Need advise...buying for nephews and niece

[karice2]

Is it for THEM or is it for YOU to show your brother and mother what a great person you are? I don't mean to be snarky, but I get the feeling it is a little of both.

I am pretty awesome everyday so I don't have to show anybody how great I am. My personal validation is not found in my actions but from within everyday. They have been living far away for the past four years so that is why I haven't seen them. Since I don't speak to my brother it is difficult to maintain a relationship with his children. I do love them and they were a part of my life before they left.

I think if you show-up your brother with an extravagant Christmas for your niece and nephews it could seriously backfire on you. And yes, I think $300 per child is extravagant. The kids are bound to be overwhelmed by so many gifts and your brother will think of you as a walking dollar sign.

I can appreciate how that may seem extravagant to someone but it is a comfortable amount for me. I did say it could be more or less. I set a number that fits my budget so that if there was something out there that I really wanted them to have, I could get it. My brother already has enough resentment towards me about my life and what I earn that this will just be another drop in the bucket towards that. Since he doesn't have a way to contact me, it is hard for me to be a dollar sign for him. My heart and head hardened towards his desparate pleas for anything a long time ago.

Spend time with them, take them to local places (NOT WDW!), have them over for dinner. Being the "rich aunt" is a not a positive role model. Money does not buy love. As much as these kids deserve a "Christmas to remember" it is really just a band-aid for a much bigger problem that I think you will just make worse with your current plan.

I do plan on slowly introducing them to my life but there are limits right now. Honestly I don't there is anything wrong with showing children that have such a negative background that working hard and climbing above any circumstance can bring financial rewards. You are right about it being a band aid but since I can't bring them home with me to raise but there are lessons that they can learn from the "rich aunt". The main one being your past doesn't dictate your future.

 

[prncess674]

I have to agree that you sound like you are trying to prove yourself via money. Just because your can afford $300 per kid doesn't mean you should do it. I am not commenting on the actual amount because I know I spend way more, but it seems like you are trying to show your brother up and buy his kids things that he can't afford. If it were REALLY about providing the kids with a nice Christmas then the majority of the gifts would be from Santa and a reasonable gift would be from Auntie. I too am the "rich Aunt" and could buy infinite amounts of gifts, but I restrain myself. Money doesn't buy love. Thankfully my sister isn't bad like your brother, but my sister can't afford as much as I can. I like my family, but even if I didn't I don't want to upstage the parents by showering the kids with lavish gifts.

If you really want the kids to have the necessities: coats, gloves, hats, socks, undies then have those come from Santa and don't try to take all the credit.

 

[Suz D]

I usually let people's comments go, but I just have to jump in here. I think it's awful that people are posting with comments about your motives. People, she didn't ask for advice about whether what she was doing was right or wrong, she is just asking for suggestions regarding the gifts because she doesn't have children and isn't familiar with some things.

OP, I think you did a nice job of responding to the posters questioning your motives. I also wanted to suggest that clothing is sometimes hard to do when you have a child who is a "harder" size to fit. I'd get the clothing items at one or two specific stores (Kohl's, Old Navy) and ask for a gift receipt. Then give that gift receipt to your mother in case the clothing needs to be exchanged for different sizes.

Bless you for being so generous with those children. I hope you are able to spend time with them and get to know them. We took a young neighbor child under our wing years ago (took her to movies, dinner etc. things that her single mom just couldn't afford to do and her mom also enjoyed the free time when we had her with us). Now she is grown up and still talks about the kindness shown to her and says it really impacted choices that she made as a young person. She wanted to have a "life like ours. Happy, fun, and comfortable". You definately can be a positive influence!

 

[crgfsu1]

I think what you are doing is wonderful. Hopefully overtime, youi will be able to get the relationship back you once had.

Along with the gifts, how about a savings bond for each child? Your brother shouldnt be allowed to cash that in could he? Each year, I tell my family to take their budget for my DD and cut it in half and put the rest in her IRA account. I know now at age 5 she doesnt know what is up, but later in life, she will appreciate it.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

how about a magazine subscription for them? there are some great educational magazines for kids and they'd enjoy something arriving every month! If you thought your brother would object, maybe have it sent to your mom's house.

call their new school and ask if there are sweatshirts or hoodies available with their school name or logo on them.