Need an objective opinion please... should I or shouldn't I go with sister to WDW?

[moopdog]

Long story short:

My sister and her two boys (8 and 3 mos) are going to Disney in 4 weeks and just yesterday she asked me along with my two young kids (5 and 3).

I would be completely covered, only having to pay for my kids, so it's a opportunity that won't come along again.

My problems:
1) It's only 4 weeks away and I'm freaking out (mentioned in an earlier post)
2) My son is starting kindergarten this year; my daughter starts preschool and I'm just starting my final semester of a vascular tech. school (challenging) That's a whole lot of school to miss between us all.

Here's the real stuff:
3) My sister doesn't discipline my nephew very much and he can get very grumpy and nasty at times to my son. And he doesn't listen to me at all (AT ALL). Also, he can really cause a scene in public sometimes. My DH and I are fairly strict with our kids and expect them to behave a certain way in public. So this makes it pretty hard to swallow at times.

They also stay up really late and sleep in in the mornings and such (not just on vacation but always), and I would like my kids to stick to their normal bed times so they don't get out of school-routine.

Also... my little nephew who's only 3 months old is another issue. I mean... I love him a lot, but I just don't know about spending 5 hours on a plane and then a week with him non-stop. I didn't travel with my kids at that age for a reason, you know?! I know I sound like a snob - but I'm not. I'm just being honest and trying to be realistic about the trip.

Will these things make our trip miserable... are we setting us all up to have a crappy time? Or - should we go and make the best of a great opportunity?

Someone just tell me to shut up OR I'd be crazy to go, one or the other please!!! Thanks.

 

[WDWorBUST]

A couple of things to consider - would your sister expect you to spend every second together?? I think it's a great opportunity to spend quality time with your sister and nephews. But only if she doesn't expect you to every minute together. Family togetherness is great - but sometimes we need a break. If she won't care if you and yours get up early and head to the parks with the plan to meet later - or if it's time for your kids bedtimes and she isn't ready to leave will she mind if you do? If your nephew starts being a complete turd will she be offended if you take your kids and go your separate way? I mean I would think she would understand that you understand that how she disciplines her children is up to her and what behaviors she allows is up to her - but that you don't want to explain to your kids why they are held to different standards. It really depends on the dynamics of you and your sisters relationship more than anything else. Good luck!!

 

[twinspluscade]

I guess for me personally....it would depend on if you guys are sharing a hotel room, or getting two separate rooms. If you're getting two separate rooms I would probably go...as long as your sister knows ahead of time that you and your kids may do some things on your own, and will be going to be on time, etc. If you can do separate things sometimes, I think you'd be fine!
But if you're sharing a room, I probably wouldn't go, simply because it would bother me to spend the nights waking up to a crying baby that wasn't my own (not to mention it'd more than likely wake your own kids up, too). Also, if you know your sister will expect you to be helping a lot with the baby--I would re-consider going as well. Yes, totally selfish of me--but I wouldn't enjoy having to take care of someone else's baby when I was on vacation. I'd be too busy wanting to have fun with my kids!

Kelly

 

[minkydog]

I guess for me personally....it would depend on if you guys are sharing a hotel room, or getting two separate rooms. If you're getting two separate rooms I would probably go...as long as your sister knows ahead of time that you and your kids may do some things on your own, and will be going to be on time, etc. If you can do separate things sometimes, I think you'd be fine!
But if you're sharing a room, I probably wouldn't go, simply because it would bother me to spend the nights waking up to a crying baby that wasn't my own (not to mention it'd more than likely wake your own kids up, too). Also, if you know your sister will expect you to be helping a lot with the baby--I would re-consider going as well. Yes, totally selfish of me--but I wouldn't enjoy having to take care of someone else's baby when I was on vacation. I'd be too busy wanting to have fun with my kids!

Kelly

Ditto everything you said If Sis has her own room and can live without you every second of the day, then go. But if you are simply going as her "stand-in parent" when she's tired & had enough, no thanks.

My sister has a difficult 8yo too, and the only way we can go places with her is to have our own space. Otherwise it's just not fun

 

[#1 Pocahontas]

Just based on the facts listed here my opinion would be to not go. There's probably more info to it though than what you have written. That may or may not change my opinion but remember this is just my opinion.

The first thing you said that made me say "no way" was about your nephew not being disciplined very well and sometimes being nasty to your son. I have a nephew who is also not disciplined well and gets very mean towards my dd. That fact alone would make my decision. I would not go with them. It wouldn't be worth it to me. I would be annoyed the entire week at his behavior, I would be stressed the entire week trying to keep my DD from being bullied, and I would not want my DD's trip ruined in anyway by having to put up with his poor attitude. Maybe you situation with your nephew isn't quite as bad, I don't know.

Is her DH/partner going to? How is it free for you to go? Is she paying your way? Is yes, is she paying your way hoping you will be like a "helper" to her kids while there. Meaning like a bring along baby-sitter?

Another thing that stood out to me is that they like to sleep in. My Dh would roll his eyes at me but that really anoys me on vacation. I went with Dh and his entire family. They all wanted to sleep in and not leave the hotel room until 10 or 11am. I could not handle waiting around the hotel KNOWING that the parks were open and I was missing the fun. LOL DH on the other hand would LOVE to sleep in on vacations. I guess that just depends on what you prefer.

Are you doing separate hotel rooms? Can you schedule separate times while there or will she expect you to do everything together? Just some things to think about.

If you pass this up you can always put the money away your would spend for kids, and then save for yourself. Then you can have a fun trip by yourselves without any of the worries you posted about.

 

[GatorGal]

It sounds to me like you've answered your own question and are just looking for validation so I'll say it: skip it and stay home. Your kids are younger than your nephew and would probably want to see different things than him, so it would appear that your time spent in the park would be separate from your sister so no quality time with her in the park. If they have totally different sleep schedules then your routines are bound to clash if you're in the same hotel room. You've raised some valid concerns about what it'll be like spending that much time with them as well as keeping the schedule for school and missing all that school. I'd tell her that while you appreciate the offer, the timing isn't right for many reasons.

HTH

 

[barbie78]

In my experience, if you're having this many doubts now, and not even the allure of WDW can overcome them, you probably should not go. (I can't believe I just said someone should pass up a free trip! ) Sometimes distance is the best way to have a healthy relationship with family. If something happened on the trip (what you are expecting or worse), the stress of being on vacation (hot, tired, hungry, etc.) might cause overreactions on both parts, and things that would not normally be said might slip out. If it were me, and someone eles was paying for my trip, I might feel obligated to do things their way.

Bottom line - If you would spend a day with them at home, then you might be able to survive a week with them on vacation!

 

[moopdog]

Actually it's a 2 bedroom villa, so sort of same hotel room and sort of NOT the same room. I would think me & my two kids would squeeze in one room so we'd get some quiet (hopefully).

I am so back and forth on this. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE LOVE disney and really want to go. On the other hand it's nerve-racking thought. Not sure what I'll do yet.... still thinking on it. Thanks to all of you.

 

[all4fun]

I think I agree with just about everything that has been said here. It sounds like you have a lot of doubts and that maybe you shouldn't go....

Btw here's a link to the DVC website where you can see the layouts of the rooms:

DVC resorts click on the resort you'll be staying at and then Accomodations to see the floor plans. The DVC 2-br sleep 8. One bedroom is a Master w/King, the L/rm has a pullout sofa bed and the 2nd room is on the opposite side and has 2 doubles (prbly queen size) (sometimes one of those is also a pull-out sofa). It sounded like you werent' sure what it would be like so I hope this helps.

Maybe you could request a lockoff which is a 1-bedroom next to a studio and then you and your kids could use the studio which would have a seperate entrance... just a thought.

 

[runwad]

I know exactly how you feel!! I don't think I'd like to go on vacation with family (or friends for that matter) staying in the same accomadations, now if we all had our own separate rooms then I could do it. My sister is always telling me to let them know when we get a good deal on a condo they'd split it with us. Well we have 3 kids and so does she, but we discipline ours and they don't. Don't think I could handle that for a whole week. Nope I'll save the money I need to so I can stay where my family and I want to stay on our own. Sometimes things like this cause family fueds. I say pass.

 

[lg3]

Hmmm.... for my two cents, I would have to say not to go right now. Even without the personal dynamics of the situation, you have some rather compelling reasons to stay home and tackle the new schooling situation, etc. I'm not even sure a two bedroom villa would be enough space in this type of situation, maybe more of seperate hotel rooms on different floors or something like that - definitely not adjoining rooms. I hate to say it, but I wouldn't do it. Good luck!

 

[dzneelvr]

Don't Go! After reading your post, it isn't a good time for you at all. Let your kids be excited about their school and don't short your own education right now. WDW will always be there for you to enjoy. My suggestion (if you REALLY do want to go with your sister and family): begin planning a vacation a year or so out and make sure you get seperate rooms and have somewhat seperate schedules. Any behavioral issues or friction between your two families will only be magnified on a trip such as this, so that's something to always consider. We use our trips as OUR FAMILY only--and have never regretted it.

 

[Barbers2005]

I agree with those who said not to go. The double stress of fitting this trip into a super busy lifestyle and dealing with less than ideal family members will probably make you wish you hadn't gone. Dh and I took some family members with us in May b/c they wanted to go for Dd's first disney trip. We thought (hoped, prayed) that Disney magic would be enough to overcome family friction and create super-happy family vibes. WRONG! Happy family vibes didn't even make it into the park (family fight outside AK). Please, learn from my family's mistake and don't go with anyone who even might ruin your vaca.

 

[the Fidge]

We have considered doing a family or friends trip. That being said I will tell you why it is possible rather than impossible! No matter what palne you are on there will always be a disruption and see at leat you know your on a personal level!

I would not plan doing the parks together maybe gatehr up everyone at dinnertime or at breakfast and then part. You can always put somewtime in the day for them to share together like 1-2 hours at a park and then meet later.

It can be done and what a wonderful thing for all the children to have the memory of you all doing Disney! Life has rough moments and to take a break and enjoy the magic of life and family is just as important if not more!

OK I could get blasted for this and thats ok too: What if you decided not to and some unfortunate thing happened would you regret not tolerating a little ill behavior and some antics! Remember family comes blemishes and all! Focus on what a joy this could be, life is so busy and full of missed moments don't make this the one you missed make it the one you cherish!

Then hug your kids tight and thank God you are blessed that they can follow your rules and have the physical ability to hear and fllow your direction. There are some that cannot by design and not by choice!

OK enough out of me! NOW GET PACKING GET THAT ULTIAMTE PACKING LIST PRINTED AND GET IN THE MOOD FOR FUN!!! MOST OF ALL DON';T FORGET TO COME BACK AND GIVE US YOUR TRIP REVIEW I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT !! I WILL WATCH OUT FOR IT TOO!!!!

THROW THE BOOK IN THE AIR YOUR A MOM YOU WILL GET IT ALL DONE, ITS YOUR TALENT ITS YOUR DESIGN!!!!!

 

[martyshoney]

A few years ago my sister and her family were going to Disney on a timeshare and invited my parents and my family and I to go. We decided not to take them up on it b/c I did not want to feel "obligated" to do whatever they wanted since it was their timeshare and not charging us a thing. If you have all those issues before you even leave I would strongly recommend to skip it, don't miss all that school for something that you already know probably won't be too pleasurable. From my own personal experience, if the kid is not well behaved on a daily basis he surely won't be on vacation!

 

[LindaBabe]

Grannie here. Too many red flags. I'd give the trip a pass.

 

[cygnus]

The fun of family's and vacations! I was in a similar situation several years ago for my parents 40th wedding anniversary. They are DVC members and they flew the entire family down. My wife, 18 month old son and I ended up staying with my sister her Husband and their two kids aged 10 and 7 in a 2 bedroom villa at Old Key West. The units are quite big but we were still on top of each other and we had different schedules which lead to a confrontation between my sister and I. Do I regret going? No. Do I wish I had my own space? You bet. Even though we did our own thing during the day it was the night time that became the challenge because we were going to bed early because our 18 month old would get up early. The problem is they were going to bed later and sleeping in. Because their kids were sleeping on the pull out in the living room we had to stay in our room until they got up. I think the key if you do decide to go is to set the boundaries up front so if there is a situation you have already paved the way for a peaceful resolution (hopefully). So as noted above you need to be able to do your own thing and not feel guilty. That said you can bet something will come up especially since you have different sleeping patterns. It will be very hard to not impact each other. My vote is to go for it, try and spend us much time apart as a family and just be prepared to deal with the inevitable.

Cygnus

 

[badblackpug]

Okay I am undecided, but I agree with most of the posters. Find out EXACTLY what will be expected of you before you go. Will you be expected to do everything together? Will you be expected to help with her baby? Several years back I went to WDW with a friend for a week. Her son was very undisciplined and nasty when he didn't get his way. He threw tantrums while waiting in line, or when he didn't get the things he wants. On our 1st day there I walked my kids to the hotel pool and explained to them that X's mother may tolerate this type of behavior, but I do not and will not tolerate that type of behavior from you. I am unable to do anything about his behavior because I am not his mother. I also explained that X's mother will probably buy him more things than I buy. I explained that my kids will be held to the same standard of behavior they are held to every day. They were fine with this, and at times pointed out that they were embarrassed because "he is acting like a baby." When X got very nasty we went our own way.
Are you staying in the World or out? If you are staying in, just get up and go in the morning when you are ready and leave the park and go back to the room when you are ready.
I would definitely skip it, though, if you will be expected to stay 24/7 with your sis.
I did have to suspend the "no hitting" rule while there, though. My friend thinks there is nothing wrong with kids hitting other kids and would not discipline her son for doing so. I told my kids, "If he hits or kicks or pinches you FIRST do whatever he did to you back HARDER." This happened ONE time after the suspension of the "no hitting" rule!
By the way, this friend no longer speaks to me because several months after the trip I tried to talk to her about her sons behavior and aggression, and she totally flipped stating his behavior was NORMAL! This was after he kicked his cousins teeth out because he (the cousin) beat him at a video game!
Good Luck!

 

[Fizban257]

It seems from the info you've given us that your sister's husband isn't going. If he's not, it seems from the huge difference in the ages of her children that you've been invited so she has someone with which to baby swap.