Sorry this is long, I started typing and it just kept getting bigger and bigger...

I have worked for the government (great job) for almost 15 years now. In 2006, my boss hired me for my current position. We were friends at the time, meaning we took breaks together, had lunch and talked about our families/personal life etc. His wife also works at the same place and was with us (as were others) so it wasn’t like we were alone. We did not go out on weekends or call each other outside of work. He is like this with several people, not just me.

Anyway, I was really excited about the new job, which was a great opportunity for me. I jumped into it, learned everything I needed to know, and took on extra tasks. Then I started noticing that my boss kept giving me more and more stuff to do. I didn’t mind at first, he would say I was smarter, faster or whatever than the other team members and it was just easier to give it to me. I could handle my workload and all the tasks he assigned me. This went on for a couple of years. Several of my co-workers and other managers frequently came to me as the go to person in the section. I was also recognized by our Central Office in Washington and given additional tasks. I am good at my job and always get exceptional reviews.

In October one of our team members died. I had to pick up his area in addition to my own. I could no longer carry all of the work and I really started to resent the fact that my boss was sitting at his clean desk, looking at ESPN online (or chatting with anyone that wondered by his office) while I was doing all the traveling, files, reports etc. I tried talking to him about it and tried shifting some of the tasks (many of which were management) back to him. He acted like he didn’t get what I was saying. So I wrote it all down in an email. He said it hurt his feelings and we didn’t talk for a month. Since that time things have gotten progressively worse.

I have come to realize that my boss doesn’t really know what he was doing. He is a very good actor though. He will never give the same answer twice to a question. He got mad at me for showing another boss how to pull reports like it was some great secret. He told me I shouldn’t be touching the reports (even though I am the trainer, went to all the classes and the only one that knows how to fix them). He snapped at me for directing another co-worker stating that I don’t run the section and he was sick of me acting like I do. So I said fine, the problem is that nobody is running the section. I said if you don’t want me to touch the reports or help co-workers fine, you do it because I have my hands full with cases anyway. Now when he asks me how to do something, I say I don’t know. When he asks me to proof his papers, I say I don’t have the time. Basically, I stopped doing his job and let him flounder.

What happened next was kind of unexpected. Our workload has tripled in the last few years, however the staffing has stayed the same. We have asked and asked for some help, but we keep getting the run around. The whole section has basically thrown up their hands. We have had meetings and tried to offer suggestions, he always say “No, that won’t work because…”, he doesn’t listen to what we are saying so we asked for the big boss to step in. He attended one of our meetings and listened to our ideas, he said he liked them and wanted them implemented. Our boss ran into his office after the meeting shaking and crying about how unfair he felt he was being…I have lost all the respect I had for my boss as a person and as a manager. The big boss backed down and our boss came back saying he felt we blindsided him. I can’t stand to hear him call my name, he snaps his fingers at me like a child, he is a male chauvinist, moron.

So what I need advice on is this…I want to sit at my desk and do my job. I don’t want him to come over 5 times a day asking me if I am okay because I am not chit chatting with him. I say I am fine, I’m busy. I am stressed out and highly annoyed. Last week he called me into his office and said he blames me for the way the section is. I said WHAT? He said he knows that I am smarter than he is, that I know the job better than he does and that I am a better leader than he is. He said everyone in the section looks to me for direction, including him and because I am no longer holding the section together it collapsed. Seriously??? He then said that I should have told him that things were going badly because…we were friends. I said I DID tell you. He said this is the first he has heard of it. At this point I am thinking he is delusional.

Quitting is not an option, nor is transferring at this time.

Help.

 

[Silent1CB]

If I hadn't just learned that my last boss had just recently unexpectedly died, I would have thought you were working for him.

He didn't appreciate me until he pushed too far & I left. I also feel I could have written your post.

Hugs. My situation didn't get better until I left. Then the company realized how bad he was, and fired him about 1 yr later after some serious legal & financial problems he caused surfaced. They called me. I wasn't going back though.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Okay, I need some advice. Sorry this is long, I started typing and it just kept getting bigger and bigger...

I have worked for the government (great job) for almost 15 years now. In 2006, my boss hired me for my current position. We were friends at the time, meaning we took breaks together, had lunch and talked about our families/personal life etc. His wife also works at the same place and was with us (as were others) so it wasn’t like we were alone. We did not go out on weekends or call each other outside of work. He is like this with several people, not just me.

Anyway, I was really excited about the new job, which was a great opportunity for me. I jumped into it, learned everything I needed to know, and took on extra tasks. Then I started noticing that my boss kept giving me more and more stuff to do. I didn’t mind at first, he would say I was smarter, faster or whatever than the other team members and it was just easier to give it to me. I could handle my workload and all the tasks he assigned me. This went on for a couple of years. Several of my co-workers and other managers frequently came to me as the go to person in the section. I was also recognized by our Central Office in Washington and given additional tasks. I am good at my job and always get exceptional reviews.

In October one of our team members died. I had to pick up his area in addition to my own. I could no longer carry all of the work and I really started to resent the fact that my boss was sitting at his clean desk, looking at ESPN online (or chatting with anyone that wondered by his office) while I was doing all the traveling, files, reports etc. I tried talking to him about it and tried shifting some of the tasks (many of which were management) back to him. He acted like he didn’t get what I was saying. So I wrote it all down in an email. He said it hurt his feelings and we didn’t talk for a month. Since that time things have gotten progressively worse.

I have come to realize that my boss doesn’t really know what he was doing. He is a very good actor though. He will never give the same answer twice to a question. He got mad at me for showing another boss how to pull reports like it was some great secret. He told me I shouldn’t be touching the reports (even though I am the trainer, went to all the classes and the only one that knows how to fix them). He snapped at me for directing another co-worker stating that I don’t run the section and he was sick of me acting like I do. So I said fine, the problem is that nobody is running the section. I said if you don’t want me to touch the reports or help co-workers fine, you do it because I have my hands full with cases anyway. Now when he asks me how to do something, I say I don’t know. When he asks me to proof his papers, I say I don’t have the time. Basically, I stopped doing his job and let him flounder.

What happened next was kind of unexpected. Our workload has tripled in the last few years, however the staffing has stayed the same. We have asked and asked for some help, but we keep getting the run around. The whole section has basically thrown up their hands. We have had meetings and tried to offer suggestions, he always say “No, that won’t work because…”, he doesn’t listen to what we are saying so we asked for the big boss to step in. He attended one of our meetings and listened to our ideas, he said he liked them and wanted them implemented. Our boss ran into his office after the meeting shaking and crying about how unfair he felt he was being…I have lost all the respect I had for my boss as a person and as a manager. The big boss backed down and our boss came back saying he felt we blindsided him. I can’t stand to hear him call my name, he snaps his fingers at me like a child, he is a male chauvinist, moron.

So what I need advice on is this…I want to sit at my desk and do my job. I don’t want him to come over 5 times a day asking me if I am okay because I am not chit chatting with him. I say I am fine, I’m busy. I am stressed out and highly annoyed. Last week he called me into his office and said he blames me for the way the section is. I said WHAT? He said he knows that I am smarter than he is, that I know the job better than he does and that I am a better leader than he is. He said everyone in the section looks to me for direction, including him and because I am no longer holding the section together it collapsed. Seriously??? He then said that I should have told him that things were going badly because…we were friends. I said I DID tell you. He said this is the first he has heard of it. At this point I am thinking he is delusional.

Quitting is not an option, nor is transferring at this time.

Help.

Your boss is insecure, and the insecurity is compounded by the fact that he thinks (his perception is his reality) that you went over his head. In spite of his inadequacies and lack of leadership skills, he is still in a position of authority at your office and is apparently still in a position of influence.

A suggestion would be to schedule a meeting with your boss. In preparation, I would list my current projects and job duties (and the projects and job duties of the people you supervise). Then I would get the applicable job descriptions out and sit down with him and compare the work you're doing now with the requirements set forth in the initial job description.

Given that you've indicated that seeking another job isn't an option for you, I'd recommend The 360-Degree Leader by John Maxwell.

 

[sparklynails23]

Are you at work posting on the DIS? If so, I don't think you have a leg to stand on.

 

[pbthompson]

Thank you for letting me vent. I am sure I am not alone.

I will check out that book, thank you. I have googled and read about incompetent bosses (stupid, bad etc.) and know I have handled it correctly.

I guess the part that I really need help with is how to deal with him. I have alot of anger and want to be left alone, except for work. He is used to chit chatting with me and acts like a two year old. A friend of mine that also works there often jokes with me that we should get him a crib mobile or one of those blocks (red and blue) that you have to put the shapes into the correct hole which would keep him busy for hours if not stump him altogether. He crinkles his water bottle just to make noise, comes over and stands over you to ask a stupid question and then goes on and on about his weekend. I DON'T CARE and I don't want to hear about it. I am MAD. I cringe when he calls my name or he snaps his fingers. He will ask "Are you busy?" Umm YES. He just doesn't get it. I believe he was coddled as a child and his wife treats him the same way now. I wish he would leave but we are about the same age (which is why I think he latched onto me besides the fact he knows I am more than able to do the job) and he isn't going anywhere. People in the office say it is like a bad romance (without the romance, I have moved on, he is like a cling-on that I can't shake.)

Like I said I work for the federal government, I have a great job, I love my job, I like the area. The office is small which has its cons (this being one of them), I am fortunate to have a job. But, he makes me miserable.

 

[pbthompson]

HA HA No, I took the day off today. I don't go on Dis at work, or Facebook.

 

[barkley]

i'm retired from government.

i don't know if the feds work the same way, but you and your co-workers might be able to get some relief by requesting a classification review from h/r. they will have you detail the duties you do to see if you are consistantly doing those of a higher classification for which you should receive greater compensation.

NOT that you will nescessarily get that re-class or higher compensation, BUT it will document for h/r what of your bosses duties you/your co-workers are doing, and it might make someone above the bigger boss take notice.

i would also suggest that if he is doing anything that you find harrassing, or distracting such that it is affecting your work performance you tell him, and then confirm your discussion in writing (simple e-mail of "this is to confirm our discussion of today when we conferenced and i advised you that....and you said...and we mutualy agreed that...". this way you have a documentation trail if the situation becomes what amounts to workplace harrassment, he tries to inappropriatly get you a negative evaluation, or prevent a future promotion or transfer (i had peers in managment who would purposely try to kabosh an excellent employee's transfer or promotion presicely b/c they knew without that person picking up their slack they would be discovered for the incompetants they were).


use the same tool for addressing your concerns both verbaly and in writing that managment in goverment is trained to use-"focus on the behaviour, not the individual". an example of this would be, rather than "he goes on and on about his stupid weekend", address it as "my supervisor repeatedly (and if it's an average number of times per day/week spell it out) stops me from doing my assigned duties, initialy asking a work related question but then after i've answered, preventing me from returning to my work duties by engaging in prolonged one sided conversations regarding his outside work activities".

 

[tvguy]

There are good bosses, and bad bosses.
There are two types of good bosses. Those who can do all the jobs of the people he supervises, and dives in once in a while to show he or she can still do it. The other good boss is someone who can't do all the jobs of the people who supervises, acknowledges that, and supports and credits his staff who keep the place running.

The bad bosses may be able to do all the jobs, but they won't or they can't.

Unfortunately, they ALL may be under pressure from THEIR boss not to do any of their jobs their employees do.

But it really doesn't matter, in most shops, trying to show up the boss is a lose/lose situation.

 

[Northstar]

In October one of our team members died. I had to pick up his area in addition to my own. I could no longer carry all of the work and I really started to resent the fact that my boss was sitting at his clean desk, looking at ESPN online (or chatting with anyone that wondered by his office) while I was doing all the traveling, files, reports etc. I tried talking to him about it and tried shifting some of the tasks (many of which were management) back to him. He acted like he didn’t get what I was saying. So I wrote it all down in an email. He said it hurt his feelings and we didn’t talk for a month. Since that time things have gotten progressively worse.

I have come to realize that my boss doesn’t really know what he was doing. He is a very good actor though. He will never give the same answer twice to a question. He got mad at me for showing another boss how to pull reports like it was some great secret. He told me I shouldn’t be touching the reports (even though I am the trainer, went to all the classes and the only one that knows how to fix them). He snapped at me for directing another co-worker stating that I don’t run the section and he was sick of me acting like I do. So I said fine, the problem is that nobody is running the section. I said if you don’t want me to touch the reports or help co-workers fine, you do it because I have my hands full with cases anyway. Now when he asks me how to do something, I say I don’t know. When he asks me to proof his papers, I say I don’t have the time. Basically, I stopped doing his job and let him flounder.

What happened next was kind of unexpected. Our workload has tripled in the last few years, however the staffing has stayed the same. We have asked and asked for some help, but we keep getting the run around. The whole section has basically thrown up their hands. We have had meetings and tried to offer suggestions, he always say “No, that won’t work because…”, he doesn’t listen to what we are saying so we asked for the big boss to step in. He attended one of our meetings and listened to our ideas, he said he liked them and wanted them implemented. Our boss ran into his office after the meeting shaking and crying about how unfair he felt he was being…I have lost all the respect I had for my boss as a person and as a manager. The big boss backed down and our boss came back saying he felt we blindsided him. I can’t stand to hear him call my name, he snaps his fingers at me like a child, he is a male chauvinist, moron.

So what I need advice on is this…I want to sit at my desk and do my job. I don’t want him to come over 5 times a day asking me if I am okay because I am not chit chatting with him. I say I am fine, I’m busy. I am stressed out and highly annoyed. Last week he called me into his office and said he blames me for the way the section is. I said WHAT? He said he knows that I am smarter than he is, that I know the job better than he does and that I am a better leader than he is. He said everyone in the section looks to me for direction, including him and because I am no longer holding the section together it collapsed. Seriously??? He then said that I should have told him that things were going badly because…we were friends. I said I DID tell you. He said this is the first he has heard of it. At this point I am thinking he is delusional.

Please look at the bolded parts of your post again.
It really sounds as if your boss is under pressure from the higher ups, and HE IS GETTING READY TO THROW YOU UNDER THE BUS.
Cover your butt and keep alert. I'm afraid that the behavior that is most annoying you... the fact that he won't leave you alone to get on with your work... is not what you should be focusing on.
You do need to start documenting. I hope you still have a copy of the email you mention where you first detailed the problems you were having. I think you're going to need that kind of documentation.

Be brave. You're good, they need you, truth will out.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

I'm also retired from the Governmment. I agree with what Barkley said.

The key things are (1) document everything, and (2) talk to HR and/or his manager. Note for Step 2 it might help to have the support of others in the office.

 

[pbthompson]

There are 6 other members in the office that are with me, so it isn't like I am standing alone. I am not worried about my job, I have a good relationship with HR, they know me and my reputation. His reputation as a weak manager is known as well. I am documenting everything just in case but I don't think it will come to that.

I am struggling with the day to day interaction. I mean there is serious tension between us and it sucks because we did get along so well before. He is a super nice guy, but a crappy manager. I feel like I have kicked a baby harp seal. He almost cried the other day in the office when he asked me why I didn't say anything to him about what was going on. Like I said I tried and it seems blantanly obvious to me that there is a problem when 7 people are complaining.

One of my co-workers went into him before our blow out (I sit right outside his office so I heard the conversation) she is a 2 year cancer survivor is doing pretty well but still has her ups and downs. Anyway she said to him that she can't handle the stress and needs some help...he laughed at her. When I commented on that later to him he said he didn't. I said I HEARD you. She could file a complaint against him for that. I have mentioned supervisor training for him, he says he doesn't need it. If he were forced to go he would get nothing out of it.

I am trying to be the better person here. Since I know he isn't going anywhere and we are stuck together we have to work this out. Time will certainly help, but we will never go back to the way we were (sounds like a song or movie)

Do you have any tips to help me get over the feeling of wanting to hurt him when he calls me name? NOTE: I would never really hurt him, but I have had evil thoughts. How do we break up the office tension? The team is looking to me for direction and I am trying but every time he does something really stupid my face is like an open book (a horror filled one).